Saturday, January 31, 2015

Out with a-- *small fizzle*

There's a fine line between what you should put out there publicly on the internet and what you should keep to yourself. I've been sitting here trying to decide whether to spill the beans and tell you all what has been going on in our lives this week or if doing so might come back to bite me in the rear in other areas of my life.

I think I will just be vague and just give the "what is going on" and not the "how that happened".

What is going on>>>> through no fault of our own, we are beyond broke. Extremely. To the point of I don't even know what I will feed my family today. I hate this. Despise it. I want to prosper and I like to project the image that we are doing fine. We are not.

The events of this week that I haven't mentioned included lots of paperwork, busyiness AND business, and losing a few THOUSAND dollars. I have less than a dollar in cash and our bank account is in the negative. We have borrowed from everywhere there is to borrow from and have pawned stuff, just in an effort to keep our utilities on and put gas in the car.

In the midst of all of this, I still did school with the kids (we homeschool) with a crying baby on my hip, and drove my mom to run her errands (she is recently widowed and does not drive). I have come up with SOMETHING to feed the family each day but it has been a scramble.

I did not know all of this was going to happen or I would not have even declared my out with a bang challenge. It is a terrible time to put pressure on myself. I have to eat whatever I can come up with. Every night I sit in my chair with my notebook to pre-plan but I hit a brick wall because I just don't know what I can come up with.

I don't have money to buy bottled water and for years we have received notices that our town's tap water is not up to code.

So..........................I'm backing out.........which does make me feel like I failed.......but I wanted to include the above so it wouldn't look like I was just an undetermined weekling. ALL of the above was NOT our fault.

Brighter days will come. My sister is buying us some groceries tomorrow, then we get foodstamps on the 5th (I hope my transparency doesn't get me a lot of hate comments----people can be so harsh on people for drawing foodstamps). And spring is just around the corner----which is when my husband's business prospers (small engine repair).

And so....................there it is. Swallowed my pride.

Last night at after 10 p.m., my sister charged a Pizza Hut pizza for my family, her family, and my mom. As I sat in the parking lot waiting for it to cook, I noticed the blue, four door truck parked next to me. It was pretty new. The young couple that came out and got in were wearing nice, newish, trendy clothing and had obviously had money to go out to eat. Town is full of people who prosper. I can't help but wonder WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG? What do those people do that we don't? Where are we messing up? What are we supposed to do in order to prosper? I'm really seeking the Lord for answers because I'm tired of being the tail and not the head. This applies to finances but it also applies to health/weight. I'm tired of being the poor fat lady. I want to be the wealthy, healthy lady. How?????????????????????? Tired tired tired of this junk. Looking for and praying for answers.

Thank you so much to FogDog and Jessica for the nice comments on yesterday's post.


  1. I don't write anymore but I still keep up with reading ... I'm sorry to hear what you're going through right now, I've definitely been there before, both as a kid and as a parent, and it can be incredibly hard to avoid equating self-worth with financial worth. I can tell you that as a kid, we didn't notice that cereal wasn't supposed to be for dinner, we just noticed that we were enjoying it together as a family

  2. Okay. I've looked for an email address and couldn't find it. If you wouldn't mind, email me and i'll email you back. I don't want to put my comment here. Thanks, Deb

    1. And I just emailed you :)

  3. Sorry TTL, that last comment was mine. My daughter logged in on my PC earlier and forgot to log off.

  4. There is a big difference between an excuse and a real reason why you can't do something! Hang in there, I hope things get better soon.

  5. I so relate to this post. I used to wonder the same thing. I spent a lot of years wondering what I did that made it so that I wasn't able to take my family on vacations or live in a nicer house. But here is the best part. You talked about putting your faith in God and Him handling it. That is EXACTLY what I did 7 years ago. I wound up completing undergrad and going to law school. I am a prosecutor, so I don't make tons of money, but I do not stress over it either. I have a suspicion since you have chosen to lay it before Him, you will have the same story soon.

    Hang in there, I know it is tough right now. But you got what it takes, I can tell it just by the tone of this post.

  6. Big hugs sweety! Maybe those people have 14 hour a day jobs and no children! That generally helps the money situation! Mind you, I work 12 hour days, 2 jobs, have no children and am constantly running over budget! So, who knows? These things are sent to try us.

  7. I've been there, too. Food stamps are necessary. I admire all that you do for those who are you blood family and those who are not. Would you mind emailing me, too?

  8. The credit card balance carrying interest is a big expense and it is one thing our family has strived to never have, we pay our bill every month. However we have lived in good times, unemployment & underemployment. Then the big move half way across the country to get the only work that was available. The moving expense was huge. THis was a good year. But our savings is gone, the nest egg was spent on daily living. The retirement is not big. And there is no college fund. You never know what others are living through so do not judge them, even if they look like they have it together it may be a facade.

    The first thing is to cook everything from scratch and healthy food. It takes longer to prepare but it is much cheaper than take out pizza.

    I am sorry you are going through a struggle time.

    Have you read any of the money books for families like Suze Orman or Dave Ramsay?

    Circling to another post you made about taking care of your body I should have said I also lately have been thinking these things:

    GOd wants us to be good stewards of our money and our possessions. Take care of what we own. Feel grateful for what we own.
    God wants us to be good stewards of our physical bodies. Respect the body, feed it well, treat it right, do not abuse it with eating garbage or over indulging.

    I would also recommend that perhaps you clear your schedule of some of your night commitments so you have time to learn and do what has to be done (ie read a book and discuss financial planning with your husband, meal planning, time to cook from scratch etc.). For example is not attending church worship once a week enough? Something has to give in order to make time for a giant project like getting your health and eating on track and dealing witth the finances. BOTH ARE BIG PROJECTS and deserve to be taken seriously.

    hugs to you