All quarter in the black. :)

Last night was the last weigh-in of the year. I lost half a pound. This whole quarter (Sept-Dec) I have been in the black--losing 12 weeks and staying the same 1 week. It resulted in a 17 pound loss. I am very happy with that. I will get an award at the next area fun day and as vain as it sounds, I love recognition. :)

It's not a gift.

For 12 solid weeks, I lost weight. I rocked it. It really wasn't hard. I had my mindset correct. I liked to feel the energy I received from exercise. My stomach turned at the thought of artificial ingredients, fake food, white bread, etc. It was easy. My weight loss felt like a gift. I just felt blessed and all pulled together. I wasn't struggling. at all.

IT IS NOT A GIFT.

A gift is something you get just because. Weight loss isn't just randomly handed to you with a Merry Christmas. Weight loss only comes because of something your are DOING. works.

I had this mentality of "oh yeah, I've got this. I'm losing weight and I can not fail.". That is a bad way to think! My weight loss mentor (whom I text every night) is in the midst of a long term family emergency and I'm not texting her (...there goes a big accountability thing...uh oh!). Then I got sick (again) with this sinus, cough, low energy stuff and I felt like NOT exercising so I haven't been. (yeah...so much for my "rule" of eating what I planned--- I threw that out way too easily). Throw in the fact that it is a few days before payday, we are broke and there's not a lot of choices in the kitchen. Bad choices are SO easy to justify!!!

JUSTIFYING BAD CHOICES is the exact same thing as MAKING EXCUSES.

Yes, I have been making them.

And so....after 12 weeks of losses, last night I had a turtle (stayed the same).

I need to pull myself together. NOW.


One good choice makes the next good choice easier.... Good choices, here I come.

Grandma doesn't love you just because you eat her cookies

WHY do we waste calories on foods we don't love? I just ate 4-5 coconut oatmeal cookies that weren't even good very good. But grandma made them and brought them to me saying "Merry Christmas" and the next thing you know, I'm eating them. For some reason, my brain said, "You HAVE to eat these! Your sweet grandma made them for you!" UGH! I'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed! Lesson learned: "If you don't love it and if you don't have the calories for it and if isn't good for you, get it OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!"

12 in a row

Just a short note to say that YES I did have another loss Monday night (half pound) so I've gone 12 in a row :)

21 things I bet you didn't know about me

1. I am 8 inches taller than my husband.

2. I want to just go to church and not have to serve in any manner and not feel guilty about that. (there is always a shortage of workers, be it Sunday School teachers, church cleaners, people willing to be the treasurer, etc)

3. I love ice cream, especially mocha.

4. I haven't cut my hair since 1993.

5. Facial hair is a constant battle. *sigh*

6. I stay on facebook way too much.

7. I dream of having everything clean and perfectly organized but I never have time to do it all (see #6 again).

8. I'd love to go to a fancy hotel, all by myself, work out in their gym, go to a spa and get a facial and get my facial hair taken care of (see #5 again LOL), then go back to my room and watch the Biggest Loser and get a lot of sleep. Not that I'd ever be able to do that without feeling like I'm neglecting my sleep, but I do daydream of that LOL

9. We go to the library EVERY Monday.

10. I check out 3 health magazines from the library every week.

11. We check out an average of 30 books PER WEEK. My kids read A LOT.

12. I think I will have a job doing public speaking of some sort one day way down the road.

13. I measure honey with a medicine cup.

14. I love tights.

15. I CRAVE pancakes with Griffin's syrup but since that syrup is 500 CALORIES for a half cup, I no longer buy it.

16. I quit school at age 15 (which is illegal).

17. I miscarried in 2004.

18. I drink my water from a 44 ounce Sonic cup.

19. I make lists. Every day. And I feel like a failure when I don't accomplish everything on my list. (can anyone say ocd?)

20. I have an emotional need for words of affirmation. (This is not always a good thing)

21. When I become the TOPS Queen, I plan to ride on the back of a convertible and wave at people in parades. :)


I was tagged by Jessica at "See How She Runs".

I don't know how to link people's pages, but I'm tagging:

Jane Cartelli at keepingthepoundsoff.com
Carb Tripper (Anne H)
Dawn (Lay down my idols)

flop

Guess what? December is busy! and NOT NORMAL! LOL

Even though I believed I had a rock solid determination, I had TWO flop days this past week. Flop day number one I didn't exercise because I was busy, busy, busy and by 10 p.m. I was too tired. I also ate a kashi mocha bar even when I had used all of my calories. Ok, that wasn't a HUGE flop but it wasn't on target either!

Flop day #2 was Saturday. I started my day with my kashi cereal and later had some fruit, so I didn't just wake up planning to fail. However, Saturday was crazy busy! (4 hours of shopping, cleaned the church, went to a parade, constant something!) When I stopped by my parent's, my dad gave me a donut. I ate it. (mistake!) I was hungry for junk from that point on. While cleaning the church, there were Christmas cookies in the kitchen. I ate one. Supper was a happy meal. *sigh* I ate candy from the parade and then went home and ate cereal and a pb&j sandwich at approx 10:30 p.m. and go NO exercise in! FAIL!

And so, I made new rules for myself and I hate them but they help! #1 I must get up at 6 a.m. and get my exercise DONE first. (I am SO not a morning person...waaa!) Rule #2 Each night before I go to bed, I must write down exactly what I will be eating the next day and then stick to it. If someone gives me something yummy, I can take it home and work it into the next day's food plan. NO IMPULSE EATING.

yep. December is not easy. But I refuse to fail.

rest vs. exercise

I normally only allow myself one day per week that I don't exercise-- Wednesdays--because Wednesdays are hectic for me with school, daughter's therapy and then church.

However, this week has been busy busy busy busy. I've been to the dentist twice this week. I've had more errands and paperwork to take care of than normal, along with my normal busyness.

I am so tired.

I know that being excessively tired is not healthy. I WANT to finish up what has to be done tonight and go to bed super early (I'm thinking 8).

But on the other hand............I don't want to be making excuses to miss my workout.

tired tired tired.

What to do?

Rocking it.

I'm still rocking it :) Last night was week number 11 of losses. 19 pounds gone in 11 weeks. I'm 44 pounds from my highest weight ever. Yes.

I have a super busy day today:
school, errands, dentist, Christmas shopping.

No time to blog or read other's blogs! I will catch up soon!

Thanks for reading!

banana

*Step away from the banana and no one gets hurt*

I eat a banana every morning in my kashi cereal, so I felt nervous when I realized we were down to my last banana. I'm not taking my chances on it being gone tomorrow--I claimed it LOL

Today I ate 100% healthy and on plan and had a very high energy day. I need to do that EVERY day. It is so much better than the junk food/feel bad days.

:) goodnight.

Thanks, guys :)

Thank you all for the comments you have left the me past couple of days. They really are encouraging and helpful!

Yesterday I wrote out exactly what I will eat today. It is healthy and balanced and I will stick to it. Today I will write out tomorrow's food. While I'm feeling kind of "wobbley" I think I will do this daily. It takes my emotions out of my eating.

I'm planning to have a rocking great day. I hope you do too!!!!!!

Thanks again!

NO. Just no.

I have really been on a roll, you know. Eating healthy and not even craving junk. Exercising and enjoying it. Feeling energetic. Losing weight.

Then I allowed myself to eat too much pie on Thanksgiving and while my weight is ok, my cravings and energy level are NOT. I have craved sweets and carbs and artificial junk that isn't really even food. I need to watch another food documentary and get repulsed at that kind of food again.

Eating pie on one day (Thanksgiving) got me out of the groove that I was in and I'm like a zipper that is out of whack and doesn't want to zip right.

NO. JUST NO. I will NOT allow myself to stay out of whack. NO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. no.

I've had a headache for days. I have had no energy, wanted to sleep, sleep and sleep, and have felt sick. I have eaten cookies and white bread and a fake burger from McDonalds. I haven't gone over my calories (because I have to report my calories ever night and I don't want to look like a flop) but I reach the end of my calories before I reach the end of my day and I go to bed hungry. Right now it is 2:15 p.m., I am hungry and I have 500 something calories left for the rest of the day. wow.

Ok, that's enough bellyaching.

Now, to come up with a plan. Because I refuse to stay here. You lose weight when you are giving it ALL YOU HAVE and you start to regain it when you fail to give it all you have. I need a plan. A get-back-into-the-groove plan.

All I know is to do the things I know to do. Eat fruits, veggies, chicken. Nothing fake. Eat normal portions. Exercise. Keep reporting to my weight loss mentor each night. Drink water. Think positive thoughts. Do it regardless of how I feel or what I crave or what sounds better.

Just do it.

Because I refuse to go back to the old me. NO. THe answer is just no and that is final.

Yes, I've been talking to myself here. :)

waaaa

Today is a day that if I didn't have kids and responsibilities, I would just stay in bed. If I get to feeling much worse, I may just stay in bed anyway. I just don't feel well! waaaaa!

But I had a couple of updates to make:

Last night I lost a measly 0.25 pounds and I barely lost that. Thanksgiving was the only day that I didn't count calories but I guess I overdid it enough on that one day to mess up the whole week. I have struggled all week trying to get my weight back down so that I would have a loss last night. So, 0.25 pounds.... 10th week of losses in a row. That makes 17 pounds in 10 weeks and 42 pounds from my highest weight ever. I should be encouraged. But for some reason, I'm not. Probably just because I'm sick. blah.

Also, a TOPS chapter about 3 hours from me asked if I would come speak to them! They would pay for my gas. Since the vehicle I drive can't travel that far, I can't go unless my hubby happens to be off work on the day they want me, so it isn't likely to happen, but still, I was very honored to be asked! I don't really consider myself a speaker.

.............I hear someone in the bathroom........that means one of my monkeys are up and I need to improve my mood and be a good mom. *sigh* AND we are just about out of groceries, so I have to get out in the freezing cold and go to the store. *whine, whine*

5K training reference

This is basically for my own reference, so feel free to ignore it. I want to be able to go back and see progress.

5K times:

Approx 11-18-11, 65 minutes. Jogged the home side bleachers on every lap except the first and last. Stopped once to fix my shoe.

Thanksgiving Day 2011, 55 minutes, 14 seconds. Jogged the visitor's side bleachers on every lap and jogged the home side bleachers on every lap except the first.

January 6, 2012, 1 hour and 3 minutes...for 2 reasons: #1 I haven't walked at the track in a long time and even though I've been doing the Leslie Sansone walk at home dvd, it isn't the same. So, I'm out of practice. (Let this be a good reminder to be consistent with track walking when the weather allows). Reason #2 is because there were other people there walking and I started out too quickly, trying to make myself look more fit than I am (run your OWN race, silly girl, not someone else's)and then at the 3/4 mile mark, my calves totally cramped up on me and I had to sit on the bleachers a LONG time. I started to go home. It hurt! So, that's why my time is so bad today.

March 1, 2012: 52 minutes and 53 seconds @ Shape Fitness (no jogging)

March 22, 2012: 48 minutes and 4 seconds (for 3 miles) or 50 minutes 4 seconds for 3.14 miles. I walked quite a bit at a peppy 4.2 mph and jogged at about 5 mph twice. @Shape Fitness

April 5, 2012: 51 minutes and 23 seconds @ Shape Fitness. I jogged twice but was having bra issues. I walked at 3.7 for the majority of it. Today was Ron's funeral. I didn't really "feel" like walking but I knew I would feel better if I did and I need to take advantage of all the gym times that I can. I also don't need to eat anything else today!

May 9, 2012: 47 minutes, 40 seconds. I was really pushing myself. I got up to 6 mph once. I jogged for about 35 seconds at a time. This was hard.

Nov. 1,2012...46 min, 16 seconds at shape fitness. It was the day of dad's first visit at the cancer center, so I had a lot of emotion in it and pr'd even though I haven't 5K'd in months.

***It's been a long time. I've had a baby. Let's do this AGAIN.****

May 31, 2014 45 minute mark= 2.25 miles. That is all I could do. I hadn't been to the gym in probably over a year.

June 7, 2014 45 minute mark= 2.30 I jogged a bit because I thought I wasn't going to get as good of time as last week.

5K on treadmill= 1hr, 1 min, 38 sec

June 2014 Founder's Day 5K- 53 min, 55 seconds

October 5, 2014- Spirit of Survival (284 pounds) 53 min, 10 sec

DON'T be a glutton today.

Here are some thoughts about the day that I put on facebook:

Gluttony is not going to make this a better holiday. Eat like a normal, healthy person because that is what you are becoming, right? Well then, act like one.

Make your life a story worth telling.

Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.

Don't forget to be awesome.

Be your best.

Today can either be tomorrow's regret, or tomorrow's motivation to keep going. You choose.

I would rather say "I did it" than "I gave up".

When you have *changed your lifestyle*, you DON'T just "take a day off" from that. Do you choose to stay changed today? I DO.

Belly button

My belly button is changing. Did yours as you lost weight? It's just a random thing I thought of and thought I'd ask. LOL

Last night we had a church Thanksgiving dessert party. (why do all parties have to revolve around food??) I visited with friends and ate two KASHI GRANOLA BARS while my friends and family ate pies and cookies. :) A lady in our church told me that I was looking smaller and healthier and that really made my night. :)

And again......

I lost again :) It was 1.75 this week, my 9th week of losing in a roll! It amazes me to think that 10 weeks ago, I was 16.75 pounds heavier than this.

There is NO WAY I am going to let pecan pie and other junk foods knock me off this! NO WAY.

Btw, according to google, the average *small* piece of pecan pie (and really, who eats a SMALL piece?) is about 450 calories. 450. yikes.

Ted's

This past weekend, hubby took me to a Bed & Breakfast and a weekend out. I enjoyed it very much! He spoiled me completely: buying me anything I wanted. I ended up getting new running shoes, inserts for those shoes (because I tend to walk weird apparently LOL), new socks, a scrapbook, scrapbook paper, a picture frame, a book...and the list goes on. We went to eat at Ted's (Mexican food) which was a bit selfish of me because he is not a fan of Mexican food but it is my favorite and I had been wanting it for a long time! I did NOT eat the cheese sauce, although it was very tempting! These pictures are of us at Ted's. :)

On another note, I'm loving what the wii is telling me, as far as weight goes. It said 287.7 this morning! Of course, that isn't official TOPS weight. That won't be until Monday night. Regardless, I'm loving it. ;)

2 tenths from the 280's

This morning I was 290.1...just two tenths from the 280's. I'm excited about that!

15 pounds in 8 weeks

And....last night was my 8th week of weight loss. I lost 2 pounds this week, bringing me to 40 pounds below my highest weight. Fifteen of those pounds were lost in the past 8 weeks. Not to sound full of myself, but GO ME!!!!!!!! I'm so glad I FINALLY got my head wrapped around healthy living! I love it!

7th week in a row :)

Yesterday's weigh-in gave me my 7th weekly weight loss in a row. It was tiny. I will take it anyway! I'm going to adjust my calories a bit and maybe change up my exercise and see if I can't make the scales show a larger loss this coming week.

Calorie change: dropping 250 more calories.

Exercise change/plan:
Tuesday: 45 minute walk while listening to my favorite exercise songs--jog on the chorus of every other song.
Wednesday: (rest day)
Thursday: Leslie Sansone dvd--3 miles
Friday: 3 mile walk with a tiny amount of jogging....at the track.
Saturday: pick whichever type I want as long as I get in 45 minutes of exercise or 3 miles of walking (We will be coming back from our anniversary trip on this day)
Sunday: 3 mile walk with some jogging....at the track.

Cholesterol and 5K commitment

When I donate blood, they send me a letter stating my cholesterol level. A year and a half ago, it was 200 (that is the line where they say "hey! That's TOO high!). Three months later it was 191. Three months later (I believe that's how long it was..anyway...) it was still 191. Then I missed a donation and so it was about 6 months down the road, this past month, and it was 151! Yes! Of course, I know it has everything to do with GREASE which I now consider an enemy. Weight loss isn't the ONLY benefit of eating healthy!

I have a dear friend who is a KOPS (KEEPING off pounds sensibly--she's at goal weight)...and who is the coordinator for a yearly 5K run. It is in June. I walk 3 miles almost every day now, so I know I can do this. BUT I don't want to come in last, ya know? LOL Right now I probably would. But anyway...I stuck my neck out and committed to her that I would run the 5K next June. And so....yes....I will! I have plenty of time to work up to a faster speed and as I lose weight along the way it will get even easier. I plan to time one 5K each week and and see how my time improves. I'm also going to captain a team and I'm trying to get as many TOPS members as I can to commit. Right now, I've only gotten ONE tops person to commit. Sadly, it seems like everyone has this "eh, I can't do that" attitude. I was like "Hello? You have 7 months to get ready for this! Do you really think that 7 months from now you still won't be able to walk 3.1 miles? If so, that's pretty negative and unambitious thinking." I of course wouldn't say it that way, but I think it LOL. It saddens me to see how many TOPS members aren't really trying. They come to TOPS each week and they visit and then go out to eat with their friends but they AREN'T TRYING to get healthy (I'm talking in general here-- I know there are a few here and there that ARE going after it with all they have). Anyway, it is frustrating. It makes you want to shake them and say "Get ahold of yourself already!!!" BUT.................................not very long ago, I was in their shoes. It's not something someone can shake into you. It's something that has to come from within yourself. I'm loving the progress and changes I have made and continue to make. I have changed more in the past 6 months that I have EVER. I just wish I could give that to other people. somehow.

That was a really run-on paragraph. Oh well.

Have a great day!

And I dare you-----COMMIT to a run then tell me about it :)

(p.s. The same KOPS friend wants me to commit to a Christmas 5K (about a month from now) in a town about an hour from here and she is really pushing for me to do it. I COULD do it but would have to walk it. I might come in last. I still considered it. But hubby thinks I should wait. He thinks it would be too much and too cold and too far away and that I'm not ready. So.... we will see.)

The Thanksgiving/Christmas Plan.

Here's the plan I am committing to: the day before Thanksgiving and the day before Christmas Eve (the day my family celebrates), I may eat some of the goodies I am preparing BUT I MUST journal every bite and count every calorie and NOT go over my calories for the day. The day OF Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, I will not journal and I can eat what I want BUT I MUST still get in a fruit and at least 5 servings of veggies. I will NOT have sweets AT ALL for 5 days after the holiday (lest the holidays start me on a sugar binge!) I will still drink at least 132 ounces of water every day and I will keep my regular workout routine through it all (which is walking at least 3 miles or doing at least 45 minutes of dancing/workout video every day except Wednesday.)

So, that's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

What is your plan?

You are awesome (I am too).

I am not a morning person. I could just sleep and sleep and sleep. I am a night owl.

However, I woke this morning at 5 when hubby was getting ready for bed and now here it is 6:35 and I'm dressed and awake. hum. I'm trying to decide if I should crawl back into bed (clothes and all LOL) until 8 or if I should start on my daily list of things to do.

Regardless, I just thought I'd let you know that you are awesome and that you deserve a healthy body. (I'm talking to myself as well) I hope you make awesome choices today!

another loss! woot!

I had my 6th loss in a row tonight! 12.75 pounds gone in 6 weeks. Whoo hoo!*happy, happy* (and tired....goodnight!) ~Amy

4 week measurements.

I got a new tracker book and started it on October 1st.

Today, my book said "You have completed 4 weeks. It is time to take your measurements again."

I was happy to report a loss of just over half an inch in my bust, just over one and a half inches lost in my waist,and just over one inch lost in my hips.

It's not huge. But it's something! I'll take it!

Happy music.

I don't know how to link youtube videos but I wanted to post 3 songs that are so inspiring to me and that I've been listening to every day. :) Music can be really inspiring and helps me to stay motivated. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWeRQtj6s2o Today is your Day by Shania Twain. My husband heard this at the gym and came home and played it for me and told me to listen to it every day. It is so true! We CAN do it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfP8ygGSMBc I Can by Minnutes. I can do anything today!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpI6Ed02A9o Brand New Day by Tim Myers. (I ignore the milk & cookies portion of this song LOL)

~*Be happy. Be good to you.*~

On an unrelated side note, I've gone on a green bean craze lately LOL I guess that is a good thing ;)

5 weeks of losses in a row :)

I plan to post a longer, better (with pictures) post later but I just wanted to quickly say that I had another small loss tonight at TOPS (-0.25 pound, but last week was rocking at -6 pounds..anyway...) AND that makes 5 weeks straight of weight loss for me. I think I was hindered this week by that lovely time of the month and emotional roller coaster rides, etc..... but I know that I was good...so yeah...

..............keeping on keeping on....... I hope you are too! :)

pics of the big jean skirt & the smaller size skirt

I got the new jean skirt out of lay-a-way. It is cute because it is super long and I have a hard time finding skirts that are super long on me because I am 6 feet tall! So, this was a rare find.

The main thing I like about it is that it is a size smaller-- size 24. It is not big on me and it doesn't really make me look thinner BUT it is a size smaller and I feel like wearing a button that says "This skirt is a size smaller than my last one" just so people will know. LOL

The other pic is me in the old size 26 jean skirt, which I can still wear ok but is really big and I can take off without unbuttoning it. I'm looking forward to the day when my hips will no longer hold it up at all. That day will come!

I'm feeling kind of bloated today (time of the month) so, I'm not feeling much smaller today. The scales were up a pound today. BUT I HAVE BEEN AWESOME with my eating/water/exercise, so I know it will be gone soon.

the big jean skirt & the cutie jean skirt

I'm just *thrilled* with the way I'm losing. It makes me want to do more to promote more weight loss! What energy comes from success and happiness! :)

My jean skirt can now be taken off without even unbuttoning it! It's way too big and just kind of hanging on me. A week or so ago, I put a new jean skirt in lay-a-way. It was more expensive than I usually spend on a jean skirt ($40) but it is SOOOoo cute and I thought "hey...hubby spends $48 per month on the gym for him for his health. I can spend $40 per month on me if I am losing weight too. But I didn't have $40 LOL so in lay-a-way it went and I hope to get it out within a week. But now I'm wondering if I should have put the next size down in lay-a-way and I'm hoping when I get it out, they will still have whatever size I need, so I can exchange it if need be.

Wow........losing weight is fun :)

119 days later....

119 days ago, I said "I will drink no soda, eat no fast food and no dessert for 118 days". I made it! It is over!

I don't know that I will go back to drinking soda. I hate to start again when it is out of my system now. We will see. I know I won't be having any today.

Today I will have one cup of mocha ice cream. I have wanted mocha ice cream the past 118 days LOL.

I lost 14 pounds during those 118 days. It would have been more if I would have been exercising, which I didn't start being consistent with until Oct. 1st. Many of those pounds were lost in the past 2 weeks.

But even though I didn't lose a ton of weight, I have proven to myself that I DO have self-control and self-discipline when I choose to exercise it.

I CAN do hard things. I AM strong.

I am strong and loved and beautiful......and I'm going to be the Oklahoma TOPS queen.

Happy is healthy.

You may remember that my goal for October is: BE HAPPY.

I have been. I am. And it is good.

I haven't messed up with exercise or calories at all this month.

This morning I was 297. Down from 302 on October 1st.

I think happy is a good thing :)

~Be happy~

The boundary line that makes you bounce.

For me and many in our TOPS chapter, there is an invisible boundary line, a number on the scale, that we get down to from time to time but when we do, we bounce right back up. I really have two lines. The first one is 300. I have hit 300 I don't know how many times but 90% of the time, after I hit it, I bounce back up. A few months ago, I hit 300 and then bounced all the way back up to 313 or so! BOUNCING IS NOT FUN.

I guess 300 is my smaller bouncer boundary but my humungo bouncer number is 296. I don't think I have been below 296 since we moved here 4 and a half years ago(February 2007). I have touched 296 before (last April, near my birthday)then boing boing boing.

Do you know how you STOP all the bouncing junk? You ~*BREAK THROUGH*~ and then you ~*KEEP GOING*~ I wish I could write this next word in super, mega-big letters:

>>>>>>>>>>CONSISTENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I was 298.9 this morning. I'm ready to break the boundary into tiny little shreds. It won't happen by giving myself some slack. It will happen with WORK. Some people dream of great things. Others get up in the mornings and make them happen.

*Stick with it* EVERY. single. minute.

Come on, get sticky with me. :)

face shots while waiting on daughter in the bathroom

My daughter is 10. Tonight she started in on "I'm scared!" when I said it was time to get ready for bed. So, I just went with her and took self pics while she got ready LOL Now everyone is in bed and I'm feeling quite sleepy myself. zzz goodnight :)

a fun night

I had the best night!

I started with getting a 44 ounce ice water from sonic (I've been drinking THREE of these per day).

I walked 2 miles at my absolute favorite walking trail, mp3 player blaring.

I went to Fashion Bug and found cute new clothes that I put in lay-a-way.

I ran by the store for salad, fruit, almond and kashi cereal (health kick!)

I ate black eyed peas (that I had brought with me) on the way home.

~fun night~

What should I do with my kid-free time? (suggestions please! asap!)

Tonight is homeschool mom's night out at a local restaurant. I asked hubby to be home to watch the kids but I'm not even sure I want to go. For starters, I'm still on the 118 days of no fast food (Sunday is my last day!), so I could only visit, not eat. And I don't know, I just am not excited about going for some reason that I can't put my finger on. I'm feeling obligated to be there because I need to deliver t-shirts to 2 ladies who will be there. But I just can't get excited about going. So, I thought "eh, I won't go. I'll stay home and clean house and work on TOPS stuff". BUT........then I thought of how JEALOUS I get of my husband because he can just go and do as he pleases most of the time and I feel tied down with the kids and I have to schedule and 'ask permission' to go do something that I want to do. Probably a lot of that is the homeschoolingness of it all...because yes, I am with my kids ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY and we get a bit tired of each other. So, if hubby stops by the gym on the way home or to see his mother or even to the library or walmart, I catch myself thinking "That is NOT fair. You never have to ask me to watch the kids so you can do those things. You just do them." So yeah, I think I should take tonight to do my own thing, even if it is just running the shirts by the restaurant and then leaving to go do something without the kids for a couple of hours. But what do I do? Suggestions anyone?

~more later~~

come on, come on, come on...let's do it!

I'm fired up about the lesson I'm teaching at TOPS tonight.

For the rest of the year, we will have a football theme. We are in the 4th quarter of the year and we are talking about how many teams have come from behind in the 4th quarter and ended the game as winners. We can too!!!!

Come on, come on, come on.....GO,FIGHT,WIN!

Under 300 again

Just before I joined TOPS, I weighed 331. I was 327.25 the week I joined TOPS (almost 3 years ago). I lost to just under 300 in December of last year but consistency has been my major issue. I quit trying. I bounced back up to 312 or so.

Anyway..........this morning I am back under 300 (299.8) and I hope to never, never, never, never see 300 again.

Pictures along the way

Ya know, we should take more pictures. My kids make fun of me because I'm always taking pictures of myself. When I'm at my goal weight, I want to have plenty of 'before' and 'in progress' pictures that I can put on a video telling my story (and yes, I listen to songs trying to find the right song to go with it already :)

And so tonight, I wanted to take a pic of myself and the batteries in the camera were dead. I took batteries from the remote. They were too weak. I then took batteries from the wii balance board. I had room left on my sd card for ONE picture. So, I would take it, look at it, decide I didn't like it, delete it and start over.

I wasn't finished. But this is the picture I had just taken when those batteries died, so I guess this is will be tonight's picture :D I can just imagine me, a year from now, looking at this picture and saying "wow...look at how UNdefined my jaw bone was"...

It just gets better from here guys. :) I've got my groove back. I hope you do too :) Thanks for reading!

Weigh in & the "Christy" series

Someone once told me that I remind them of the character of Christy on the Christy series. I borrowed the whole complete series (over 10 hours, I think) and watched the first episode last night. I think they are right. I'm a lot like her, on the inside. If my outside matched how I feel on the inside, I'd look a lot like her.

I've done a lot more exercising this week than I normally do. I admit that I was a bit frustrated to see this morning that I was up 4 tenths of a pound compared to yesterday morning, considering that I walked 4 miles yesterday, consumed over 100 oz of water and was several hundred calories below my limit. (I weigh daily) My nutritionist would tell me that it was a combo of: having too much salt (I had hamburger helper---which my nutritionist does NOT approve of!) and not eating enough calories (as weird as it sounds, she has a range for me to eat in and she says that if I eat below that range, my body will hold on to the weight...and it makes very little sense to me...but it has proven to be true with me.) So yeah, I'm not going to tell these things to my nutritionist (who happens to be a friend and took me on for FREE...isn't that awesome???!!!)

But I AM going to tell her that my official weight loss for the week is >>>>>> 3.3 pounds. yes! I'll take it. I was 300.7 today. I'm ready to be back under 300 again.

The next TOPS fun day is November 12th and I would love to be 289 or less then. :) Consistency is the key for me! The nutritionist thing will help with that because she requires me to text her my totals each night. Be watching my blog..... I'm doing it this time :)


Thanks for reading. Have a healthy day!

October's goals

My goals for October:

Lose 10 pounds. (I was 301.4 on the wii this morning)

Quit stressing over every little decision and just enjoy each day as it comes. ENJOY MY LIFE.

These are the feet....

These are the feet that are doing a LOT of walking this week, even when I don't feel like it.

This past weekend was our area fun day for TOPS. It was fun and inspiring as always. My husband and kids were there with me and they got to meet several of the people from my old chapter. If you remember the reason I left my old chapter, you can assume that the meeting of old friends would be nerve wrecking, and it was, but it all ended up ok. (And if you don't remember, there's no need to search my blog for the story, because I deleted it all. Just know that it was a sticky situation.)Everyone was nice and the 2 other chapters in my town asked if we would all like to get together for a Thanksgiving potluck or something of that nature, and I am considering hosting it. I don't know. We will see.

Awards were given for the April-June quarter and my husband won first place for hours exercised and miles walked. Yay hubby!

Friday is the end of our next reporting period, so our next fun day (Nov. 12th) we will receive awards from July-Sept. You have to walk at least 50 miles to receive a walking award and of course I wait until the last week to even halfway try. I plan to walk the 28 or so miles I have left between now and midnight Friday. I can also receive a weight loss award if I can lose 3 more pounds by Friday. (It is possible IF I work very hard and stay focused!)

Have you heard "Today is your day" by Shania Twain? My hubby told me to listen to it every morning. :) (For those of you who think we listen to country music all the time....NO....... He heard it at the gym and thought of me and came home and looked it up. My heart was touched that he thought of me when he heard it *I love that man*)I think you should listen to it every morning too. It has been running through my head all day and it has been a great pick-me-up when I feel tired and down.

So....that's what's up in my world. How are YOU doing?

When the scale has let you down......keep doing the right thing.

So I have been pretty much perfect for the past 6 days or so. Not over on my calories AT ALL--picked exercise back up--eating my veggies and drinking my water.

And tonight was weigh-in and I stayed EXACTLY THE SAME.

Pooey on the scale for being that way!

Regardless, I will continue to do what I know is right and it WILL WILL will WILL go down as long as I'm staying faithful. Maybe my body has gotten used to me and is saying "There's no need in rewarding her for what she has done the past week because I know she's about to blow it again and deserve this fat." Nope. Gonna prove it wrong.


I'm going to be FAITHFUL.

The rest of the Jehovah Witness story.

A whopping two people commented and let me know what THEY do...but anyway...

Yeah, so they rang my doorbell last week and I was kind of excited because somehow my house always gets skipped. LOL I've heard that they try to back you in a corner and make you doubt what you believe, etc.

However, I sat on the porch with them with MY King James Version Bible (they have their own Bible version) and had a nice, friendly discussion. I was not mean to them in anyway.

The thing that got me so excited about it all was that #1 I feel that I was a good witness because I stayed nice, nonjudgemental and friendly the entire time, #2 I had a scriptural answer every time they tried to get me in a corner and #3 I actually got one of them somewhat in a corner but I was nice and let it go. :)

(I asked them to read Acts 2:38 from their Bible, because I wanted to see how it compared to the KJV, which says to be baptized in Jesus name. I thought theirs would say to be baptized in Jehovah's name because they believe that Jehovah is the name of God and not a title. Anyway, I had them read it and to my surprise, it too said to be baptized in Jesus' name. Then I simply said "So,.......does your church baptize in Jesus' name???" and he just looked at me like "uuuhhhhh...." and simply said "no". I just smiled and let it go but I could have done to them what they do to so many and make them squirm...but I'm not like that :)

Anyway.....I was out there for 45 minutes and they may come back some time, I don't know. But I don't really care to waste 45 more minutes of my time because I for sure believe that their teachings are unbiblical.

That is neither here nor there..........

Now, let's get back to weight loss blogging :)

What do YOU do when the Jehovah Witnesses or Mormons knock on your door?

This is totally off topic, but I'm just curious. What do YOU do when the Jehovah Witnesses or Mormons knock on your door? Do you tell the kids to shush and pretend you aren't home? Do you answer the door and tell them you aren't interested? Do you sit on the porch with your Bible and look up scriptures?

The Jehovah Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday. I will tell you what *I* did in a different post, but first I want to know what YOU do.

(I am not Jehovah Witness by the way.)

I'm rockin' it.

The past 2 days have been awesome. I've stayed within calorie limits, exercised, had my fruits & veggies, drank my water. Yeah, it feels good to do good. I am now sending a text to a friend of mine (former fat lady who has been at her teeny tiny goal weight for well over a year now) every night with an honest report of how I did that day. That helps.

Tonight hubby watched the kids so I could take my time coupon shopping. The total was $101 before coupons and $40something afterwards! Oh yeah baby.

I also took my walking shoes with me and before I left the house I said "Babe, I am going to be gone a LONG WHILE. I'm going to grocery shop but before I do that, I'm going to go walk at the trail." And I WAS gone a long while-- like 4 hours total :)

Yeah, today rocked.

~*struggle*~

Today I have the "day before payday and I'm so broke I can't even pay attention and we have to eat whatever we can find in the house which resulted in pancakes for breakfast (not good!)" blues. yeah.

4 hours left and today will have been a success!

I have found that I usually blog when I am down :(

However, today I am up...so... let's blog. :)

I have journaled all of my food, water and exercise today. We will be eating supper in about 20 minutes and I have written down exactly what I will eat. I also have room for a pb&j sandwich this evening (I reserved the calories for that earlier in the day so I will feel "rewarded" this evening for not going over!). yeah.

I'm on my 4th bottle of water.

I went to bed at 9:40 last night (that's super early for me because I am a night owl) and set my alarm for 20 minutes early this morning (planning to do that every day this week) and I went for a walk FIRST THING this morning. It has made a difference in my energy level. Yay.

Here's to a good day. \_/ cheers! ;) (water bottles clink together)

p.s. I really need to start adding pictures to my posts. It takes more time but I always enjoy reading blogs that have a lot of pictures.

Thanks for reading!

P.S.

P.S. Some of you may have remembered that I am in the midst of a 118 day "fast" from soda, dessert and fast food. That is still going well. However, it hasn't really done anything for the scale--I guess I've made up for it by eating too much other stuff. :/

Also, I read a new person's blog and I saw where they took a pic of each meal and posted it. If I have any readers who read at the very beginning, they will remember that I once did that. I may go back to that. It did at least make me accountable. We will see.

As I have been googling and blog hopping, I have found MANY awesome weight loss blogs in which someone has over a hundred pounds to lose, they blog and sound all positive, and then they just disappear. That makes me think they failed and are ashamed to admit it.

I WANT TO BEAT THE ODDS.

I want to be that blogger lady who FINALLY got it right. I want to be Oklahoma TOPS queen and ride in our local parade on the back of a convertible. yeah. I WANT IT.

Your opinion, please. (Flood me with comments please!)

Why do people (in general), STRUGGLE with overcoming obesity so much?

Seriously, I want your opinion.

Let's take a random person who is approximately 125 pounds overweight.

They KNOW how many calories it takes to lose the weight. They KNOW they should eat protein and veggies and drink their water and exercise and journal and never go over their calories and that the pounds will melt away as they do these things.

They know they have to keep a positive mental focus in order to stay on track.

They preach a good message.

Yet, they have trouble practicing what they preach. They feel tired all the time (no matter how much rest OR exercise they get). And when they are tired, they feel like "I don't care--I need carbs" and they eat peanut butter and syrup and go no telling how much over their calorie limit.

Someone says "It isn't important enough to them." and yet, the person DOES feel like it is important to them or otherwise they wouldn't still be putting forth all the work they do for the TOPS group.

How do you build up your willpower? How do you gain energy and determination? How do you make it a priority? How?

I'm just pouring my brain out here because tonight is weigh in, I'm the leader and I feel like I probably haven't lost an ounce this week. (hypocrite!)

I'm planning to give everyone a short article I read online about energy boosters, and then instead of having a full meeting, I'm going to tell each member that we are letting out early BUT.............that before they go home they have to go for a walk, even if it is just 10 minutes at the mall (because I can already hear the "it's too hot" excuse--it is about 110* here).

So.............yeah. Comment me! :P

Affirmations

I am feeling a little bit stronger each day.

I am getting healthier each day.

I eat within approved calorie limits and I feel content within those limits.

Each day, I am able to exercise with more vigor than the day before.

I am making healthy choices.

I enjoy exercise and the energy and "feel good" chemicals it releases into my system.

With each day, I gain more energy.

I am adding days to my life.

I am beautiful and my beauty is becoming more evident each day.

I am succeeding in my goal to weigh 289 or less at the next TOPS fun day, September 24th.

Through the power of God working in me, I am changing my life for the better.

My marriage is blessed in all areas.

My children are blessed in all areas.

I am full of peace and joy.

(I printed these and am putting them in a frame beside my bed.)

What you think, you are!

This may be a long post. You may, of course, read it. But don't feel that you are doing me a disservice by not reading it. I just feel the need to journal and get things on paper as a form of therapy. So, this post is to me.

It frustrates me that lately I haven't been able to go even one day without losing control and pigging out. I start many days on the right foot and before the day is over, I binge. I feel so chained, so diseased. I know that others think "You just have to DO it. You are just being lazy. You don't want to be healthy bad enough."

If only they knew.

I was watching an Oprah dvd the other night about a lady whose brain told her that she was fat and so she wouldn't eat and as an adult she weighed about 60 pounds, was just a skeleton and still felt fat. She cried and said "I don't want to be this way! My brain just tells me that I must NOT eat!"

She died.

I thought of myself. I am the opposite end of the spectrum, but the level of unhealthiness is similar. I don't want to be this way. My brain tells me I MUST eat. I don't want to die.

Last night I was watching my little girl brush her teeth while she was getting ready for bed and I thought "I don't want to miss her life. I don't want to die and for her to feel like I could have prevented my death but chose not to." Of course, I didn't SAY any thing like that, but that is what was going through my head.

I *feel* so much weaker now, as far as diet and exercise goes, than I did even a year ago. I've done 2 half mile walks this week. HALF MILE. A year and a half ago I could do a 5K, even though my weight wasn't any lower than it is now.

My willpower isn't strong enough. I know the way to strengthen it is by what we think on. I am going to work on my THINKING. I need to think thin. I need to think "I am doing this!" I need to think "I am getting a little stronger every day!"

Below are notes from a website I am reading:

Our behavior is the byproduct of our thinking.

You are not what you think you are, but what you think, you are!

Your subconscious mind will faithfully draw into your experience whatever you consistently think about.

Your Body Believes Every Word You say.


And so.........................I'm turning positive. I am going to think about how I AM transforming into a healthy person, every day. :) I will post my list of positive affirmations soon.

Half a mile is better than sitting on the couch eating cheeze doodles.

On this week's "I CAN do this" paper at TOPS, I wrote "I can go for a while 2 days this week." So.....even though it was still 102 degrees at 7:30 p.m. yesterday, I went to the track with the kids and walked half of a mile. It's not amazing. But it is better than sitting on the couch eating cheeze doodles.

Update after TOPS

I was able to remove 2 sticky pounds from my mirror after TOPS. I was 306. STILL above 300. How on earth did I allow myself to bounce back up there? ugh! Oh well...it's going back down now.

My "I CAN" paper for this week says "I will go for a walk 2 days this week".

I have my food plan for today written out. I just ate a lean pocket and doritos. I still want to eat more. BUT I won't.

ta ta for now and thanks for reading :)

Have you ever said "I will be PERFECT?" and then didn't do ANYTHING right?

I stole this idea from a fellow blogger, but the sticky notes are each pound I have to lose before goal. They are on my bathroom mirror and I will remove them as I lose them :) We have area fun day near the end of September and I would LOVE to be 289 or less by then. That's my short term goal. I know that some of the stickers are really in the middle, in the way... those are the stickers of weight I have gained since I have moved to Oklahoma. After those are gone, I will be back down to 280ish, which is where I was most of my 20's, when we lived in Alabama.

We started something new at TOPS last week. We have a can with a lid and it is the "I CAN" can. :) We each get a piece of paper and write on it what we CAN do the coming week that will help us to develop healthy habits. Then we put it in the can and the lid we close it with says "I WILL". The next week, we take them out and read them. If we DID the thing, we get cheered and our paper goes on a posterboard that says "I DID". If we didn't do it, well, we feel like a toad and we tear up our paper and say "THIS WEEK I will do better!".

WEll........................I should have written something simple. Especially since I have been basically OFF plan (except for a few spurts here and there) for a long while. But no... I pretty much say I can be perfect in all areas LOL. I said I would journal every day, never go over my calories, exercise x amount of time, yada yada yada. And like the 2nd day, I failed and said "Well, I flopped. I give up.".

And SOooooooooooooooooooo THIS WEEK (tonight) I plan to pick ONE thing to work on instead of saying I will be perfect. goodness.

the wagon

I am getting back on the wagon AGAIN. Somebody put a seat belt on me, please!!! LOL I just planned out my food for tomorrow so that I will remain within calorie range. We are going to OKC tomorrow and I'm going to bring my own lunch (tuna). The rest of the family will have Chuck-e-cheese pizza. I'm ready for this weather to cool a bit so I can do more walking. I also need to ask my mom to start watching the kids once a week again so I can have some MEEEEE time and I can exercise during that time. Regardless of the obstacles, I am going to do this!!!!!!

struggle, struggle

Confession: I am struggling today. I feel like a bottomless pit. I am soooo hungry. But not for veggies or fruit. :) Hungry for bread, noodles, carbs. Nuts. Junk. ugh! I haven't broken my fast from soda, fast food and dessert, and I won't...because that is different.

Still, I'm struggling with the bottomless pit today.

It's just an out of whack day! I'm sitting here in my gown (just got out of shower and don't want to put church clothes on until after supper). I should get up and get busy! Much to do! But I'm sitting here.

And I don't even want to go to church tonight. (but I will) I want everyone else to go and leave me alone. LOL I think I'm needing some alone time.

I don't know what my deal is today but I need to snap out of it! If you pray, pray for me! :) thanks

Venting about homeschooling

I would vent on my homeschool blog, but I am locked out of it! That really adds to my frustration!

First of all, a little background. I love homeschooling. My kids are 9 and 12 and have never been "in school". Whether you agree or not doesn't matter. I love it. It is my conviction.

Also, my husband is socially backward. He is super quiet and doesn't look people in the eye, etc. That's just him. And yes, he was public schooled. My 12 year old son is just like him. Awkward.

I just got off the phone with someone whose opinion I respect (my mother of all people!) and they said "Amy, why don't you see how much the christian school costs? Your kids are getting older and they need to be around other kids." It was a huge slap in the face and I want to cry but I held myself together. (btw, I am in a homeschool social group and we have once per month field trips and once per month park days) I replied "Oh, but I LIKE to homeschool." You know how you hear what someone is saying and you interpret it? I interpreted her remarks as the following: "You are failing at homeschooling your kids. They are social outcasts." Well, guess what. My kids have the personality they have because that is just who they are. I believe they would still be extremely quiet even in the midst of a million other kids their age. Do you know their dad? Are my kids not a splitting image of him socially? Yes. They are. And their dad was public schooled. It didn't make him a social butterfly. *sigh* I just need to vent. >>>>>going to talk to my (heavenly) Daddy.

I'm still a loser.

I lost 3 pounds this week :) Despite the fact that I didn't count calories for one day (July 4th) or at supper one night. So, yay!

It's not about what you deserve.

The man who is last year's TOPS king lost about 60 pounds in 6 months, and has spent every single weigh-in for the past year right at 6.8 pounds below his goal weight. He doesn't yo-yo AT ALL. I asked him his secret and I have been following his advice for the past week.

His advice: Set your calorie limit and accurately count every single bite you put in your mouth. No guessing. Eat right at your calorie allotment every day. Weigh every morning at the same time, wearing the same clothes. You should see a little loss each day. If ever you see a gain, cut 100 calories... and do that each time you see a gain, no matter how small.

It worked for him. I have been faithful to obey his plan this past week and I'm enjoying seeing little losses each morning. So far, so good.

In my mind, I'm thinking this won't work. Because of monthly cycle issues-- retaining water, etc. Plus...what about drinking water? (I still am) and exercise?? That will mess it up I think.

Regardless, I'm just going to enjoy the downward fall as long as it will last :)

Last night, I had planned to have a protein drink before bed. However, I WANTED a protein drink, leftover spaghetti and a bologna sandwich! LOL If I wasn't being committed to the calorie thing, I would have said "Oh well! I deserve it!" and yes, I DO deserve it and YOU deserve it. We DESERVE sweets and sodas and carbs and junkfood because it tastes good and we are awesome people! Yes! I agree with you! We deserve it! But eating what I deserve is what got me to 331 pounds.

Sometimes you have to say "I deserve it, but I choose not to have it." I had my protein drink and went to bed.

I hope you all are doing great! Thanks for reading!

Flylady & Homeschooling. Doing it all. How????

During the school year, my house falls apart. I try to do the flylady thing but even with that, I don't have enough time to do it all. I admit that I don't make the kids do enough of their own stuff. Chores change at the beginning of each new school year and I believe I will be having them do more this coming year!

So, since school is out, I have been focusing on flylady stuff. My house looks awesome. I'm getting it all done. However,....this schedule is NOT going to work after school starts back. I get up at 8 a.m. (I am not a morning person!) I do my flylady stuff. I have set aside 7:30-8:50 as no computer/family time. And then at 8:50 my bedtime routine starts and I try to be in bed by 10 (doesn't usually happen... I am too addicted to facebook). Anyway, I only have about 2 hours max per day right now that is not part of a flylady routine. I need about 5 hours of that time during the school year.

So.............yeah. I think that means I'm going to have to get up earlier. Gag!

Anyway.... diet is going well! :)

I'm a loser.

I had a 2 pound loss at TOPS tonight and I plan to be a loser until I reach goal! Yay! The 118 day soda/ dessert/ fast food fast is going well!

Weigh in tonight!....

....I will post the results either tonight or tomorrow :)

3 things Thursday

1. I'm having car trouble and I can't go anywhere except for when hubby gets home with his car in the evenings. I'm not stressing that too bad. I like home. The only issue is that son will miss some of his volunteer time at the library.

2. I am enjoying decluttering my house :) (AGAIN...it clutters back up rather quickly)

3. I am already missing doing school with the kids. And yet, there is so much I want to accomplish with my "free time" before we actually begin again in mid-August.

Headache and getting things done

I've had a headache all day today.

I took meds AND an hour and a half nap. It's still here. Oh well! Keep moving forward!

I hope to embrace every minute of summer break. I'm redone my Flylady routines for summer and I'm trying to stick with them. I hope to get this house in tip top shape and be organized before school starts back :)

I have wanted to eat a lot today. But I haven't. I've tracked my food and I haven't gone over calories, so yay me :)

Thanks for reading!

Nothing is impossible!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPRQR-5E9gg

118

Two pics---the face pic is me working at Junior High Church Camp last week. I loved it! The other pic is something a friend took of me. I didn't realize I look that big. I look smaller in my mind. This will make a great comparison pic to look back at!

As of last night, I am 118 pounds above goal. I am beginning a "fast" of sorts that begins today and goes for ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN DAYS. (goodness) No soda, no fast food and no dessert. I will do it! I prayed about it for a while before I decided on it. The fast will improve my health but I am also fasting about 4 other things as well.

Anyway, I'm back :) I was silly to leave the support here at blogger.

I'm on my way back.

I'm on my way back. I should be back to blogging by Monday evening or Tuesday. I need to blog. It helps :) It's time.

one at a time

Quick post--I was down a pound at TOPS last night. We had a visitor who read about us in the newspaper. Today is the first day of our new family schedule (we homeschool, so a schedule is good, else we will be too slack)...and therefore my computer time is limited, thus the short post. Have a great day!

No news really, but replying to comments

I just approved some comments that deserve a reply :)

First of all, I keep getting congrats on losing 75 pounds. There is a POINT in front of that 75! LOL Last week I lost 3/4 of a pound or POINT 75 pounds LOL. That was last week. This week I stayed exactly the same. My TOTAL weight loss from my highest weigh is 33 & 1/4 pounds.

The other comment asked me what a mexican tv dinner is. (They weren't from America) Well, it is basically rice, refried beans and an enchilada that are cooked, frozen on a plastic tray and put in a box and sold at the grocery store. You take it home and mircowave it and there ya go. :) Full of preservatives and not very healthy, I'm sure.

I have ~*HOPE*~

My friend from my old chapter, who is a KOPS, taught last night's program. She taught about hope. Can you REALLY visualize yourself at your goal? Do you REALLY believe you can do it? You won't do it if you don't believe you can. It was a great program.

I lost .75 pounds. I am now 297.25 pounds.

I have some girlfriends who are doing something called a "Daniel fast". For 21 days, you eat nothing but fruits, veggies and nuts. I think that's too big of a leap for me, but I may do SOME of it. Anyway, we had a party of sorts with these ladies last night and I ate some things I had never tried: raw carrots, raw broccoli, potato soup, celery. I can't say I LOVED any of those things, but it was nice to realize that I CAN eat these things. Perhaps I would like them more if I ate them more, such as was the case with bananas.

I am out of my funk. YAY!

We dug out of the snow on Saturday and it was a wonderful weekend. ANOTHER snow storm hits tonight and the tv is saying we will be snowed in at least until Friday. So, schoolwork is being postponed while we spend the day paying bills, buying groceries and preparing for the storm. I bet town is swamped with people doing the same. Schoolwork will easily be made up this evening or during the next 2 days of being snowed in.

blah

Monday's TOPS meeting was cancelled due to snow. We are snowed in and have been for days. It is really getting on my nerves. We have to eat what we have on hand (blah) and although I am all for family togetherness, you can actually have too much of that stuff LOL.

The snow-in started Monday and aren't estimated to be able to get out and drive until Saturday and then would you believe it is supposed to storm again next Monday? ugh.

yeah.

I'm just in a funk.

Pneumonia

BOTH of my children have been diagnosed with pneumonia. It's been rather chaotic and off schedule at my house. I keep thinking I wish things would return to normal, but then again, what is normal? It seems like there is always SOMETHING going on.

Missed my TOPS meeting

Yesterday was TOPS but since we have been fighting the flu, we stayed in and I let our co-leader handle it. She's 18 and she was THRILLED to be in charge LOL

So....no official weight, but on my scales, by some miracle, I'm still showing the same as last week. That is surprising because I was sick all week and ate a lot of comfort food, didn't exercise and didn't journal.

I am better now! yay!

It's so hard to get back into the swing of things after you've let up. I thought I had formed solid habits (exercise, water, journaling ) I found out they weren't as solid as I thought!

Tomorrow I MUST MAKE MYSELF get back with those things, whether I FEEL like it or not.

sick

Oh my goodness I am so sick. (the flu?)

I think this is day 3. I am miserable.

I am trying to find people to help me with activities the kids have today (field trip, library, church youth group). Funny, when you need help, your friends suddenly disappear and pretend they don't see. *sigh*

Anyway, I am in survival mode for sure, as far as diet goes this week. I am just hoping to survive this week without a gain...to maintain what I have lost so far.

pray for me!

On a roll again (3 pound loss)

Well, I'm doing well again :)

Weigh-in at Monday's TOPS meeting was 298, so that is a 3 pound loss for this week.

We each drew a slip of paper with a challenge on it and we have to report how we did at the next meeting. I drew "increase fruits and veggies" so that is what I'm working on this week. I needed that one. I don't eat enough fruits and veggies. :)

Here we go!.......................

7 things & a blogger award

Seven random things about me:

1. I am 6 feet tall. My husband is 5'4" :)

2. I collected precious moments for years and then got tired of them. I don't want any more but I will keep the ones I have because most were bought for me by people I love on sentimental occasions.

3. I wear out shoes quickly.

4. I love staying in fancy hotels.

5. I love to make lists.

6. I quit public school at age 15. Walked out of class and walked home, never to return. I'd had ENOUGH of the bullies and the teachers who turned their heads. (The next year I went to a private school, from which I graduated)

7. In 1999, someone broke into our home. They stole my husband's video games and my underclothes (gasp!) and left my credit card untouched, sitting in plain view on the kitchen table.

By accepting this award, I have to:

* Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
* Share seven things about yourself.
* Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (or as many as you can).
* Contact these bloggers and tell them they’ve won!

And so, my 7 things are posted above. I received this award from Laryssa at Dillypoo chatter http://dillypoo-chatter.blogspot.com/ (sorry, I don't know how to do links very well!)

I'm passing this award on to:
Katie J http://katiejweightlossjourney.blogspot.com/
Debbie http://justquiteating.blogspot.com/
and Darla http://mywinningyear2011.blogspot.com/

_--------on another note, I will post either later today or tomorrow about how I did this week and our TOPS meeting. hint hint: it was good :)

Now I need to get off this computer and get busy!

Love Letter

So...yesterday hubby gave me a love letter. One of the things it said was:

"I think you are pretty"


You know me........I love that :)

On another note, I have peeked at the scale and I am pleased with what I am seeing :) Official weigh-in is Monday evening.

Have a great day!

Up again.

The past couple of days were very down and negative, although my last post was very truthful.

However, I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm giving up, because I'm not. There are 2 ladies (both KOPS, and one is a queen) who are emailing me and helping me to shake this off and to live to my potential.

Maybe it is the fish oil supplements, maybe it is God, maybe it is hormones, who knows....but for whatever reason, I'm feeling less negative today and I didn't want to leave my blog hanging on a negative note.

Cheers! *clinking our water bottles together*

(FYI: When I changed the name of my blog, it somehow stopped showing my new posts on people's blog roll...so...even if you are a follower...you may need to REfollow me.. I don't know...I'm not sure how to fix that)

I'm so mean to me

There is a blogger, you may know him, named Allan and a couple of weeks ago he was laughing about me on his blog. He enjoyed it. He's really going to enjoy this post. :/

I am so fed up with ME. ugh! What is my deal? I have great plans, great desires but I cut myself way too much slack and therefore I am not accomplishing ANYTHING.

How do you FORCE yourself to STICK to healthy choices? How do you MAKE yourself have willpower? I know it is a matter of willpower and I'm so mad at myself because I really seem to be lacking. :(

The past several few weeks I *have* been much more consistent with water consumption, exercise and not buying sweets for the house. I'll give myself that much. However, I am having times of just "oh well, I don't care" and then I don't journal and I eat whatever I want (binge on eggs? sounds crazy..but I did). I get in to these "whatever, I don't care" moods and do this to myself, but deep down, I DO care. I'm so mean to me.

I weighed 301. That's a one pound gain.

Go ahead, Allan. I know I'm not shining tonight.

My jean skirt travels. ;) (and I'm glad)

I have such an all or nothingness about me. It seems I either have a 100% successful day or a pretty much 100% floppy day. And weird, I know, but for me, it usually depends on how I START my day.

Hubby usually wakes me at 6 a.m. to pray with him before he goes to work. Then I have two choices: go back to bed or stay up. You wouldn't think that choice would determine my whole day but it sure seems to.

Probably 75% of the time, I go back to bed. I am a night owl. I get my 2nd wind around 9 p.m. and I just don't want to sleep! I can stay up until 2 a.m. or so most nights. So, of course, I don't want to stay up at 6! So, I usually go back to bed and wake up LATE. So late that I am ashamed and I'm not even going to tell you how late. Then I wake up after HOURS of sleep and I feel SO unenergetic. I think "I feel so tired--do I have cancer? Am I sick? Am I dying?" DRaaaaaaaaag.....like..a....snail. I also think "We are getting such a late start on the day, I really don't have time to exercise" and I jump into getting the kids fed and starting our schoolwork. Then the whole day is a whirlwind, I feel like I have been busy all day trying to get things done, and after everyone's in bed, I get on the computer for some ME time and........wouldn't you know it........stay up half the night. VICIOUS, TERRIBLE CYCLE.

But some mornings, I force myself to stay up (like this morning). I get dressed and do my Lesle Sansone dvd before the sun even rises. I eat breakfast and have some ME time before the kids are even awake (like, right now). I have a lot of housework done before the kids wake and the whole day just goes better. Then I'm usually so tired that night that I can go to bed at a decent hour and rest well. However, I never wake up feeling rested, so once again the next morning, it is a struggle to make myself NOT go back to bed. If I stay up, my energy increases.

Weird. but true.

One of the above pics is me after my workout this morning--the sun was just coming up. :) Concerning the other pic: Look how loose my skirt is! yay! When I exercise, it scoots itself around and I end up with the zipper not being in the front. Compare that with the older pic (full body, black top) --see how snug the skit was? That was October 21st. I was 310 then and as of this morning, my scale at home says 298, so that's 11 pounds. I haven't lost a lot of pounds but I obviously have lost some inches, so yay!

Dream big. {then DO it}

{hubby fixed the computer--yay! The pics in this post have been posted before, but they are just some of my favorites}

I'm hating the Christmas time yo yo that I did! I wasted so much time with that! I had gotten down to 297 point something. Then all the goodies of Christmas and I gained up to 302 point something. Last night I was back down to 300 even. I wanted to start this year in a lower weight division...but...it is what it is. You really can't give "bare minimum" requirements and expect maximum results.

Yesterday's TOPS program was great. It was "Dream big {then DO it}" We wrote down our goals for the year and sealed them and I will hand them back out in a year. I talked about how it is important to have a dream. Then I discussed that just a dream isn't enough. You have to DO it, no matter what is going on. Because life is stressful and hectic. It always will be. If you wait for the perfect timining, you aren't ever going to get it done. I talked about how I've had the queen dream ever since I joined 2 years ago and how I am only 27 pounds less than then. Yep. Dreaming isn't enough. You have to DO it.


I think I'm going to change the name of my blog to "Dream big {then DO it}" because I HAVE been dreaming big. I just need to DO it. I've been honest. And I will continue to be honest. It's not always easy to be honest....when you flop.

Hubby bought a new Leslie Sansone dvd and it is much more involved than the other one we have. *whew* I can't do it all...yet...but I did 31 minutes of it today.

I'm off to DO something now,

Amy,that TOPS lady, future queen