fat floats.

*disclaimer* This post may make some people say "yuck!". Don't say you haven't been warned!


This past weekend, I was gifted with a trip to the Homeschool Mom's Winter Summit. IT WAS A BLAST.

To top it all off, they were out of regular rooms so they gave me the king size jacuzzi suite for the regular room price! cha ching!

Anyway.....I laid back in the jacuzzi and washed my hair (this jacuzzi was HUGE. I'm 6 feet tall and I could lie down!) and I realized just how much fat floats. I held my floating stomach in my hands and realized that it was all fat.... I realized the blob that will be missing when I am at my goal weight. And then I reached to the sides of the blob and felt my pelvic bones. I thought "wow. That's the REAL me. There's a small me under this blob of fat."

It sounds corny, I know. But I think this was the first time I felt my pelvic bones. I normally can't feel them.

I'm working daily to remove the blob. The skinny me is longing to be revealed :)


(p.s. I hit the 270's today :)

Being 100% even in stress.

I declared this week "100% on plan" week and am really focusing on staying on plan. (for me, this means eating in calorie range, 5 or more fruits and/or veggies per day, 45 minutes of exercise every day except Wednesday and 132 ounces of water daily). So far so good!

Tomorrow I go out of town for the night...to a homeschool mom's retreat and I am SO READY. Today I'm packing my water and healthy snacks so I can stay on plan while there!

Hubby goes to the dentist this afternoon. His teeth have hurt the past 2 days. We couldn't really afford for him to go yet...but we are making it happen.

My grandmother is in the hospital with various infections. She is very sick. She was going to stay with my kids on Friday until hubby got off work but not now! LOL So, mom and dad (who work nights and sleep days) with get to sleepily watch my kids. On top of it all, mom and dad have really been struggling with finances and they are stressed to the max so I hate adding more stress for them to deal with.

So....a lot going on here.

I'm staying 100% on plan, regardless. If I went off plan every time things got stressful, I'd be off plan most of the time=====and going nowhere. I'm going somewhere now.

50 pound pics

A friend made this for me. I prefer that it would say "In progress" or "After 50 pounds lost" instead of just "after" because I still have 91 pounds to goal. Nevertheless, this is what a 50 pound loss changed. I'm happy with it. :)

Now........................I need to work on time management because I'm struggling with everything I need to do around here and errands and TOPS responsibilities and getting my workout in. My house looks HORRID.

I think step one is LESS TIME ONLINE! ta-ta thanks for reading!

Open house and 50 pounds

Today I hit 50 pounds lost! I need post "before" and "in progress" pics. I hope to get that done this week. I still have 91 pounds to go. I'm going to get there though.

Last night we had Open House at TOPS. It was a LOT of work. I was SO exhausted last night and I still am quite tired. I poured so much of me into that Open House, physically, mentally, emotionally. BUT..........I am so glad I did it because we doubled our membership! We went from being a chapter of 8 to being a chapter of 16! Woot!

Plenty to do around here.. I just crashed on the couch last night after the Open House, clothes and glasses and all!!!!!!!!!! So, no prep was made for today. Things aren't ready for school, we don't have clothes ready, etc. I'd best be getting off the computer!

Thanks for reading! Pics should be posted within a week!

NEVER give me a pain pill.

I had a tooth pulled yesterday morning and didn't pick up my prescription pain meds. By the time hubby got home from work and fed me my mashed potatoes & gravy, I was in pain. He had picked up my pain meds and he gave me one--Lortab.

I got up and read facebook and even posted that I was starting to feel a little dizzy, but it wasn't a major dizzy. I just knew I probably needed to go to bed soon.........


.........I got up to go to the kitchen for something and had to sit down at the table. Hubby was washing dishes and we were talking when suddenly (and I mean BAM like a slap in the face, totally unexpected) I had severe anxiety, felt like I couldn't breath and that my heart was racing and I broke out in a cold sweat.....

....I remember slumping down in the chair because I felt like I couldn't even sit up right. Then things were spinning like faster than being on a tilt-a-whirl. I couldn't see. I knew I was going to pass out.......

Hubby later told me that I was looking around like crazy and that he was patting me on the cheek and holding my head upright and saying "Are you ok? Are you ok?" I don't remember that at all.

I threw up too.... and that is just something I don't do. Even through 3 pregnancies and morning sickness and everything I didn't vomit. I've thrown up maybe 10 times in my life. TMI, I know...


He said he was going to help me get to the bed and I think I stood up, leaning over on him and he was going to try to walk me at least to the couch in the next room..........

‎........but I passed out. (The only other time in my life I have passed out was when I was a kid and I fractured my arm)

...I passed out and I'm sure my hubby was glad I'd lost 46 pounds as he helped me down to the ground LOL I'm still too heavy for him to just pick up and carry to the couch but he did get me down to the ground without injuring myself

...so I didn't remember even standing up but it was like I was asleep and I woke up on the kitchen floor in my hubby's arms and my kids all in my face scared.....

he wanted to get me to the bed but I knew I should not stand up so he helped me CRAWL (so messed up I had to have help crawling! that is sad!) to the bed and he told me to NOT get out of bed without telling him!

.....and I slept like a rock. This morning I'm still weak and a bit dizzy...I'm taking it slow. But it is nothing compared to yesterday! wow! I don't plan to EVER take another pill like that one!

I'll be glad for this pill to be completely out of my system. Tomorrow night we have our TOPS walk.

I looked it up online and I had all the symptoms of an overdose--but I only took one pill.

wow.

run your OWN race

January 6, 2012,My 3 miles at the track took me 1 hour and 3 minutes (that's longer than last time *sad face*)...for 2 reasons: #1 I haven't walked at the track in a long time and even though I've been doing the Leslie Sansone walk at home dvd, it isn't the same. So, I'm out of practice. (Let this be a good reminder to be consistent with track walking when the weather allows). Reason #2 is because there were other people there walking and I started out too quickly, trying to make myself look more fit than I am (run your OWN race, silly girl, not someone else's)and then at the 3/4 mile mark, my calves totally cramped up on me and I had to sit on the bleachers a LONG time. I started to go home. It hurt! So, that's why my time is so bad today.

Until those plans come....

Several people asked what I was going to do until tax time, when I plan to do the once-per-week gym thing. I will keep doing what I do now---which is make sure I get in 45 minutes of exercise, 6 days per week. Usually, that is in the form of a Leslie Sansone dvd. Once in a blue moon, when the weather is nice, I load up the kids and go to the track.

I also want to say "hello!" and "welcome" to my new followers! It is nice to be read :)

ah ha plans.

Out of the blue, I had an "ah ha!" idea and I'm really looking forward to it.

The issues:
Since I homeschool, I am with my kids ALL THE TIME and I could really use "me time" on a regular basis. Mom used to watch the kids every week while I went to TOPS but the kids started going with me when I started my own chapter.

I love exercising on a treadmill but I can't justify (or afford) $45 per month when I can't even go because...............like I said, I always have my kids and I rarely have ME time.

I want to watch the Biggest Loser but we don't have cable or anything.

The "ah ha" solution:
Ask mom to commit to watching the kids every week when The Biggest Loser is on, and go to the gym, buy a day pass ($5) and walk/jog on the treadmill while watching the show on the tv's that are built in to the treadmill!

Oh yes.......

I ran it past hubby and we are going to wait until tax time (how sad that you have to wait until tax time to free up a measley $5, but anyway).... but effective about 6 weeks from now, that should be the plan.

I'm looking forward to it!

7 things every day

1. Eat within calorie range, always.

2. Exercise at least 45 minutes every day except Wednesdays.

3. Drink 132 oz or more of water every day.

4. Have at least 5 fruits/veggies daily.

5. Every night, text my numbers to my accountability friend.

6. Don't even think about going to bed until the next day's food has been planned.

7. Set out tomorrow's clothes before I go to bed. (huge time saver for me)


So there you have it, my New Year's resolutions :) So far, so good.

Wouldn't it be awesome to NEVER have a gain in 2012? I'm going to strive for that.

We had an awesome TOPS meeting last night.

I have been incredibly busy.

Rock this day, okay? ;) ttyl

All quarter in the black. :)

Last night was the last weigh-in of the year. I lost half a pound. This whole quarter (Sept-Dec) I have been in the black--losing 12 weeks and staying the same 1 week. It resulted in a 17 pound loss. I am very happy with that. I will get an award at the next area fun day and as vain as it sounds, I love recognition. :)

It's not a gift.

For 12 solid weeks, I lost weight. I rocked it. It really wasn't hard. I had my mindset correct. I liked to feel the energy I received from exercise. My stomach turned at the thought of artificial ingredients, fake food, white bread, etc. It was easy. My weight loss felt like a gift. I just felt blessed and all pulled together. I wasn't struggling. at all.

IT IS NOT A GIFT.

A gift is something you get just because. Weight loss isn't just randomly handed to you with a Merry Christmas. Weight loss only comes because of something your are DOING. works.

I had this mentality of "oh yeah, I've got this. I'm losing weight and I can not fail.". That is a bad way to think! My weight loss mentor (whom I text every night) is in the midst of a long term family emergency and I'm not texting her (...there goes a big accountability thing...uh oh!). Then I got sick (again) with this sinus, cough, low energy stuff and I felt like NOT exercising so I haven't been. (yeah...so much for my "rule" of eating what I planned--- I threw that out way too easily). Throw in the fact that it is a few days before payday, we are broke and there's not a lot of choices in the kitchen. Bad choices are SO easy to justify!!!

JUSTIFYING BAD CHOICES is the exact same thing as MAKING EXCUSES.

Yes, I have been making them.

And so....after 12 weeks of losses, last night I had a turtle (stayed the same).

I need to pull myself together. NOW.


One good choice makes the next good choice easier.... Good choices, here I come.

Grandma doesn't love you just because you eat her cookies

WHY do we waste calories on foods we don't love? I just ate 4-5 coconut oatmeal cookies that weren't even good very good. But grandma made them and brought them to me saying "Merry Christmas" and the next thing you know, I'm eating them. For some reason, my brain said, "You HAVE to eat these! Your sweet grandma made them for you!" UGH! I'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed! Lesson learned: "If you don't love it and if you don't have the calories for it and if isn't good for you, get it OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!"

12 in a row

Just a short note to say that YES I did have another loss Monday night (half pound) so I've gone 12 in a row :)

21 things I bet you didn't know about me

1. I am 8 inches taller than my husband.

2. I want to just go to church and not have to serve in any manner and not feel guilty about that. (there is always a shortage of workers, be it Sunday School teachers, church cleaners, people willing to be the treasurer, etc)

3. I love ice cream, especially mocha.

4. I haven't cut my hair since 1993.

5. Facial hair is a constant battle. *sigh*

6. I stay on facebook way too much.

7. I dream of having everything clean and perfectly organized but I never have time to do it all (see #6 again).

8. I'd love to go to a fancy hotel, all by myself, work out in their gym, go to a spa and get a facial and get my facial hair taken care of (see #5 again LOL), then go back to my room and watch the Biggest Loser and get a lot of sleep. Not that I'd ever be able to do that without feeling like I'm neglecting my sleep, but I do daydream of that LOL

9. We go to the library EVERY Monday.

10. I check out 3 health magazines from the library every week.

11. We check out an average of 30 books PER WEEK. My kids read A LOT.

12. I think I will have a job doing public speaking of some sort one day way down the road.

13. I measure honey with a medicine cup.

14. I love tights.

15. I CRAVE pancakes with Griffin's syrup but since that syrup is 500 CALORIES for a half cup, I no longer buy it.

16. I quit school at age 15 (which is illegal).

17. I miscarried in 2004.

18. I drink my water from a 44 ounce Sonic cup.

19. I make lists. Every day. And I feel like a failure when I don't accomplish everything on my list. (can anyone say ocd?)

20. I have an emotional need for words of affirmation. (This is not always a good thing)

21. When I become the TOPS Queen, I plan to ride on the back of a convertible and wave at people in parades. :)


I was tagged by Jessica at "See How She Runs".

I don't know how to link people's pages, but I'm tagging:

Jane Cartelli at keepingthepoundsoff.com
Carb Tripper (Anne H)
Dawn (Lay down my idols)

flop

Guess what? December is busy! and NOT NORMAL! LOL

Even though I believed I had a rock solid determination, I had TWO flop days this past week. Flop day number one I didn't exercise because I was busy, busy, busy and by 10 p.m. I was too tired. I also ate a kashi mocha bar even when I had used all of my calories. Ok, that wasn't a HUGE flop but it wasn't on target either!

Flop day #2 was Saturday. I started my day with my kashi cereal and later had some fruit, so I didn't just wake up planning to fail. However, Saturday was crazy busy! (4 hours of shopping, cleaned the church, went to a parade, constant something!) When I stopped by my parent's, my dad gave me a donut. I ate it. (mistake!) I was hungry for junk from that point on. While cleaning the church, there were Christmas cookies in the kitchen. I ate one. Supper was a happy meal. *sigh* I ate candy from the parade and then went home and ate cereal and a pb&j sandwich at approx 10:30 p.m. and go NO exercise in! FAIL!

And so, I made new rules for myself and I hate them but they help! #1 I must get up at 6 a.m. and get my exercise DONE first. (I am SO not a morning person...waaa!) Rule #2 Each night before I go to bed, I must write down exactly what I will be eating the next day and then stick to it. If someone gives me something yummy, I can take it home and work it into the next day's food plan. NO IMPULSE EATING.

yep. December is not easy. But I refuse to fail.

rest vs. exercise

I normally only allow myself one day per week that I don't exercise-- Wednesdays--because Wednesdays are hectic for me with school, daughter's therapy and then church.

However, this week has been busy busy busy busy. I've been to the dentist twice this week. I've had more errands and paperwork to take care of than normal, along with my normal busyness.

I am so tired.

I know that being excessively tired is not healthy. I WANT to finish up what has to be done tonight and go to bed super early (I'm thinking 8).

But on the other hand............I don't want to be making excuses to miss my workout.

tired tired tired.

What to do?

Rocking it.

I'm still rocking it :) Last night was week number 11 of losses. 19 pounds gone in 11 weeks. I'm 44 pounds from my highest weight ever. Yes.

I have a super busy day today:
school, errands, dentist, Christmas shopping.

No time to blog or read other's blogs! I will catch up soon!

Thanks for reading!

banana

*Step away from the banana and no one gets hurt*

I eat a banana every morning in my kashi cereal, so I felt nervous when I realized we were down to my last banana. I'm not taking my chances on it being gone tomorrow--I claimed it LOL

Today I ate 100% healthy and on plan and had a very high energy day. I need to do that EVERY day. It is so much better than the junk food/feel bad days.

:) goodnight.

Thanks, guys :)

Thank you all for the comments you have left the me past couple of days. They really are encouraging and helpful!

Yesterday I wrote out exactly what I will eat today. It is healthy and balanced and I will stick to it. Today I will write out tomorrow's food. While I'm feeling kind of "wobbley" I think I will do this daily. It takes my emotions out of my eating.

I'm planning to have a rocking great day. I hope you do too!!!!!!

Thanks again!

NO. Just no.

I have really been on a roll, you know. Eating healthy and not even craving junk. Exercising and enjoying it. Feeling energetic. Losing weight.

Then I allowed myself to eat too much pie on Thanksgiving and while my weight is ok, my cravings and energy level are NOT. I have craved sweets and carbs and artificial junk that isn't really even food. I need to watch another food documentary and get repulsed at that kind of food again.

Eating pie on one day (Thanksgiving) got me out of the groove that I was in and I'm like a zipper that is out of whack and doesn't want to zip right.

NO. JUST NO. I will NOT allow myself to stay out of whack. NO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. no.

I've had a headache for days. I have had no energy, wanted to sleep, sleep and sleep, and have felt sick. I have eaten cookies and white bread and a fake burger from McDonalds. I haven't gone over my calories (because I have to report my calories ever night and I don't want to look like a flop) but I reach the end of my calories before I reach the end of my day and I go to bed hungry. Right now it is 2:15 p.m., I am hungry and I have 500 something calories left for the rest of the day. wow.

Ok, that's enough bellyaching.

Now, to come up with a plan. Because I refuse to stay here. You lose weight when you are giving it ALL YOU HAVE and you start to regain it when you fail to give it all you have. I need a plan. A get-back-into-the-groove plan.

All I know is to do the things I know to do. Eat fruits, veggies, chicken. Nothing fake. Eat normal portions. Exercise. Keep reporting to my weight loss mentor each night. Drink water. Think positive thoughts. Do it regardless of how I feel or what I crave or what sounds better.

Just do it.

Because I refuse to go back to the old me. NO. THe answer is just no and that is final.

Yes, I've been talking to myself here. :)