There's a fine line between what you should put out there publicly on the internet and what you should keep to yourself. I've been sitting here trying to decide whether to spill the beans and tell you all what has been going on in our lives this week or if doing so might come back to bite me in the rear in other areas of my life.
I think I will just be vague and just give the "what is going on" and not the "how that happened".
What is going on>>>> through no fault of our own, we are beyond broke. Extremely. To the point of I don't even know what I will feed my family today. I hate this. Despise it. I want to prosper and I like to project the image that we are doing fine. We are not.
The events of this week that I haven't mentioned included lots of paperwork, busyiness AND business, and losing a few THOUSAND dollars. I have less than a dollar in cash and our bank account is in the negative. We have borrowed from everywhere there is to borrow from and have pawned stuff, just in an effort to keep our utilities on and put gas in the car.
In the midst of all of this, I still did school with the kids (we homeschool) with a crying baby on my hip, and drove my mom to run her errands (she is recently widowed and does not drive). I have come up with SOMETHING to feed the family each day but it has been a scramble.
I did not know all of this was going to happen or I would not have even declared my out with a bang challenge. It is a terrible time to put pressure on myself. I have to eat whatever I can come up with. Every night I sit in my chair with my notebook to pre-plan but I hit a brick wall because I just don't know what I can come up with.
I don't have money to buy bottled water and for years we have received notices that our town's tap water is not up to code.
So..........................I'm backing out.........which does make me feel like I failed.......but I wanted to include the above so it wouldn't look like I was just an undetermined weekling. ALL of the above was NOT our fault.
Brighter days will come. My sister is buying us some groceries tomorrow, then we get foodstamps on the 5th (I hope my transparency doesn't get me a lot of hate comments----people can be so harsh on people for drawing foodstamps). And spring is just around the corner----which is when my husband's business prospers (small engine repair).
And so....................there it is. Swallowed my pride.
Last night at after 10 p.m., my sister charged a Pizza Hut pizza for my family, her family, and my mom. As I sat in the parking lot waiting for it to cook, I noticed the blue, four door truck parked next to me. It was pretty new. The young couple that came out and got in were wearing nice, newish, trendy clothing and had obviously had money to go out to eat. Town is full of people who prosper. I can't help but wonder WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG? What do those people do that we don't? Where are we messing up? What are we supposed to do in order to prosper? I'm really seeking the Lord for answers because I'm tired of being the tail and not the head. This applies to finances but it also applies to health/weight. I'm tired of being the poor fat lady. I want to be the wealthy, healthy lady. How?????????????????????? Tired tired tired of this junk. Looking for and praying for answers.
Thank you so much to FogDog and Jessica for the nice comments on yesterday's post.