well then.

Written on Wednesday night:
The 2nd half of my week has been hit and miss. I'd exercise and drink my water, calorie plan and eat as planned, then do something stupid like make chocolate no-bake cookies and eat until I couldn't hold anymore. Eerrr. So frustrating. Monday night is weigh-in and I really don't know what to expect.

Last week's lesson was about sleep, and how being sleep deprived throws your whole system out of whack. It's true. I just wrote and erased a huge paragraph telling you about all of my responsibilities and why I don't get enough sleep. I just don't. And then I crash. Today was a cool, cloudy, rainy day and man oh man, I crashed hard. I HAD to sleep. But the teens were playing a board game, hubby was already napping and I just sat on the couch with my eyes half crossed and felt like crying from exhaustion while watching my toddler. A bit later, my teen daughter saw my face and told me to go to bed and she'd watch the toddler for a while. Yay! But my sleep was interrupted a few times and then I finally just got up when daughter let out a terrible scream because her brother had scratched and tried to bite her, since she made him NOT STAND ON THE VCR PLAYER. Yeah. Another fun day in our house. And then I made the decision: I am not going to church tonight. I am going to take care of my body. The toddler is going to grandma's and everyone else is going to church, while I do a few things around then house and then go to bed. At 7, I plan to take a warm bath (not an easy thing when you have no hot water heater-- I have water boiling on the stove), then get in bed and catch some zzzzz's. I can already imagine my pastor/pastor's wife/whoever saying "You stayed home from church because you were............tired????" Well, yes. Because I need to take care of ME. And I'm pretty sure God's giving me a thumbs up for doing so. I'm not sure, though, that he gave me a thumbs up for a million calories worth of no-bake cookies. I have 24 hours until weigh in. All I can do at this point is to eat to the best nutrition advantage as I can, drink my water, get my exercise, and treat my body right. Then I will just accept whatever the scales say. I sure am hoping for a loss though! Thanks for reading!


Update on Tuesday, 09/22/15: At last night's weigh in, I was UP THREE POUNDS. *face palm* It's easy to feel like a failure. But no. I'm not quitting. I will succeed. (I ate junky salty velveeta chili cornbread bake for lunch a few hours before weigh in. Can I at least hope a little of that 3 pounds was water? :/ )