drinking kerosene

Tuesday 09/29/15

I write this at 9:36 p.m., so very tired and frustrated. I could write pages and pages of the frustrations of the day-- burnt supper, very little gas in the car, son thought he broke his brand new Playstation, lost my temper, cried while vacuuming a million cracker crumbs the toddler put in the floor, a virus on the computer, checking the bank balance and finding you are almost $200 negative, getting feedback on a book you wrote and hearing that they want you to basically change every single thing, spending 5 hours cleaning the kitchen and still having dirty dishes in the sink (how is that even possible?), baby being cranky, school not even getting done, feeling like a failure--- that's the condensed version.

Just a bad day.

And so, this evening I felt like sitting down with a huge bowl of chocolate cereal. Or cooking some pudding. Or running by the store for another mocha frappe. BUT I DIDN'T. Somehow......wow.....this is just hitting me......despite my crummy and emotional day........I still stuck to my meal plan.

Well then. Congratulations, self.

I write this and save it to be published another day, because of the virus.

And before I even hit "save", I read a facebook status from a friend-- her cancer has returned. Man. It really puts things into perspective. I have NOT had a bad day. It was frustrating, but it's not the same as my friend's bad day. My heart hurts for her. Whisper a prayer for Jessie, please.

It's late. (not extremely..but it sure feels like it) Let's tie up necessary loose ends and hit the hay.

Goodnight.

P.S. TOPS weigh in-- I lost 1.2 this week, weighing in at 303.4


And an update 8 days later...Wednesday, October 6, 2015

I ate really well this past week and was expecting a loss but didn't get to go to TOPS because of a death in the (extended) family and I needed to go to visitation, which was the exact same time as my TOPS meeting and in another town.

I really held it together this past week, despite some crazy, crazy days.

I will write about one of the crazy days, where I held it together but finally reached a breaking point: The day was last Wednesday, a week ago today. I unlocked one of my kitchen cabinets to remove my crock pot. Before I could get it locked back, Daniel (my 18 month old) started digging out pots and pans and was having a grand time. I saw no harm in that, so I let him play.

I had forgotten that at the very back of the cabinet was a kerosene lamp. In a very quick moment, he climbed into the cabinet and got the lamp (I obviously didn't know). When I turned back around (I was in the same room), he had the lamp to his mouth like a sippy cup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed him and it was all under his nose, his mouth area and chin. In 2 seconds, I was at the sink washing it off but I did see his tongue lick his lips. Oh dear. I knew he had licked it. I didn't know if he had also got a gulp of it or not. I prayed. I hoped he didn't.

He seemed fine. I googled and it said that IF he did, he would start coughing within 3 hours.

But he seemed fine. He was laughing and playing and it just seemed odd to take him to the ER, as it was seeming apparent that he did NOT get a drink.

But then, 30 minutes later, he coughed. Just one simple cough. Abby (my 14 year old) and I looked at each other and raised our eyebrows. Ten minutes later, another cough, and 5 minutes later, one more.

The coughing never became severe, but at its peak, was one single cough every 3 minutes. I called his doctor, who had me call poison control. Poison control kept in contact with me via phone, calling back every little bit for an update. This whole ordeal started at 10 a.m., finally, at 2 p.m., they told us to go to the ER.

While at the ER, I was so thirsty. My sister was going to buy us a soda out of the machine and I was arguing with myself in my head as to whether I was going to stick to my meal plan (which did NOT include soda) or if I was going to let her spend $1.25 on WATER. I just have issues on spending that much on water! But, I was strong and said my health is worth it. I drank expensive water.

Homemade mashed potatoes were part of the meal plan for the day and it was becoming apparent that I wasn't going to have time to go home and cook mashed potatoes before supper time. I allowed myself the privilege of buying deli mashed potatoes on the way home, so I could stick with eating what I had planned (though I doubt the calorie count is the same).

At the ER, they did x-rays and said he had bronchitis and that was causing his cough (um...no...he didn't have a cough before the kerosene). Anyway, the ER talked to poison control and they agreed to send me home with instructions to see the family doctor to follow up on his "bronchitis".

Within 5 hours, his coughing had stopped. Daniel was very restless in his sleep for the next 2 days, had bad diapers and a LOT of gas. Then on day 3, he was fine, and he is fine now.

I stuck with my plan so well through all that stress. But when we finally got home, I didn't measure my food. I just ate until I was full. I guess it isn't the most terrible thing I could have done.

Here's to a healthy week! Thanks for reading!