If you had ONE thing that triggered bad health decisions in you, what would that one thing be? Mine is tiredness. Yesterday was rotten in that realm of things. I have been staying up really late-- til midnight or 1 a.m., then getting up once or twice during the night to feed the baby, then up with him around dawn. That is not a lot of sleep for anyone, but throw in the fact that I likely have sleep apnea (I'm being tested for that supposedly next week. My appointment keeps getting pushed back.), and yeah....it all came together yesterday and I was losing my ability to function.
So.........what do you do when you NEED to go to bed but you can't because the baby is awake and wanting attention, you need to run an important errand, and you have to wash/dry/hang hubby's work clothes, and the family wants to eat supper, and are you going to just leave the kitchen a mess? Well..........if your body can't sleep when it needs to, your brain often says "Ok then, at least feed me something yummy if you aren't going to let me rest." And once you cross over the line into sugary junk.... it's a downhill slide from there.
The one thing I DID do right was at least own it-- I wrote it down. I wrote down the bacon cheeseburger and root beer floats we had (We are learning about the 1950's in school---and that's what prompted this unhealthy choice that got the ball rolling). Mom asked me to get a few things from the store for her and also told me to buy a dessert for our family with her money. I should have said no thanks. But instead, I ate 1.5 Little Debbies on the way to run errand (and those things are like over 300 calories each!) There were leftover root beer float ingredients, so.......yeah. And sugar craves sugar, so before bed I ate a pb&j sandwich.
And that is how you rack up almost 1,400 extra calories in a day.
Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!
The good news is.....it was ONE day. It did not erase all the work I have done. I went to bed early last night and today is a new day, which will not be a repeat of yesterday.
I would NOT be telling you all about this if I had not committed to 100 days of accountability. But there it is!
Exercise: 1 mile (and it started storming on me before I finished and I had to walk in the house until my pedometer showed the full mile)
Fruits and veggies: One. (that is sad)
6,774 steps
60 ounces of water (come on, Amy, drink up)
1,358 calories over my limit
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Getting everything done/ balanced
It's 11:05. Time management is a major issue with me. It seems like I either have too much to do or not enough hours in the day---something. I want SO BADLY to be in balance and get everything done that really NEEDS to be done, but lately, it doesn't all get done.
For example, tonight-- the house is scattered and I also need to grade tests and look over tomorrow's lesson plans (we homeschool). However, I MUST SLEEP. SO..........I will fit that in first thing in the morning.
Wouldn't it be nice to actually NOT BE BEHIND on stuff? I mean just basic stuff. No dirty dishes. Nothing growing in the fridge. Floors freshly cleaned. No stacks of papers piled here and there waiting to be filed, filled out, returned, whatever. No notes of stuff I need to take care of. All the laundry caught up. The next day's lessons neatly stacked on a clean table. Happy kids playing ball in the yard with me. Sitting on the couch with the hubby, reading the newspaper.
Instead, I feel like I'm on a treadmill that is set for 10 miles per hour. Every once in a while, I put my foot down for a split second but the majority of the time, I'm just holding on for dear life and doing my best to survive this wild ride.
Do any of you ever feel that way?
I want a clean house.
I want well educated kids and I want to be the one who taught them.
I want time to pursue things I enjoy.
I want to sleep. zzzzz
And so, here's today's stats:
Thursday, Oct. 9, 2014
Walked 1.3 miles
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
12,181 steps
365 calories over the limit
P.S. A friend has issued a weekly challenge to me (and several others). This week's challenge was to name goals, rewording them as if they were already accomplished, and speak them aloud daily.
My three are:
1.I'm so proud I can run a 5K in 30 minutes.
2. I rejoice because I AM and I FEEL well balanced in all areas of my life.
3. I'm so glad I am completely healthy.
For example, tonight-- the house is scattered and I also need to grade tests and look over tomorrow's lesson plans (we homeschool). However, I MUST SLEEP. SO..........I will fit that in first thing in the morning.
Wouldn't it be nice to actually NOT BE BEHIND on stuff? I mean just basic stuff. No dirty dishes. Nothing growing in the fridge. Floors freshly cleaned. No stacks of papers piled here and there waiting to be filed, filled out, returned, whatever. No notes of stuff I need to take care of. All the laundry caught up. The next day's lessons neatly stacked on a clean table. Happy kids playing ball in the yard with me. Sitting on the couch with the hubby, reading the newspaper.
Instead, I feel like I'm on a treadmill that is set for 10 miles per hour. Every once in a while, I put my foot down for a split second but the majority of the time, I'm just holding on for dear life and doing my best to survive this wild ride.
Do any of you ever feel that way?
I want a clean house.
I want well educated kids and I want to be the one who taught them.
I want time to pursue things I enjoy.
I want to sleep. zzzzz
And so, here's today's stats:
Thursday, Oct. 9, 2014
Walked 1.3 miles
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
12,181 steps
365 calories over the limit
P.S. A friend has issued a weekly challenge to me (and several others). This week's challenge was to name goals, rewording them as if they were already accomplished, and speak them aloud daily.
My three are:
1.I'm so proud I can run a 5K in 30 minutes.
2. I rejoice because I AM and I FEEL well balanced in all areas of my life.
3. I'm so glad I am completely healthy.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
5K story: THE LONG VERSION
First, today's stats, then I will post the long 5K story that I posted on my facebook page. Forgive the parts that I've already told you all.
Oct. 8, 2014:
Exercise: walked one mile
3.5 svg fruits and veggies
64 ounces water (I'm not happy with that)
40calories over my goal
8321 steps
LONG 5K Story:
The long story about my Sunday, finally: If you read my page at all, you know I did the Spirit of Survival 5K on Sunday morning. This race raises money for the cancer center where my dad received treatment. If you haven't walked with someone through chemo, you won't completely understand how you can become attached to a doctor's office. This isn't your typical see your doctor every 3 months for a blood pressure check relationship. This was a SEVERAL HOURS per visit, EVERY MONDAY, please help me to live a little longer kind of relationship. You can't help but bond. And I like to do 5K's because I have been heavy and non-athletic ALL of my life and doing a 5K just proves to me that I'm making a change and becoming someone I always wanted to be. So....combine those two items (Love 5K's and Love the cancer center) and yes, it was important to me.
I was going to do the Spirit of Survival Race last year, but I was newly pregnant and almost continuously having bad morning sickness and it didn't happen. I was disappointed.
And you all know, dad died.....and my emotions are in a time of adjustment. I HAD TO DO THIS 5K. And even if I didn't have to, I wanted to. And that should be enough.
I will admit, not everyone supported me. A couple of people really hurt my feelings. Apparently, they think running a 5K is not ladylike and throw in the fact that it was a Sunday AND I was going to miss 45 minutes of church......they didn't come out and tell me directly---but their message of disapproval came across. I am too much of a people pleaser! It was hurtful and apparently still is or I wouldn't be telling you all about it. However, I knew I was doing what was right for me, and that helped. They just don't understand. There are probably things they do that I don't understand too. I hope I can be a friend that rejoices with those who rejoice and mourns with those that mourn, even when I don't understand. Life is full of teaching moments and I learned more about being a friend through this experience.
I did have great support from many, many others and I'm so glad. (Thank YOU!) My husband was very supportive. Normally he would not like for me to miss church, drive to LAWTON alone, before daylight, with no time on my phone, etc. But he KNOWS me to the core and he knew this was something very important for me. He supported me all the way and I'm thankful.
So.....the night before, I was all excited and instead of sleeping (I didn't even feel tired), I made a "In Memory Of" sign to go on my back and posted it on facebook, then looked at pictures online of last year's race, so on and so forth. I started my Sunday at 4 a.m., after 4 hours of sleep.
I should have been exhausted. I wasn't. As I drove, I turned the radio up loud, rolled my window down, stuck my arm out and let it catch in the wind in a wave pattern (You know you've done that before too. It's fun. A bit immature, maybe, but who cares. Life's too short to not enjoy it. Especially when it is still dark outside and the other cars don't know who you are LOL)
I parked on a residential street along with a ton of other people. I asked a skinny little runner lady who parked near me to pin my sign to my back. She had a sign on hers too. She asked me my name and what race I was doing (There were also quarter marathon and half marathon races at the same time). I wanted to say "Lady, look at me. I am 94 pounds overweight. Do you really think I could do a race other than the 5K?" Ha! She was very nice, as was everyone.
I have found that runners, in general, are nice people. It's weird. They are nicer than the general public. Every 5K I do, (I've done 4) I notice this. Idk what the deal is there.
With my first two 5K's, I was about 35 pounds lighter than I am now. And.......I was faster then (2012 and 2013). That's to be expected---gain weight, run slower. I'm not discouraged though because I am losing again. Lose weight, run faster. (Clarification: I know weight isn't the only factor.) On Sunday's 5K, I was 45 seconds faster than my 5K in June, so I'm pleased with that. Plus, this 5K route was harder, in my opinion. I AM STILL SORE and it has been 3 days.
The news said there were between 3,500-4,000 people in attendance. Before the race, I saw NO ONE that I knew. After the race begins, I actually prefer being alone. It wasn't a big deal. After the race, I saw 2.55 people that I knew. Two I actually do know and one I have met but don't really know.
I used a port-a-potty for the first time in my life. I know you want to know that.
Maybe don't want to know every tiny detail and I've already given too many---so I will fast forward and try to restrain my talent of turning a very short story into a very long one.
Shorter story mode begins here.
It was SOOOOOOOOOo awesome. I received a finisher's medal (which you can see the ribbon of in my profile pic) which I love. After the 5K, I went to Wal-mart and used the bathroom and of course I wore the medal in the store as if I was a queen and that was my tiara. I figured that wasn't too weird, since the race had just finished. However, if you see me in Wal-mart 3 months from now, THAT might be a bit weird. So.....it now hangs from my rear-view mirror.
I was at church at 11:00 where they were having awesome church. They were singing a song about "clap your hands, stop your feet, jump for joy" and I though "Well, I just ran across a finish line in front of 4,000 people. I guess I can jump for joy too." LOL
After church, we went to my nephew's birthday party at the skating rink and I SKATED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ABOUT 25 YEARS. And, by skating, I mean>>>>I put on skates and walked around on the carpet. ta da LOL Hubby skated on the rink and I just knew he was going to fall and break his neck. I couldn't enjoy my "skating" for hollering and him and Abby to please be careful! Thankfully, Josiah was the bodyguard of the family and kept helping make sure we didn't fall.
After the party, we went to Walmart to buy groceries, then went back to church for night service.
It was probably 10 when I finally got home from my busy day. My pedometer said I walked over 18,000 steps that day.
I'm so thankful that 3 years ago, my friend J'Nell told me I needed to do a 5k. It was a hilarious thought at the time. But it changed my life.
ONE DAY......after I've lost the weight that hinders me...........I will do them in 30 minutes time
Because I want to, it is in me, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Oct. 8, 2014:
Exercise: walked one mile
3.5 svg fruits and veggies
64 ounces water (I'm not happy with that)
40calories over my goal
8321 steps
LONG 5K Story:
The long story about my Sunday, finally: If you read my page at all, you know I did the Spirit of Survival 5K on Sunday morning. This race raises money for the cancer center where my dad received treatment. If you haven't walked with someone through chemo, you won't completely understand how you can become attached to a doctor's office. This isn't your typical see your doctor every 3 months for a blood pressure check relationship. This was a SEVERAL HOURS per visit, EVERY MONDAY, please help me to live a little longer kind of relationship. You can't help but bond. And I like to do 5K's because I have been heavy and non-athletic ALL of my life and doing a 5K just proves to me that I'm making a change and becoming someone I always wanted to be. So....combine those two items (Love 5K's and Love the cancer center) and yes, it was important to me.
I was going to do the Spirit of Survival Race last year, but I was newly pregnant and almost continuously having bad morning sickness and it didn't happen. I was disappointed.
And you all know, dad died.....and my emotions are in a time of adjustment. I HAD TO DO THIS 5K. And even if I didn't have to, I wanted to. And that should be enough.
I will admit, not everyone supported me. A couple of people really hurt my feelings. Apparently, they think running a 5K is not ladylike and throw in the fact that it was a Sunday AND I was going to miss 45 minutes of church......they didn't come out and tell me directly---but their message of disapproval came across. I am too much of a people pleaser! It was hurtful and apparently still is or I wouldn't be telling you all about it. However, I knew I was doing what was right for me, and that helped. They just don't understand. There are probably things they do that I don't understand too. I hope I can be a friend that rejoices with those who rejoice and mourns with those that mourn, even when I don't understand. Life is full of teaching moments and I learned more about being a friend through this experience.
I did have great support from many, many others and I'm so glad. (Thank YOU!) My husband was very supportive. Normally he would not like for me to miss church, drive to LAWTON alone, before daylight, with no time on my phone, etc. But he KNOWS me to the core and he knew this was something very important for me. He supported me all the way and I'm thankful.
So.....the night before, I was all excited and instead of sleeping (I didn't even feel tired), I made a "In Memory Of" sign to go on my back and posted it on facebook, then looked at pictures online of last year's race, so on and so forth. I started my Sunday at 4 a.m., after 4 hours of sleep.
I should have been exhausted. I wasn't. As I drove, I turned the radio up loud, rolled my window down, stuck my arm out and let it catch in the wind in a wave pattern (You know you've done that before too. It's fun. A bit immature, maybe, but who cares. Life's too short to not enjoy it. Especially when it is still dark outside and the other cars don't know who you are LOL)
I parked on a residential street along with a ton of other people. I asked a skinny little runner lady who parked near me to pin my sign to my back. She had a sign on hers too. She asked me my name and what race I was doing (There were also quarter marathon and half marathon races at the same time). I wanted to say "Lady, look at me. I am 94 pounds overweight. Do you really think I could do a race other than the 5K?" Ha! She was very nice, as was everyone.
I have found that runners, in general, are nice people. It's weird. They are nicer than the general public. Every 5K I do, (I've done 4) I notice this. Idk what the deal is there.
With my first two 5K's, I was about 35 pounds lighter than I am now. And.......I was faster then (2012 and 2013). That's to be expected---gain weight, run slower. I'm not discouraged though because I am losing again. Lose weight, run faster. (Clarification: I know weight isn't the only factor.) On Sunday's 5K, I was 45 seconds faster than my 5K in June, so I'm pleased with that. Plus, this 5K route was harder, in my opinion. I AM STILL SORE and it has been 3 days.
The news said there were between 3,500-4,000 people in attendance. Before the race, I saw NO ONE that I knew. After the race begins, I actually prefer being alone. It wasn't a big deal. After the race, I saw 2.55 people that I knew. Two I actually do know and one I have met but don't really know.
I used a port-a-potty for the first time in my life. I know you want to know that.
Maybe don't want to know every tiny detail and I've already given too many---so I will fast forward and try to restrain my talent of turning a very short story into a very long one.
Shorter story mode begins here.
It was SOOOOOOOOOo awesome. I received a finisher's medal (which you can see the ribbon of in my profile pic) which I love. After the 5K, I went to Wal-mart and used the bathroom and of course I wore the medal in the store as if I was a queen and that was my tiara. I figured that wasn't too weird, since the race had just finished. However, if you see me in Wal-mart 3 months from now, THAT might be a bit weird. So.....it now hangs from my rear-view mirror.
I was at church at 11:00 where they were having awesome church. They were singing a song about "clap your hands, stop your feet, jump for joy" and I though "Well, I just ran across a finish line in front of 4,000 people. I guess I can jump for joy too." LOL
After church, we went to my nephew's birthday party at the skating rink and I SKATED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ABOUT 25 YEARS. And, by skating, I mean>>>>I put on skates and walked around on the carpet. ta da LOL Hubby skated on the rink and I just knew he was going to fall and break his neck. I couldn't enjoy my "skating" for hollering and him and Abby to please be careful! Thankfully, Josiah was the bodyguard of the family and kept helping make sure we didn't fall.
After the party, we went to Walmart to buy groceries, then went back to church for night service.
It was probably 10 when I finally got home from my busy day. My pedometer said I walked over 18,000 steps that day.
I'm so thankful that 3 years ago, my friend J'Nell told me I needed to do a 5k. It was a hilarious thought at the time. But it changed my life.
ONE DAY......after I've lost the weight that hinders me...........I will do them in 30 minutes time
Because I want to, it is in me, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
just the facts
I'm tired (again), so here's just the facts:
Walked 1 mile.
5.25 svg fruits and veggies
5549 steps
88 oz water
176 calories BELOW my limit
zzzz
Walked 1 mile.
5.25 svg fruits and veggies
5549 steps
88 oz water
176 calories BELOW my limit
zzzz
yesterday (Monday 10/6/14)
Once again, I was sooo tired, I didn't post. It was an extremely busy day AGAIN ( I keep having those! ) But I had it written down. Here's Monday's accountability post:
No exercise. I didn't make the time. PLUS I'm nursing a big thighs-rubbed-together-while-going-as-fast-as-you-can-and-wearing-leggings-that-are-like-tights-and-you-are-a-big-girl issue. #FatGirlProblems
Fruits/veggies: half a serving. This is sad.
5,258 steps (see fat girl problem above)
64 ounces of water (seriously? drink up, girl)
However, FINALLY....I'm 637 calories BELOW my limit.
No exercise. I didn't make the time. PLUS I'm nursing a big thighs-rubbed-together-while-going-as-fast-as-you-can-and-wearing-leggings-that-are-like-tights-and-you-are-a-big-girl issue. #FatGirlProblems
Fruits/veggies: half a serving. This is sad.
5,258 steps (see fat girl problem above)
64 ounces of water (seriously? drink up, girl)
However, FINALLY....I'm 637 calories BELOW my limit.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Spirit of Survival 5K
Here's yesterday (Sunday's) accountability post. By the time I FINALLY got home, I soaked my sore body in the tub (while eating green beans LOL) and went to bed!
The Spirit of Survival 5K benefits the cancer center where my dad had treatment. There was also a quarter marathon and half marathon going on at the same time. There were almost 4,000 people in attendance. The 5K had almost 900 finishers. I was faster than 189 of them. I'm not fast (yet)! But I wasn't last! This was my 4th 5K to participate in. I was lighter for my 1st two 5K's and finished faster than yesterday's. So, I didn't PR, but I DID beat my 5K time (by 45 seconds) from my 5K in June. So, as long as I'm improving, I'm pleased with that.
They gave out beautiful finisher metals, and I'm proud of mine. I showed it to many people (anyone who half way looked at me LOL) and wore it to Wal-mart too LOL I showed it to people at church, some of which "didn't get it" about how I could validate missing 45 minutes of Sunday School to go to a sporting event. I guess it seemed sacrilegious to them. It was pretty hurtful. But I didn't let it get to me too bad, because I know I did what was right for me AND I had awesome support from my family and lots of friends.
I am sore today!
Exercise 3.54 miles (I counted walking to and from the car at the 5k too lol)
18,815 steps during the day------that's a lot!
Water 64 oz ( and 2 things of gatorade)
fruits and veggies: 8 svg
Saturday, October 4, 2014
wobbly day
Today was kind of wobbly. I didn't MAJORLY mess up, I just didn't track as closely as I should have. I think I have pre-race jitters. I'm not in bed yet and I have to get up in about 5 hours!
Exercise: 1.08 miles
Steps: I forgot to put the pedometer on until afternoon, so, who knows.
Water: 64 ounces
Fruits and veggies.......and calories: I tracked the first part of the day and after that, I just ate bites of this and that and who knows. I don't think I majorly overate, but it wasn't black and white today (but it needs to be).
Thanks for reading!
Exercise: 1.08 miles
Steps: I forgot to put the pedometer on until afternoon, so, who knows.
Water: 64 ounces
Fruits and veggies.......and calories: I tracked the first part of the day and after that, I just ate bites of this and that and who knows. I don't think I majorly overate, but it wasn't black and white today (but it needs to be).
Thanks for reading!
I'm back!
I drove to Lawton (and hour away) tonight to pick up my packet for Sunday morning's 5K I LOVE MY SHIRT!!! I went to the bathroom of the hotel that was hosting packet pick up and put it on. They were already blocking off areas of the 5K route so they could set up tents and stuff (I'm not sure what for... maybe vendors?). There were several people walking the blocked off areas, so I decided to also! Whew---that route has a lot of hills! But I got it done! So....I know I can do it. Oh.....at packet pick up I asked how many people were signed up for the race---and was told it was nearly 4,000 so far. Wow. This is huge for me.
Did I mention that this 5K is for the Cancer Center where dad had treatments? I have a lot of emotions tied up in the race.
I stopped by the Dollar Store for diapers and also used the bathroom there. I saw my reflection in the mirror--- this was right after I had walked 3 miles, AND I was wearing the figure flattering 5K shirt---and I liked what I saw. I smiled. I felt thinner and felt like I even looked thinner. Instantly, I spoke aloud, "I'm back! Thank you Jesus for weight loss" See....I feel like there is a real me who is hidden under a lot of fat and my image doesn't reflect who I really am. When I had lost 80 pounds (2012), I could look in the mirror and start to see glimpses of the real me...and I liked it. However, during pregnancy and the remaining 27 pounds that remained afterwards, I couldn't see it anymore. That's what I meant by "I'm back". I saw a glimmer of "me". :) woo hoo!
Today was a good day........and I feel good.
Day 5 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 3.1 miles (Oh yeah baby)
15,284 steps walked today (that's a lot of steps for me!)
2.5 servings fruits/ veggies
64 ounces of water
154 calories over
Did I mention that this 5K is for the Cancer Center where dad had treatments? I have a lot of emotions tied up in the race.
I stopped by the Dollar Store for diapers and also used the bathroom there. I saw my reflection in the mirror--- this was right after I had walked 3 miles, AND I was wearing the figure flattering 5K shirt---and I liked what I saw. I smiled. I felt thinner and felt like I even looked thinner. Instantly, I spoke aloud, "I'm back! Thank you Jesus for weight loss" See....I feel like there is a real me who is hidden under a lot of fat and my image doesn't reflect who I really am. When I had lost 80 pounds (2012), I could look in the mirror and start to see glimpses of the real me...and I liked it. However, during pregnancy and the remaining 27 pounds that remained afterwards, I couldn't see it anymore. That's what I meant by "I'm back". I saw a glimmer of "me". :) woo hoo!
Today was a good day........and I feel good.
Day 5 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 3.1 miles (Oh yeah baby)
15,284 steps walked today (that's a lot of steps for me!)
2.5 servings fruits/ veggies
64 ounces of water
154 calories over
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Mums the word
Homecoming mums are a southern (mostly Oklahoma and Texas) tradition. (google it if you don't know what I'm talking about) I enjoy making them--------and I enjoy getting paid for making them. LOL Today was full of lots of things but one of those things was making Homecoming mums and delivering them to their buyers. I enjoyed it.
I went over my calories by about 300 AGAIN. That seems to keep happening. I don't know if my body is just WANTING that amount of calories or if I allow myself to overeat and subconsciously limit myself there? Who knows. But I plan to work on it.
I saw runners everywhere today. Even a lady and her baby at the library babytime-----she was wearing shorts and a tank top that said "just run" or something like that. You won't ever see me in the short and tank top, but I DO plan to have that runner body one day and actually BE a runner. It is in me. Waaaaaaaaay down deep in me, under 95 pounds of fat. But it is there! That runner is alive! I know her! She's just a bit hindered at the moment. She gets a little more free each day. Woot!
Day 4 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 2.28 miles (woot!)
10,807 steps walked today
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
88 ounces of water
311 calories over
P.S. It bothers me that my font is so small. Anyone want to lead me in how to make it larger?
I went over my calories by about 300 AGAIN. That seems to keep happening. I don't know if my body is just WANTING that amount of calories or if I allow myself to overeat and subconsciously limit myself there? Who knows. But I plan to work on it.
I saw runners everywhere today. Even a lady and her baby at the library babytime-----she was wearing shorts and a tank top that said "just run" or something like that. You won't ever see me in the short and tank top, but I DO plan to have that runner body one day and actually BE a runner. It is in me. Waaaaaaaaay down deep in me, under 95 pounds of fat. But it is there! That runner is alive! I know her! She's just a bit hindered at the moment. She gets a little more free each day. Woot!
Day 4 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 2.28 miles (woot!)
10,807 steps walked today
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
88 ounces of water
311 calories over
P.S. It bothers me that my font is so small. Anyone want to lead me in how to make it larger?
midnight
It's midnight and I'm extremely tired, so tonight I will just the stats.
Day 3 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: Just over one mile walked (23 minutes). Within probably 5 minutes of waking, I asked hubby to take the baby and out the door I went. Otherwise, this wouldn't have happened. BUSY DAY. (I say that all the time but it is true. Right now, Saturday is the next day that looks somewhat not cram-packed.)
12,092 steps walked today
3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
115 ounces of water
Calories: UNDER by 30something.
Thanks for reading. zzzz
Day 3 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: Just over one mile walked (23 minutes). Within probably 5 minutes of waking, I asked hubby to take the baby and out the door I went. Otherwise, this wouldn't have happened. BUSY DAY. (I say that all the time but it is true. Right now, Saturday is the next day that looks somewhat not cram-packed.)
12,092 steps walked today
3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
115 ounces of water
Calories: UNDER by 30something.
Thanks for reading. zzzz
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Drunk on cereal
I have a cereal story but first, today's accountability stats:
100 days of accountability- Day 2
Exercise: zilch. I should have gotten up EARLY because once the ball got rolling, it was a long time before I had a moment to breathe today. It's 11 p.m. and I'm just now sitting down after a LONG day.
Walked 6,986 steps today.
Consumed 4.5 servings of fruits and veggies
64 ounces of water ---yep. That struggled today. Today was just a struggle in general.
Calories: over by 231.
I do not want to be a negative blogger---- but I also want to be real. And sometimes, things aren't all lollipops and puppies.
Since my dad passed, I've struggled with just daily life in general. Some days are great and I think "I'm almost ok again! I can actually feel joy and peace and excitement!" But then after a couple of days like that, I have a day or two where a dark cloud hangs over and I feel like a victim.
With Halloween coming up, it is even worse. There are caskets and "dead people" decorating the grocery stores. It brings your mind to terrible places when you think about it. My daddy........is sealed up in a box.........and in the ground......decomposing. (If you feel compelled to leave me messages about "He isn't there. He's with Jesus." Just don't. You don't know my dad and you don't know if he is in Heaven any more than you know what color the carpet is in my bathroom. You just don't! And even if you knew my dad--- you still don't! You haven't been up there and gotten a copy of the occupants. Anyway........that doesn't change the fact that his BODY, regardless of whether he knows it or not, is decomposing. Morbid thoughts.
Today was one of those hard days.
And when it is one of those days, everything seems worse. On the other side of the coin, I really do have some majorly stressful things going on. I'm not going to tell all my business/personal/whatever struggles on a public forum, but JUST TRUST ME.
Here's a little one though, and it leads into the cereal story. Today I found myself with $5 to buy my family lunch and supper with. What would you have bought? Throw in to this that you have to purchase something the entire family can tolerate and you have teens who are a bit picky (your fault, you raised them on junk). Anyway............seriously.......what can you buy for $5 to provide 2 meals to a hungry family? I know that bananas are only 20 cents each and that being broke is no excuse for eating junk...but I felt like my hands were tied and I was already in victim mode in my mind.
So..............I did the best I could, and I'm ok with that because to do more is not possible. I bought a loaf of bread, a jar a grape jelly, a box of cereal, and 3 bananas. We already had pb and milk at home.
The cereal was the ever healthy (*sarcasm*) Cocoa Krispies that turns your milk chocolate. I don't know if you are a sugar addict like me or not, but if you are, you will know that you can eat a LOT of that cereal and not feel like you've had enough.
As super busy as I was teaching school, juggling a baby, cooking, and running my kids to practice and back, I don't know how I had the time, but somewhere I squeezed in a very vivid daydream:
I pictured myself, single and no kids, coming in from work to a very nice apartment. I don't know where I worked but I liked my job and I made a lot of money. My apartment had fancy, plush furniture that all matched and my house was spotless because I paid someone to clean it. I changed into my comfy pajamas, climbed into my fluffy bed, and watched CNN while eating bowlful after bowlful of the cereal. I ate the entire box. I was full but there was a peace down in my gut from being so full (those of you who have ever done any binge eating might know what I'm talking about). And then, I went to sleep.
It's a good thing that isn't really my life, although it was sounding good at the moment. In hindsight, I realize if that were my life, I would be so big I would probably not be mobile.
Nope...........that's not me. I'm the girl who is fighting this war within herself against obesity. I refuse to give in, even when I've had a hard battle. I WILL OVERCOME. I AM OVERCOMING.
I'm doing a 5K on Sunday morning, for one thing. Take that, obesity.
And yeah, I only ate 1.5 cups of cereal with one cup of milk, and I measured it all out and went about my business.
(If you are concerned about our food, don't be. It's ok. I didn't write that for sympathy. I'm just trying to be real. We will have a bit more money to work with tomorrow and we will be fine in that realm come Sunday.)
Thanks for reading!
100 days of accountability- Day 2
Exercise: zilch. I should have gotten up EARLY because once the ball got rolling, it was a long time before I had a moment to breathe today. It's 11 p.m. and I'm just now sitting down after a LONG day.
Walked 6,986 steps today.
Consumed 4.5 servings of fruits and veggies
64 ounces of water ---yep. That struggled today. Today was just a struggle in general.
Calories: over by 231.
I do not want to be a negative blogger---- but I also want to be real. And sometimes, things aren't all lollipops and puppies.
Since my dad passed, I've struggled with just daily life in general. Some days are great and I think "I'm almost ok again! I can actually feel joy and peace and excitement!" But then after a couple of days like that, I have a day or two where a dark cloud hangs over and I feel like a victim.
With Halloween coming up, it is even worse. There are caskets and "dead people" decorating the grocery stores. It brings your mind to terrible places when you think about it. My daddy........is sealed up in a box.........and in the ground......decomposing. (If you feel compelled to leave me messages about "He isn't there. He's with Jesus." Just don't. You don't know my dad and you don't know if he is in Heaven any more than you know what color the carpet is in my bathroom. You just don't! And even if you knew my dad--- you still don't! You haven't been up there and gotten a copy of the occupants. Anyway........that doesn't change the fact that his BODY, regardless of whether he knows it or not, is decomposing. Morbid thoughts.
Today was one of those hard days.
And when it is one of those days, everything seems worse. On the other side of the coin, I really do have some majorly stressful things going on. I'm not going to tell all my business/personal/whatever struggles on a public forum, but JUST TRUST ME.
Here's a little one though, and it leads into the cereal story. Today I found myself with $5 to buy my family lunch and supper with. What would you have bought? Throw in to this that you have to purchase something the entire family can tolerate and you have teens who are a bit picky (your fault, you raised them on junk). Anyway............seriously.......what can you buy for $5 to provide 2 meals to a hungry family? I know that bananas are only 20 cents each and that being broke is no excuse for eating junk...but I felt like my hands were tied and I was already in victim mode in my mind.
So..............I did the best I could, and I'm ok with that because to do more is not possible. I bought a loaf of bread, a jar a grape jelly, a box of cereal, and 3 bananas. We already had pb and milk at home.
The cereal was the ever healthy (*sarcasm*) Cocoa Krispies that turns your milk chocolate. I don't know if you are a sugar addict like me or not, but if you are, you will know that you can eat a LOT of that cereal and not feel like you've had enough.
As super busy as I was teaching school, juggling a baby, cooking, and running my kids to practice and back, I don't know how I had the time, but somewhere I squeezed in a very vivid daydream:
I pictured myself, single and no kids, coming in from work to a very nice apartment. I don't know where I worked but I liked my job and I made a lot of money. My apartment had fancy, plush furniture that all matched and my house was spotless because I paid someone to clean it. I changed into my comfy pajamas, climbed into my fluffy bed, and watched CNN while eating bowlful after bowlful of the cereal. I ate the entire box. I was full but there was a peace down in my gut from being so full (those of you who have ever done any binge eating might know what I'm talking about). And then, I went to sleep.
It's a good thing that isn't really my life, although it was sounding good at the moment. In hindsight, I realize if that were my life, I would be so big I would probably not be mobile.
Nope...........that's not me. I'm the girl who is fighting this war within herself against obesity. I refuse to give in, even when I've had a hard battle. I WILL OVERCOME. I AM OVERCOMING.
I'm doing a 5K on Sunday morning, for one thing. Take that, obesity.
And yeah, I only ate 1.5 cups of cereal with one cup of milk, and I measured it all out and went about my business.
(If you are concerned about our food, don't be. It's ok. I didn't write that for sympathy. I'm just trying to be real. We will have a bit more money to work with tomorrow and we will be fine in that realm come Sunday.)
Thanks for reading!
Monday, September 29, 2014
100 days of accountability
I have a friend who is challenging me to various healthy things for the next 14 weeks. That is only 2 days shy of 100 days. I had a spark of an idea----what if I was publicly accountable for the next 100 days?
I think I'm going to take the plunge! Today is day one. For the next 100 days, I plan to log on and post a quick recap of my health successes (and sometimes failures) of the day.
I'm just going to be transparent.
I'm also going to celebrate each FIVE pounds lost. This morning I weighed 286.2 and I will celebrate 5 pounds lighter from now, then I will repeat. I believe I can be back to my lowest-in-years weight of 250 by the time these 100 days are over.
Today's recap:
Exercise: Walked 0.8 miles in the neighborhood with the baby, 18 minutes
Walked 11,540 steps today
Consumed 3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
90 ounces of water
went over calorie limit by 236 calories
I think I'm going to take the plunge! Today is day one. For the next 100 days, I plan to log on and post a quick recap of my health successes (and sometimes failures) of the day.
I'm just going to be transparent.
I'm also going to celebrate each FIVE pounds lost. This morning I weighed 286.2 and I will celebrate 5 pounds lighter from now, then I will repeat. I believe I can be back to my lowest-in-years weight of 250 by the time these 100 days are over.
Today's recap:
Exercise: Walked 0.8 miles in the neighborhood with the baby, 18 minutes
Walked 11,540 steps today
Consumed 3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
90 ounces of water
went over calorie limit by 236 calories
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
No clue what to title this update.
It has been 4 weeks since the pic with the red blouse but I'm not even going to post the new pic because it LOOKS THE SAME. Blah! However, change is happening that isn't yet obvious, so I will continue on.
I have a friend who has taken me under her wing and I am emailing with her almost every night. That is helpful. I don't think about what I'm going to say. I just set the timer for 10 minutes, type the first thing that comes to mind, and hit send.
I received a package today from a blogger reader. It was crammed packed full of clothes and THEY FIT! Yay! So glad. Thank you, dear reader. I hate to feel like a charity case.............but..............yeah. I'm not complaining here!
I'm currently fighting a bad headcold and I sound like Darth Vader. (Audible Breathing)
October 5th is the Spirit of Survival (CANCER) 5K, an hour away. My sweet, wonderful hubby will be taking the kids to church and I will be turning some heads (probably) by attending this 5K instead of going to Sunday School (I probably will still get there but I will be late, and sweaty). I just HAVE to participate in this 5K. Have to. Going to. And...........I really need to work on exercising and preparing. I know I can do it though. The other day I found myself in a kid free moment and I went to the track and walked through some emotions. (great therapy!!!) The more I walked, the better I felt. And I ended up walking 3 miles.
I'm slowly but surely healing.
Here's a word of advice: If you know someone who has had a nervous breakdown in the past 2 months, or they lost a member of their immediate family,.............and you think they should be "over it"...........you are wrong. It still effects them DAILY. Be kind to them and help them heal.
Thanks for reading!
I have a friend who has taken me under her wing and I am emailing with her almost every night. That is helpful. I don't think about what I'm going to say. I just set the timer for 10 minutes, type the first thing that comes to mind, and hit send.
I received a package today from a blogger reader. It was crammed packed full of clothes and THEY FIT! Yay! So glad. Thank you, dear reader. I hate to feel like a charity case.............but..............yeah. I'm not complaining here!
I'm currently fighting a bad headcold and I sound like Darth Vader. (Audible Breathing)
October 5th is the Spirit of Survival (CANCER) 5K, an hour away. My sweet, wonderful hubby will be taking the kids to church and I will be turning some heads (probably) by attending this 5K instead of going to Sunday School (I probably will still get there but I will be late, and sweaty). I just HAVE to participate in this 5K. Have to. Going to. And...........I really need to work on exercising and preparing. I know I can do it though. The other day I found myself in a kid free moment and I went to the track and walked through some emotions. (great therapy!!!) The more I walked, the better I felt. And I ended up walking 3 miles.
I'm slowly but surely healing.
Here's a word of advice: If you know someone who has had a nervous breakdown in the past 2 months, or they lost a member of their immediate family,.............and you think they should be "over it"...........you are wrong. It still effects them DAILY. Be kind to them and help them heal.
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
what fat people do
What do you see in this picture (besides a bathroom that needs cleaning)? I see me wearing a blouse as a jacket (despite 100 degree weather) that doesn't even fit.
When I lost those 80 pounds in 2012ish, I vowed that there were certain things that were "fat people things" and that I had kicked obesity's rear (although I still had 60 pounds til goal, I was feeling quite skinny and in control) and that I would NEVER do those things again.
Amy's list of things fat people do because they are fat:
1. They were open blouses over their undershirts because A) the blouse doesn't fit and B)it makes you feel like you hid your fat
2. They use the handicap stall in bathrooms because it is just more comfortable.
3. They go through the drive through because getting out of the car is too much work.
4. They own very little clothes because they either A) don't like how they look in anything (why spend money on stuff you hate?) or B) can't find anything in their size C)outgrew their clothes or wore them until they completely wore out
(Note: I currently own ONE church skirt---and the zipper on it is partially ripped out.... and I own ONE denim skirt for day-to-day. I am not happy with this arrangement and I don't like how I look in either of these)
5. They wear long blouses/shirt to "hide" their hips.
6. They stay home because they don't want to be seen.
7. They (I) refuse to wear their t-shirt that says "Just Do It" because they know the t-shirt message and the body wearing it send out conflicting signals that can be found funny to others. (Just do WHAT, lady? Eat? LOL)
....so on and so forth.
The reason I bought the blouse is because it was cheap and it was something different and it covered my hips (on the sides at least).......never mind the fact that it didn't cover my bust or my stomach and that the only button that buttoned was the one at the neck!
But I wore it ---and even got compliments on it at church. (That's what happens when you wear the SAME OLD THING over and over. You get something new and everyone ooohhhs and aaaaahhhs....not because you look awesome....but because "Look! You are wearing something different!")
Yep. Deny it if you wish, but this is the way I see it.
I posted the pic because I plan to retake my pic in that outfit every 4 weeks until I can button ALL the buttons....no matter how long it takes.
In other news, I feel like my life is like a kitchen junk drawer that someone has dumped into the middle of the floor and I am painfully picking up each piece one by one and putting it where it belongs.
I still have a lot of stuff in the "floor" of my life.
But I'm working on it.
This is a restructuring time in SO MANY (almost all) aspects of my life.
More about that in another post----it's time for bed! Goodnight! And THANK YOU for reading.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
5k/death/nervousbreakdown
So much has happened since I last posted. I don't feel like going into lengthy details, but I do not want this blog, my story, to have gaps of important events, and so, tonight's update follows.
In June I completed my 3rd annual Founder's Day 5k. I was heavier than last year and slower. I wasn't pleased with my performance. But, I did it.
In July, my dad died. He died hard. I had hoped he would just pass in his sleep, but no, he had a very hard death and me and my family were very involved.
Dad's dying process was so stressful, in fact, that approximately 24 hours before he passed, I had a nervous breakdown. People say "I had a nervous breakdown" and just mean "I felt really stressed" but NO..........this was not that. I HAD a real nervous breakdown. It's something that unless you experience it for yourself, you don't know.
I was empty. There was nothing left in me I could give anyone. I couldn't think. Even getting a spoon to my mouth took intense concentration.
I went to bed and put a prayer cloth on my head that someone had sent me, and I asked God to help me, and I listened to "Hold On" by The Booth Brothers over and over...........and that is how I survived that night. The next day I was slightly better and each day I have improved a bit more.
But I am not yet whole.
Friends and the general public think I'm fine. And in ways, I am. But I can't be totally fine 3 weeks later with what I went through. Time heals all wounds. I will heal.
In the meantime, I have eaten WAY too much as a self-comforting/self-medicating coping mechanism. This is not good. Then I go lead a TOPS chapter. This is not easy. I feel like I am the one needing the help and in no position to be giving help. So, we are playing silly little health jeopardy type games and stuff to buy some time while I'm waiting to be made whole.
But in the meantime, I KNOW I MUST get my behavior under control. I haven't weighed, and the number doesn't matter....but I don't like the SIZE I can tell I'm gaining.
I'm looking into going to therapy of some sort to help me process this all in a healthy manner.
It has been quite the ordeal.
I'm glad it is over and that the time of healing is here.
Thanks for reading.
In June I completed my 3rd annual Founder's Day 5k. I was heavier than last year and slower. I wasn't pleased with my performance. But, I did it.
In July, my dad died. He died hard. I had hoped he would just pass in his sleep, but no, he had a very hard death and me and my family were very involved.
Dad's dying process was so stressful, in fact, that approximately 24 hours before he passed, I had a nervous breakdown. People say "I had a nervous breakdown" and just mean "I felt really stressed" but NO..........this was not that. I HAD a real nervous breakdown. It's something that unless you experience it for yourself, you don't know.
I was empty. There was nothing left in me I could give anyone. I couldn't think. Even getting a spoon to my mouth took intense concentration.
I went to bed and put a prayer cloth on my head that someone had sent me, and I asked God to help me, and I listened to "Hold On" by The Booth Brothers over and over...........and that is how I survived that night. The next day I was slightly better and each day I have improved a bit more.
But I am not yet whole.
Friends and the general public think I'm fine. And in ways, I am. But I can't be totally fine 3 weeks later with what I went through. Time heals all wounds. I will heal.
In the meantime, I have eaten WAY too much as a self-comforting/self-medicating coping mechanism. This is not good. Then I go lead a TOPS chapter. This is not easy. I feel like I am the one needing the help and in no position to be giving help. So, we are playing silly little health jeopardy type games and stuff to buy some time while I'm waiting to be made whole.
But in the meantime, I KNOW I MUST get my behavior under control. I haven't weighed, and the number doesn't matter....but I don't like the SIZE I can tell I'm gaining.
I'm looking into going to therapy of some sort to help me process this all in a healthy manner.
It has been quite the ordeal.
I'm glad it is over and that the time of healing is here.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, June 9, 2014
newspaper article
Long time readers will remember that each June I participate in a 5K in my area. This year the coordinator (who is also my friend) asked me to write an article for the newspaper and I will post it below. As a side note, I still have 24 pounds of baby weight on my and as I timed myself during a practice 5K on Saturday, I am slower. This bothers me. All I can do is my best, but I am really going to be working on training and improving that number in the 19 days I have left to do so!
Thanks for reading. Here's the article:
Four years ago, the Duncan Founder's Day 5K meant absolutely nothing to me. I wasn't even completely sure what a 5K was. It was special to some people because it was a MS fundraiser. Others found the race important because it brought the city of Duncan into the spotlight. Many participants were there simply because they loved to run and I'm sure there were countless other sentiments of a personal nature that we will never know. But to me, it meant nothing.
All I knew was that it involved running and was being coordinated by a friend, J'Nell Ash. J'Nell happened to be my weight loss mentor and that year, while I was well over 300 pounds, she told me I needed to do the 5K. I had done everything else J'Nell had taught me about taking control of my health, but I drew the line at the mention of participating in an athletic competition. Not now. I was sure I couldn't physically complete three miles, even if I walked it. But the main reason I said no was the intimidation I felt from the extra 100+ pounds I was wearing. I told my friend no, but promised that I would the following year.
The year flew by and soon I was looking the 5K in the face. I had lost some weight in that year, although not as much as I thought I would . But I had spoken that I would be participating, and so I faced my fears and signed up.
Although there were many sincere athletes there that day, I was pleasantly surprised to find that not everyone was. There were large and small, young and old, serious runner and casual walker. As I neared the finish line, J'Nell saw me and ran along side. She crossed the finish line with me and then gave me a huge hug, which turned on the spout to a flood of emotions. It was a watershed moment. It represented so much more than a 3 mile race. It represented victory over all the areas in my life with which I had been fighting so hard to improve. I could do hard, intimidating things and come through a winner. I could overcome. And I did.
This year, the race holds even more meaning to me, as I have witnessed first hand the way MS turns people's lives upside down. A few short weeks ago, my brother-in-law, Doug McConnell was diagnosed with MS after he became unable to walk almost overnight. It has affected every area of his life. Losing his independence, needing a vehicle large enough to accommodate his wheelchair, having frequent home health nurse visits, loss of wife's income as she cares for him, making handicap accessible modifications to his home----the list of immediate and drastic changes goes on and on. This year I will still run for myself, but I will also run for Doug, who can not run for himself.
Thanks for reading. Here's the article:
Four years ago, the Duncan Founder's Day 5K meant absolutely nothing to me. I wasn't even completely sure what a 5K was. It was special to some people because it was a MS fundraiser. Others found the race important because it brought the city of Duncan into the spotlight. Many participants were there simply because they loved to run and I'm sure there were countless other sentiments of a personal nature that we will never know. But to me, it meant nothing.
All I knew was that it involved running and was being coordinated by a friend, J'Nell Ash. J'Nell happened to be my weight loss mentor and that year, while I was well over 300 pounds, she told me I needed to do the 5K. I had done everything else J'Nell had taught me about taking control of my health, but I drew the line at the mention of participating in an athletic competition. Not now. I was sure I couldn't physically complete three miles, even if I walked it. But the main reason I said no was the intimidation I felt from the extra 100+ pounds I was wearing. I told my friend no, but promised that I would the following year.
The year flew by and soon I was looking the 5K in the face. I had lost some weight in that year, although not as much as I thought I would . But I had spoken that I would be participating, and so I faced my fears and signed up.
Although there were many sincere athletes there that day, I was pleasantly surprised to find that not everyone was. There were large and small, young and old, serious runner and casual walker. As I neared the finish line, J'Nell saw me and ran along side. She crossed the finish line with me and then gave me a huge hug, which turned on the spout to a flood of emotions. It was a watershed moment. It represented so much more than a 3 mile race. It represented victory over all the areas in my life with which I had been fighting so hard to improve. I could do hard, intimidating things and come through a winner. I could overcome. And I did.
This year, the race holds even more meaning to me, as I have witnessed first hand the way MS turns people's lives upside down. A few short weeks ago, my brother-in-law, Doug McConnell was diagnosed with MS after he became unable to walk almost overnight. It has affected every area of his life. Losing his independence, needing a vehicle large enough to accommodate his wheelchair, having frequent home health nurse visits, loss of wife's income as she cares for him, making handicap accessible modifications to his home----the list of immediate and drastic changes goes on and on. This year I will still run for myself, but I will also run for Doug, who can not run for himself.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Punching intimidation in the gut
This picture was taken in the bathroom of THE GYM.....right after I completed my first gym workout in probably over a year. It was difficult getting there for more than one reason. One reason was EVERYTHING KEPT HINDERING ME. It really is frustrating to me that I can't just say, "Hey guys...I'm going to the gym...I'll be home later!" and hop in the car and drive off. But, such is this season of life---major responsibilities. I arranged for childcare for baby (hubby was working) but they could only watch baby for one hour, so my workout could only last 45 minutes. I don't have a gym membership but I buy a day pass. In order to buy a day pass, I have to go during staffed hours, and since it was a Saturday, the staffed hours ended at noon. And then when I had NO time to spare to get there on time, chaos took place--- phone calls, problems that needed immediate attention, yada yada. I felt like crying. Finally I just grabbed the baby, said "I can not do everything that needs to be done at this moment, but I HAVE TO go to the gym"...and off I went. And no one died. It wasn't that anyone was TRYING to hinder me. It was just life.
I posted previously about feeling intimidated.......especially since I'm heavier than I was before (crazy self image stuff in my head---it has a loud voice) AND I don't have workout clothes that fit properly (neither have I been able to find them in a store). But I did it anyway.
Here is another pic of just after the workout, in the gym bathroom. (because when you go to the gym, you are supposed to follow up with a selfie, right? LOL)
I hate the way the skirt fits me.....emphasizing the bubble belly. However, this I know---------it won't be like that soon. A long time ago, I posted a bubble belly pic, and then I lost weight and in that same skirt, I no longer had the bubble belly. So.......see this bubble belly? It won't be there soon.
I could write for another hour but I have to get some sleep. Another post tomorrow, I hope!
toodle loo!
Friday, May 30, 2014
Weebles wobble, but...
"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down"--that was me today. In many ways, today was great (that's the part where I don't fall down LOL). I went for a walk with baby as soon as a hopped out of bed. I stayed in calorie range. I drank a ton of water. But I also wobbled today,since my meals weren't preplanned--you know I have issues with that! I ate too many things that were JUNKY and unhealthy. I know I stayed in calorie range, and I rejoice over that because that IS the main thing right now. However, I want to do more than just lose weight--I want to BE HEALTHY. I want to eat real, living food with vitamins and nutrients--stuff that grew out of the earth---stuff that isn't man made and stuff that isn't going to give me cancer.
I do better about eating healthy when my meals are pre-planned and I'm going to pat myself on the back because just before I started typing this, I preplanned tomorrow's food. woot! It should be a good day!
I came to a crazy conclusion today-----------I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING. Well, duh. But that fact became more real to me today. An opportunity was presented for a fundraiser for our TOPS group. It sounded great. It was my idea. However, I would have to sit in the heat and sell tickets all day on a Saturday, probably without help. I'd have to arrange for a babysitter or bring him with me (doesn't THAT sound fun?). And then it dawned on me---------I've been running around super busy and overwhelmed and then I think I can add something else to my schedule? ha. That's hilarious. No. Maybe another time. I realized I cause some of my own busyness myself. Who knew? I'd been feeling like a victim and yet I'm the one causing the chaos sometimes.
I have a 5K coming up in less than a month and I'm nervous because I haven't walked 3 miles in almost a year! I've walked a mile..but not three. And last year I could even jog some of it. I really, really, really need alone time to go for longer walks and hopefully even be able to get that jog back. I'd love for that to happen before the 5K. Well, alone time isn't just going to fall out of the sky and hit me on the head, so I'm pursing it now. I posted on facebook and asked if I had any friends who would want to watch my kids on a regular basis for free LOL So, tomorrow my sister is going to watch baby for an hour so I can go to the gym.
OH. THE GYM. I would be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated. It has been a long time since I have been to the gym. I'm heavier than I was before and I'm having to argue with my mind over self image. At my lowest, I had gotten to 250. This morning I was
283. When I was losing weight before (I started at 331) and I got down to 283, I felt like a skinny little thing. (The mind is so weird.) But now that I'm 283 for the second time, I feel morbidly obese. (I'm not going to look up the height/weight stats to see if I AM under that category. That won't help anything!) I don't even know what to wear. One outfit is plenty big but has a hole by the back pocket and looks old. Another outfit is snug and makes me look even bigger (I think). I will probably wear the snug one anyway, plug in the headphones and rock that walk with my head held high.
Ah..........and wisdom is telling me to throw clothes in the washer that I will wear tomorrow.......then hit the sack. It is 10:34 p.m. Goodnight!
Thursday, May 29, 2014
sleep vs. important stuff
I've been feeling dizzy and like I could pass out easily for the past few days. You know what I think it is? Exhaustion. Specifically, not enough quality sleep. It has been over two months now since I have slept through the night. Any new mom can relate to that. I think it is hitting me harder at 36 than it did at 21. Also, at age 21, I didn't have a lot going on during the day and I slept when he slept.
Not this go around---I'm as busy as ever. It's hard to nap when your 15-year-old needs to be picked up from work, your mom needs a ride to the store, your daughter wants to go to the library, your husband is working at someone's house and needs you to bring him a tool from the garage, etc. (All of these things happened today, by the way, plus many more). I'm trying to say NO to things that aren't necessary or aren't my obligation, so I can focus on my own self care, but the reality is, many things CAN'T be marked off the list and I've just got to make it work.
The conclusion: time management is hard.
One day recently, I stayed up late after baby fell asleep, making preparations for the next day-- setting out clothes for all family members (so I don't have to help hunt for a sock the next morning during a mad rush), preplanned my meals with calorie counts, packed anything I needed to take with me, checked my calendar, etc. It made for a smooth morning the next morning and that was GREAT! I'm a fan of stressfree mornings! HOWEVER..........my preparation time cut into my sleep time and I was almost too tired to function the next day.
And so I said, "Amy! You need to start going to sleep by 9:30!!! You can't do ANYTHING well if you are too tired!" ('tis very true). And so the next night came and the clock moved 100 miles per hour and even though I tried very hard to manage everything well, 9:30 came and I didn't have any preparations made for the next day. I went to bed by 9:30 though and I got my blessed sleep! I slept from 9:30-6:30ish, with about 3 episodes of getting up for the baby. (It beat the night I went to bed at 1 a.m.!) I rested well.
That was last night. So, this morning, I was better rested and UNPREPARED FOR MY DAY. I had to fly out the door by a certain time to be at an appointment and hubby called needing me to bring him that tool on the way and we had issues finding clothes (I admit, I told daughter to dig yesterday's skirt out of the dirty clothes), my meals were not preplanned and I flew by the seat of my pants, yada yada yada.
Not having my meals preplanned is a biggie with me. I did still stay in calorie range but my choices were not all that great a couple of times----like the time mom bought me a McDouble---and the time dad gave me a twix. I ate both of those. Those items are such empty, junky calories and I would never have eaten them if I had preplanned and had packed a better choice. It's hard to say no when you are hungry and someone offers you free "food". On the bright side, I did stay in calorie range and I did grab apples and grapes for daughter and I to eat for breakfast as we were going down the road. Also, even though my morning walk didn't happen, I did an evening walk, so........same difference, I guess (although I somehow feel better doing the morning one).
Goodness......you must be faithful if you are still reading this long thing! Thank you!
So here it is 10:15 and I'm about to go to bed AND I'm not pre-planned for tomorrow! Yikes! Thankfully I SHOULD get to stay home tomorrow, except possibly a trip to the grocery store since we are just about out of grub.
What's my plan to make this whole "sleep vs. preplanning, aka there-aren't-enough-hours-in-the-day-and-the-baby-just-woke-up" thing work?
I don't know.
But I just have to keep trying and believing God will send me the answer.
Maybe He will send it in my sleep.
Goodnight!
Not this go around---I'm as busy as ever. It's hard to nap when your 15-year-old needs to be picked up from work, your mom needs a ride to the store, your daughter wants to go to the library, your husband is working at someone's house and needs you to bring him a tool from the garage, etc. (All of these things happened today, by the way, plus many more). I'm trying to say NO to things that aren't necessary or aren't my obligation, so I can focus on my own self care, but the reality is, many things CAN'T be marked off the list and I've just got to make it work.
The conclusion: time management is hard.
One day recently, I stayed up late after baby fell asleep, making preparations for the next day-- setting out clothes for all family members (so I don't have to help hunt for a sock the next morning during a mad rush), preplanned my meals with calorie counts, packed anything I needed to take with me, checked my calendar, etc. It made for a smooth morning the next morning and that was GREAT! I'm a fan of stressfree mornings! HOWEVER..........my preparation time cut into my sleep time and I was almost too tired to function the next day.
And so I said, "Amy! You need to start going to sleep by 9:30!!! You can't do ANYTHING well if you are too tired!" ('tis very true). And so the next night came and the clock moved 100 miles per hour and even though I tried very hard to manage everything well, 9:30 came and I didn't have any preparations made for the next day. I went to bed by 9:30 though and I got my blessed sleep! I slept from 9:30-6:30ish, with about 3 episodes of getting up for the baby. (It beat the night I went to bed at 1 a.m.!) I rested well.
That was last night. So, this morning, I was better rested and UNPREPARED FOR MY DAY. I had to fly out the door by a certain time to be at an appointment and hubby called needing me to bring him that tool on the way and we had issues finding clothes (I admit, I told daughter to dig yesterday's skirt out of the dirty clothes), my meals were not preplanned and I flew by the seat of my pants, yada yada yada.
Not having my meals preplanned is a biggie with me. I did still stay in calorie range but my choices were not all that great a couple of times----like the time mom bought me a McDouble---and the time dad gave me a twix. I ate both of those. Those items are such empty, junky calories and I would never have eaten them if I had preplanned and had packed a better choice. It's hard to say no when you are hungry and someone offers you free "food". On the bright side, I did stay in calorie range and I did grab apples and grapes for daughter and I to eat for breakfast as we were going down the road. Also, even though my morning walk didn't happen, I did an evening walk, so........same difference, I guess (although I somehow feel better doing the morning one).
Goodness......you must be faithful if you are still reading this long thing! Thank you!
So here it is 10:15 and I'm about to go to bed AND I'm not pre-planned for tomorrow! Yikes! Thankfully I SHOULD get to stay home tomorrow, except possibly a trip to the grocery store since we are just about out of grub.
What's my plan to make this whole "sleep vs. preplanning, aka there-aren't-enough-hours-in-the-day-and-the-baby-just-woke-up" thing work?
I don't know.
But I just have to keep trying and believing God will send me the answer.
Maybe He will send it in my sleep.
Goodnight!
Monday, May 26, 2014
Seriously. Consistency. Simplicity.
This past weekend I attended Oklahoma TOPS State Recognition Days in Oklahoma City, where they award the best losers from last year and crown a new king and queen. I loved it, as usual. SRD had a pirate theme, and this is my "angry pirate" look. LOL I left srd WANTING TO BE A WINNER. "Next year, I am going to be on that stage as a divisional winner"---I say that pretty much every year and although I've had a lot of success in the past (I'd say 81 pounds is a success!), I've never been a winner. I've never pushed myself hard enough. I've given myself permission to slack off too much. And that makes me angry. I'm angry at ME.So, tonight I had hubby take my measurements. I want to watch them go down. I'm feeling the "fight". I'm feeling like a bulldog. I'm feeling like an angry pirate. I'm feeling................................DETERMINATION. I'm sick of saying "I will be a winner" and then showing up the next year just to be jealous of the winners.
Consistency is the key. Healthy habits, CONSISTENT healthy habits, are what does it. I know this. I had that season of consistency before dad got sick and before I got pregnant and because of that consistency, I reaped that big 81 pound loss.
I want it back.
I have to ask myself------am I being SERIOUS enough about my health? I have a LOT of things going on. (new baby, terminal dad, TOPS leader, homeschooling, church obligations, etc) But am ****I**** not just as important as these things?
Yes, I am. And I need to start acting like it again.
I know how to be successful.
It has to be simple. If it is too complicated, I won't do it.
Our family has attempted to have family Bible study many times over the years. In our mind, we think we should read a passage, discuss it, do some memorization and have a time of prayer. MOST TIMES we are rushed and the above seems overwhelming so we skip it. However, this month, we started doing something SIMPLE: We read ONE chapter in the book of Proverbs each night with the kids. That's it. It takes 5 minutes, max. It is do-able and so, it gets done.
The same with weight loss. I need to make sure I don't over think things.
Plan my meals ahead of time, putting them in calorie limits. Eat what I planned.
Drink my water.
Exercise.
I've been struggling with the exercise thing because I've been over thinking it and thus, skipping it too much. My new SIMPLE plan is this: In the mornings when the baby wakes up and everyone else is sleeping, put baby in the stroller and go for a walk. If it is raining, do a Leslie Sansone exercise dvd. That sounds pretty simple.
Seriously, Amy, keep it simple and be consistent and you will see great things happen!
On your mark, get set, go!
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