In last night's TOPS lesson, we discussed a light switch. It is usually either on (up) or off (down). It is POSSIBLE to balance it in the middle but what's the point in that and what's the reward for that effort? Nothing.
And so it is with our health journey. Most of the time we are either on target or off target. Sometimes we go through a great effort to be in the middle---aka---kind of trying but also kind of just doing what we want. What's the profit in that? Sadly, I think that's where I am.
AND I DESPISE IT.
Today's stats demonstrate it:
Calories: 727 over (all because I didn't pre-plan meals, couldn't find full, and wanted sweets late in the day. Seriously, if I were truly "on", I would have said "Well, too bad. Suck it up buttercup, because you aren't going over your calorie limit)
Fruits and veggies: 4
Water: 60 ounces
Exercise: none
See what I mean, Vern?
Tonight I am very frustrated with myself. Being "in the middle" does NOTHING but waste time and energy and "ain't nobody got time for that."
eeeerrrrrrrr
#FrUsTrAteD
#NeedingABreakthrough
#IMissBeingOn
#IWillShineAgain
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Monday, November 10, 2014
stop the shaking
The past few days I have felt like a little Polly Pocket doll, put in a brown paper sack, and shaken vigorously by a 2-year-old. It's just been chaos! Lots going on-- you don't need to know details. But I'm tired of the shaking.
This morning, I realized that NO ONE in our family had clean clothes or underclothes and there were no clean towels for shower. There were a ton of dirty dishes and trash needed to be taken out. I had no idea what anyone was going to eat and we had about an hour until school. I needed to take care of business before TOPS, so that meant I would jump straight from school (we homeschool), to errands, to TOPS...and we get home from TOPS around 8 p.m. Oh...and my TOPS lesson wasn't even prepared. O-VER-WHELMED. And so..........I declared, "I don't feel so well and school is not happening today". Then I gave the baby to my teen daughter and went to bed for 2 hours and slept like a rock. (I think the sleep issue is hindering my abilities to handle things in stride. My doctor should be calling me any day now about my sleep study results.)
After I woke, I took things one thing at a time, starting with clean clothes. My house did not get totally put back in order, but it will over time.
I need to focus on ME and MY family this week. That sounds terribly selfish, especially when there is legitimate need by people you love. But you can only do what you can do and I just can't do it all. So...yeah...I hope it all works out!!!
Monday 11/10/14
I DID keep a food diary today.
calories- 37 under the limit (whoo hoo--finally)
no exercise
70 ounces of water
4 servings of fruits and veggies
Crummy 2.4 pound gain at TOPS tonight ..........that reflected my poor stress/busy related choices from the past several days.
*exhale*
This morning, I realized that NO ONE in our family had clean clothes or underclothes and there were no clean towels for shower. There were a ton of dirty dishes and trash needed to be taken out. I had no idea what anyone was going to eat and we had about an hour until school. I needed to take care of business before TOPS, so that meant I would jump straight from school (we homeschool), to errands, to TOPS...and we get home from TOPS around 8 p.m. Oh...and my TOPS lesson wasn't even prepared. O-VER-WHELMED. And so..........I declared, "I don't feel so well and school is not happening today". Then I gave the baby to my teen daughter and went to bed for 2 hours and slept like a rock. (I think the sleep issue is hindering my abilities to handle things in stride. My doctor should be calling me any day now about my sleep study results.)
After I woke, I took things one thing at a time, starting with clean clothes. My house did not get totally put back in order, but it will over time.
I need to focus on ME and MY family this week. That sounds terribly selfish, especially when there is legitimate need by people you love. But you can only do what you can do and I just can't do it all. So...yeah...I hope it all works out!!!
Monday 11/10/14
I DID keep a food diary today.
calories- 37 under the limit (whoo hoo--finally)
no exercise
70 ounces of water
4 servings of fruits and veggies
Crummy 2.4 pound gain at TOPS tonight ..........that reflected my poor stress/busy related choices from the past several days.
*exhale*
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Not too fat to jump
Friday my kids had a field trip---what's a cool mom to do on her kids' field trip? Jump on the huge jumping pillow, of course! Two years ago, we attended this trip to this same pumpkin patch. At that time, I was at my lowest weight. About 4 days prior, dad had been diagnosed with terminal stage 4 lung cancer. I had a lot of emotions and sorrow within me. But on the trip, I got on the pillow and while I jumped, I had no problems. So, this year I go on the trip, and I am NOT at my lowest weight, but dad has died and I still have emotions and sorrow I'm dealing with----and so---I jumped. It is very hard to feel sorrow when you are jumping. You can see me jumping on this video that I posted to my facebook page. I look forward to the day I can go jump again and jump for joy because I will have lost all my excess weight! https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=771467936259671&set=vb.100001894154920&type=2&theater
Friday, November 7, 2014
Double 14 Moving Farm Revival
Ha! What a title! Each word in the title represents something I want to blog about. Put side by side, these words just cause confusion and that's pretty much what my life has felt like the past several days. I'm on a roller coaster ride and I want to get off!
Double: I missed a day (or two?) of posting in my 100 days of accountability and I missed two days of journaling my food/water/exercise at home. The past two days have just been "survive whatever is thrown at you next". Seriously, it's been HECTIC. Toooooo hectic. Some of the things I put on myself because I have this weird syndrome where I volunteer for a bunch of stuff (smile) and some of the other things were other people putting things on me to do (eeerrr. I don't mind it too much when it is needful, but I really resent it when it is stuff they could do themselves but find a flimsy excuse to just put it on me) and some if it is just life and it's crazy timing that sometimes makes things busy. I'm seriously thinking of declaring this "NO" November and just saying "No" to everything LOL
14: My sleep study showed I have a breathing problem 14 times per hour. Insurance says I can get a c-pap if I have an issue 15 times per hour. That's pretty close. I'm waiting for the official "doctor's word" but the tech said she thought the doctor would send me back for a 2nd night to see if I could sleep a little worse. ha!
Moving: This will be vague as I don't want to tell other people's business. Someone I love and am very close to is in a very hard spot in their life. very. They are having severe health problems, their husband is handicapped, they recently lost transportation, they've had a death in their family, today is their last day of employment, AND they are losing their house next week. WOW. It makes all the stuff I whine about sound like nothing. Anyway....tomorrow I help them move into a house that is owned by a relative. They can live there rent free, which is good, but the house is almost unlivable, which is terrible. I've been spending some time doing what I can to make the situation a little better........and I can't even see a dent in the mess.
Farm: Today we have a field trip to a fun pumpkin farm. I'm looking forward to it for 2 reasons: #1 It forces me to spend 2 hours having fun and #2 They have a huge jumping pillow that I jump on like a 10 year old. (Google jumping pillow to see what I'm talking about) I jumped on that pillow 2 years ago, just a handful of days after we got dad's cancer diagnosis--and I jumped a lot of emotion out on that pillow! I was also at my lowest weight and didn't feel "too fat to have fun". Fat or not, I'm jumping this year.
Revival: We are in revival and some family members are involved in service, so we have to go early. That means my time to accomplish what needs to be done has been ending by around 4 or 5 p.m. Revival has been great-- I'm glad it is here-- I'm just giving a glimpse of the busyness I've had.
And today is busy---------but I'm going to conquer it!
Double: I missed a day (or two?) of posting in my 100 days of accountability and I missed two days of journaling my food/water/exercise at home. The past two days have just been "survive whatever is thrown at you next". Seriously, it's been HECTIC. Toooooo hectic. Some of the things I put on myself because I have this weird syndrome where I volunteer for a bunch of stuff (smile) and some of the other things were other people putting things on me to do (eeerrr. I don't mind it too much when it is needful, but I really resent it when it is stuff they could do themselves but find a flimsy excuse to just put it on me) and some if it is just life and it's crazy timing that sometimes makes things busy. I'm seriously thinking of declaring this "NO" November and just saying "No" to everything LOL
14: My sleep study showed I have a breathing problem 14 times per hour. Insurance says I can get a c-pap if I have an issue 15 times per hour. That's pretty close. I'm waiting for the official "doctor's word" but the tech said she thought the doctor would send me back for a 2nd night to see if I could sleep a little worse. ha!
Moving: This will be vague as I don't want to tell other people's business. Someone I love and am very close to is in a very hard spot in their life. very. They are having severe health problems, their husband is handicapped, they recently lost transportation, they've had a death in their family, today is their last day of employment, AND they are losing their house next week. WOW. It makes all the stuff I whine about sound like nothing. Anyway....tomorrow I help them move into a house that is owned by a relative. They can live there rent free, which is good, but the house is almost unlivable, which is terrible. I've been spending some time doing what I can to make the situation a little better........and I can't even see a dent in the mess.
Farm: Today we have a field trip to a fun pumpkin farm. I'm looking forward to it for 2 reasons: #1 It forces me to spend 2 hours having fun and #2 They have a huge jumping pillow that I jump on like a 10 year old. (Google jumping pillow to see what I'm talking about) I jumped on that pillow 2 years ago, just a handful of days after we got dad's cancer diagnosis--and I jumped a lot of emotion out on that pillow! I was also at my lowest weight and didn't feel "too fat to have fun". Fat or not, I'm jumping this year.
Revival: We are in revival and some family members are involved in service, so we have to go early. That means my time to accomplish what needs to be done has been ending by around 4 or 5 p.m. Revival has been great-- I'm glad it is here-- I'm just giving a glimpse of the busyness I've had.
And today is busy---------but I'm going to conquer it!
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Dad's (deceased) birthday
If things were different, today my grandma would have made my dad an Italian Creme Cake. Dad would have insisted that it would be ok for Baby Dan to eat cake and I would insist that it is not. We would have bought dad something and he would have acted like it was the greatest present ever and display it, even if it was a Dollar Tree gift. He would have acted goofy and would have sung "Happy birthday to me". He would have changed Kara's flat tire this morning........and grandma and grandpa's flat tire this morning, too (My family has had quite a tire day!) He would have bought mom a hamburger and he would have bought himself a taco with no lettuce, add beans and extra beef. And then he would have watched wrestling or John Wayne and he would say he had a good birthday.
Today someone asked me-- "I know this is IMPOSSIBLE---this is just a hypothetical question-- but if it were possible to talk on the phone with your dad for just 5 minutes today, what would you say?" Here's my answer: First of all, I would ask him if he was ok......and exactly where he was. Can he see what is going on in our lives? I would tell him that I'm thinking about going to college within the next 5 years and maybe become a nutritionist. He would ask "What the ______ is that?" ha ha. Then I would give him an answer and he would just want to know if I could make a lot of money as a nutritionist and if I said yes, he would be excited for me....because his life long goal for me since I was about 7 years old was for me to grow up and make a lot of money LOL I would then tell him that I started writing a book about his dying process and all the crazy stuff we went through and how naive Kara and I were (although we THOUGHT we were fully informed beforehand). He would again turn to the thought of financial success and say he was glad that his story could bring us some money and that he hoped it sells lots of copies. He would tell me to just tell the truth about everything because reality sells so much better than sugar coated---then he'd end the conversation with some light hearted, inappropriate joke---something like "Don't worry about offending me with what you write-- you can't offend me-- I'm dead!" Ha. Goodness.......we miss you dad. And today was weird.
11/4/14
Calories: most likely in range... we ate out, I'm not sure. I didn't eat much today other than what I ate at Pizza Hut at lunch.
Fruits/veggies: mostly just the peppers/onions on my pizza
Exercise: I really didn't want to---- I've had a very emotional day--- but then I thought "girl--you can't quit a challenge a day after you begin it" LOL So.........15 minute Leslie dvd.
water: not nearly enough
Today someone asked me-- "I know this is IMPOSSIBLE---this is just a hypothetical question-- but if it were possible to talk on the phone with your dad for just 5 minutes today, what would you say?" Here's my answer: First of all, I would ask him if he was ok......and exactly where he was. Can he see what is going on in our lives? I would tell him that I'm thinking about going to college within the next 5 years and maybe become a nutritionist. He would ask "What the ______ is that?" ha ha. Then I would give him an answer and he would just want to know if I could make a lot of money as a nutritionist and if I said yes, he would be excited for me....because his life long goal for me since I was about 7 years old was for me to grow up and make a lot of money LOL I would then tell him that I started writing a book about his dying process and all the crazy stuff we went through and how naive Kara and I were (although we THOUGHT we were fully informed beforehand). He would again turn to the thought of financial success and say he was glad that his story could bring us some money and that he hoped it sells lots of copies. He would tell me to just tell the truth about everything because reality sells so much better than sugar coated---then he'd end the conversation with some light hearted, inappropriate joke---something like "Don't worry about offending me with what you write-- you can't offend me-- I'm dead!" Ha. Goodness.......we miss you dad. And today was weird.
11/4/14
Calories: most likely in range... we ate out, I'm not sure. I didn't eat much today other than what I ate at Pizza Hut at lunch.
Fruits/veggies: mostly just the peppers/onions on my pizza
Exercise: I really didn't want to---- I've had a very emotional day--- but then I thought "girl--you can't quit a challenge a day after you begin it" LOL So.........15 minute Leslie dvd.
water: not nearly enough
Monday, November 3, 2014
low cal cuz you're broke
It suddenly got easy to stay in my calorie range. We have entered the "2 days before payday" time frame, which means eat what there is..........and honey, there isn't much! It's hard to overeat on a can of peas! ;) But I'm not complaining. We are making it.
The baby didn't understand that time time changed........and so he woke crazy early. So I sit here at 9:20 p.m., feeling like it is after midnight! Very soon after I finish this blog, I'm hitting the hay!
I called today to confirm that all my insurance stuff was squared away for Wednesday night's sleep study---and they said it is! Eeek! This is really happening! I will be so glad to get my rest situation fixed. My doctor feels like that is where a LOT of my problems stem from---and I'm betting she is right!
Hubby wasn't excited about working all day, then having baby duty during the night while I'm at sleep study (baby does wake quite a bit), then get up and leave for work at 6:15 the next morning. I know he was just speaking his feelings but I wanted so bad to scream "Do you realize that is exactly what I have done for the past 7 months???!!!" Ok...so I don't have to leave for a job (I'm a homeschool mom) but my goodness, do I ever work. He wasn't picking a fight. I just took it that way ;)
Exercise: 15 minute Leslie Sansone dvd (I'm challenging myself to exercise 15 minutes or more each day for the remainder of the month)
F&V: 4 servings
Water: 40ish ounces
Calories: within range
The baby didn't understand that time time changed........and so he woke crazy early. So I sit here at 9:20 p.m., feeling like it is after midnight! Very soon after I finish this blog, I'm hitting the hay!
I called today to confirm that all my insurance stuff was squared away for Wednesday night's sleep study---and they said it is! Eeek! This is really happening! I will be so glad to get my rest situation fixed. My doctor feels like that is where a LOT of my problems stem from---and I'm betting she is right!
Hubby wasn't excited about working all day, then having baby duty during the night while I'm at sleep study (baby does wake quite a bit), then get up and leave for work at 6:15 the next morning. I know he was just speaking his feelings but I wanted so bad to scream "Do you realize that is exactly what I have done for the past 7 months???!!!" Ok...so I don't have to leave for a job (I'm a homeschool mom) but my goodness, do I ever work. He wasn't picking a fight. I just took it that way ;)
Exercise: 15 minute Leslie Sansone dvd (I'm challenging myself to exercise 15 minutes or more each day for the remainder of the month)
F&V: 4 servings
Water: 40ish ounces
Calories: within range
Sunday, November 2, 2014
beeping low battery
You know when the battery on your phone starts getting too low? It starts beeping at you. It can beep for quite a while, giving you time to charge it. Finally, it reaches the end of it's energy source and your phone is useless until it is plugged back in.
Well, that's me this evening.
For several DAYS, I've been beeping. It was both a physical, mental, and emotional beep (because they are all connected).
Our bodies have a way of telling us what we need to do. Mine kept telling me "You need a DAY--- like 6-8 hours in a row-- to be home alone-- to catch your breath from taking care of others-- to take care of yourself and to have focused, quiet time to accomplish the things that would ease the 'You need to get that done!' thought from your mind."
That is NOT an easy accomplishment. Not only did I need a babysitter, I needed it to be with someone the kids WANTED to be with. I needed it to be something they enjoyed doing, otherwise, I would have a hard time enjoying MY time by stressing about them counting the minutes waiting for me.
Goodness...I'm making a long story of this! Sorry!
Shorter version: My extended family isn't that large AND several of them are involved in a major stressful situation at the moment, so no, that wasn't going to work. I even posted on my fb that I really NEEDED a babysitter for my mental health---and crickets chirped. It's funny that I can post a cute pic and get 100 likes, but I can post that I really need some help and "nobody sees that post".
So..........I've just sucked it up.
And my battery has beeped on.
And I've kept working---and I've been snappy and emotional---because I'm EXHAUSTED. Have I mentioned that baby is teething and is waking 5-6 times per night and doesn't want to be set down during the day?
This morning, my husband and I donated blood before Sunday School. We do that quite often. Today, I got dizzy. And it went downhill from there. Sweet daughter (age 13) watched the baby all afternoon and I took a 2 hour nap. Now they are all gone to church and I'm at home feeling pretty rotten.
I have a few hours here alone, and I'm going to work on ME. I'm "plugging my phone in".
I wish I could re-evaluate this situation and learn something from it-- something alone the line of "Next time, you should do X instead." But I seriously don't know what I would have done differently. I reached out for help. Help was not to be found. Suck it up was the only option.
Sleep apnea probably has alot to do with this. My sleep study is Wednesday (UNLESS we have another insurance delay). Maybe I will find answers there.
Regardless, this I know: Even if everyone else in the world thinks I can suck it up and keep going, I KNOW ME and I know I AM WORTH TAKING CARE OF TOO..........and I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to fight for my health.
Calories/fruits and veggies: I don't even know. I just ate today. Didn't journal :/
Water: 50 oz?
Exercise: none
Struggle. But I'm working on it--- fighting to find balance.
Well, that's me this evening.
For several DAYS, I've been beeping. It was both a physical, mental, and emotional beep (because they are all connected).
Our bodies have a way of telling us what we need to do. Mine kept telling me "You need a DAY--- like 6-8 hours in a row-- to be home alone-- to catch your breath from taking care of others-- to take care of yourself and to have focused, quiet time to accomplish the things that would ease the 'You need to get that done!' thought from your mind."
That is NOT an easy accomplishment. Not only did I need a babysitter, I needed it to be with someone the kids WANTED to be with. I needed it to be something they enjoyed doing, otherwise, I would have a hard time enjoying MY time by stressing about them counting the minutes waiting for me.
Goodness...I'm making a long story of this! Sorry!
Shorter version: My extended family isn't that large AND several of them are involved in a major stressful situation at the moment, so no, that wasn't going to work. I even posted on my fb that I really NEEDED a babysitter for my mental health---and crickets chirped. It's funny that I can post a cute pic and get 100 likes, but I can post that I really need some help and "nobody sees that post".
So..........I've just sucked it up.
And my battery has beeped on.
And I've kept working---and I've been snappy and emotional---because I'm EXHAUSTED. Have I mentioned that baby is teething and is waking 5-6 times per night and doesn't want to be set down during the day?
This morning, my husband and I donated blood before Sunday School. We do that quite often. Today, I got dizzy. And it went downhill from there. Sweet daughter (age 13) watched the baby all afternoon and I took a 2 hour nap. Now they are all gone to church and I'm at home feeling pretty rotten.
I have a few hours here alone, and I'm going to work on ME. I'm "plugging my phone in".
I wish I could re-evaluate this situation and learn something from it-- something alone the line of "Next time, you should do X instead." But I seriously don't know what I would have done differently. I reached out for help. Help was not to be found. Suck it up was the only option.
Sleep apnea probably has alot to do with this. My sleep study is Wednesday (UNLESS we have another insurance delay). Maybe I will find answers there.
Regardless, this I know: Even if everyone else in the world thinks I can suck it up and keep going, I KNOW ME and I know I AM WORTH TAKING CARE OF TOO..........and I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to fight for my health.
Calories/fruits and veggies: I don't even know. I just ate today. Didn't journal :/
Water: 50 oz?
Exercise: none
Struggle. But I'm working on it--- fighting to find balance.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
a bad fake Elvis
Today was our TOPS area fun day. Our "entertainment" was a bad Elvis impersonator. He tried. He had a good heart.
He had nothing about him that said "Elvis" besides his costume.
His mother was Japanese and his father was from Guam. He had a very heavy accent. He says Elvis songs that I never heard of but when someone requested Jailhouse Rock, that one he didn't have. LOL What was so funny was that there were a lot of older ladies at the event and they were swooning and even putting money in his belt. It was interesting to say the least!
I ate a healthy breakfast on the way over--- a banana and almonds.
They served salad and soup for lunch and it was soooo yummy! So yummy, in fact, that I asked if I could take some leftovers home and that's what we ate again for supper!
However, the lid came off in the trunk and some of the juice got all over that baby's stroller and diaper bag. WHAT A MESS!
The awards at fun day were for July-Sept. I didn't win many. Next time, I want to win them all! LOL But you reap what you sow, so I guess I need to FOCUS on my sowing!
Hubby is trying to help me be motivated to get to bed earlier and get more rest....and he just came in and gave me "the look".......so...............talk to you all tomorrow! Goodnight!
Saturday:
Calories: I don't know the content of the soup, but I'd say I stayed in range.
F&V: 5-6?
Water: Not enough :/
Exercise: errrrr
He had nothing about him that said "Elvis" besides his costume.
His mother was Japanese and his father was from Guam. He had a very heavy accent. He says Elvis songs that I never heard of but when someone requested Jailhouse Rock, that one he didn't have. LOL What was so funny was that there were a lot of older ladies at the event and they were swooning and even putting money in his belt. It was interesting to say the least!
I ate a healthy breakfast on the way over--- a banana and almonds.
They served salad and soup for lunch and it was soooo yummy! So yummy, in fact, that I asked if I could take some leftovers home and that's what we ate again for supper!
However, the lid came off in the trunk and some of the juice got all over that baby's stroller and diaper bag. WHAT A MESS!
The awards at fun day were for July-Sept. I didn't win many. Next time, I want to win them all! LOL But you reap what you sow, so I guess I need to FOCUS on my sowing!
Hubby is trying to help me be motivated to get to bed earlier and get more rest....and he just came in and gave me "the look".......so...............talk to you all tomorrow! Goodnight!
Saturday:
Calories: I don't know the content of the soup, but I'd say I stayed in range.
F&V: 5-6?
Water: Not enough :/
Exercise: errrrr
Friday, October 31, 2014
3 hours
Last night was cozy. I sat in bed, sipping sleepytime tea and planning out my calories for today. Then I laid down and spent some time thinking "What am I doing wrong here?" Because lack of desire isn't the issue. Daily I want to practice healthy habits, and I do some, but almost nightly when I crash into bed, I feel like an exhausted failure. I blog my daily rant here and I say things like: no exercise, not enough water, way over my calories, etc.......and I feel like crying, because I TRIED..and failed.
So last night I did some soul searching as to WHY???? Why can't I do it all right?
I am a list person. I have a bedtime routine written out:
Clean the kitchen.
Spend 2 minutes picking up the living room.
Change into pajamas.
Family devotions.
Wash your face and brush your teeth.
Blog.
Look at your calendar for tomorrow.
Set things by the door that you need to take with you tomorrow.
Prepare the diaper bag.
Make sure you know where your purse and keys are.
Set out what you are going to wear tomorrow.
Plan tomorrow's meals with calories.
Go to bed at a decent hour.
Isn't that a great list to help end a day and be ready to start the next day one the right foot?!
It sounds simple, doesn't it? 20 minutes and it would be done, right? WRONG. It seems that in the middle of all of this, SOMETHING always happens and I get interrupted and delayed! I usually get a FEW of these items done and then I give up and go to sleep because it is late and I am exhausted! Then the next morning, I realize SOMEONE in the family has no clean socks...or underwear..or whatever. And where are they keys? Or I run errands and the baby poops and I realize there are no diapers. Or we go to the library and can't check out any books because we forgot the books we checked out a while back and the library just can't renew them for the 8th time because it really isn't fair for a family to have a book for 7 months. :) You get the drift.
(How interesting---as I type this....at 11 p.m..........my teen son walks into the room with an armful of dirt clothes and said "This is what I want to wear in the morning" (We are leaving the house by around 8:30 to go to a TOPS event). I must have had the "You've got to be kidding me" look on my face because he said "I'll go do this laundry myself" woo hoo. That works for me.
So...........my thought was----instead of starting this after I put the baby to bed.........why not start this THREE HOURS before bedtime? It increases the odds that it will get done.
And so........that's my new plan. We will see how it goes.
Three quick notes on other issues of my life:
1. For a few days now, baby has been EXTRA fussy and it is wearing on everyone's nerves and making it hard to get up and get things done.
2. Tonight was mom's 60th birthday---and her first birthday since dad's death. I spent money that I didn't have to spare to take her out to eat. My sister came too and we had a good time.
3. I have come to LOVE sleepytime tea!
Today in recap:
Calories: I don't have an exact number since the restaurant doesn't have calorie counts but I'd say I went over some.
Fruits and veggies: 5 servings
Exercise: none
Water: approx 60 ounces
THANK YOU for reading!
So last night I did some soul searching as to WHY???? Why can't I do it all right?
I am a list person. I have a bedtime routine written out:
Clean the kitchen.
Spend 2 minutes picking up the living room.
Change into pajamas.
Family devotions.
Wash your face and brush your teeth.
Blog.
Look at your calendar for tomorrow.
Set things by the door that you need to take with you tomorrow.
Prepare the diaper bag.
Make sure you know where your purse and keys are.
Set out what you are going to wear tomorrow.
Plan tomorrow's meals with calories.
Go to bed at a decent hour.
Isn't that a great list to help end a day and be ready to start the next day one the right foot?!
It sounds simple, doesn't it? 20 minutes and it would be done, right? WRONG. It seems that in the middle of all of this, SOMETHING always happens and I get interrupted and delayed! I usually get a FEW of these items done and then I give up and go to sleep because it is late and I am exhausted! Then the next morning, I realize SOMEONE in the family has no clean socks...or underwear..or whatever. And where are they keys? Or I run errands and the baby poops and I realize there are no diapers. Or we go to the library and can't check out any books because we forgot the books we checked out a while back and the library just can't renew them for the 8th time because it really isn't fair for a family to have a book for 7 months. :) You get the drift.
(How interesting---as I type this....at 11 p.m..........my teen son walks into the room with an armful of dirt clothes and said "This is what I want to wear in the morning" (We are leaving the house by around 8:30 to go to a TOPS event). I must have had the "You've got to be kidding me" look on my face because he said "I'll go do this laundry myself" woo hoo. That works for me.
So...........my thought was----instead of starting this after I put the baby to bed.........why not start this THREE HOURS before bedtime? It increases the odds that it will get done.
And so........that's my new plan. We will see how it goes.
Three quick notes on other issues of my life:
1. For a few days now, baby has been EXTRA fussy and it is wearing on everyone's nerves and making it hard to get up and get things done.
2. Tonight was mom's 60th birthday---and her first birthday since dad's death. I spent money that I didn't have to spare to take her out to eat. My sister came too and we had a good time.
3. I have come to LOVE sleepytime tea!
Today in recap:
Calories: I don't have an exact number since the restaurant doesn't have calorie counts but I'd say I went over some.
Fruits and veggies: 5 servings
Exercise: none
Water: approx 60 ounces
THANK YOU for reading!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Grow up.
A short recap of Wednesday: It was crazy busy again. I flopped a lot. I didn't keep track of my food/water and I didn't exercise. It was just blah, blah, blah.
I did spend an hour and a half doing a good deed for someone who can't repay me. I have a friend who is having to quit their job. They have some very serious health problems that are going to have to be taken care of before she can get back on her feet again. Within the next couple of weeks, she will be moving into a house owned by a relative--and she can stay there for free, which a good thing---but the bad thing is, the house is ALMOST unlivable. 40+ years of smoke goo on everything, trash, lack of upkeep, just.....bad. So, I have adopted the kitchen and I'm trying to help it get as good as I can between now and then.
I'm proud of my good deed. But that doesn't validate my decision to not track my food. I mean, seriously. I find I validate myself too much.
SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE. Stop being a spoiled brat with your health decisions, Amy. Grow up.
And so THANKFULLY today was a pretty easy day in the busyness department. Although I went over my calories, I did track, and I did exercise.
I had time to THINK.
A lot of my issues go back to two major things #1. improper prioritizing and #2 lack of self discipline.
So.......tonight I'm getting my ducks in a row and getting to bed early. I plan to take a notebook with me and spend a few minutes just THINKING before I sleep.
If I were a health coach, teaching the things I KNOW, and I knew my situations........what advice would I give ME?
Today: Walked 0.8 mile
Over by about 700 calories :/ (These calories were named LARGE MOCHA FRAPPE)
Water: approx 60 ounces
F&Veggies.. 2.5 servings.
Thanks for reading!
I did spend an hour and a half doing a good deed for someone who can't repay me. I have a friend who is having to quit their job. They have some very serious health problems that are going to have to be taken care of before she can get back on her feet again. Within the next couple of weeks, she will be moving into a house owned by a relative--and she can stay there for free, which a good thing---but the bad thing is, the house is ALMOST unlivable. 40+ years of smoke goo on everything, trash, lack of upkeep, just.....bad. So, I have adopted the kitchen and I'm trying to help it get as good as I can between now and then.
I'm proud of my good deed. But that doesn't validate my decision to not track my food. I mean, seriously. I find I validate myself too much.
SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE. Stop being a spoiled brat with your health decisions, Amy. Grow up.
And so THANKFULLY today was a pretty easy day in the busyness department. Although I went over my calories, I did track, and I did exercise.
I had time to THINK.
A lot of my issues go back to two major things #1. improper prioritizing and #2 lack of self discipline.
So.......tonight I'm getting my ducks in a row and getting to bed early. I plan to take a notebook with me and spend a few minutes just THINKING before I sleep.
If I were a health coach, teaching the things I KNOW, and I knew my situations........what advice would I give ME?
Today: Walked 0.8 mile
Over by about 700 calories :/ (These calories were named LARGE MOCHA FRAPPE)
Water: approx 60 ounces
F&Veggies.. 2.5 servings.
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
foolish, wise, and exhausted
I still need to "be accountable" for yesterday (Tuesday 10/28). Tomorrow I can catch up on today's. In other words, I'm a day behind.
It's a kind of long story. Don't feel obligated to read it, but I need to write it.
Let's start with Monday night. I stayed up waay too late.
Tuesday morning, I had to get up super early in order to have the kids out the door to pick mom up for an appointment by 7 a.m. Her appointment was an hour away.
So, I started my dad with very little sleep. But I felt ok.
WISE: I ate a healthy breakfast of bran flakes, skim milk, walnut, banana, and blueberries before I left the house and packed water.
We were taking the kids to stay with my grandparents and the kids hadn't eaten breakfast. They wanted donuts. I was thinking "no" because...seriously...deep fried sugar dough is not a healthy way to start the day and when I give in to this type of thing, I feel like I'm endorsing it and teaching them that it is ok.
But mom said "Oh yes! I want a doughnut too! I haven't had a doughnut in a long time!"
And so, I bought a dozen donuts to send to grandma's and mom bought a maple long john to eat on the way.
WISE: I did not get a doughnut.
Went to appointment, ran a few errands, yada yada.
WISE: I ate the snack I packed for myself: apple, granola bar.
We picked the kids up.
They had not eaten all the donuts. *insert scary music*
FOOLISH: On the drive back home, I ate two of the donuts.
About 15 minutes after I got home, I was incredibly, overwhelmingly sleepy. This was the kind of sleepy that I had a few days ago when I had eaten something full of sugar. So, I'm not 100% sure if I felt so out of it from the sleep deprivation or from the donuts. Or maybe a combo of both.
Regardless, it was crippling and I couldn't do anything. I set the baby in the living room floor with some toys and I laid down right beside him and I immediately fell asleep. But then my daughter wasn't watching where she was going and tripped over me. I fell asleep again and then the baby fell backwards. I couldn't sleep with the baby awake. I felt like crying. My daughter was in a mood not wanting to help with the baby. She's usually a great helper, but it had been an early morning for her too--and it was showing.
So I started trying to get him to nap. A bottle and several songs later, he finally fell asleep and we went to bed. By the grace of God, we got to sleep almost 2 hours. I felt better but still yucky when I woke.
The house looked like an explosion. I felt like a failure. Hubby would be home within 30 minutes and 30 minutes after that, I had to take my teens to puppet practice (they work with our church's children's ministry). I fed the family something. I don't even remember what. Or maybe I didn't. Come to think of it, I think the kids just snacked. I probably ate junk. I don't remember and I don't have my food diary handy.
I was feeling so tired. I really wanted to go to bed. But instead, I drove around for almost an hour while the teens were in practice because the baby was happy as long as the car was moving.
UNWISE: I drove to Burger King and got a mocha frappe.
UNWISE: I drove through the rich neighborhoods, and since it was dark, I could easily see into many homes (Why do the rich people always leave their blinds open at night? It is to show off their expensive furniture and their spotless house that their housekeeper cleaned?) I felt defeated, tired, poor, exhausted and even though I know it is SO not a good thing to do, I compared myself to these people and wondering what they did so right and I did so wrong. Why aren't *I* living in a house like that? What do *I* need to do to get it together more? I struggle.
It was close to 10 when we got home. I put the baby to bed and I was SOOoooo glad that my time for rest was finally here! I told my teens goodnight and exhaled as I crawled into bed beside my sleeping husband.
And then it hit me. My husband's work clothes for the next morning were dirty.
**************SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!****************
I didn't literally scream.......or cry........much. But on the inside I was!
I walked into the kitchen and my son (15) said "Wow, your eyes look red!" Haha! I told him about the laundry and he had compassion on me and VOLUNTEERED to stay up and wash and dry his dad's clothes. VOLUNTEERED. I was shocked! And of course I took him up on the offer!
In return, we took a day of fall break from school today so everyone could sleep in. (Baby didn't get the memo and didn't sleep in) We homeschool, so we can make our own schedule as long as we get in 180 days of school per year. (yay for flexibility!)
And that brings us to today, Wednesday. But I will tell you about it tomorrow, because guess what I'm going to do now? GO TO SLEEP!
P.S. Sleep study has been moved to November 5th, STILL trying to get insurance settled!
It's a kind of long story. Don't feel obligated to read it, but I need to write it.
Let's start with Monday night. I stayed up waay too late.
Tuesday morning, I had to get up super early in order to have the kids out the door to pick mom up for an appointment by 7 a.m. Her appointment was an hour away.
So, I started my dad with very little sleep. But I felt ok.
WISE: I ate a healthy breakfast of bran flakes, skim milk, walnut, banana, and blueberries before I left the house and packed water.
We were taking the kids to stay with my grandparents and the kids hadn't eaten breakfast. They wanted donuts. I was thinking "no" because...seriously...deep fried sugar dough is not a healthy way to start the day and when I give in to this type of thing, I feel like I'm endorsing it and teaching them that it is ok.
But mom said "Oh yes! I want a doughnut too! I haven't had a doughnut in a long time!"
And so, I bought a dozen donuts to send to grandma's and mom bought a maple long john to eat on the way.
WISE: I did not get a doughnut.
Went to appointment, ran a few errands, yada yada.
WISE: I ate the snack I packed for myself: apple, granola bar.
We picked the kids up.
They had not eaten all the donuts. *insert scary music*
FOOLISH: On the drive back home, I ate two of the donuts.
About 15 minutes after I got home, I was incredibly, overwhelmingly sleepy. This was the kind of sleepy that I had a few days ago when I had eaten something full of sugar. So, I'm not 100% sure if I felt so out of it from the sleep deprivation or from the donuts. Or maybe a combo of both.
Regardless, it was crippling and I couldn't do anything. I set the baby in the living room floor with some toys and I laid down right beside him and I immediately fell asleep. But then my daughter wasn't watching where she was going and tripped over me. I fell asleep again and then the baby fell backwards. I couldn't sleep with the baby awake. I felt like crying. My daughter was in a mood not wanting to help with the baby. She's usually a great helper, but it had been an early morning for her too--and it was showing.
So I started trying to get him to nap. A bottle and several songs later, he finally fell asleep and we went to bed. By the grace of God, we got to sleep almost 2 hours. I felt better but still yucky when I woke.
The house looked like an explosion. I felt like a failure. Hubby would be home within 30 minutes and 30 minutes after that, I had to take my teens to puppet practice (they work with our church's children's ministry). I fed the family something. I don't even remember what. Or maybe I didn't. Come to think of it, I think the kids just snacked. I probably ate junk. I don't remember and I don't have my food diary handy.
I was feeling so tired. I really wanted to go to bed. But instead, I drove around for almost an hour while the teens were in practice because the baby was happy as long as the car was moving.
UNWISE: I drove to Burger King and got a mocha frappe.
UNWISE: I drove through the rich neighborhoods, and since it was dark, I could easily see into many homes (Why do the rich people always leave their blinds open at night? It is to show off their expensive furniture and their spotless house that their housekeeper cleaned?) I felt defeated, tired, poor, exhausted and even though I know it is SO not a good thing to do, I compared myself to these people and wondering what they did so right and I did so wrong. Why aren't *I* living in a house like that? What do *I* need to do to get it together more? I struggle.
It was close to 10 when we got home. I put the baby to bed and I was SOOoooo glad that my time for rest was finally here! I told my teens goodnight and exhaled as I crawled into bed beside my sleeping husband.
And then it hit me. My husband's work clothes for the next morning were dirty.
**************SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!****************
I didn't literally scream.......or cry........much. But on the inside I was!
I walked into the kitchen and my son (15) said "Wow, your eyes look red!" Haha! I told him about the laundry and he had compassion on me and VOLUNTEERED to stay up and wash and dry his dad's clothes. VOLUNTEERED. I was shocked! And of course I took him up on the offer!
In return, we took a day of fall break from school today so everyone could sleep in. (Baby didn't get the memo and didn't sleep in) We homeschool, so we can make our own schedule as long as we get in 180 days of school per year. (yay for flexibility!)
And that brings us to today, Wednesday. But I will tell you about it tomorrow, because guess what I'm going to do now? GO TO SLEEP!
P.S. Sleep study has been moved to November 5th, STILL trying to get insurance settled!
Monday, October 27, 2014
the toilet paper game
I have such a positive mindset tonight! It's easy to think positive and feel like "I'm doing this!" when you have had a PERFECT day. But today, was not perfect! So,...that's not the reason for this "mood". I just have this feeling in my gut that I am ok and I'm on my way! (That's a Joyce Meyer saying--- I love her teaching!)
I got a little tripped up today, calorie wise, by allowing myself to have a high calorie iced coffee drink. It left TEN calories for supper! LOL I started to just not eat anything, but I ended up having supper anyway and so I'm over on my calories. Live and learn. WATCH OUT FOR THE COFFEE CALORIES! That's what I learned.
Exercise: none
Water: approx. 60 ounces
Fruit: 4 servings
Calories: over by I don't know how much (600 maybe?)
At TOPS weigh in, I was the same as last week.
Our TOPS meeting was fun and I accidentally went overtime (I HATE doing that!) We were learning about fiber this week, so we played the toilet paper game. We were divided into teams of 3. Each person gets 5 squares of toilet paper. Each member is asked a question (We used the children's edition of Trivial Pursuit---goodness--those questions are hard for an adult, much less a kid!). If the person gets the question right, nothing happens and we go to the next person. However, if they get it wrong, they have to put one square of the tp in the trash can (I brought an actual bathroom trash can). When you run out of squares and you get a question wrong and you need to put a square in but you don't have one, you have to "borrow some toilet paper" from someone on your team. The team with no tp left first in the loser and the game is over. You could continue until there is only one team left if you wanted.
Tomorrow morning I drive mom to a town an hour away for her Social Security appointment, to set up drawing a survivor's benefit from dad. In less that 8 hours from right now, I will have gotten 2 teenagers and a baby up and out the door. (They are staying at my grandparent's house while we run the errand.) so............I should sleep :) goodnight
I got a little tripped up today, calorie wise, by allowing myself to have a high calorie iced coffee drink. It left TEN calories for supper! LOL I started to just not eat anything, but I ended up having supper anyway and so I'm over on my calories. Live and learn. WATCH OUT FOR THE COFFEE CALORIES! That's what I learned.
Exercise: none
Water: approx. 60 ounces
Fruit: 4 servings
Calories: over by I don't know how much (600 maybe?)
At TOPS weigh in, I was the same as last week.
Our TOPS meeting was fun and I accidentally went overtime (I HATE doing that!) We were learning about fiber this week, so we played the toilet paper game. We were divided into teams of 3. Each person gets 5 squares of toilet paper. Each member is asked a question (We used the children's edition of Trivial Pursuit---goodness--those questions are hard for an adult, much less a kid!). If the person gets the question right, nothing happens and we go to the next person. However, if they get it wrong, they have to put one square of the tp in the trash can (I brought an actual bathroom trash can). When you run out of squares and you get a question wrong and you need to put a square in but you don't have one, you have to "borrow some toilet paper" from someone on your team. The team with no tp left first in the loser and the game is over. You could continue until there is only one team left if you wanted.
Tomorrow morning I drive mom to a town an hour away for her Social Security appointment, to set up drawing a survivor's benefit from dad. In less that 8 hours from right now, I will have gotten 2 teenagers and a baby up and out the door. (They are staying at my grandparent's house while we run the errand.) so............I should sleep :) goodnight
Sunday, October 26, 2014
I fought the punch and the punch won
I did fine.
I had over 600 calories left.
And then I thought "I want to make homemade mac and cheese and eat that for the rest of my calories!"
And then I had a random thought: "So.........you'd like to one day be at your goal weight and be able to coach others with their health goals, right? Hum. How does this mac and cheese draw you closer to that goal?"
It didn't. And so, I satisfied my craving with a TINY few bites of mac and cheese, then packed an apple and peanut butter to eat before church or on the way home afterward.
Wouldn't you know it? (I didn't know it) The church was having a special event and was serving cake and ICED COFFEE PUNCH. Iced coffee!
So.............I ate my apple, my peanut butter, HALF a piece of cake, and about 3/4 cup of the punch (which I sure was full of unhealthy calories).
So.............another day of fighting with myself.
And I still want to eat a whole pan of mac and cheese, but I'm not. I'm going to bed.
Sunday 10/26
Calories: Over by estimated 500.
Fruits and veggies--- one measly serving.
Exercise: nope
Water: approx 60 ounces
P.S. Tomorrow is TOPS weigh in.
eerrrr
I had over 600 calories left.
And then I thought "I want to make homemade mac and cheese and eat that for the rest of my calories!"
And then I had a random thought: "So.........you'd like to one day be at your goal weight and be able to coach others with their health goals, right? Hum. How does this mac and cheese draw you closer to that goal?"
It didn't. And so, I satisfied my craving with a TINY few bites of mac and cheese, then packed an apple and peanut butter to eat before church or on the way home afterward.
Wouldn't you know it? (I didn't know it) The church was having a special event and was serving cake and ICED COFFEE PUNCH. Iced coffee!
So.............I ate my apple, my peanut butter, HALF a piece of cake, and about 3/4 cup of the punch (which I sure was full of unhealthy calories).
So.............another day of fighting with myself.
And I still want to eat a whole pan of mac and cheese, but I'm not. I'm going to bed.
Sunday 10/26
Calories: Over by estimated 500.
Fruits and veggies--- one measly serving.
Exercise: nope
Water: approx 60 ounces
P.S. Tomorrow is TOPS weigh in.
eerrrr
Saturday, October 25, 2014
The sausage in the cart
My two teens are at youth night at church. I dropped them off at 5:30 and was going to run errands and come back to get them. An hour and a half later, I went by and the group was just about to go play some games. I knew this was going to be a long night, and I didn't want to wait forever and entertain a tired baby, so I asked a sweeeeeeet adult there to be my kids' ride home and here it is 10:30 and they still aren't home. (Glad I didn't stay!) I'm not stressed about it because I know they will be home any minute and I know they are having fun.
Ok.......now to the sausage: When I went by the church, I overheard the game they were about to go play. They were dividing up into teams and the teams each had a list of things they had to do (a scavenger hunt of sorts) and then be the first team back to the church. I overheard one of the items: Go to walmart, slip a long tube of sausage into someone's cart without them noticing and have another team member video it on their phone. (LOL)
Well, wouldn't you know it, I needed to go to Wal-mart. It was interesting to be shopping and see a couple of loud, giggly groups of teens going through the store being silly as teens often are..and to see my kids in that group. I was on the bottled water aisle when the youth pastor walked up to me and said "Um...just letting you know, the rest of the group is meeting at the front of the store." I said "Oh, I'm not part of the group. I just happen to be here, doing some shopping." He smiled and stumbled over his words and said "Yeah. I know. It's just that, um, well....." and then a light bulb appeared above my head and I realized what was happening. I said "Ah! You are distracting me as someone slips sausage into my cart!" And then I realize the awkward way he was holding his phone (because he was videoing me!) He jumped and laughed hysterically and ran off as I noticed a huge tube of sausage in my cart. :) Ok........you just grinned, didn't you? It gave me a severe case of the giggles!
I couldn't stop smiling the weird "haha! That is so funny!" smile (which is so much different than the "hello, how are you today" smile)....and laughing..........which looked so funny considering it was now just me and a baby in the store finishing our shopping.
What a funny night!
Saturday 10/25
No exercise.
4 fruits and veggies
72 ounces of water
306 UNDER calories
Ok.......now to the sausage: When I went by the church, I overheard the game they were about to go play. They were dividing up into teams and the teams each had a list of things they had to do (a scavenger hunt of sorts) and then be the first team back to the church. I overheard one of the items: Go to walmart, slip a long tube of sausage into someone's cart without them noticing and have another team member video it on their phone. (LOL)
Well, wouldn't you know it, I needed to go to Wal-mart. It was interesting to be shopping and see a couple of loud, giggly groups of teens going through the store being silly as teens often are..and to see my kids in that group. I was on the bottled water aisle when the youth pastor walked up to me and said "Um...just letting you know, the rest of the group is meeting at the front of the store." I said "Oh, I'm not part of the group. I just happen to be here, doing some shopping." He smiled and stumbled over his words and said "Yeah. I know. It's just that, um, well....." and then a light bulb appeared above my head and I realized what was happening. I said "Ah! You are distracting me as someone slips sausage into my cart!" And then I realize the awkward way he was holding his phone (because he was videoing me!) He jumped and laughed hysterically and ran off as I noticed a huge tube of sausage in my cart. :) Ok........you just grinned, didn't you? It gave me a severe case of the giggles!
I couldn't stop smiling the weird "haha! That is so funny!" smile (which is so much different than the "hello, how are you today" smile)....and laughing..........which looked so funny considering it was now just me and a baby in the store finishing our shopping.
What a funny night!
Saturday 10/25
No exercise.
4 fruits and veggies
72 ounces of water
306 UNDER calories
Friday, October 24, 2014
A fishy anniversary
Today is not my anniversary, but today is the day we celebrated it. (18 years-- go us!) Hubby wanted to take me to eat catfish. That's not very healthy! I looked up the restaurant online but couldn't find any calorie info. I ended up eating extremely light for breakfast and lunch so I would have room calorie wise. I ended up eating peanut butter chocolate for dessert, which was not on the plan, but I'm not going to disgrace myself over that. I handled the meal out pretty well! Hubby ordered the full plate and I ordered a half portion then gave him my fries.
Friday: 10/24/14
No exercise :( *sigh*
Water- approx 40 ounces --- why am I having such an issue with this?
Calories: I don't know for certain but I think I did ok.
Fruits and veggies: 5 servings
Friday: 10/24/14
No exercise :( *sigh*
Water- approx 40 ounces --- why am I having such an issue with this?
Calories: I don't know for certain but I think I did ok.
Fruits and veggies: 5 servings
Thursday, October 23, 2014
just do it
I have so much I want to accomplish in my life. I could make a list here, but I won't, because that's not the point. The point is I want to actually SEE these things HAPPEN, not just dream about them. I posted a similar post recently.
One of my major hold backs is that I feel I never have any time! I am a very, very, very busy person. But am I a productive person? Am I busy with stuff that is going to project me toward my goals? Or am I just busy?
These are the thoughts that have been going through my mind. I started googling about time management and I googled and googled and googled and before you knew it, about 30 minutes had passed. Uh huh. Ding, ding, ding, I spend too much time READING ABOUT and PLANNING and figuring it all out................instead of just doing it.
So.....my thought for tonight: JUST DO IT.
Seriously, Amy.
****
In other news, I took mom to run errands today and my daughter to the library and my son for shots.... we drove through and got a hamburger and an ICE CREAM on the way home. When I got home, I was SOoooooo beyond drained. I couldn't keep my eyes open. This was just beyond a sleepy feeling. This was a "I MUST sleep" feeling. I recently found out I am prediabetic OR diabetic (depending on who you ask), so I'm wondering----was that feeling from the ice cream? Or has my sleep deprivation caught up with me?
I don't know the answer there but by God's mercy, the baby fell asleep and I put him in bed with me and we slept an hour and a half!!! When I woke up............I felt terrible. I wasn't as sleepy but I felt yucky. I took my blood pressure and it was high.
*sigh*
I need to get ME repaired. I need to be healthy. I'm working on it......falling on my face a lot.........succeeding a lot too..........day in and day out. I WILL OVERCOME.
Thursday 10/23
No exercise. (Dare I say I was busy again?)
2 servings fruits and veggies
approx 60 ounces of water
58 calories BELOW my limit
One of my major hold backs is that I feel I never have any time! I am a very, very, very busy person. But am I a productive person? Am I busy with stuff that is going to project me toward my goals? Or am I just busy?
These are the thoughts that have been going through my mind. I started googling about time management and I googled and googled and googled and before you knew it, about 30 minutes had passed. Uh huh. Ding, ding, ding, I spend too much time READING ABOUT and PLANNING and figuring it all out................instead of just doing it.
So.....my thought for tonight: JUST DO IT.
Seriously, Amy.
****
In other news, I took mom to run errands today and my daughter to the library and my son for shots.... we drove through and got a hamburger and an ICE CREAM on the way home. When I got home, I was SOoooooo beyond drained. I couldn't keep my eyes open. This was just beyond a sleepy feeling. This was a "I MUST sleep" feeling. I recently found out I am prediabetic OR diabetic (depending on who you ask), so I'm wondering----was that feeling from the ice cream? Or has my sleep deprivation caught up with me?
I don't know the answer there but by God's mercy, the baby fell asleep and I put him in bed with me and we slept an hour and a half!!! When I woke up............I felt terrible. I wasn't as sleepy but I felt yucky. I took my blood pressure and it was high.
*sigh*
I need to get ME repaired. I need to be healthy. I'm working on it......falling on my face a lot.........succeeding a lot too..........day in and day out. I WILL OVERCOME.
Thursday 10/23
No exercise. (Dare I say I was busy again?)
2 servings fruits and veggies
approx 60 ounces of water
58 calories BELOW my limit
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
limit means STOP
I'm feeling a tad bit overwhelmed at the moment----- and I need to get to bed. I hate being busy and tomorrow is a hum-dinger of a day, including taking the baby for shots on tops of a LOT of other things. I am soooo tired. So tired. Perhaps I can go to bed as soon as baby falls asleep tomorrow night. Yes, that is the plan.
You didn't log on here to read how busy and tired I am.
I really get tired of every night saying "Oh yeah, I went over my calorie limit by several hundred calories again today". every. single. day. I'm really shocked I have been losing since I've not really stuck with my eating wisdom. I so much want to be perfect---then I do terribly.
My life is still not at a settled place---and those tremors of turmoil left over from dad's death show up in pretty much every area of my life--- some days more than others. Some days you can barely feel the unsettledness and some days, like today, it is BAM obvious.
So, yes, having said that, I am not at a place within myself where I can demand perfection. I choose to be good to me.
But being good doesn't mean eating 600 calories over my limit each day. Seriously. That is not good.
And so, I feel like I can't take on the world all at once at the moment, but what I CAN do is work on one thing. And the calorie limit is the one thing I pick for now. I'm going to strive to stay within my calorie limits. Really, Amy, you can do this. And you will feel better for it.
*I am so tired*
Wednesday 10/22
No exercise. :(
EIGHT servings of fruits and veggies (and the crowd goes wild)
approx 50 ounces of water (What? Amy! tsk, tsk)
45 calories BELOW calorie range
Thanks for reading,
Your very tired friend, thatTOPSlady
You didn't log on here to read how busy and tired I am.
I really get tired of every night saying "Oh yeah, I went over my calorie limit by several hundred calories again today". every. single. day. I'm really shocked I have been losing since I've not really stuck with my eating wisdom. I so much want to be perfect---then I do terribly.
My life is still not at a settled place---and those tremors of turmoil left over from dad's death show up in pretty much every area of my life--- some days more than others. Some days you can barely feel the unsettledness and some days, like today, it is BAM obvious.
So, yes, having said that, I am not at a place within myself where I can demand perfection. I choose to be good to me.
But being good doesn't mean eating 600 calories over my limit each day. Seriously. That is not good.
And so, I feel like I can't take on the world all at once at the moment, but what I CAN do is work on one thing. And the calorie limit is the one thing I pick for now. I'm going to strive to stay within my calorie limits. Really, Amy, you can do this. And you will feel better for it.
*I am so tired*
Wednesday 10/22
No exercise. :(
EIGHT servings of fruits and veggies (and the crowd goes wild)
approx 50 ounces of water (What? Amy! tsk, tsk)
45 calories BELOW calorie range
Thanks for reading,
Your very tired friend, thatTOPSlady
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Me time- the middle of the night *yawn*
Last night, I fell asleep kind of early and the computer was being used by someone else, so I waited and this will be a double post.
Monday..was TOPS. And I lost 2 pounds! Woot!
Monday's stats:
No exercise :(
4 svg fruits and veggies
approx 80 oz water
25 calories under goal
Today (Tuesday) was busy. What am I talking about? Almost every day is busy. I don't want to be this busy but I can't figure out what to cut out of my life. Everything I do is important. Right now it is almost 11 p.m. and I should be asleep but by golly, I WANT SOME TIME FOR ME. So, I'm up having me time. Which means updating this blog, reading facebook, and maybe typing a bit on the book I'm writing. Oh yeah. I'm writing a book...................the story of my relationship with dad........and the details of watching him die. I'll admit, I was very naive about how hard it could be. Every death is different I suppose. Anyway...I want to tell our story.
Mom had car trouble this evening and I ended up taking her to buy groceries. She and I do not make a good healthy eating team. We ended up with a donut..........and she gave us a bag of candy "for Halloween". She's always had this habit of providing us with candy all month long because "It's halloween month!" Big whoop. We don't need candy. But did I eat it? 280 calories worth. bah humbug.
And so...........Tuesday's stats:
No exercise (AGAIN. Goodness. I run all day. Does that count?)
3 svg fruits and veggies
approx 60 ounces of water
664 calories over my limit
Monday..was TOPS. And I lost 2 pounds! Woot!
Monday's stats:
No exercise :(
4 svg fruits and veggies
approx 80 oz water
25 calories under goal
Today (Tuesday) was busy. What am I talking about? Almost every day is busy. I don't want to be this busy but I can't figure out what to cut out of my life. Everything I do is important. Right now it is almost 11 p.m. and I should be asleep but by golly, I WANT SOME TIME FOR ME. So, I'm up having me time. Which means updating this blog, reading facebook, and maybe typing a bit on the book I'm writing. Oh yeah. I'm writing a book...................the story of my relationship with dad........and the details of watching him die. I'll admit, I was very naive about how hard it could be. Every death is different I suppose. Anyway...I want to tell our story.
Mom had car trouble this evening and I ended up taking her to buy groceries. She and I do not make a good healthy eating team. We ended up with a donut..........and she gave us a bag of candy "for Halloween". She's always had this habit of providing us with candy all month long because "It's halloween month!" Big whoop. We don't need candy. But did I eat it? 280 calories worth. bah humbug.
And so...........Tuesday's stats:
No exercise (AGAIN. Goodness. I run all day. Does that count?)
3 svg fruits and veggies
approx 60 ounces of water
664 calories over my limit
2 button milestone
Ah ha.......I can now button TWO buttons on this blouse. I'll keep wearing it every 4 weeks--- eventually it will button all the way down.
Sunday was a pretty junky eating day and I am NOT proud of it. *gag*
So.........I will just post my stuff and go on:
Calories---approx. 400 over
Fruits and veggies: 2.5
???on the water...probably 45 ounces. wow. bad.
No exercise.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>turn the page. A new day is here.
(This is posting late because I was having computer issues)
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Birthday junk food
Tomorrow is my hubby's birthday, but we celebrated it tonight. PIZZA. FUDGE CAKE. ICE CREAM. *sigh* I am sitting here wanting to eat and eat and eat but I will NOT be eating one more bite of anything tonight! Just knowing we were going to have a junky-food evening made me want to eat all day.
Actually, if I wasn't doing the 100 days of accountability and reporting to you each day, THIS would have been the day that I would not have journaled my food. I would have said "Eh. I'm taking the day off." And then I would have binged. I did go over by 400 calories today, but it could have been SOoooooooooo much worse.
I know it is crazy to KEEP going over on my calories, day after day after day. I admit, I am struggling with that. But I'm making progress, not perfection. And I'm slowly losing, so I'm going to pat myself on the back and know that I am daily getting closer to the behavior I want to have.
What I did right:
*When picking out his cake, I got a small one, that would allow for only two slices for each member of the family...then after we ate, I sent my 2nd piece to my mother.
*I ordered thin crust chicken supreme pizza, which, if you are going to have pizza, is probably your healthiest option.
In recap:
Exercise: 1 mile
Water: approx 75 oz
Calories: Over by 400
Fruits and veggies: 3.5 servings
P.S. Who came up with the crazy idea that we should eat a munch of junk because it someone's birthday anyway? I wish I never learned this "tradition". I wish there was a tradition of "on our birthday, all your friends come over and you walk for an hour together!" or "It's bad luck to eat sugar on your birthday" haha.. that would be something.
Actually, if I wasn't doing the 100 days of accountability and reporting to you each day, THIS would have been the day that I would not have journaled my food. I would have said "Eh. I'm taking the day off." And then I would have binged. I did go over by 400 calories today, but it could have been SOoooooooooo much worse.
I know it is crazy to KEEP going over on my calories, day after day after day. I admit, I am struggling with that. But I'm making progress, not perfection. And I'm slowly losing, so I'm going to pat myself on the back and know that I am daily getting closer to the behavior I want to have.
What I did right:
*When picking out his cake, I got a small one, that would allow for only two slices for each member of the family...then after we ate, I sent my 2nd piece to my mother.
*I ordered thin crust chicken supreme pizza, which, if you are going to have pizza, is probably your healthiest option.
In recap:
Exercise: 1 mile
Water: approx 75 oz
Calories: Over by 400
Fruits and veggies: 3.5 servings
P.S. Who came up with the crazy idea that we should eat a munch of junk because it someone's birthday anyway? I wish I never learned this "tradition". I wish there was a tradition of "on our birthday, all your friends come over and you walk for an hour together!" or "It's bad luck to eat sugar on your birthday" haha.. that would be something.
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