struggle, struggle

Confession: I am struggling today. I feel like a bottomless pit. I am soooo hungry. But not for veggies or fruit. :) Hungry for bread, noodles, carbs. Nuts. Junk. ugh! I haven't broken my fast from soda, fast food and dessert, and I won't...because that is different.

Still, I'm struggling with the bottomless pit today.

It's just an out of whack day! I'm sitting here in my gown (just got out of shower and don't want to put church clothes on until after supper). I should get up and get busy! Much to do! But I'm sitting here.

And I don't even want to go to church tonight. (but I will) I want everyone else to go and leave me alone. LOL I think I'm needing some alone time.

I don't know what my deal is today but I need to snap out of it! If you pray, pray for me! :) thanks

Venting about homeschooling

I would vent on my homeschool blog, but I am locked out of it! That really adds to my frustration!

First of all, a little background. I love homeschooling. My kids are 9 and 12 and have never been "in school". Whether you agree or not doesn't matter. I love it. It is my conviction.

Also, my husband is socially backward. He is super quiet and doesn't look people in the eye, etc. That's just him. And yes, he was public schooled. My 12 year old son is just like him. Awkward.

I just got off the phone with someone whose opinion I respect (my mother of all people!) and they said "Amy, why don't you see how much the christian school costs? Your kids are getting older and they need to be around other kids." It was a huge slap in the face and I want to cry but I held myself together. (btw, I am in a homeschool social group and we have once per month field trips and once per month park days) I replied "Oh, but I LIKE to homeschool." You know how you hear what someone is saying and you interpret it? I interpreted her remarks as the following: "You are failing at homeschooling your kids. They are social outcasts." Well, guess what. My kids have the personality they have because that is just who they are. I believe they would still be extremely quiet even in the midst of a million other kids their age. Do you know their dad? Are my kids not a splitting image of him socially? Yes. They are. And their dad was public schooled. It didn't make him a social butterfly. *sigh* I just need to vent. >>>>>going to talk to my (heavenly) Daddy.

I'm still a loser.

I lost 3 pounds this week :) Despite the fact that I didn't count calories for one day (July 4th) or at supper one night. So, yay!

It's not about what you deserve.

The man who is last year's TOPS king lost about 60 pounds in 6 months, and has spent every single weigh-in for the past year right at 6.8 pounds below his goal weight. He doesn't yo-yo AT ALL. I asked him his secret and I have been following his advice for the past week.

His advice: Set your calorie limit and accurately count every single bite you put in your mouth. No guessing. Eat right at your calorie allotment every day. Weigh every morning at the same time, wearing the same clothes. You should see a little loss each day. If ever you see a gain, cut 100 calories... and do that each time you see a gain, no matter how small.

It worked for him. I have been faithful to obey his plan this past week and I'm enjoying seeing little losses each morning. So far, so good.

In my mind, I'm thinking this won't work. Because of monthly cycle issues-- retaining water, etc. Plus...what about drinking water? (I still am) and exercise?? That will mess it up I think.

Regardless, I'm just going to enjoy the downward fall as long as it will last :)

Last night, I had planned to have a protein drink before bed. However, I WANTED a protein drink, leftover spaghetti and a bologna sandwich! LOL If I wasn't being committed to the calorie thing, I would have said "Oh well! I deserve it!" and yes, I DO deserve it and YOU deserve it. We DESERVE sweets and sodas and carbs and junkfood because it tastes good and we are awesome people! Yes! I agree with you! We deserve it! But eating what I deserve is what got me to 331 pounds.

Sometimes you have to say "I deserve it, but I choose not to have it." I had my protein drink and went to bed.

I hope you all are doing great! Thanks for reading!

Flylady & Homeschooling. Doing it all. How????

During the school year, my house falls apart. I try to do the flylady thing but even with that, I don't have enough time to do it all. I admit that I don't make the kids do enough of their own stuff. Chores change at the beginning of each new school year and I believe I will be having them do more this coming year!

So, since school is out, I have been focusing on flylady stuff. My house looks awesome. I'm getting it all done. However,....this schedule is NOT going to work after school starts back. I get up at 8 a.m. (I am not a morning person!) I do my flylady stuff. I have set aside 7:30-8:50 as no computer/family time. And then at 8:50 my bedtime routine starts and I try to be in bed by 10 (doesn't usually happen... I am too addicted to facebook). Anyway, I only have about 2 hours max per day right now that is not part of a flylady routine. I need about 5 hours of that time during the school year.

So.............yeah. I think that means I'm going to have to get up earlier. Gag!

Anyway.... diet is going well! :)

I'm a loser.

I had a 2 pound loss at TOPS tonight and I plan to be a loser until I reach goal! Yay! The 118 day soda/ dessert/ fast food fast is going well!

Weigh in tonight!....

....I will post the results either tonight or tomorrow :)

3 things Thursday

1. I'm having car trouble and I can't go anywhere except for when hubby gets home with his car in the evenings. I'm not stressing that too bad. I like home. The only issue is that son will miss some of his volunteer time at the library.

2. I am enjoying decluttering my house :) (AGAIN...it clutters back up rather quickly)

3. I am already missing doing school with the kids. And yet, there is so much I want to accomplish with my "free time" before we actually begin again in mid-August.

Headache and getting things done

I've had a headache all day today.

I took meds AND an hour and a half nap. It's still here. Oh well! Keep moving forward!

I hope to embrace every minute of summer break. I'm redone my Flylady routines for summer and I'm trying to stick with them. I hope to get this house in tip top shape and be organized before school starts back :)

I have wanted to eat a lot today. But I haven't. I've tracked my food and I haven't gone over calories, so yay me :)

Thanks for reading!

Nothing is impossible!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPRQR-5E9gg

118

Two pics---the face pic is me working at Junior High Church Camp last week. I loved it! The other pic is something a friend took of me. I didn't realize I look that big. I look smaller in my mind. This will make a great comparison pic to look back at!

As of last night, I am 118 pounds above goal. I am beginning a "fast" of sorts that begins today and goes for ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN DAYS. (goodness) No soda, no fast food and no dessert. I will do it! I prayed about it for a while before I decided on it. The fast will improve my health but I am also fasting about 4 other things as well.

Anyway, I'm back :) I was silly to leave the support here at blogger.

I'm on my way back.

I'm on my way back. I should be back to blogging by Monday evening or Tuesday. I need to blog. It helps :) It's time.

one at a time

Quick post--I was down a pound at TOPS last night. We had a visitor who read about us in the newspaper. Today is the first day of our new family schedule (we homeschool, so a schedule is good, else we will be too slack)...and therefore my computer time is limited, thus the short post. Have a great day!

No news really, but replying to comments

I just approved some comments that deserve a reply :)

First of all, I keep getting congrats on losing 75 pounds. There is a POINT in front of that 75! LOL Last week I lost 3/4 of a pound or POINT 75 pounds LOL. That was last week. This week I stayed exactly the same. My TOTAL weight loss from my highest weigh is 33 & 1/4 pounds.

The other comment asked me what a mexican tv dinner is. (They weren't from America) Well, it is basically rice, refried beans and an enchilada that are cooked, frozen on a plastic tray and put in a box and sold at the grocery store. You take it home and mircowave it and there ya go. :) Full of preservatives and not very healthy, I'm sure.

I have ~*HOPE*~

My friend from my old chapter, who is a KOPS, taught last night's program. She taught about hope. Can you REALLY visualize yourself at your goal? Do you REALLY believe you can do it? You won't do it if you don't believe you can. It was a great program.

I lost .75 pounds. I am now 297.25 pounds.

I have some girlfriends who are doing something called a "Daniel fast". For 21 days, you eat nothing but fruits, veggies and nuts. I think that's too big of a leap for me, but I may do SOME of it. Anyway, we had a party of sorts with these ladies last night and I ate some things I had never tried: raw carrots, raw broccoli, potato soup, celery. I can't say I LOVED any of those things, but it was nice to realize that I CAN eat these things. Perhaps I would like them more if I ate them more, such as was the case with bananas.

I am out of my funk. YAY!

We dug out of the snow on Saturday and it was a wonderful weekend. ANOTHER snow storm hits tonight and the tv is saying we will be snowed in at least until Friday. So, schoolwork is being postponed while we spend the day paying bills, buying groceries and preparing for the storm. I bet town is swamped with people doing the same. Schoolwork will easily be made up this evening or during the next 2 days of being snowed in.

blah

Monday's TOPS meeting was cancelled due to snow. We are snowed in and have been for days. It is really getting on my nerves. We have to eat what we have on hand (blah) and although I am all for family togetherness, you can actually have too much of that stuff LOL.

The snow-in started Monday and aren't estimated to be able to get out and drive until Saturday and then would you believe it is supposed to storm again next Monday? ugh.

yeah.

I'm just in a funk.

Pneumonia

BOTH of my children have been diagnosed with pneumonia. It's been rather chaotic and off schedule at my house. I keep thinking I wish things would return to normal, but then again, what is normal? It seems like there is always SOMETHING going on.

Missed my TOPS meeting

Yesterday was TOPS but since we have been fighting the flu, we stayed in and I let our co-leader handle it. She's 18 and she was THRILLED to be in charge LOL

So....no official weight, but on my scales, by some miracle, I'm still showing the same as last week. That is surprising because I was sick all week and ate a lot of comfort food, didn't exercise and didn't journal.

I am better now! yay!

It's so hard to get back into the swing of things after you've let up. I thought I had formed solid habits (exercise, water, journaling ) I found out they weren't as solid as I thought!

Tomorrow I MUST MAKE MYSELF get back with those things, whether I FEEL like it or not.

sick

Oh my goodness I am so sick. (the flu?)

I think this is day 3. I am miserable.

I am trying to find people to help me with activities the kids have today (field trip, library, church youth group). Funny, when you need help, your friends suddenly disappear and pretend they don't see. *sigh*

Anyway, I am in survival mode for sure, as far as diet goes this week. I am just hoping to survive this week without a gain...to maintain what I have lost so far.

pray for me!

On a roll again (3 pound loss)

Well, I'm doing well again :)

Weigh-in at Monday's TOPS meeting was 298, so that is a 3 pound loss for this week.

We each drew a slip of paper with a challenge on it and we have to report how we did at the next meeting. I drew "increase fruits and veggies" so that is what I'm working on this week. I needed that one. I don't eat enough fruits and veggies. :)

Here we go!.......................