Today I was at a red light next to a man in a nice car (BMW). It was spotless. The man was wearing a dress shirt and tie. Just from that quick moment, I deemed him "successful". I could be wrong. But I bet I wasn't.
Have you ever noticed? Successful, professional people drive clean vehicles, wear starched clothing, and have spotless houses filled with expensive furniture. Their hair is styled. They smell of expensive fragrance
You don't often see a successful, professional woman who needs to attend to her chin hairs. She doesn't have McDonald's napkins and empty cups in the floor board of her car. She doesn't have a "happy fall" decoration on her porch in January.
I know, I have talked a lot about my impression of people a LOT in the last couple of posts. This wasn't intentional. But obviously, this is what it going on in my head right now.
I don't want to just be good at one thing (such as, you are such a good mother)...I want to succeed in everything! I want my house and car in order, I want my health in order. I want my spirit to be in order. I want my appearance to be in order. Everything. (perfectionist, much?)
I'm jealous (there's that word again) of people who appear successful in my eyes.
I want to BE successful, I want to FEEL successful and I want to APPEAR successful. I must have them all.
The Bible warns us to not compare ourselves with others. Refraining from that is not easy.
With today being Thanksgiving, facebook had a lot of friends' pictures of their homes, their kitchens and their families. I saw immaculate furniture that must have cost a ton and I wonder, "What am I doing wrong?"
I read the black Friday sales ads and saw that people are excited to purchase a pair of headphones for $115 (regular price $199). My heart hurt when I realized that people will go to that sale and buy those $115 headphones for their teenager for Christmas, because they can. ......when *I* (here comes the comparison part the Bible warns against) am almost 2 months behind on my house payment and haven't purchased brand new clothing for my children in probably two years.
I've had a little pitty party for myself today. I feel sorry for myself because even though I have a strong desire to BE,FEEL, and APPEAR successful......I'm not sure how to accomplish those things, and that is frustrating.
However, I remain encouraged...for my drive is strong...and I am determined to work at it and let the Lord lead me. I will get there.
Thanks so much for reading!
But you are successful at being a kind person. You cared enough about me, a stranger, to leave me a kind comment when I was hurting. That is so much more than any old piece of furniture! Thank you for being kind.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to the feelings that you are expressing. I have had to really redefine my idea of success. I know that is easier said than done. I am almost 35, in debt up to my eyeballs, over 200 lbs to lose, and no career at this moment. That is the way I use to look at my life. But now I look at it differently. You see all those descriptions can change. Okay maybe not the 35 part. Today I am a woman that has lost 50 lbs, I am eating healthy, I have my priorities straight, I am following my dreams. You are awesome! I can tell that by your blog. The reality is life is going to continue happening whether we are happy with ourselves or not. Fake it till you make it!!! That is what I am trying to do. You can do this! There is nothing special about the person that starches his shirt and buys the 199 headphones. And the reality is they may or may not be totally miserable. What do you want? What do you want your life to look like, be like. Write that down. Focus on that every day. Take one step at a time.
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