Saturday, December 28, 2013


(Trust me, this is about food. Don't let the first paragraph scare you off.)

There is a story in the old testament about a man who was crazy in love with this girl he couldn't have. I think she was his step-sister or something. Verse after verse tells about how much he craved her and how lovesick he was. Until one day, he decided he WAS going to have her. He had built the experience up in his mind until he could stand it no longer. He took her, the woman he loved, and raped her...and it wasn't like he thought it would be....and after that, he hated her.

I have a similar experience with Jello No Bake Peanut Butter Dessert (and many, many others over the years, but the Jello No Bake is today's story.) I had eaten it before (I will call it JNBPBD for short LOL), like a couple of years ago and it was good. Then my mixer broke. You MUST use a mixer in the assembling of the JNBPBD. So, for a couple of years, I built it up in my mind and thought about how WONDERFUL the JNBPBD was!!! I was lusting after it!

When dad asked what I'd like for Christmas, I said I wanted a new mixer. Now, I had survived TWO YEARS without a mixer. I can't think of anything I need a mixer for besides JNBPBD.

Dad bought the mixer, I made the dessert. I ate some. I was disappointed. It wasn't like I had "remembered" it. "Remembered" aka built up some fantasy in my mind.

Maybe it was just a faulty piece. So, I tried another. Nope. Maybe one from the middle was just right. No.

I ended up eating the whole thing (over the course of two days, but still!!!) with the exception of maybe 3 servings, which my husband and daughter ate.

I felt like the man who raped his step-sister. I felt cheated. I was ashamed of what I had done. I had been lied to and the person who lied to me, was me.

Can you relate? Is it not true? Our brains make up crazy "memories" of foods from our past that were AMAZINGLY AWESOME, and yet, we can't recreate that experience.

I'm thinking the reason we can't recreate it is because it wasn't there to begin with. We are just letting ourselves lie to ourselves.

`thinking aloud

Monday, December 16, 2013

It's time.

When it is time, you will know it. I wrote this on a friend's facebook page recently and it is so true.

Today I want to blog about all the ways God has sent me love hugs, little nudges of encouragement that IT IS TIME to get back to the healthy lifestyle I once lived. I feel such confirmation through all these things. God really does care about my journey...because it is important to me...and He care about me.

All of the following happened within the span of a week:

*I won an essay contest about my weight loss journey. What I won was a book written by Bryan Ganey, who lost almost 400 pounds without surgery! I can't wait to read it!

*I had my moment of fame, with my story being on his blog. (

*A friend messaged me randomly, out of the blue, and asked me to give her nutritional advice. It made me feel honored to still be considered a "health guru".

*TOPS needed a volunteer promotional lady in our area and I was first one who came to their mind. Nevermind the fact that I'm hugely pregnant. I was honored.

*I keep running into my health mentor at town, which is weird, because we go for months without running in to each other.

So...yeah...these seem like small things, but when they keep happening bam, bam, back to back, it's like "wow...something's going on here"

And I'm happy to be back on track. There's a great feeling down in your gut when you KNOW you are eating/living right...and I've got that feeling in my gut right now. LOVE IT.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

friends, tools, and blogs

Sometimes, some people (so I've heard, *clears throat*) sit on a couch at 11 p.m. eating a bowl of spaghetti and almost like they are drunk with the food consumption, look at their spaghetti and think, "Spaghetti, you are my friend." Oh, when we feel affection for our food, that is never a good sign. Food is like one of those backstabbing friends you had in junior high. No, food is not your friend. Food is a tool. A tool to help you live and have energy and strength. If your food isn't promoting life, energy and strength in you, you might need to take another look at yourself. I KNOW. I have a bowl of spaghetti 18 inches from me as I type.

Sometimes, some people have a healthy friend who can hold them accountable and encourage them and teach them as they learn to make a healthier lifestyle for themselves. I am blessed with one such friend. She was the major tool that God used to teach me about nutrition, to help me to believe in myself, and to be my accountability partner a few years ago. SHE could see the healthy me before it was evident. She saw what I could be. When I was over 300 pounds, she encouraged me to run a 5K. ha! But she put the thought of "I can do this" in my head.

I learned a lot from her and I changed my life and lost those 81 pounds that I was so proud of. We are all busy people and she is no different, so I quit texting her nightly and I still succeeded. It was like taking the training wheels off. I could ride! I haven't relied on her support in a long time.

However, this whole baby thing threw me off! (as you well know from reading this blog). So, today I contacted my old friend and we are going back to the nightly texting-- I will give account of my calories, water, and exercise every night. I hate to bother her. But I'd rather put the training wheels back on than to sit on the porch and pout.

I'm also thankful for the health friends in the blogger world and on facebook. THAT also is a great tool! My weight loss facebook page is here: (feel free to send a request). As far as the weight loss blogging community, I used to follow a lot of people. I was saddened to find that some of those blogs haven't had a post in months (we all know what that usually means--weight gain). I do still read a few who are successfully blogging and successfully losing, but not many :( So, I've been on the lookout for some new blogs to read. I found this lady: and I'm anticipating following a successful journey with her.

How about you? What are some of your favorite blogs?

Thursday, December 5, 2013

wobbly success/keep getting better

Sometimes, when someone has a stroke or something, they have to relearn some things. That's how I feel with my weight loss journey right now. I KNOW what to do. I've done the healthy thing before. I KNOW!!!

But something happened.

And now, I'm wobbling. I'm taking baby steps...and wobbly ones at that. Because I'm NOT where I once was. I CAN'T just jump in where I left off.

I'm wobbling and relearning.

Today's food and exercise intake for today would have looked like a FAILURE in my eyes a year ago. But today, I look at it in its imperfection and CELEBRATE because it is better than yesterday.

TODAY I wrote out my meal plan and calories for the entire day. When hubby came in with a box of little debbie Christmas cakes, I did immediately eat one. But then I readjusted my calories for the day. I exercised today. A small amount, but I did it, which beats not doing it. Then, right here at 8 p.m., I ate a spoonful of peanut butter, with syrup, white toast and a cup of milk. This was NOT on the plan. But I owned it. It could have been a lot worse.

wobble, wobble

All I have to do is work at it every day.... wobble, wobble...keep moving forward...keep improving.

And one day I will realize I am back to where I was....then I will have passed it!

I refuse to go to bed feeling like a failure. TODAY WAS SUCCESSFUL, Amy, believe that.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

motivationally constipated

Yeah. I'm motivated. But I'm not moving toward my goals at nearly the speed I would like today. I thought perhaps a few moments of blogging could be the cure.

Do you do this? Do you know what you need to do? And yet, you sit there, feeling overwhelmed and instead DO NOTHING? I have SO MUCH I need to do. There's not really spare time for wasting.

I have dealt a bit with anxiety this morning---realizing that we are at the end of husband's unemployment checks. SOMETHING is going to have to change, probably within the next 2 weeks. And when you are uncertain how that change will play out, it can make you antsy. Finances have really given me fits lately.

My OB doctor wrote a "prescription" for TOPS, with my highest acceptable pregnancy weight. As of yesterday, I was about a pound and a half below that! And I still have 18 weeks til full term. So...yeah. (I have gained 21 pounds in 22 weeks) Pie! errrr.

Ok........enough venting. to get this motivational thing unstuck! Here's the plan:
1. Set the timer for 10 minutes and read facebook and weight loss blogs.
2. Brush and braid daughter's hair.
3. Set out (find) clothes for everyone to wear (yep...1 p.m. and the kids are still in jammies)
4. Gather the movies that were due yesterday.
5. Gather the past due library stuff.
6. Exercise dvd (Leslie Sansone)
7. Feed the kids.
8. Do school work until til for daughter's occupational therapy.
9. Take dd to therapy.
10. housework
11. supper then clean kitchen
12 Go to bed early and get some rest!

Thanks for reading my thinking-aloud!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Images of success (be, feel, appear)

Today I was at a red light next to a man in a nice car (BMW). It was spotless. The man was wearing a dress shirt and tie. Just from that quick moment, I deemed him "successful". I could be wrong. But I bet I wasn't.

Have you ever noticed? Successful, professional people drive clean vehicles, wear starched clothing, and have spotless houses filled with expensive furniture. Their hair is styled. They smell of expensive fragrance

You don't often see a successful, professional woman who needs to attend to her chin hairs. She doesn't have McDonald's napkins and empty cups in the floor board of her car. She doesn't have a "happy fall" decoration on her porch in January.

I know, I have talked a lot about my impression of people a LOT in the last couple of posts. This wasn't intentional. But obviously, this is what it going on in my head right now.

I don't want to just be good at one thing (such as, you are such a good mother)...I want to succeed in everything! I want my house and car in order, I want my health in order. I want my spirit to be in order. I want my appearance to be in order. Everything. (perfectionist, much?)

I'm jealous (there's that word again) of people who appear successful in my eyes.

I want to BE successful, I want to FEEL successful and I want to APPEAR successful. I must have them all.

The Bible warns us to not compare ourselves with others. Refraining from that is not easy.

With today being Thanksgiving, facebook had a lot of friends' pictures of their homes, their kitchens and their families. I saw immaculate furniture that must have cost a ton and I wonder, "What am I doing wrong?"

I read the black Friday sales ads and saw that people are excited to purchase a pair of headphones for $115 (regular price $199). My heart hurt when I realized that people will go to that sale and buy those $115 headphones for their teenager for Christmas, because they can. ......when *I* (here comes the comparison part the Bible warns against) am almost 2 months behind on my house payment and haven't purchased brand new clothing for my children in probably two years.

I've had a little pitty party for myself today. I feel sorry for myself because even though I have a strong desire to BE,FEEL, and APPEAR successful......I'm not sure how to accomplish those things, and that is frustrating.

However, I remain encouraged...for my drive is strong...and I am determined to work at it and let the Lord lead me. I will get there.

Thanks so much for reading!

Monday, November 25, 2013


What I'm about to tell you makes me look like a "not very good Christian" but it is brutally honest (I am a lot more brutally honest here than I am face to face....which is scary because I do have some readers here who know me in real life!)

There's someone who just rubs me the wrong way---and I'm jealous of them in a weird kind of way, even though I don't want to be anything like them.

I will call her Kathy (not her real name).

Many, many months ago, when I was at my lowest weight, I had made some HUGE changes in my lifestyle. I had lost 81 pounds and was 60 pounds from goal. I was eating kale, tuna, bananas....NEVER ate junk. I was ON TARGET. I was healthy. I was even athletic. I was doing 5K's and could even run some. I know me. I was "in the zone".

During this time, I was was put in a situation where I spent several hours working alongside this new lady, Kathy. Kathy was larger than me and she didn't dress as figure flattering as she could have. She wore neon colored pants (the kind that look like tights) that clung to her stomach that was hanging...and her t-shirt was very short and well above where it needed to be. I'm not trying to make fun. I'm painting you a picture.

This lady talked the entire time we worked. She talked about HERSELF. She talked about how she's losing weight and made a lifestyle change. Since the subject had come up, I mentioned that I had lost 81 pounds myself, and had also made a lifestyle change. She proceeded to "give me tips" of "what I should do" so I could "become successful like her".

I know, I know. I should have let that go. I know I should have congratulated her on feeling healthy---- really were were very similar---still overweight but feeling like hot stuff. But I let it rub me the wrong way. How DARE her insinuate that she could HELP me??!! I rocked! haha....I'm being transparent! That's how it went in my head! Followed by "I don't like her."

I haven't thought about Kathy in a long time, until I happened to see her post on something (a mutual friend I guess) on facebook. I immediately went to snoop on her page. She still wears the hideous tights/pants but guess what? She has lost over 100 pounds now. *jaw drop* I should be happy for her. Instead, I'm jealous!

Before I saw this, my plans for the rest of this night were: take a shower, sit on the couch and eat the deep dish pizza hubby picked up for supper.

BUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no. That isn't going to happen. I'm going to exercise, take my shower, and have maybe half a piece of pizza and some green beans or something!

Am I the only one who has a health rival? If you have one, please tell me about them. :)

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Postive talk Monday

I like to listen to Joel Osteen aka Mr. Positive Preacher. He talks so much about speaking positively and believing it will be so. For tonight's post, I just want to post my positive declarations for the upcoming week.

*Monday morning my dad and I will have a safe trip to the cancer center, we will have favor with the doctor and nurses, the report will be good and we will enjoy our time visiting as he has his treatment.

*This week will be well organized and smooth.

*This week I will make wise decisions at the grocery store and cook nutritious, healthy, tasty meals.

*This week I will not overeat.

*This week I will exercise daily.

*This week I will feel well, healthy, on plan, and accomplished.

*This week, the house will be in order.

*This week, our finances will be blessed.

*This week, the Lord will fix situations that need attention--both ones that I know about and things I don't even realize!

*This week, the Lord will be felt near.

*I will end this week feeling successful, being successful.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

harsh cheeseburger visions

Someone left me a comment (and I do appreciate EVERY comment--thank you for letting me know you read!), saying that my description of people at the food pantry in my last post was harsh. I didn't mean to be offensive. But sometimes life IS harsh. I'm not meaning to degrade anyone who goes to a food pantry...hey--I was there too and I go almost every month--I need it, so I AM a food pantry recipient. My point was---there are some people that you look at and they appear to be going somewhere in life, successful, motivated, professional, etc...and there are some people who you can look at and tell that they have no vision, no dream, no drive. I want to the first of the two.

I was recently at a ladies' retreat. The speaker told of seeing a homeless man on a street corner with a sign that said "Homeless with visions of a cheeseburger". She went on to talk about having a dream, a vision, a goal, something to strive for. How big is your dream and vision? Are we content with just a cheeseburger? A cheeseburger is only going to satisfy you for a few hours. She was wishing the man could get a vision for a better life, to not be homeless, to have a home and a job, etc (you all know what I'm saying). I'm sure he did NOT want to be where he was. No one would. But he wasn't looking to get out of his situation. He was just looking for a temporary satisfaction.

Like ice cream does. Or overeating anything--being off our health plan. Temporary satisfaction that doesn't change us for the better, long term.

THAT is where I don't want to be. THAT is what I don't want to become.

I don't want to fail on my vision of my goal weight and healthy lifestyle.

I want to be ON plan. I want to LIVE to my POTENTIAL.

I want to succeed.

And sometimes, it is a severe fight.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

yeast, bad checks, health bums

I got thrush on my tongue randomly, in early September. It has come and gone and it a lot better but still, after almost 3 months, it is still somewhat present.

I also have some red spots on my upper thigh that almost look like ringworm, execpt, it isn't ringworm. I think it is yeast and I think it is connected to the thrush.

It is CRAZY that I let this go for so long without going to the doctor. I could go for FREE! But life is busy and something that isn't terribly annoying or life threatening seems low priority.

Oct. 31, my son had emergency surgery for an abscessed lymph node in his throat. He apparently had a bacterial infection that just set up in there and got really bad.

When that happened, I wondered......................could this be related to my tongue and thigh issue? Do we have some kind of weird bacteria thing going on and I passed it to him somehow???? So, I vowed to get myself to the doctor. TOMORROW I need to call and make that appointment!!!!!!!!

In other news, I took dad for his ct scan and he did well. (He has terminal lung cancer.) Honestly, I was expecting them to go NOT well. It hurts him to lie on his back and he has to for the ct scan. But he sailed right through it, went home and cooked goolash, and brought me some. LOL

I'm frustrated that someone gave my husband a BAD $200 check to buy parts with for their rototiller (hubby works in our garage as a small engine mechanic). We bought the parts and THEN were notified that the check was bad and the bank took the $200 from our account. $200 that I could REALLY use right now. ...........

And partially because of that, and partially because dad wanted me to pick his food up, I spent an hour and a half in line at the food pantry today, in the drizzle. I HATE THAT. I stood in line with people who put forth no effort in their appearance---- a scraggly man in a greasy hooters shirt, a lady wearing sweats that only cover half of her bottom, people who needed to wash their hair really badly.....and I I one of them??? I know there were also some normal people that I could relate to there somewhere too...surely. But for the most part, I got the impression that most people there had no vision, no dream, no goal, didn't care....weren't trying. LORD! Don't let me become that way! Yet, AM I that way when it comes to my health?????????????????????????????????????????????????? Have I become a health "bum"? No. I'm not willing. I've hit a rough patch...but this isn't who I am. I'm digging my way out.

Any advice?

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

5 minute night

9:50-9:55 Yesterday I typed for 10 minutes. Tonight I just want to go to sleep...but I will type for 5 first.

Today was busy. Who am I kidding? My LIFE is busy these days, so I guess it was just a normal day. I hit the ground running, did housework, school with the kids, took son to the doctor for a recheck from his surgery (it went fine) and cooked for tonight's church Thanksgiving dinner. Before heading out, I ran to the store to get hubby some eye drops (dry eyes) and sinus medicine. He's doing better but still not kicking very high. He didn't go to the dinner.

At the dinner, I only made one trip through the line, (good) but I ate two desserts (bad). A homemade chocolate pie made by a grandma...not my grandma...but you know what I mean...the OLD STYLE GRANDMA CHOCOLATE PIE. I also had a slice of pecan pie. Ugh. I ate too much.

So, I just came home and I'm about to hit the hay. I did not get exercise in today. I wish I would have. Yesterday I walked a pretty fast pace mile (fast, compared to my current speed LOL) and I felt so much more energetic.

Well, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow I take dad for a ct scan first thing in the morning and then hopefully get back in time to take my daughter to storytime (she volunteers). If not, maybe hubby will feel well enough to take her. We will see.

Shame on me............I should worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!

I'm really thirsty today. ANd feeling fat. :(

I dug out my skirt that I used to show as my "before" skirt............and I can fit it. It is still technically too big...but I can wear it and it is comfortable. ugh.

I want to be healthy.

I'm so tired.

thank you for reading

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


You know what? I miss blogging. Even though I'm so tired I could fall over, I'm going to sit here and type for 10 minutes. ---until 9:58.

You know, I posted "I'm pregnant!" and then just fell off the blogging world. Well, in the real world, I'm still alive. And I'm still pregnant. As a matter of fact, yesterday was the half-way point in my pregnancy.

I'm still homeschooling.

Hubby's still unemployed.

Dad's still fighting with stage 4 lung cancer (I don't know why I am this way---but almost every time I mean to type "lung cancer", I accidentally type "lunch cancer" and have to go back and fix it. seriously)

I'm still tired.

My 14 year old son had a long ordeal the first of this month that included emergency night-time surgery on an abscessed lymph node in his throat. It was a hard time. I'm glad it's over.

I have REALLY, REALLY had issues with my eating. I hate that. I almost don't want to admit it. But I am honest to a fault. I'm struggling.

The doctor wanted me to gain 0-15 pounds with this pregnancy. Here, with just over 4 months to go, I have gained 17.

Some of you may say "Well, weight gain is to be expected and you are nourishing a baby and it will be ok", which, if I were eating right, I would agree.

But I'm not.

I'm eating junk. eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

WHY am I eating junk?

I just ate 2 bowls of cheerios AND ADDED SUGAR. I wasn't even hungry. I just wanted the sugar.


I am not happy with this. I am not happy with me.

In other news, hubby has been sick in bed the past 2 days and I miss him.

I don't even know if any of you read me anymore. If you do, thank you! I think getting back to blogging will help me.

Time's up! goodnight!

Friday, August 16, 2013

I'm pregnant!!!

Yes, I am.

I am 35 years old and my husband is almost 41. Our other kids are 14 and almost 12. This wasn't planned, but we are happy!

I am not going to just junk out. I want this to be the healthiest pregnancy ever.

Today is day three, I think, that I haven't sent you a food dairy. Today I just didn't..but I counted my calories and went over by about 400 because I decided to eat a quasadilla when hubby asked me to fix him one.

Wednesday I was sick, sick, sick. I ate comfort food, then I felt even worse! I think I stayed in calorie range with the comfort food but still--it wasn't good stuff-- manwich and ice cream. LOL

Then yesterday I had a very busy day and then ended up in the ER for 4 hours because I was spotting. :( I am on light duty (no exercise, lots of rest, no lifting, etc) for 3 weeks.They couldn't find an explanation for the spotting, said my cervix was closed and an ultrasound found a heartbeat. I go back tomorrow for more bloodwork, to compare it to yesterdays.

So...yeah...lots going on. In the midst of this, dad had an episode of about half an hour where he had to focus very hard to breathe right. (He has terminal lung cancer..less than 6 months to live, they say) School starts Monday--homeschool, that is--I am plenty involved. And I have stuff in my fridge that's probably been in there over a month. Oh, I am also supposed to not stress about anything LOL

I am doing my best to go with the flow.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

food diary Tuesday 8-13-13

Today was busy. I am always busy, have you noticed? It gets on my nerves. I don't enjoy being busy but I enjoy all the things I do LOL ...and those things make me busy. Oh well! Today I took food to a lady in our church whose sister had passed away. Then I ran errands and gave my mom a ride. I went home and braided my daughter's hair and took her to therapy. Then I took a folding table and folding chairs to my parents'. I came back home for about 30 minutes (during that time I washed dishes, joy joy). Then we went back over to my parents to visit with my cousin and his parents. I just got home around 9 p.m. and I finished kitchen cleaning the kitchen and put on my pajamas. I am now sitting on my bed typing and my daughter is in my bathroom supposedly getting ready for bed and talking my ear off even though I told her I am trying to concentrate :)

Weight: 258.8 (8.8 more pounds until end of challenge----and I will be glad because I have been really wanting something sweet!)

Breakfast: kasha cereal, banana, milk, walnuts

Lunch: Billy Sims smoked chicken sandwich

Snack: kasha mocha bar

supper: 3 pieces (I had only planned to eat two :( ) of pizza hut pizza and a small side salad

Calories: I couldn't find calories on the Billy Sims...but if I were guessing, I probably went over by about 150 calories today.

Exercise: 3 miles...took me 56 minutes

Water: 100 ounces

Monday, August 12, 2013

food diary 8-12-13 Monday

Would you believe after that 14 hour sleep last I am still tired? And moody. moody, moody, moody and wearing my feelings on my shoulder. And getting upset over stupid stuff like sitting here at 10 p.m., totally exhausted, with a sink FULL of dishes...and I see pics on fb of an acquaintance and in the background is a perfect, perfect, perfect house.'s what I ate. I stayed in range with calories, protein and fiber. I drank about 90 ounces of water and did a 20 minute Leslie dvd.

I lack 9.4 pounds to be done with this challenge.

Today I had access to little debbies and I really, really wanted one. But, I didn't.

Breakfast: homemade veggie soup and crackers and a kasha mocha bar (I know...not typical breakfast food..but it is what I wanted LOL)

Lunch: one slice of frozen cheese pizza, 1 cup instant mashed potatoes, half cup black eyed peas, 1 T peanut butter

Snack: triscuits and cheddar cheese and a fiber one bar

Supper: 1 cup chicken spaghetti, 1 cup green beans, half an apple, 2 boiled eggs

Calories 2072 (in range)

I'm going to wash dishes for 10 minutes and go to bed.

Thanks for reading!

food diary Sunday 8-11-13

I fell asleep at 5 p.m. yesterday and slept 14 hours (!) so that is why this is late being posted.

I got back from picking my son up at 3:15 a.m. then slept less than 4 hours then went to teach Sunday School.

I ate kasha cereal, organic granola, and milk on the way.

After I got home, I cleaned the living room (company was coming!) and I was starving so I ate a kasha mocha bar, then slept about 20 minutes.

Company came (my cousin from NJ and his parents) and took my family out to eat at my dad's favorite restaurant---Bill's catfish. There is a lot of emotion behind this. My dad has been having chemo for about 9 months or so and it killed his taste buds. He was miserable, not being able to taste and was losing a lot of weight. He decided to quit the chemo because he thought living a shorter time and being able to eat was better than living a longer time and being miserable. However, the day we went in to officially quit chemo, we got tests results back that said his cancer was growing. He compromised on a 3 week break from chemo. During that time, he has regained his taste. We decided we all needed to eat at dad's favorite place, as one big happy family, one more time while he can enjoy it...before he starts chemo back. So........yeah........Bill's catfish.........where EVERY SINGLE PLATTER you can choose from is deep fried.

I ordered a HALF order of the catfish plate and a side salad, which was basically a cup of iceburg.

I probably got in 60 oz of water during the day.

I went home and later had a fiber one bar.

Then I fell asleep at 5 p.m. and that is that.

SO,....I did not meet many of my goals yesterday. But, I did my best in the situations I was in. And I sure needed the sleep.

My weight this morning is 259.4

Saturday, August 10, 2013

food diary 8-10-13 Saturda

Today was a very hard day. You don't want to know all the details. I'll sum it up this way: I didn't get my exercise in (boo) and I won't be in bed by 10 p.m. because we are leaving the house at 10:30 to go on a 3.5 hour (round trip) drive to pick up my son who has spent the week 15 hours away. (Other people drove him 15. The least I can do is pick him up. Even if it is in the middle of the night.

So, in summary, I didn't hit all of my goals 100% on target, but I still did really well.

Breakfast.....430 cals:
kashi cereal, milk, banana

Lunch...550 calories:
homemade veggie soup, crackers, fiber one bar

Snack.....130 cals
kashi mocha bar

Supper....720 cals
4 slices pizza hut medium pizza with chicken, green pepper, onion and only half the cheese

Later...210 cals
half pb&j on flax bread

I was in range for calories, protein and fiber and I had approx. 100 oz water today.

Friday, August 9, 2013

food diary Friday 8-9-13

Woke at 7:30.

Weighed 260.4 (down 1.6 in challenge, 10.4 to go in challenge)

Exercise: Rode bike 2.4 miles. It took 24 minutes.

9:05 breakfast....430 calories:
kasha cereal, milk, banana

11:30 lunch....613 calories:
turkey and cheese open face sandwich on one slice flax seed bread
half an apple
14 grapes
fiber one bar
1 T peanut butter

2:30 p.m....snack 185 calories:
protein bar

6:00 p.m.....supper....902 calories
smoothie made from milk and greek yogurt and peanut butter,
half ounce cheddar cheese
2 cups homemade veggie soup
10 saltine crackers

Stayed in range for calories, protein and fiber.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

food diary Thur. 8-8-13

Woke at 7:31

Weighed 262.0

@8:30...walked/jogged 3 miles at track...took 55 minutes

@10:30 breakfast...672 calories:
1 cup kashi cereal
15 grams walnuts
1 cup milk
half pb&j on flax seed bread

@2:00 lunch....683 calories:
1 can of tuna with
1.5 T light miracle whip,
1 T sweet relish,
and one boiled egg.
6 triscuits
1 oz cheddar cheese
1 fiber one bar
10 grapes

@6:15 supper...756 caloris
4 ounces boneless skinless chicken breast
1 king's Hawaiian roll
half cup corn
1 cup green beans
half cup stove top stuffing
1 cup 50/50 mix (greens and spinach)
1T ranch dressing
protein bar

100 ounces of water

I did stay in range for calories, protein and fiber. I met all of my goals today.

Enough of this

Today I weigh 262 pounds.

As faithful readers will know, I had a great year last year and reached 81 pounds lost (with 60 remaining). I weighed 250. Then last October my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my world has been upside down with one thing after another and repeats of the same stress, over and over and over.

I regained 16 pounds.

I felt like I had regained all 81. Fat. Defeated.

And I fought with those 16 pounds every day since then. Some days I had the victory. Most days I was pinned and couldn't get up. Or wouldn't get up.

Anyway.......................I'm currently, as of today,12 pounds above my lowest. AND I AM TIRED OF IT. Enough of this. I'm tired of the yo-yo.

I know what to do. (Your "what to do" may be different than mine. That's ok. I know me. And I've been very successful in losing weight before, so I know what works for me).

I have to go public. I have to be out there. I have to make some rules to get me out of the yo-yo string. I have to start reporting to my weight loss mentor again. I hate that. I want to be able to do it without someone holding my hand.

However, I'd rather hold someone's hand and get fit than sit here alone and get fatter.

So, here it is.

THE "Enough-of-this,-get-back-on-track-because-you-are-too-awesome-to-be-this-fat plan."

*This plan shall be in effect from today, August 8th, until the day I get back down to my lowest weight-loss-in-progress weight of 250.0 pounds. Then I have permission to re-evaluate or tweak my plan but NOT UNTIL THEN.

*I will not eat breakfast unless that day's entire meal plan has been written out. Preferably it will be written the night before.

*I will follow my "5K training exercise plan" that is on my kitchen wall, no matter what.

*I will drink more than 100 ounces of water per day.

*I will not consume liquid calories, with the exception of a fruit smoothie (homemade).

*I will not eat desserts (I MAY eat fiber one bars, kasha bars, protein bars or pb&j on flax bread, which some may consider dessert, but I do not). In other words, no ice cream, cakes, pies, candy, junk.....

*I will consume a minimum of 5 fruits and vegetable servings per day.

*I will stay within prescribed limits for calories, protein and fiber EVERY day.

*I will post what I ate and my exercise on my blog each day.

*I will email my food/exercise diary to my weight loss mentor each day.

*I will take 3 minutes (or more) each day in silent meditation about my weight loss and health.

*I will be in bed by 10 p.m. each night.

Thanks for reading!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

exercise challenge

I'm doing an exercise challenge on my facebook page if you'd like to join in!

Here's what it involves:

"Exercise challenge!!!! We will call it the 8-8 challenge. Begins July 1st and July 14th is the last day. Here it is: Exercise for AT LEAST 15 minutes at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. every day. You do have permission to adjust your hours and do it at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m., 6 a.m. and 6 p.m., whatever works for you--as long as they are 12 hours apart! The point is to get in some exercise 12 hours apart on a very consistent basis and to keep our mind where it needs to be both in the morning and the evening. There will be some days that you won't be able to get both times in (for example...I will still be in church at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays, so I will miss that one). YOU keep up with how many sessions you get in during the two week period (2 times per day X 14 days= a maximum of 28 sessions.) Then, after the last session on July 14th, message me and let me know how many sessions you got in. I will publicly announce the names of each participant who gets in at least 24 of their sessions. It won't be easy. It will take commitment. But you CAN do it if you want it strongly enough! Ok now.............who is in?"

You can connect with me on facebook HERE:

Friday, June 28, 2013

Blogger changing?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I don't know what I'm doing. I read somewhere that changes are coming to the blog world on July 1st and that we should transfer our stuff to bloglovin. So....this post is an attempt to do that. Can someone fill me in? And click on the above link to follow me there :)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

mental image=actual image

The picture of me in the black and yellow is from last September. I was 250 pounds--my lowest on this journey--81 pounds lost. I felt like wonderwoman. I thought I looked wonderful. I was not intimidated. I felt beautiful. I was beautiful. I got compliments left and right. One day in the dollar store, a stranger told me I was looking hot (and mind you, I dress very modestly, so that was really something). get my point--was successful, felt successful, it showed.

The other picture is last Saturday at the 5K. Now mind you, it was just a BAD pic! I keep trying to tell myself that my stomach does NOT look that obviously bad at all times and that it was a combo of wind and movement and just a bad angle. I don't know. But this pic, I was 257. Only 7 pounds heavier than my "I am a beautiful bee" picture. Notice the HUGE difference though? I do. Now, I know that 7 pounds did not make me physically that much different. But it did change the way I see myself (I feel as obese as I did at 331 pounds. I can't find one single outfit that I like myself in). And that mental thinking, in turn, comes out in the way I carry myself and the way I dress myself. Bad cycle.

I don't want it to be that way. But it is what it is.

And so............I must PUSH myself to get back to (and below) 250.

I'm ready to get back to feeling like I did.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

slow down already

I have several different posts in my head. This first one is mostly a vent about how crazy busy I have been! Here is a recap of the past 6 days: (don't feel obligated to read this if you bore easily---I just need to get this out and tell it like it is!)

(Sidenote before I start.....the previous weekend, I thought my dad was going to die. He had quit eating--for like 6 days (he has terminal lung cancer) and he was so weak. :*( It was an emotionally draning time as dad refused to go to the ER. On Monday, my sister and I took him to the cancer center where they gave him an IV for being dehydrated. He then discovered that if he FORCES himself to eat, he feels better. So, he is eating again (by force) and is better. whew. draining.)

Thursday, June 20th

I drove daughter to volunteer at the library.

But she forgot her nametag.

So I drove 10 miles back home and 10 miles back up there.

While she was at the library, I helped my friend get paperwork ready for the 5K to be held on Saturday.

Picked daughter up, prepped supper, took showers, ironed church clothes.

Son was at church camp and we told him we would come up to Thursday night service, so we left by 5 p.m. to get there.

Church lasted forever (I'm not complaining)

We got home after midnight.

Friday, June 21st

A friend is on vacation and I covered her newspaper route (along with my parents' help). It delivers in the middle of the night/early morning. Thankfully, mom and dad did the first part of the route and I didn't have to start until 5:45 a.m. It was still early to me but I handled it well. Mom went with me and it was actually almost fun. Especially seeing the 3 legged dog. And mom laughing at me every time I had to get out of the car to redo a pathetic throw.

I got back to the house around 9:30 a.m.

I quickly braided daughter's hair and jumped in the car again.

I drove daughter to spend several hours at her friend's house 2 towns away.

I helped my friend with 5K preparations (there is more to do that you would ever imagine!) for about 4 hours. We weren't finished but I needed to pick my daughter up.

Hubby called and asked me to run by the store and pick up a lawnmower part while I'm in town (He has his own business doing small engine repair in our garage)

I picked daughter up. She said she had gulped her milk and wasn't feeling well.

I went to the parts store and of course had to wait in line forever while I worried that dear daughter might be vomiting in the car (she didn't).

Driving back home, we stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom. Someone was in it and we waited forever.

Finally we gave up and drove to another gas station.

Stomach is better now. :)

Drove home.

I don't even remember what we did for supper, but I know we ate something!

We were home about 2 hours then we went to the 5K site to work the early packet pickup (I love this--such fun! seriously)

After packet pickup closed (almost 9 p.m.) there were still signs to be stuck in the ground along the 5k route. This is usually a man's job because they are hard to get into the ground if the ground is hard. My friend and I both called men (LOL) but no one came to our rescue. (My hubby was mowing and didn't hear the phone. I don't know the story of the others. It doesn't matter.)

So...........we loaded the signs into my car and I drove my friend along the route and she hopped out and *praise God* the ground was moist enough to not be a problem.

I got home around 10:30.

We got into bed around midnight.

A few minutes later a we got a text saying that son and the church kids hadn't yet even left the campgrounds.

I fell asleep.

At some unknown point, son calls and asks if they can just spend the night at the church instead of coming all the way home since it was so late.

I was a zombie and was like "whatever. I don't care. Be safe somewhere; I don't care where. I'm going back to sleep.zzzz"

An some other unknown time, son calls back and says "Nevermind. We aren't staying at the church. Someone's going to drop me off at home."

I'm like, "whatever. zzzz" (again)

I move to the couch and make sure the porch light is on.

Momentarily, I worry that the bus driver will help son carry his luggage into the living room and see me in my pajamas. I covered up with my blanket extra well. Total time it took me to fall back asleep: 0.2 seconds.

Son walks in the door.


"hey. zzz"

"Can I check facebook before I go to bed?"

"whatever. zzz"

"We left our luggage in the church van and will just have to get it tomorrow"

"whatever. zzz"

That was 2:30 a.m.

My alarm went off around 2 hours later.

Saturday, June 22nd

I woke super early to get ready for the 5k.

Braided daughter's hair.

Told sleeping son, "Hey bub, we are leaving for the 5K. We will be back later."

He's like, "whatever. zzz" ;)

I left daughter at my grandparent's house (they are in their 80's). They seemed super proud that hubby and I were running a 5K.

(They took my daughter to McDonald to eat breakfast. They complained about McDonalds having too much pepper in their gravy and that they should have eaten at Carl's Jr. instead. They DROVE TO THE 5K ROUTE SO THEY COULD SEE THE RUNNERS. *insert exclamatory face here* You know...the 5K route that has course monitors blocking traffic and telling people to NOT go that way. They meant well. They didn't see me. But they said they did see a bunch of runners and one old guy who could barely walk and asked if I saw the old guy. LOL Of course, I didn't know any of this until much later in the day. I'm just glad they didn't run over anyone. And if you know my NOT tell them I wrote about them on the internet!!!!)

Ran the 5K. (that will be a separate post another day)

Won a $10 Walmart gift certificate door prize.

Felt awesome about myself.

Picked daughter up from grandparents and heard all about their day thus far.

Went to the grocery store.

Cleaned the church (I did NOT feel like it....but I did volunteer to clean this month and if it looked bad, it's my name)

I prepared my Sunday School lesson.

I finally went home...........exhausted.

I washed daughter's hair.

I took my shower.

I know we ate something.

I ironed church clothes for the next day.

I went to bed at 8 p.m.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

I was walking out the door at 2:40 a.m. because we HAD to get the newspapers delivered in time to still get the family to church on time.

Delivering the papers in the middle of the night is a totally different story than the fun daylight one. The highlights are: can't see, it is creepy, mom can't read the directions without the light on, you can't see anything except your reflection with the light on, you are sleepy and nap time is still 12 hours away.

Survived that.

Got the family to church.

Had the most unprepared/ teacher is half asleep lesson ever.....and what did we do? We ate. We prayed. We talked. I answered random questions. We made music videos of songs with the wrong words---such as instead of "I give myself away" we sang "I give my elf away"...and "I am a friend of God, He calls me friend" became "I am a friend of God, he calls me FRED".

I took attendance and counted the offering.

I raised my eyebrows very high in an effort to keep my eyelids open during the sermon.

I (halfway) cleaned up the mess in the Sunday School room.

We drove through somewhere for lunch.(I don't even remember where. My eyes were closed. Thankfully, hubby was driving.)

At 2 p.m., I finally got a 2 hour nap.

Woke 10 minutes after time to leave for evening service.

Went to church.

Was pleasantly surprised to see some family there.

Went home.

Was about to crash.

Realized 5k pictures had posted online! All 200 of them.

Had to stay awake until I saw every last one of them.

Realized I'm fatter than I thought I was.

And that my legs are as white as a Thanksgiving turkey before it is cooked.

Kind of felt defeated.

Started to email photographer and ask her to delete the pic.

Decided it would make a good "in progress" picture to go beside next year's "I'm really awesome now" pic.

Didn't email her.


Monday, June 24th


Felt sick.

Realized I would rather be a bum that have a job as a newspaper carrier.

Stared off in space.

I don't even know what I did on Monday. Not much though! I was still in a daze.

Went to TOPS that evening. (awesome meeting--everyone lost!)

Waited for the kids to get out of youth Bible Study.



Cleaned the church (it is my month after all)

Loaded the kids up.

Ran a couple errands.

Went home.

Again, I know we ate SOMETHING. (I'm seeing a bad theme here--just eating "whatever" when I'm super busy! NOT GOOD)

Ran/walked 0.8 miles through the neighborhood.


Slept like I was dead.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Woke early so I could get my walk in before I left the house.

But instead, I realized that the entire family had like NO clean underclothes (or outerclothes, pretty much) and "where are Abby's swimming clothes for aquatic physical therapy this afternoon?" and "A clean dish to eat my cereal from would be nice" and "we will need towels for showers", etc etc etc

So I did those things.

And read my Bible and prayed and wrote briefly in my journal.

Left the house at 8:55 to take dad to chemo.

Chemo was like it always is---cold and loud and uncomfortable and boring.

Dropped dad back off at home. Wrote his next appointment on his calendar.

Got home from chemo at 1:26.

Had FOUR MINUTES at home.

I used that time to go to the bathroom LOL

Hubby volunteered to drive son to his volunteer time at the library but I said I would (because I'm crazy, I guess).

Dropped son off at library.

Got gas.

Went to bank.

Took the car for its annual car wash. :)

Arrived at daughter's physical therapy at 2:40.

Worked on paperwork while waiting.

Left therapy.

Went to Goodwill to return shirts that didn't fit. Had been trying to get that done for days. Found out you have THREE days to bring them in for an exchange. It had been 10. I donated them back to Goodwill anyway. Later, I wished I would have donated them to the clothing closet in Comanche. Oh well. Too late now. THREE DAYS, PEOPLE>.....remember that. Otherwise, you'll be stuck with that shirt you spend a whole $1.99 on *wink*

Picked son up from library.

Ran school books over to a friend's house.

Went to the store for my dad.

Got home at almost 6 p.m.

Cooked supper.

Cleaned the kitchen.

Went for a walk with daughter.

FINALLY cleaned the pathetic living room.

Sent the kids to bed.

Wrote an incredibly long blog post, which you have just read.

Goodnight :)

P.S. I am going to post this without even reading it--so forgive mistakes.

P.S. Again. Throughout the school year, the kids would want to do such-and-such and I said "We will do that this summer when we have more time". Well, here is summer. Where is the time? I'm planning to UNDERcommit myself in July---so---yeah.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Not to sound like a New Balance commercial but..

A few years ago, I decided I was going to start walking and went to find some shoes. I was clueless as to what to pick but I left with some NewBalance shoes because they were on clearance. I was well pleased.

A little over a year ago, hubby and I went to the New Balance store and had our feet measured and whatever it is they do when they help you pick a shoe that is perfect for you. I knew that all of my life, I have worn the outside of my shoes quickly. I roll my feet outward as I walk. The NewBalance people discovered that and had an insert that would correct that and support my foot. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE how much of a difference that insert made! (It was I would have been upset otherwise!) My feet no longer hurt as I walked...and even jogged.

Here is is 5K time again and I have worn my shoes til they are ready for the trash. My sweet sister bought me a pair of SUPER CUTE shoes that I picked out at Payless. They were black with pink shoestrings and so girly. I loved them!

.........until they killed my feet. :/

I kept thinking they would get better after I wore them a while but they didn't....not even with my inserts. So, I took them back and went to another store and bought some NewBalance shoes. Sadly, they didn't have pink I found some and changed them out :) In went my inserts and I'm as good as new again.

And it is a good thing---because I'm doing Duncan's Founder's Day 5K for the 2nd year on Saturday!!! whoo hoo! (Want to run in it too? Here's the info: )

Last year, I had really trained for this race and gave it my all. This year, LIFE HAS BEEN CHAOS and I haven't trained nearly as much as I would have liked. But I am lighter this year and I have still been throwing in physical activity here and there---so I will do my best and we shall see!

Monday, June 17, 2013

calorie counting zombie

Whew...I'm caught up in a whirlwind of business around here. I'll make it brief--today's busyness has consisted of: 1. rushing around like a mad woman this morning because I was running late for church this morning because I didn't prepare last night but just went to bed. 2. Doing laundry, laundry, laundry, and packing for son who goes to camp tomorrow (and, of course, most of his undershirts and socks are hiding) 3. worrying myself silly over my dad who can't eat and can barely drink, is terribly sick and is losing feelings in his legs but still refuses to go to the hospital (we are going to the cancer center as soon as they open in the morning)

Top that off with it being Father's Day and pastor asked each one to stand and say something about their dad. I teared up and took a long trip to the bathroom. I cried more than once today. It has been E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L.

And yet........somehow...........I planned my meals and ate what I planned and didn't go over calories! And for that, I say, "Self, you rock". Yes.........I am proud of myself. And very tired. I'm typing this as I wait for son's camp clothes to finish drying.

I will now post a pic of me being all zombiefied because I'm so tired and frizzeled out from this day! But a thumbs up because I didn't let it make me fat. LOL

Thanks for reading. Here's my food from today:

Friday, June 14, 2013

Ice cream therapy

One thing I am learning (haven't completely learned yet) with dad having terminal cancer, is how to control my emotions and not let my emotions control me. Dad had a bad day today. I won't elaborate. But it hurts and I want to help and there's not a thing in the world I can do. I went to the grocery store for him and bought him some ensure and some carnation malted milk and chocolate ice cream...because he thought maybe he could get that down (he's having eating issues)...and while there, I picked up ice cream for myself. Dad said "Amy, take home a few scoops of that malted milk and go home a make yourself a malt". And I did. Even though I had zero calories left.

Aand then I went outside and ran a lap through the neighborhood. My sweet daughter always wants to know if she can go too but once again I told her no. I hope she understands but I think she doesn't. I need my running/walking time to get my emotions out. I told her that next week when her brother is gone to camp, she and I would take some walks (other than my run).

I want to be doing the healthy thing, the on target thing, the NOT junking out thing even when dad is sick. Even when dad is struggling. Even when dad has died. I am learning. I did have a tiny milkshake. In the past, the ice cream carton would now be empty.

I am STILL planning to do a video blog! I just haven't had time to get to it yet. I don't know anything about it so it may take a while the first few times. I have been crazy busy. Right now hubby is waiting on me to shower and get to bed. So....ta ta for now!

Someone PLEASE tell me if you can see the food diary in this link: thanks

Thursday, June 13, 2013

midnight moody

I WANT to take the time to learn to video blog but pooey poo poo it is almost midnight and I KNOW that I can't just chat away to my computer without disturbing my husband who is sleeping or drawing attention from my children who are supposed to be sleeping but who are finding millions of other things to my 11 year daughter who just brought 2 blankets in here for me to smell of and before that she brought in her sticker collection to show me and before that she came in to ask me if she could give a toy to her friend tomorrow. ugh!

I considered taking the laptop to the garage and sitting on top of my washer and doing the video, but if I did that, hubby would probably wake up and think I was "hiding" and doing something I shouldn't be doing or talking to someone I shouldn't be talking to. Like strangers. Which, he would probably classify you all as. Come to think of it, if he wakes up and sees me even typing, he's going to suggest that it isn't wise for me to be up at this time of night. However, this is the time of day that works best for me. I am a busy person. I enjoy peace and quiet and that only happens late night and early morning here---and I'm not much of an early morning person. I may have to learn to become one.

I am MOODY today. I don't know what my deal is. I don't want to be a grouch. I have been in a pitty party for the past few hours...and I know it. I don't have anything to pitty party about, so I make up stuff that doesn't even make sense! LOL I fussed with hubby this evening over finances and we are not even having financial difficulty! It pretty much sums up to me being a jerk and wanting to control every dollar and have him ask ME (who earned not one dime of said money) before he bought anything besides gas. What a loser mentality. Why did I do that? I have no clue. But I do know my daughter was in a icky mood before I was and I think I caught it from her. :)

BUT I'm going to kill that stupid mood TONIGHT. I'm going to finish this blog, snuggle up with hubby, set my alarm for early, then enjoy a walk ALONE in the QUIET in the morning. I won't be getting much sleep, so if my first video shows me looking a bit sleep deprived, that's why. LOL I have a kind of full day tomorrow. I have to be out of the house by 10:20 and it will be one thing after another until very late (probably midnightish. We are going to a church camp service in another town).

I will strive to accomplish my regular morning stuff, do that walk, video blog, clean up the house and plan the day's food and get out the door by 10:20. I'd better set my alarm for 6:00. That's 5 hours and 58 minutes from now. So, I will try to upload a pic (because blogs without pics are boring), read blogs for 10 minutes (because I want to LOL) and head to bed. Goodnight!

P.S. Here's today's food diary. Can you see it? I don't know how to tell if I have it set to private or public.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

video blogging??

I am thinking of restarting my blogging days via video instead of typing. I find that myself, I skim over people's blogs and mostly look at their pictures LOL. What do you think? I've never done youtube. I'm clueless.

Today was crazy. Here are the highlights:
Woke at 6 to do my regular routine before having to leave the house....wasted time online instead.
Stayed at chemo with dad for 4 hours.
Drove son to his time to work (volunteer) at the library...realized he forgot his nametag and it ended up being a big deal that would take more words than you'd want to read.
Ran a couple of errands.
Five minutes before my daughter's physical therapy (in the swimming pool), I realized I had forgotten her dry clothes to change into! We ran into the Dollar General and spent money on clothe she doesn't even like.
etc, etc, etc,....things just didn't flow very smoothly today.

BUT I did get my 32 minute walk in and my eating was in all, good day.

Let me know what you think about the video blogging. :)

Monday, June 10, 2013

Alive and online

Sorry, dear readers--you probably thought I died, as long as it has been! Just checking in to say that I am indeed alive and today we got the internet at home again so I can start blogging again! I have a TOPS lesson to prepare, so I must run...but I WILL be blogging very soon! I miss you all.

Monday, April 8, 2013

ok now...let's be honest...again.

That's what my blog used to be called. And I still want to be brutally honest--because I like REAL people and that's what I want to be.

So, the honest truth is: I have gained. Blah. Not as I had planned! At all!

But I'm still fighting. I'm still trying.

Ten days from now is the big state recognition days in Tulsa. That event is so important to me. I've called on my weight loss mentor to read my daily food diary and hold me to exercise for the next 10 days.

I'm glad to have someone for the times I can't do it alone.

---just checking in. And letting you know I'm not dead. Fat, but not dead.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Eat clean and build a church

Ok. I admit, the two items in the title have nothing to do with each other OTHER than the fact that I'm going to discuss them both in today's post. :)

Eat clean: I've been reading a book called "Eat to Live". It stresses the importance of eating leafy greens most of all (a pound a day, it suggests), followed by other veggies, then fruits, then nuts and seeds. If you've ever heard of the Daniel fast, this is the kind of eating this book endorses. So, I've been taking that book in and swishing it around in my brain. Then hubby and I went to a nutrition seminar at a local holistic doctor's office. She will be starting a 6 week class on Febrary 19th, complete with homework and accountability...and although I KNOW she's going to have me do things that are beyond my comfort level (i.e. eat really really really clean and learn to do yoga), I SIGNED UP. :) So.....yeah.

Building a church: I'm reading one of my pastor's books. It is called "Building a Church: 7 Apostolic Principles". He actually only asked me to read the section about the care group coordinator responsibilities (that's my title). However, I loved it and asked if I could read the whole book. What I've read thus far, and what the care group program is about, is making sure everyone feels the love that the church has for them and that no one falls through the cracks. I admit, as it is now, if someone in the church is in the hospital or has a loved one die, we all sit around and say "I wonder if the church will do something. I guess the pastor's wife will." Well, this program makes sure that proceedures are in place so it isn't all just the pastor's wife responsibility. It is that person's care group leader's responsibility. And that leader can call on other appointed people to help (such as bringing meals for 3 days in the event of a death). Anyway.............great program........aand I'm excited about it. The Bible says "THIS is how they will know you are my disciples: that you have love one for another". Well.....we DO have love one for another. However, we sometimes mess up on effectively communicating that love. Love in a way that can be received. :)

ta ta for now. :)

Friday, January 25, 2013

Bananas are necessary and brownies are evil.

Today was a fail. I choose to laugh and say "That was so stupid!" and get back on track IMMEDIETLY. It's not about failing. It's about wallowing in your failure and consuming untold more calories in the name of failure before you begin again. No.

I normally eat the same thing for breakfast every single morning. Organic cereal with milk, walnuts and a banana. Lo and behold, this morning we were out of bananas! Running to the store was more trouble than I wanted to do because my daughter doesn't want me to go without her and I didn't want to deal with the 20 minutes it takes for her to get ready. And I remembered that I had leftover chicken enchiladas in the fridge! That was me not starting the day on the right foot.

Then, for whatever reason, I told myself that it was ok for me to not count calories today (lie) and that we were going to have family movie night (good) and eat french fries and battered chicken strips! (not good)

THEN someone gave me brownie mix---------------------that was about 4 months old. And what did I do? I made them and ate it, joking about it the whole while.

Well, guess what. It isn't funny. It is stupid.

We lie to ourselves and say that a day "off the plan" will be fun and fulfilling. So, we give it to ourselves. And then we feel anything but fulfilled.

I bought me a banana for tomorrow. I want to be fulfilled. :)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The countdown begins: 9

As of this morning, I lack NINE more pounds to have lost all of my 14 pound regain (that I hate with a purple passion). I think this is worthy of a countdown. Hey--anything to hype me up and keep me faithful! :)

One thing that I loved during my September 2011- September 2012 really losing weight year was the many comments I would get from people. Do you know what happens when you quit losing or regain? People quit commenting. Because really, what can they say? "Hey...I was just noticing that you look a little fatter than you did last month. You aren't losing now, are you?" uh. no. So people just don't say anything. Today, my mom said "Amy, you sure are looking skinny" and it just totally made my day. It was my first comment in a long while. It confirmed to my inner man that the healthy me is back. I'm back on the ball again. woot!

~Amy aka thatTOPSlady

P.S. In reference to the "Amy, you look skinny" comment, "skinny" is relative. I'm a size 22. I'm no Shania Twain. However, compared to the 331 pound me who wore a size 32, I AM skinny. I'm loving it. (forgive me if that makes you think of McDonald's) :)

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

If we DID what we know to do.

Do you ever wonder what you could accomplish if you gave it 100%? If you actually DID the things you know you should do? It is much easier said than done! But I do wonder.

I was 260.4 this morning. Still 10.4 above my lowest weight of 250. I want to be there again. Now. :) So, why do I delay myself by skipping workouts, giving myself permission to go over calories, etc? Why do I delay the things I want so much?

That has been my thought this week and so far (3 days into the week--ha!) I have had a week of no skipping workouts and no going over my calories. A week of actually DOING what I know to do. I think this will work.

I have a cute new blouse (that's a big snug at present) hanging in my kitchen and it will be my reward for returning to my lowest.

Let's do this! :)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


I admit I haven't been faithful with blogging and when I do blog, I usually don't take the time to upload pics. And that makes for boring blog reading. I don't read boring blogs and I don't expect anyone else too.

So, according to my stats, this blog is not very popular.

That's ok. Because I didn't start it in an effort to become popular. I started it as a tool to help me lose weight. And that's what it will continue to be.

I have to admit though, that a thought from my childhood came rushing back when I checked my stats: The fat girls are always unpopular.

Blogger, I hate to tell you, but I'm not going to be a fat girl for long. And when I'm popular, and have influence, I'm going to use that power in a good way. For God's glory...and to help people.

Just saying. :)

Friday, January 18, 2013

10 minutes of writing

Alas! I am going to sit here for 10 minutes and just write and see what ends up on the paper and publish it! Life has been busy and when I finally find enough quiet, non hectic time to right, I'm exhaused and just want to sleep and so that's what I do. So here I am, hoping I can have 10 quiet minutes before the kids wake. Ah....I just got a text. I will ignore it until my time is up :)
Today I weighed 260.2. I just want to throw that out there. Yes, that's higher than the 250 I reached last September. No, I didn't reach my goal of being back down to 250 before 2012 ended. (I had gained back up to 264 when I was first adjusting, very poorly, to the fact that my dad is terminal). But all of that is so last year. This is 2013. I wiped the slate clean. And so far this year, I'm doing great. I need to lose 6.25 pounds per month in order to reach goal by the end of the year. That is so DO-able! :)

I'm tempted to write a long page here about non weight related stuff but I really want this blog to focus on my weight loss so I will just limit it to one sentence today: I've been busy with dad's illness, moving them to a better house, taking care of paperwork and phone calls, etc until it feels like a full time job and my brain can't possibly hold one more piece of information and on top of all of that, my daughter restarted physical therapy once per week because scoliosis was confirmed, my son is a typial teenager who despises all of the errands we have to run so I leave him home alone sometimes for some of it then I feel like I'm neglecting him, and hubby has been great but I get overwhelmed sometimes and forget about things that he needs------like supper. ha! THAT was a very long sentence!

I've been reading your blogs even when I haven't been commenting. My internet connection is weak so getting a comment to go through can be a headache but I can get your blog to pull up and it will stay up for me to read even if I lose the connection. Jessica @See How She Runs.....I'm so glad to see you blogging again. You sound like your old self! I love your new shoes! I know you are going to rock some 5K's this year! To the Maryland TOPS queen @ Fixing Myself have a lot going nice to you. Sometimes you seem so hard on yourself! And did you ever get the other blog (surgery pics) done? If so, would you allow me to see? I'm really wondering how my skin is going to be when I get this weight off. And finally, Sean @Daily Diary of a Winning Loser....push hard! and thanks for being real!

I read others of you too but I'm out of time now!
Take care and be healthy!
~Amy aka that TOPS lady

P.S. My sister won a 6 month gym membership. I was happy for her and jealous for me! :)