Saturday, August 16, 2014


So much has happened since I last posted. I don't feel like going into lengthy details, but I do not want this blog, my story, to have gaps of important events, and so, tonight's update follows.

In June I completed my 3rd annual Founder's Day 5k. I was heavier than last year and slower. I wasn't pleased with my performance. But, I did it.

In July, my dad died. He died hard. I had hoped he would just pass in his sleep, but no, he had a very hard death and me and my family were very involved.

Dad's dying process was so stressful, in fact, that approximately 24 hours before he passed, I had a nervous breakdown. People say "I had a nervous breakdown" and just mean "I felt really stressed" but NO..........this was not that. I HAD a real nervous breakdown. It's something that unless you experience it for yourself, you don't know.

I was empty. There was nothing left in me I could give anyone. I couldn't think. Even getting a spoon to my mouth took intense concentration.

I went to bed and put a prayer cloth on my head that someone had sent me, and I asked God to help me, and I listened to "Hold On" by The Booth Brothers over and over...........and that is how I survived that night. The next day I was slightly better and each day I have improved a bit more.

But I am not yet whole.

Friends and the general public think I'm fine. And in ways, I am. But I can't be totally fine 3 weeks later with what I went through. Time heals all wounds. I will heal.

In the meantime, I have eaten WAY too much as a self-comforting/self-medicating coping mechanism. This is not good. Then I go lead a TOPS chapter. This is not easy. I feel like I am the one needing the help and in no position to be giving help. So, we are playing silly little health jeopardy type games and stuff to buy some time while I'm waiting to be made whole.

But in the meantime, I KNOW I MUST get my behavior under control. I haven't weighed, and the number doesn't matter....but I don't like the SIZE I can tell I'm gaining.

I'm looking into going to therapy of some sort to help me process this all in a healthy manner.

It has been quite the ordeal.

I'm glad it is over and that the time of healing is here.

Thanks for reading.


  1. Amy, I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad passing away and all you've been going through. You know I'm only an email away if you ever need me. Sending you healing thoughts and prayers and a great big loving hug.

  2. There's no rush to be healed, it's a process and will take a huge chunk of time on the strength of how much he means to you - you don't just make peace with that overnight. Turning to food isn't ideal but better that than losing your mind completely. When the pain and ache do eventually lessen, you can put your energy into the lifestyle you crave, one day at a time, that's all you can ask of yourself right now.

  3. Ohhh, I am so sorry for your loss. You are right, healing does take time. The anticipation of a loss is extremely stressful. Take the time you need and remember it's ok to let people know you are not ok. (((hugs)))