Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Drunk on cereal

I have a cereal story but first, today's accountability stats:

100 days of accountability- Day 2

Exercise: zilch. I should have gotten up EARLY because once the ball got rolling, it was a long time before I had a moment to breathe today. It's 11 p.m. and I'm just now sitting down after a LONG day.

Walked 6,986 steps today.

Consumed 4.5 servings of fruits and veggies

64 ounces of water ---yep. That struggled today. Today was just a struggle in general.

Calories: over by 231.

I do not want to be a negative blogger---- but I also want to be real. And sometimes, things aren't all lollipops and puppies.

Since my dad passed, I've struggled with just daily life in general. Some days are great and I think "I'm almost ok again! I can actually feel joy and peace and excitement!" But then after a couple of days like that, I have a day or two where a dark cloud hangs over and I feel like a victim.

With Halloween coming up, it is even worse. There are caskets and "dead people" decorating the grocery stores. It brings your mind to terrible places when you think about it. My daddy........is sealed up in a box.........and in the ground......decomposing. (If you feel compelled to leave me messages about "He isn't there. He's with Jesus." Just don't. You don't know my dad and you don't know if he is in Heaven any more than you know what color the carpet is in my bathroom. You just don't! And even if you knew my dad--- you still don't! You haven't been up there and gotten a copy of the occupants. Anyway........that doesn't change the fact that his BODY, regardless of whether he knows it or not, is decomposing. Morbid thoughts.

Today was one of those hard days.

And when it is one of those days, everything seems worse. On the other side of the coin, I really do have some majorly stressful things going on. I'm not going to tell all my business/personal/whatever struggles on a public forum, but JUST TRUST ME.

Here's a little one though, and it leads into the cereal story. Today I found myself with $5 to buy my family lunch and supper with. What would you have bought? Throw in to this that you have to purchase something the entire family can tolerate and you have teens who are a bit picky (your fault, you raised them on junk). Anyway............seriously.......what can you buy for $5 to provide 2 meals to a hungry family? I know that bananas are only 20 cents each and that being broke is no excuse for eating junk...but I felt like my hands were tied and I was already in victim mode in my mind.

So..............I did the best I could, and I'm ok with that because to do more is not possible. I bought a loaf of bread, a jar a grape jelly, a box of cereal, and 3 bananas. We already had pb and milk at home.

The cereal was the ever healthy (*sarcasm*) Cocoa Krispies that turns your milk chocolate. I don't know if you are a sugar addict like me or not, but if you are, you will know that you can eat a LOT of that cereal and not feel like you've had enough.

As super busy as I was teaching school, juggling a baby, cooking, and running my kids to practice and back, I don't know how I had the time, but somewhere I squeezed in a very vivid daydream:

I pictured myself, single and no kids, coming in from work to a very nice apartment. I don't know where I worked but I liked my job and I made a lot of money. My apartment had fancy, plush furniture that all matched and my house was spotless because I paid someone to clean it. I changed into my comfy pajamas, climbed into my fluffy bed, and watched CNN while eating bowlful after bowlful of the cereal. I ate the entire box. I was full but there was a peace down in my gut from being so full (those of you who have ever done any binge eating might know what I'm talking about). And then, I went to sleep.

It's a good thing that isn't really my life, although it was sounding good at the moment. In hindsight, I realize if that were my life, I would be so big I would probably not be mobile.

Nope...........that's not me. I'm the girl who is fighting this war within herself against obesity. I refuse to give in, even when I've had a hard battle. I WILL OVERCOME. I AM OVERCOMING.

I'm doing a 5K on Sunday morning, for one thing. Take that, obesity.

And yeah, I only ate 1.5 cups of cereal with one cup of milk, and I measured it all out and went about my business.

(If you are concerned about our food, don't be. It's ok. I didn't write that for sympathy. I'm just trying to be real. We will have a bit more money to work with tomorrow and we will be fine in that realm come Sunday.)

Thanks for reading!

Monday, September 29, 2014

100 days of accountability

I have a friend who is challenging me to various healthy things for the next 14 weeks. That is only 2 days shy of 100 days. I had a spark of an idea----what if I was publicly accountable for the next 100 days?

I think I'm going to take the plunge! Today is day one. For the next 100 days, I plan to log on and post a quick recap of my health successes (and sometimes failures) of the day.

I'm just going to be transparent.

I'm also going to celebrate each FIVE pounds lost. This morning I weighed 286.2 and I will celebrate 5 pounds lighter from now, then I will repeat. I believe I can be back to my lowest-in-years weight of 250 by the time these 100 days are over.

Today's recap:

Exercise: Walked 0.8 miles in the neighborhood with the baby, 18 minutes

Walked 11,540 steps today

Consumed 3.5 servings of fruits and veggies

90 ounces of water

went over calorie limit by 236 calories

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

No clue what to title this update.

It has been 4 weeks since the pic with the red blouse but I'm not even going to post the new pic because it LOOKS THE SAME. Blah! However, change is happening that isn't yet obvious, so I will continue on.

I have a friend who has taken me under her wing and I am emailing with her almost every night. That is helpful. I don't think about what I'm going to say. I just set the timer for 10 minutes, type the first thing that comes to mind, and hit send.

I received a package today from a blogger reader. It was crammed packed full of clothes and THEY FIT! Yay! So glad. Thank you, dear reader. I hate to feel like a charity case.............but..............yeah. I'm not complaining here!

I'm currently fighting a bad headcold and I sound like Darth Vader. (Audible Breathing)

October 5th is the Spirit of Survival (CANCER) 5K, an hour away. My sweet, wonderful hubby will be taking the kids to church and I will be turning some heads (probably) by attending this 5K instead of going to Sunday School (I probably will still get there but I will be late, and sweaty). I just HAVE to participate in this 5K. Have to. Going to. And...........I really need to work on exercising and preparing. I know I can do it though. The other day I found myself in a kid free moment and I went to the track and walked through some emotions. (great therapy!!!) The more I walked, the better I felt. And I ended up walking 3 miles.

I'm slowly but surely healing.

Here's a word of advice: If you know someone who has had a nervous breakdown in the past 2 months, or they lost a member of their immediate family,.............and you think they should be "over it"...........you are wrong. It still effects them DAILY. Be kind to them and help them heal.

Thanks for reading!