Saturday, December 27, 2014

time for YOURSELF?

Our state TOPS leader wrote something on my facebook page that I'm taking to heart. She said that it was my turn. 2015 is my year.

I receive that. I have been on the back burner for too long. I guess there is some honor in being a giver and doing for others, but at what price? There has to be a point to say "I'm sorry, my supply is too low and if I give any more, I will be doing without. I have to stop here and take care of myself."

I gave a lot....a lot of time and mental energy, taking care of dad during his illness. I give a lot of time and mental energy homeschooling my kids. I give a lot of time and mental energy with church stuff. And now that dad is gone, I give a lot of time and mental energy toward my mother. And I have a husband, who, believe it or not, sometimes wants some time and mental energy.

There hasn't been any left for me.

And I want it. I want time and mental energy to take care of ME.

It is NOT as simple as saying, "I'm going to take care of myself now, you all fend for yourselves!" There have to be major changes in what I do, how I handle things, what the routine is, etc. I may come off sounding rude and selfish. I hate to come off that way. But I'm important. And I won't let myself die from sacrificial living.

The one change I have discussed with my husband, and we plan to implement beginning when we start school back after winter break (January 5), is I will have 8:55-9:55 every morning ALONE IN MY ROOM and I am NOT to be disturbed unless it is an emergency. I plan to take that time to have devotions and work on some TOPS stuff and business stuff and whatever I choose that energizes and inspires me. Blog, etc.

It doesn't come easily. And it's not the only change that has to happen. Finding ways to make space for me is extremely difficult, but I must find them and do whatever it takes to make it happen. I'd love to have 2 nights per week to go to the gym. I think that may be the next step---make a list of what I want to see happen--what I need---and then work on the solutions.

In case you have not followed my story long, or have forgotten, I have 2 teenagers and a 9-month-old baby who wants to be held or entertained CONTINUOUSLY (sigh) and we homeschool and I lead a TOPS group and have a small home based business. My husband works out of the home, doing small engine repair (lawn equipment, chainsaws, 4 wheelers, etc). We are also very active in our church and counting the time we leave the house until we get home, church takes about 12 hours per week. That sounds like I resent the time we spend at church. No, that is not the case at all. I'm just telling you of what takes our time. OH....and my mother has to do 8 hours per month of community service to live where she lives, so she begins January 1st, cleaning my church...and since she doesn't drive.......there goes another 8+ hours of my month.

I can't do it all.

I can't do it all and still take care of me.

And I HAVE to take care of me.

I'm a bit under the weather today and I asked hubby if he would be in charge of baby for an hour so I could take a nap, after his movie ended. However, by the time the movie was over, I wasn't feeling sleepy and instead used the time alone in my room, reading and watching some Bryan Ganey youtube videos ( ....the man has lost a ton of weight). During that hour, my daughter peeked her head in to ask if you had to have a special glue if you are gluing on fabric, my son popped in to tell me what clothes he plans to take on his youth group trip next week, mother called. Hubby DID keep the baby occupied though! I told mom I would call her back.


I'm determined to come up with a schedule/plan that will allow me more ME time. Suggestions?

I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN. I'm getting to my goal weight in 2015. I'm running the June 5K at a faster speed than I ever have. I'm getting healthy. I'm making room for myself. It's not just going to happen. I will have to MAKE it happen.

Let's do this.


  1. Well the suggestion that always seems obvious to me when I read your blog, although I assume you won't like it, is to not homeschool! It seems to be very common in the US and I've never understood it. I did very well at school but I still wouldn't feel qualified to teach my children every subject to the level of a specialist teacher. And my kids love school. As well as the qualified teachers, there are all their friends and the socialisation training for them. And I need those six hours a day without them - and them without me. But presumably you have your reasons for homeschooling.

  2. When he was done with his movie!?! Your husband has time to watch a movie? While you're not feeling well...with a baby? Seriously?

    Uh-hmmm. sorry. I meant to start my comment by saying that I followed you years ago, when we were both losing weight, then lost track. I came across a comment of yours somewhere and followed it to here. I had no idea as to all that has happened in that last couple of years. Seems to have been quite eventful.

    So, even tho I haven't been here, I'm starting off being outspoken. sigh.

    Beyond the whole movie thing, I'd consider telling our mom--who is the one who had to do community service, that she needs to either find a service she can perform without your transport, or find the transport. Not being mean, but if your mom is able to clean a church, sh is able to find transportation or develop a different plan that does not involve you. Unless, of course, her housing requires the services of her daughter also. Which I doubt. Right? I mean the tenants don't have to have driving daughters to live there, do they?

    I didn't think so.

    Hugs...and I'll try to be less outspoken in the future. :)

    After his MOVIE? Paleease.


  3. I have been reading your blog for a while and just wanted to say I know how you feel. Especially with your post today. We all need "ME TIME." Best wishes.

    Also if you have a smart phone and have the Bible App I found a really good 7 Day Devotional called "Weight Loss Scriptures Devotionals." I used this the past seven days and it has helped me get started and stay focused. Maybe it will help you too.