food diary Friday 8-9-13

Woke at 7:30.

Weighed 260.4 (down 1.6 in challenge, 10.4 to go in challenge)

Exercise: Rode bike 2.4 miles. It took 24 minutes.

9:05 breakfast....430 calories:
kasha cereal, milk, banana

11:30 lunch....613 calories:
turkey and cheese open face sandwich on one slice flax seed bread
half an apple
14 grapes
fiber one bar
1 T peanut butter

2:30 p.m....snack 185 calories:
protein bar

6:00 p.m.....supper....902 calories
smoothie made from milk and greek yogurt and peanut butter,
half ounce cheddar cheese
2 cups homemade veggie soup
10 saltine crackers

Stayed in range for calories, protein and fiber.

food diary Thur. 8-8-13

Woke at 7:31

Weighed 262.0

@8:30...walked/jogged 3 miles at track...took 55 minutes

@10:30 breakfast...672 calories:
1 cup kashi cereal
15 grams walnuts
1 cup milk
half pb&j on flax seed bread

@2:00 lunch....683 calories:
1 can of tuna with
1.5 T light miracle whip,
1 T sweet relish,
and one boiled egg.
6 triscuits
1 oz cheddar cheese
1 fiber one bar
10 grapes

@6:15 supper...756 caloris
4 ounces boneless skinless chicken breast
1 king's Hawaiian roll
half cup corn
1 cup green beans
half cup stove top stuffing
1 cup 50/50 mix (greens and spinach)
1T ranch dressing
protein bar

100 ounces of water

I did stay in range for calories, protein and fiber. I met all of my goals today.

Enough of this

Today I weigh 262 pounds.

As faithful readers will know, I had a great year last year and reached 81 pounds lost (with 60 remaining). I weighed 250. Then last October my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my world has been upside down with one thing after another and repeats of the same stress, over and over and over.

I regained 16 pounds.

I felt like I had regained all 81. Fat. Defeated.

And I fought with those 16 pounds every day since then. Some days I had the victory. Most days I was pinned and couldn't get up. Or wouldn't get up.

Anyway.......................I'm currently, as of today,12 pounds above my lowest. AND I AM TIRED OF IT. Enough of this. I'm tired of the yo-yo.

I know what to do. (Your "what to do" may be different than mine. That's ok. I know me. And I've been very successful in losing weight before, so I know what works for me).

I have to go public. I have to be out there. I have to make some rules to get me out of the yo-yo string. I have to start reporting to my weight loss mentor again. I hate that. I want to be able to do it without someone holding my hand.

However, I'd rather hold someone's hand and get fit than sit here alone and get fatter.

So, here it is.

THE "Enough-of-this,-get-back-on-track-because-you-are-too-awesome-to-be-this-fat plan."

*This plan shall be in effect from today, August 8th, until the day I get back down to my lowest weight-loss-in-progress weight of 250.0 pounds. Then I have permission to re-evaluate or tweak my plan but NOT UNTIL THEN.

*I will not eat breakfast unless that day's entire meal plan has been written out. Preferably it will be written the night before.

*I will follow my "5K training exercise plan" that is on my kitchen wall, no matter what.

*I will drink more than 100 ounces of water per day.

*I will not consume liquid calories, with the exception of a fruit smoothie (homemade).

*I will not eat desserts (I MAY eat fiber one bars, kasha bars, protein bars or pb&j on flax bread, which some may consider dessert, but I do not). In other words, no ice cream, cakes, pies, candy, junk.....

*I will consume a minimum of 5 fruits and vegetable servings per day.

*I will stay within prescribed limits for calories, protein and fiber EVERY day.

*I will post what I ate and my exercise on my blog each day.

*I will email my food/exercise diary to my weight loss mentor each day.

*I will take 3 minutes (or more) each day in silent meditation about my weight loss and health.

*I will be in bed by 10 p.m. each night.



Thanks for reading!

exercise challenge

I'm doing an exercise challenge on my facebook page if you'd like to join in!

Here's what it involves:

"Exercise challenge!!!! We will call it the 8-8 challenge. Begins July 1st and July 14th is the last day. Here it is: Exercise for AT LEAST 15 minutes at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. every day. You do have permission to adjust your hours and do it at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m., 6 a.m. and 6 p.m., whatever works for you--as long as they are 12 hours apart! The point is to get in some exercise 12 hours apart on a very consistent basis and to keep our mind where it needs to be both in the morning and the evening. There will be some days that you won't be able to get both times in (for example...I will still be in church at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays, so I will miss that one). YOU keep up with how many sessions you get in during the two week period (2 times per day X 14 days= a maximum of 28 sessions.) Then, after the last session on July 14th, message me and let me know how many sessions you got in. I will publicly announce the names of each participant who gets in at least 24 of their sessions. It won't be easy. It will take commitment. But you CAN do it if you want it strongly enough! Ok now.............who is in?"

You can connect with me on facebook HERE: https://www.facebook.com/duncantops.takeoffpoundssensibly

Blogger changing?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I don't know what I'm doing. I read somewhere that changes are coming to the blog world on July 1st and that we should transfer our stuff to bloglovin. So....this post is an attempt to do that. Can someone fill me in? And click on the above link to follow me there :)

mental image=actual image

The picture of me in the black and yellow is from last September. I was 250 pounds--my lowest on this journey--81 pounds lost. I felt like wonderwoman. I thought I looked wonderful. I was not intimidated. I felt beautiful. I was beautiful. I got compliments left and right. One day in the dollar store, a stranger told me I was looking hot (and mind you, I dress very modestly, so that was really something). Anyway...you get my point--was successful, felt successful, it showed.

The other picture is last Saturday at the 5K. Now mind you, it was just a BAD pic! I keep trying to tell myself that my stomach does NOT look that obviously bad at all times and that it was a combo of wind and movement and just a bad angle. I don't know. But anyway...in this pic, I was 257. Only 7 pounds heavier than my "I am a beautiful bee" picture. Notice the HUGE difference though? I do. Now, I know that 7 pounds did not make me physically that much different. But it did change the way I see myself (I feel as obese as I did at 331 pounds. I can't find one single outfit that I like myself in). And that mental thinking, in turn, comes out in the way I carry myself and the way I dress myself. Bad cycle.

I don't want it to be that way. But it is what it is.

And so............I must PUSH myself to get back to (and below) 250.

I'm ready to get back to feeling like I did.

slow down already

I have several different posts in my head. This first one is mostly a vent about how crazy busy I have been! Here is a recap of the past 6 days: (don't feel obligated to read this if you bore easily---I just need to get this out and tell it like it is!)

(Sidenote before I start.....the previous weekend, I thought my dad was going to die. He had quit eating--for like 6 days (he has terminal lung cancer) and he was so weak. :*( It was an emotionally draning time as dad refused to go to the ER. On Monday, my sister and I took him to the cancer center where they gave him an IV for being dehydrated. He then discovered that if he FORCES himself to eat, he feels better. So, he is eating again (by force) and is better. whew. draining.)


Thursday, June 20th

I drove daughter to volunteer at the library.

But she forgot her nametag.

So I drove 10 miles back home and 10 miles back up there.

While she was at the library, I helped my friend get paperwork ready for the 5K to be held on Saturday.

Picked daughter up, prepped supper, took showers, ironed church clothes.

Son was at church camp and we told him we would come up to Thursday night service, so we left by 5 p.m. to get there.

Church lasted forever (I'm not complaining)

We got home after midnight.



Friday, June 21st

A friend is on vacation and I covered her newspaper route (along with my parents' help). It delivers in the middle of the night/early morning. Thankfully, mom and dad did the first part of the route and I didn't have to start until 5:45 a.m. It was still early to me but I handled it well. Mom went with me and it was actually almost fun. Especially seeing the 3 legged dog. And mom laughing at me every time I had to get out of the car to redo a pathetic throw.

I got back to the house around 9:30 a.m.

I quickly braided daughter's hair and jumped in the car again.

I drove daughter to spend several hours at her friend's house 2 towns away.

I helped my friend with 5K preparations (there is more to do that you would ever imagine!) for about 4 hours. We weren't finished but I needed to pick my daughter up.

Hubby called and asked me to run by the store and pick up a lawnmower part while I'm in town (He has his own business doing small engine repair in our garage)

I picked daughter up. She said she had gulped her milk and wasn't feeling well.

I went to the parts store and of course had to wait in line forever while I worried that dear daughter might be vomiting in the car (she didn't).

Driving back home, we stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom. Someone was in it and we waited forever.

Finally we gave up and drove to another gas station.

Stomach is better now. :)

Drove home.

I don't even remember what we did for supper, but I know we ate something!

We were home about 2 hours then we went to the 5K site to work the early packet pickup (I love this--such fun! seriously)

After packet pickup closed (almost 9 p.m.) there were still signs to be stuck in the ground along the 5k route. This is usually a man's job because they are hard to get into the ground if the ground is hard. My friend and I both called men (LOL) but no one came to our rescue. (My hubby was mowing and didn't hear the phone. I don't know the story of the others. It doesn't matter.)

So...........we loaded the signs into my car and I drove my friend along the route and she hopped out and *praise God* the ground was moist enough to not be a problem.

I got home around 10:30.

We got into bed around midnight.

A few minutes later a we got a text saying that son and the church kids hadn't yet even left the campgrounds.

I fell asleep.

At some unknown point, son calls and asks if they can just spend the night at the church instead of coming all the way home since it was so late.

I was a zombie and was like "whatever. I don't care. Be safe somewhere; I don't care where. I'm going back to sleep.zzzz"

An some other unknown time, son calls back and says "Nevermind. We aren't staying at the church. Someone's going to drop me off at home."

I'm like, "whatever. zzzz" (again)

I move to the couch and make sure the porch light is on.

Momentarily, I worry that the bus driver will help son carry his luggage into the living room and see me in my pajamas. I covered up with my blanket extra well. Total time it took me to fall back asleep: 0.2 seconds.

Son walks in the door.

"hey"

"hey. zzz"

"Can I check facebook before I go to bed?"

"whatever. zzz"

"We left our luggage in the church van and will just have to get it tomorrow"

"whatever. zzz"

That was 2:30 a.m.

My alarm went off around 2 hours later.


Saturday, June 22nd

I woke super early to get ready for the 5k.

Braided daughter's hair.

Told sleeping son, "Hey bub, we are leaving for the 5K. We will be back later."

He's like, "whatever. zzz" ;)

I left daughter at my grandparent's house (they are in their 80's). They seemed super proud that hubby and I were running a 5K.

(They took my daughter to McDonald to eat breakfast. They complained about McDonalds having too much pepper in their gravy and that they should have eaten at Carl's Jr. instead. They DROVE TO THE 5K ROUTE SO THEY COULD SEE THE RUNNERS. *insert exclamatory face here* You know...the 5K route that has course monitors blocking traffic and telling people to NOT go that way. They meant well. They didn't see me. But they said they did see a bunch of runners and one old guy who could barely walk and asked if I saw the old guy. LOL Of course, I didn't know any of this until much later in the day. I'm just glad they didn't run over anyone. And if you know my grandparents....do NOT tell them I wrote about them on the internet!!!!)

Ran the 5K. (that will be a separate post another day)

Won a $10 Walmart gift certificate door prize.

Felt awesome about myself.

Picked daughter up from grandparents and heard all about their day thus far.

Went to the grocery store.

Cleaned the church (I did NOT feel like it....but I did volunteer to clean this month and if it looked bad, it's my name)

I prepared my Sunday School lesson.

I finally went home...........exhausted.

I washed daughter's hair.

I took my shower.

I know we ate something.

I ironed church clothes for the next day.

I went to bed at 8 p.m.


Sunday, June 23, 2013

I was walking out the door at 2:40 a.m. because we HAD to get the newspapers delivered in time to still get the family to church on time.

Delivering the papers in the middle of the night is a totally different story than the fun daylight one. The highlights are: can't see, it is creepy, mom can't read the directions without the light on, you can't see anything except your reflection with the light on, you are sleepy and nap time is still 12 hours away.

Survived that.

Got the family to church.

Had the most unprepared/ teacher is half asleep lesson ever.....and what did we do? We ate. We prayed. We talked. I answered random questions. We made music videos of songs with the wrong words---such as instead of "I give myself away" we sang "I give my elf away"...and "I am a friend of God, He calls me friend" became "I am a friend of God, he calls me FRED".

I took attendance and counted the offering.

I raised my eyebrows very high in an effort to keep my eyelids open during the sermon.

I (halfway) cleaned up the mess in the Sunday School room.

We drove through somewhere for lunch.(I don't even remember where. My eyes were closed. Thankfully, hubby was driving.)

At 2 p.m., I finally got a 2 hour nap.

Woke 10 minutes after time to leave for evening service.

Went to church.

Was pleasantly surprised to see some family there.

Went home.

Was about to crash.

Realized 5k pictures had posted online! All 200 of them.

Had to stay awake until I saw every last one of them.

Realized I'm fatter than I thought I was.

And that my legs are as white as a Thanksgiving turkey before it is cooked.

Kind of felt defeated.

Started to email photographer and ask her to delete the pic.

Decided it would make a good "in progress" picture to go beside next year's "I'm really awesome now" pic.

Didn't email her.

crashed.


Monday, June 24th

Woke.

Felt sick.

Realized I would rather be a bum that have a job as a newspaper carrier.

Stared off in space.

I don't even know what I did on Monday. Not much though! I was still in a daze.

Went to TOPS that evening. (awesome meeting--everyone lost!)

Waited for the kids to get out of youth Bible Study.

Waited.

Waited.

Cleaned the church (it is my month after all)

Loaded the kids up.

Ran a couple errands.

Went home.

Again, I know we ate SOMETHING. (I'm seeing a bad theme here--just eating "whatever" when I'm super busy! NOT GOOD)

Ran/walked 0.8 miles through the neighborhood.

Crashed.

Slept like I was dead.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Woke early so I could get my walk in before I left the house.

But instead, I realized that the entire family had like NO clean underclothes (or outerclothes, pretty much) and "where are Abby's swimming clothes for aquatic physical therapy this afternoon?" and "A clean dish to eat my cereal from would be nice" and "we will need towels for showers", etc etc etc

So I did those things.

And read my Bible and prayed and wrote briefly in my journal.

Left the house at 8:55 to take dad to chemo.

Chemo was like it always is---cold and loud and uncomfortable and boring.

Dropped dad back off at home. Wrote his next appointment on his calendar.

Got home from chemo at 1:26.

Had FOUR MINUTES at home.

I used that time to go to the bathroom LOL

Hubby volunteered to drive son to his volunteer time at the library but I said I would (because I'm crazy, I guess).

Dropped son off at library.

Got gas.

Went to bank.

Took the car for its annual car wash. :)

Arrived at daughter's physical therapy at 2:40.

Worked on paperwork while waiting.

Left therapy.

Went to Goodwill to return shirts that didn't fit. Had been trying to get that done for days. Found out you have THREE days to bring them in for an exchange. It had been 10. I donated them back to Goodwill anyway. Later, I wished I would have donated them to the clothing closet in Comanche. Oh well. Too late now. THREE DAYS, PEOPLE>.....remember that. Otherwise, you'll be stuck with that shirt you spend a whole $1.99 on *wink*

Picked son up from library.

Ran school books over to a friend's house.

Went to the store for my dad.

Got home at almost 6 p.m.

Cooked supper.

Cleaned the kitchen.

Went for a walk with daughter.

FINALLY cleaned the pathetic living room.

Sent the kids to bed.

Wrote an incredibly long blog post, which you have just read.

Goodnight :)

P.S. I am going to post this without even reading it--so forgive mistakes.

P.S. Again. Throughout the school year, the kids would want to do such-and-such and I said "We will do that this summer when we have more time". Well, here is summer. Where is the time? I'm planning to UNDERcommit myself in July---so---yeah.

Not to sound like a New Balance commercial but..

A few years ago, I decided I was going to start walking and went to find some shoes. I was clueless as to what to pick but I left with some NewBalance shoes because they were on clearance. I was well pleased.

A little over a year ago, hubby and I went to the New Balance store and had our feet measured and whatever it is they do when they help you pick a shoe that is perfect for you. I knew that all of my life, I have worn the outside of my shoes quickly. I roll my feet outward as I walk. The NewBalance people discovered that and had an insert that would correct that and support my foot. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE how much of a difference that insert made! (It was expensive...so I would have been upset otherwise!) My feet no longer hurt as I walked...and even jogged.

Here is is 5K time again and I have worn my shoes til they are ready for the trash. My sweet sister bought me a pair of SUPER CUTE shoes that I picked out at Payless. They were black with pink shoestrings and so girly. I loved them!

.........until they killed my feet. :/

I kept thinking they would get better after I wore them a while but they didn't....not even with my inserts. So, I took them back and went to another store and bought some NewBalance shoes. Sadly, they didn't have pink shoestrings...so I found some and changed them out :) In went my inserts and I'm as good as new again.

And it is a good thing---because I'm doing Duncan's Founder's Day 5K for the 2nd year on Saturday!!! whoo hoo! (Want to run in it too? Here's the info: https://www.facebook.com/foundersday5k?ref=ts&fref=ts )

Last year, I had really trained for this race and gave it my all. This year, LIFE HAS BEEN CHAOS and I haven't trained nearly as much as I would have liked. But I am lighter this year and I have still been throwing in physical activity here and there---so I will do my best and we shall see!

calorie counting zombie

Whew...I'm caught up in a whirlwind of business around here. I'll make it brief--today's busyness has consisted of: 1. rushing around like a mad woman this morning because I was running late for church this morning because I didn't prepare last night but just went to bed. 2. Doing laundry, laundry, laundry, and packing for son who goes to camp tomorrow (and, of course, most of his undershirts and socks are hiding) 3. worrying myself silly over my dad who can't eat and can barely drink, is terribly sick and is losing feelings in his legs but still refuses to go to the hospital (we are going to the cancer center as soon as they open in the morning)

Top that off with it being Father's Day and pastor asked each one to stand and say something about their dad. I teared up and took a long trip to the bathroom. I cried more than once today. It has been E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L.

And yet........somehow...........I planned my meals and ate what I planned and didn't go over calories! And for that, I say, "Self, you rock". Yes.........I am proud of myself. And very tired. I'm typing this as I wait for son's camp clothes to finish drying.

I will now post a pic of me being all zombiefied because I'm so tired and frizzeled out from this day! But a thumbs up because I didn't let it make me fat. LOL




Thanks for reading. Here's my food from today: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/thatTOPSlady

Ice cream therapy

One thing I am learning (haven't completely learned yet) with dad having terminal cancer, is how to control my emotions and not let my emotions control me. Dad had a bad day today. I won't elaborate. But it hurts and I want to help and there's not a thing in the world I can do. I went to the grocery store for him and bought him some ensure and some carnation malted milk and chocolate ice cream...because he thought maybe he could get that down (he's having eating issues)...and while there, I picked up ice cream for myself. Dad said "Amy, take home a few scoops of that malted milk and go home a make yourself a malt". And I did. Even though I had zero calories left.

Aand then I went outside and ran a lap through the neighborhood. My sweet daughter always wants to know if she can go too but once again I told her no. I hope she understands but I think she doesn't. I need my running/walking time to get my emotions out. I told her that next week when her brother is gone to camp, she and I would take some walks (other than my run).

I want to be doing the healthy thing, the on target thing, the NOT junking out thing even when dad is sick. Even when dad is struggling. Even when dad has died. I am learning. I did have a tiny milkshake. In the past, the ice cream carton would now be empty.

I am STILL planning to do a video blog! I just haven't had time to get to it yet. I don't know anything about it so it may take a while the first few times. I have been crazy busy. Right now hubby is waiting on me to shower and get to bed. So....ta ta for now!

Someone PLEASE tell me if you can see the food diary in this link: thanks

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/thatTOPSlady

midnight moody

I WANT to take the time to learn to video blog but pooey poo poo it is almost midnight and I KNOW that I can't just chat away to my computer without disturbing my husband who is sleeping or drawing attention from my children who are supposed to be sleeping but who are finding millions of other things to do..........like my 11 year daughter who just brought 2 blankets in here for me to smell of and before that she brought in her sticker collection to show me and before that she came in to ask me if she could give a toy to her friend tomorrow. ugh!

I considered taking the laptop to the garage and sitting on top of my washer and doing the video, but if I did that, hubby would probably wake up and think I was "hiding" and doing something I shouldn't be doing or talking to someone I shouldn't be talking to. Like strangers. Which, he would probably classify you all as. Come to think of it, if he wakes up and sees me even typing, he's going to suggest that it isn't wise for me to be up at this time of night. However, this is the time of day that works best for me. I am a busy person. I enjoy peace and quiet and that only happens late night and early morning here---and I'm not much of an early morning person. I may have to learn to become one.

I am MOODY today. I don't know what my deal is. I don't want to be a grouch. I have been in a pitty party for the past few hours...and I know it. I don't have anything to pitty party about, so I make up stuff that doesn't even make sense! LOL I fussed with hubby this evening over finances and we are not even having financial difficulty! It pretty much sums up to me being a jerk and wanting to control every dollar and have him ask ME (who earned not one dime of said money) before he bought anything besides gas. What a loser mentality. Why did I do that? I have no clue. But I do know my daughter was in a icky mood before I was and I think I caught it from her. :)

BUT I'm going to kill that stupid mood TONIGHT. I'm going to finish this blog, snuggle up with hubby, set my alarm for early, then enjoy a walk ALONE in the QUIET in the morning. I won't be getting much sleep, so if my first video shows me looking a bit sleep deprived, that's why. LOL I have a kind of full day tomorrow. I have to be out of the house by 10:20 and it will be one thing after another until very late (probably midnightish. We are going to a church camp service in another town).

I will strive to accomplish my regular morning stuff, do that walk, video blog, clean up the house and plan the day's food and get out the door by 10:20. I'd better set my alarm for 6:00. That's 5 hours and 58 minutes from now. So, I will try to upload a pic (because blogs without pics are boring), read blogs for 10 minutes (because I want to LOL) and head to bed. Goodnight!

P.S. Here's today's food diary. Can you see it? I don't know how to tell if I have it set to private or public. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/thatTOPSlady

video blogging??

I am thinking of restarting my blogging days via video instead of typing. I find that myself, I skim over people's blogs and mostly look at their pictures LOL. What do you think? I've never done youtube. I'm clueless.

Today was crazy. Here are the highlights:
Woke at 6 to do my regular routine before having to leave the house....wasted time online instead.
Stayed at chemo with dad for 4 hours.
Drove son to his time to work (volunteer) at the library...realized he forgot his nametag and it ended up being a big deal that would take more words than you'd want to read.
Ran a couple of errands.
Five minutes before my daughter's physical therapy (in the swimming pool), I realized I had forgotten her dry clothes to change into! We ran into the Dollar General and spent money on clothe she doesn't even like.
etc, etc, etc,....things just didn't flow very smoothly today.

BUT I did get my 32 minute walk in and my eating was good...........so....all in all, good day.

Let me know what you think about the video blogging. :)

Alive and online

Sorry, dear readers--you probably thought I died, as long as it has been! Just checking in to say that I am indeed alive and today we got the internet at home again so I can start blogging again! I have a TOPS lesson to prepare, so I must run...but I WILL be blogging very soon! I miss you all.

ok now...let's be honest...again.

That's what my blog used to be called. And I still want to be brutally honest--because I like REAL people and that's what I want to be.

So, the honest truth is: I have gained. Blah. Not as I had planned! At all!

But I'm still fighting. I'm still trying.

Ten days from now is the big state recognition days in Tulsa. That event is so important to me. I've called on my weight loss mentor to read my daily food diary and hold me to exercise for the next 10 days.

I'm glad to have someone for the times I can't do it alone.

---just checking in. And letting you know I'm not dead. Fat, but not dead.

Eat clean and build a church

Ok. I admit, the two items in the title have nothing to do with each other OTHER than the fact that I'm going to discuss them both in today's post. :)

Eat clean: I've been reading a book called "Eat to Live". It stresses the importance of eating leafy greens most of all (a pound a day, it suggests), followed by other veggies, then fruits, then nuts and seeds. If you've ever heard of the Daniel fast, this is the kind of eating this book endorses. So, I've been taking that book in and swishing it around in my brain. Then hubby and I went to a nutrition seminar at a local holistic doctor's office. She will be starting a 6 week class on Febrary 19th, complete with homework and accountability...and although I KNOW she's going to have me do things that are beyond my comfort level (i.e. eat really really really clean and learn to do yoga), I SIGNED UP. :) So.....yeah.

Building a church: I'm reading one of my pastor's books. It is called "Building a Church: 7 Apostolic Principles". He actually only asked me to read the section about the care group coordinator responsibilities (that's my title). However, I loved it and asked if I could read the whole book. What I've read thus far, and what the care group program is about, is making sure everyone feels the love that the church has for them and that no one falls through the cracks. I admit, as it is now, if someone in the church is in the hospital or has a loved one die, we all sit around and say "I wonder if the church will do something. I guess the pastor's wife will." Well, this program makes sure that proceedures are in place so it isn't all just the pastor's wife responsibility. It is that person's care group leader's responsibility. And that leader can call on other appointed people to help (such as bringing meals for 3 days in the event of a death). Anyway.............great program........aand I'm excited about it. The Bible says "THIS is how they will know you are my disciples: that you have love one for another". Well.....we DO have love one for another. However, we sometimes mess up on effectively communicating that love. Love in a way that can be received. :)

ta ta for now. :)

Bananas are necessary and brownies are evil.

Today was a fail. I choose to laugh and say "That was so stupid!" and get back on track IMMEDIETLY. It's not about failing. It's about wallowing in your failure and consuming untold more calories in the name of failure before you begin again. No.

I normally eat the same thing for breakfast every single morning. Organic cereal with milk, walnuts and a banana. Lo and behold, this morning we were out of bananas! Running to the store was more trouble than I wanted to do because my daughter doesn't want me to go without her and I didn't want to deal with the 20 minutes it takes for her to get ready. And I remembered that I had leftover chicken enchiladas in the fridge! That was me not starting the day on the right foot.

Then, for whatever reason, I told myself that it was ok for me to not count calories today (lie) and that we were going to have family movie night (good) and eat french fries and battered chicken strips! (not good)

THEN someone gave me brownie mix---------------------that was about 4 months old. And what did I do? I made them and ate it, joking about it the whole while.

Well, guess what. It isn't funny. It is stupid.

We lie to ourselves and say that a day "off the plan" will be fun and fulfilling. So, we give it to ourselves. And then we feel anything but fulfilled.

I bought me a banana for tomorrow. I want to be fulfilled. :)

The countdown begins: 9

As of this morning, I lack NINE more pounds to have lost all of my 14 pound regain (that I hate with a purple passion). I think this is worthy of a countdown. Hey--anything to hype me up and keep me faithful! :)

One thing that I loved during my September 2011- September 2012 really losing weight year was the many comments I would get from people. Do you know what happens when you quit losing or regain? People quit commenting. Because really, what can they say? "Hey...I was just noticing that you look a little fatter than you did last month. You aren't losing now, are you?" uh. no. So people just don't say anything. Today, my mom said "Amy, you sure are looking skinny" and it just totally made my day. It was my first comment in a long while. It confirmed to my inner man that the healthy me is back. I'm back on the ball again. woot!

~Amy aka thatTOPSlady

P.S. In reference to the "Amy, you look skinny" comment, "skinny" is relative. I'm a size 22. I'm no Shania Twain. However, compared to the 331 pound me who wore a size 32, I AM skinny. I'm loving it. (forgive me if that makes you think of McDonald's) :)

If we DID what we know to do.

Do you ever wonder what you could accomplish if you gave it 100%? If you actually DID the things you know you should do? It is much easier said than done! But I do wonder.

I was 260.4 this morning. Still 10.4 above my lowest weight of 250. I want to be there again. Now. :) So, why do I delay myself by skipping workouts, giving myself permission to go over calories, etc? Why do I delay the things I want so much?

That has been my thought this week and so far (3 days into the week--ha!) I have had a week of no skipping workouts and no going over my calories. A week of actually DOING what I know to do. I think this will work.

I have a cute new blouse (that's a big snug at present) hanging in my kitchen and it will be my reward for returning to my lowest.

Let's do this! :)

Unpopular

I admit I haven't been faithful with blogging and when I do blog, I usually don't take the time to upload pics. And that makes for boring blog reading. I don't read boring blogs and I don't expect anyone else too.

So, according to my stats, this blog is not very popular.

That's ok. Because I didn't start it in an effort to become popular. I started it as a tool to help me lose weight. And that's what it will continue to be.

I have to admit though, that a thought from my childhood came rushing back when I checked my stats: The fat girls are always unpopular.

Blogger, I hate to tell you, but I'm not going to be a fat girl for long. And when I'm popular, and have influence, I'm going to use that power in a good way. For God's glory...and to help people.

Just saying. :)

10 minutes of writing

Alas! I am going to sit here for 10 minutes and just write and see what ends up on the paper and publish it! Life has been busy and when I finally find enough quiet, non hectic time to right, I'm exhaused and just want to sleep and so that's what I do. So here I am, hoping I can have 10 quiet minutes before the kids wake. Ah....I just got a text. I will ignore it until my time is up :)
Today I weighed 260.2. I just want to throw that out there. Yes, that's higher than the 250 I reached last September. No, I didn't reach my goal of being back down to 250 before 2012 ended. (I had gained back up to 264 when I was first adjusting, very poorly, to the fact that my dad is terminal). But all of that is so last year. This is 2013. I wiped the slate clean. And so far this year, I'm doing great. I need to lose 6.25 pounds per month in order to reach goal by the end of the year. That is so DO-able! :)

I'm tempted to write a long page here about non weight related stuff but I really want this blog to focus on my weight loss so I will just limit it to one sentence today: I've been busy with dad's illness, moving them to a better house, taking care of paperwork and phone calls, etc until it feels like a full time job and my brain can't possibly hold one more piece of information and on top of all of that, my daughter restarted physical therapy once per week because scoliosis was confirmed, my son is a typial teenager who despises all of the errands we have to run so I leave him home alone sometimes for some of it then I feel like I'm neglecting him, and hubby has been great but I get overwhelmed sometimes and forget about things that he needs------like supper. ha! THAT was a very long sentence!

I've been reading your blogs even when I haven't been commenting. My internet connection is weak so getting a comment to go through can be a headache but I can get your blog to pull up and it will stay up for me to read even if I lose the connection. Jessica @See How She Runs.....I'm so glad to see you blogging again. You sound like your old self! I love your new shoes! I know you are going to rock some 5K's this year! To the Maryland TOPS queen @ Fixing Myself Thinner....you have a lot going on....be nice to you. Sometimes you seem so hard on yourself! And did you ever get the other blog (surgery pics) done? If so, would you allow me to see? I'm really wondering how my skin is going to be when I get this weight off. And finally, Sean @Daily Diary of a Winning Loser....push hard! and thanks for being real!

I read others of you too but I'm out of time now!
Take care and be healthy!
~Amy aka that TOPS lady

P.S. My sister won a 6 month gym membership. I was happy for her and jealous for me! :)