Friday, July 24, 2015

obviously struggling

Tonight's facebook post read...

"Today is the anniversary of dad's death. We went to the cemetery and placed a new wreath on his grave. I contacted a publisher about my book. And before I go to sleep, I will throw away the wreath of grieving that has been on my door for the past 365 days."

"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand"- Hillsong

I know it has been a long time since I have posted. I'm not even going to go back to see how long it has been or what I have updated and what I have not. This I do know and you know too: I'm struggling.

I could write about regain. Eh. I don't want to. I'll just say that I'm 50 pounds (almost exactly) from my 2012 lowest and that in the past year I have gained 15 pounds.

I have felt like I've had a year of defeat. Last month was the 5K that I LOVE. Guess what? You don't love 5k's when you've regained and feel like whale. I didn't go.

And the cancer 5k which is also so important to me, is in the first week or so of October-- which is right around the corner. Will I go? It depends of whether or not I get my groove back by then. I sure hope I do.

Our finances SUCK. (I don't even say that word, but it's the only thing that fits!) Therefore, we don't currently have gym memberships. And we have a lot of stress. You don't want to read about it.

I want a version of the 2012 me back. (I say "version" because I had some non-health things going on then that I'm not proud of. I don't want those things back. Just ME. Victory. Health. Accomplishment.)

So...........yeah.........this post is like throwing up. LOL Here's the mess! Maybe I'll feel better now that it's out.

Pray for restoration for me, please. Thank you