One thing I am learning (haven't completely learned yet) with dad having terminal cancer, is how to control my emotions and not let my emotions control me. Dad had a bad day today. I won't elaborate. But it hurts and I want to help and there's not a thing in the world I can do. I went to the grocery store for him and bought him some ensure and some carnation malted milk and chocolate ice cream...because he thought maybe he could get that down (he's having eating issues)...and while there, I picked up ice cream for myself. Dad said "Amy, take home a few scoops of that malted milk and go home a make yourself a malt". And I did. Even though I had zero calories left.
Aand then I went outside and ran a lap through the neighborhood. My sweet daughter always wants to know if she can go too but once again I told her no. I hope she understands but I think she doesn't. I need my running/walking time to get my emotions out. I told her that next week when her brother is gone to camp, she and I would take some walks (other than my run).
I want to be doing the healthy thing, the on target thing, the NOT junking out thing even when dad is sick. Even when dad is struggling. Even when dad has died. I am learning. I did have a tiny milkshake. In the past, the ice cream carton would now be empty.
I am STILL planning to do a video blog! I just haven't had time to get to it yet. I don't know anything about it so it may take a while the first few times. I have been crazy busy. Right now hubby is waiting on me to shower and get to bed. So....ta ta for now!
Someone PLEASE tell me if you can see the food diary in this link: thanks