I'm finally getting around to eating supper at 10:26 p.m... I'll tell you, life has been hectic lately. Busy, busy. Supper is a hot dog and a fiber one bar. I had 6 calories left.
I feel like today was a major day in this journey to health. I think I will remember today and will look back on it often. Today was the day I shed tears and broke. I finally hit that wall. I finally came to that crossroads and had to decide for sure and for certain - "are you really going to do this? or is this some little game you've been playing? Is it for real this time?" You see, I am EXHAUSTED and I see no let up in the hecticness of my life until Monday (at least that is not too long from now). My hubby will NOT let me go to the track or even walk the neighborhood after dark. I was still running ragged and super busy when I realized "its going to be dark in 30 minutes and I have not done my exercise" I was busy finishing cooking hubby's supper and he was tired from mowing the yard and was ready to eat. But I need to walk! So, I am cooking SUPER FAST and trying to get it thrown together. He was not in the best of moods, so I didn't want to say "I'm going for a walk; you can eat after I get back" oh no, I wouldn't dare put off his meal after the long exhausting day HE had. THEN I realized that we were out of soda AND tea. He would expect me to go to the dollar store to get soda. But if I do that, it will be dark and I won't get to walk!eerrr...by this point I am stressing out...because I had vowed to myself at the beginning of this week that I would walk EVERY day. I saw that my daughter had a bottle of rootbeer in the fridge. I bought it from her for a dollar. LOL I put it on the table by hubby's plate and went out to tell him that his food was ready and that I was going to walk "real quick" before it got dark. He said "Well, its almost dark now and I'm about to leave to go to the store to get some oil for this thing (whatever it was he was working on)". eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The kids were already in their bed clothes (mind you, it is 20 minutes before their bedtime) I couldn't exactly take them with me....it would have been completely pitch dark by the time I would be able to get them dressed..that wasn't an option. I said "well,........I'll walk fast....and you just lock the door and go ahead and go to the store....and I'll call the kids on my cell phone from the track to make sure they are okay....babe, I wouldn't make such a big deal about it if it wasn't so important to me, but it is VERY important to me and I vowed that I would walk everyday". He was just like "whatever". Now, I must clarify that I *am* under subjection to my husband and if he would have flat said "no, you can't go" then I wouldn't have gone. And I wouldn't have had an attitude about it either. God wouldn't have blessed a bad attitude. So I get to the track and I had so many obstacles just getting here that it is VERY close to dark. The track is not lit well and no one is around. Not only will hubby be aggrivated at me if I get home after complete darkness, I would also be scared! So, as I was walking around that track, that is when I broke. It started with me just praying "Lord, You know I've had such a crazy day, but I am trying so hard to do it right this time...ect" Darkness was quickly creeping in. I realized that I was NOT going to get a mile in before complete darkness. That's when my eyes teared up and I hit the wall. (mentally) I power walked. I punched my fists out as I walked as if I were boxing...as I did, I said stuff like " I AM an overcomer"...." I will NOT let the enemy defeat me"......etc............... when I got beside the bleachers, I said "Lord, jog with me, help me to jog, help my feet to move, help me, help me to do this" and I cried, and I broke on the inside....... and I JOGGED the track the length of the bleachers....then I returned to a walk....you wouldn't believe how out of breath I was! But when I got back around the circle and got back to the bleacher, I voiced the same thing "jog with me, help my feet to keep moving", etc........and I jogged it again............ 3 times I jogged it.... and I completed my mile in 19 minutes. A mile usually takes me about 30 minutes. Major victory tonight. This time it is for real. This is not another yo-yo diet. This is the change of my lifetime. It only gets better from here. This is it. (Let me add, that hubby did NOT leave the kids at home...he answered the phone when I called to check on them...and he was still home when I got back)
That picture of that lady in the field at the top of this entry is what I think I will look like at my ending weight.
(Running points balance is now: negative 340)