Wednesday, October 29, 2014

foolish, wise, and exhausted

I still need to "be accountable" for yesterday (Tuesday 10/28). Tomorrow I can catch up on today's. In other words, I'm a day behind.

It's a kind of long story. Don't feel obligated to read it, but I need to write it.

Let's start with Monday night. I stayed up waay too late.

Tuesday morning, I had to get up super early in order to have the kids out the door to pick mom up for an appointment by 7 a.m. Her appointment was an hour away.

So, I started my dad with very little sleep. But I felt ok.

WISE: I ate a healthy breakfast of bran flakes, skim milk, walnut, banana, and blueberries before I left the house and packed water.

We were taking the kids to stay with my grandparents and the kids hadn't eaten breakfast. They wanted donuts. I was thinking "no" because...seriously...deep fried sugar dough is not a healthy way to start the day and when I give in to this type of thing, I feel like I'm endorsing it and teaching them that it is ok.

But mom said "Oh yes! I want a doughnut too! I haven't had a doughnut in a long time!"

And so, I bought a dozen donuts to send to grandma's and mom bought a maple long john to eat on the way.

WISE: I did not get a doughnut.

Went to appointment, ran a few errands, yada yada.

WISE: I ate the snack I packed for myself: apple, granola bar.

We picked the kids up.

They had not eaten all the donuts. *insert scary music*

FOOLISH: On the drive back home, I ate two of the donuts.

About 15 minutes after I got home, I was incredibly, overwhelmingly sleepy. This was the kind of sleepy that I had a few days ago when I had eaten something full of sugar. So, I'm not 100% sure if I felt so out of it from the sleep deprivation or from the donuts. Or maybe a combo of both.

Regardless, it was crippling and I couldn't do anything. I set the baby in the living room floor with some toys and I laid down right beside him and I immediately fell asleep. But then my daughter wasn't watching where she was going and tripped over me. I fell asleep again and then the baby fell backwards. I couldn't sleep with the baby awake. I felt like crying. My daughter was in a mood not wanting to help with the baby. She's usually a great helper, but it had been an early morning for her too--and it was showing.

So I started trying to get him to nap. A bottle and several songs later, he finally fell asleep and we went to bed. By the grace of God, we got to sleep almost 2 hours. I felt better but still yucky when I woke.

The house looked like an explosion. I felt like a failure. Hubby would be home within 30 minutes and 30 minutes after that, I had to take my teens to puppet practice (they work with our church's children's ministry). I fed the family something. I don't even remember what. Or maybe I didn't. Come to think of it, I think the kids just snacked. I probably ate junk. I don't remember and I don't have my food diary handy.

I was feeling so tired. I really wanted to go to bed. But instead, I drove around for almost an hour while the teens were in practice because the baby was happy as long as the car was moving.

UNWISE: I drove to Burger King and got a mocha frappe.

UNWISE: I drove through the rich neighborhoods, and since it was dark, I could easily see into many homes (Why do the rich people always leave their blinds open at night? It is to show off their expensive furniture and their spotless house that their housekeeper cleaned?) I felt defeated, tired, poor, exhausted and even though I know it is SO not a good thing to do, I compared myself to these people and wondering what they did so right and I did so wrong. Why aren't *I* living in a house like that? What do *I* need to do to get it together more? I struggle.

It was close to 10 when we got home. I put the baby to bed and I was SOOoooo glad that my time for rest was finally here! I told my teens goodnight and exhaled as I crawled into bed beside my sleeping husband.

And then it hit me. My husband's work clothes for the next morning were dirty.


I didn't literally scream.......or cry........much. But on the inside I was!

I walked into the kitchen and my son (15) said "Wow, your eyes look red!" Haha! I told him about the laundry and he had compassion on me and VOLUNTEERED to stay up and wash and dry his dad's clothes. VOLUNTEERED. I was shocked! And of course I took him up on the offer!

In return, we took a day of fall break from school today so everyone could sleep in. (Baby didn't get the memo and didn't sleep in) We homeschool, so we can make our own schedule as long as we get in 180 days of school per year. (yay for flexibility!)

And that brings us to today, Wednesday. But I will tell you about it tomorrow, because guess what I'm going to do now? GO TO SLEEP!

P.S. Sleep study has been moved to November 5th, STILL trying to get insurance settled!


  1. I had a hiccup today too. It is sooo hard to be perfect when you are tired and/or emotional! Be compassionate with yourself like you would be with a friend. I send good sleep wishes you way.

  2. Wow, that is a long and tiring day. I don't understand why your husband didn't take the kids to puppet practice and let you get some sleep.