Dad's cancer results came back bad. Very. Stage 4. Four to eight months to live. wow.
It's one of those things that you just can't understand unless you've been there. I didn't realize that before.
And so, yeah.......it's been hard. I won't bore you with details and a pitty party.
We had a surprise birthday party for dad and I made a ton of cupcakes and did the "cake batter therapy" thing. I stood in my kitchen and ate half a batch of cake batter and cried on the inside and justified it because my dad is dying. MY DAD IS DYING, SELF, GET OFF MY CASE ALREADY. Yeah...I have conversations with myself in my head. And I think what I'm going through is a pretty valid thing. I mean, your dad doesn't die every day.
But no. Regaining weight will make me feel worse. I deserve better than that. I NEED heatlhy food to pull me through. I need to take care of me.
I decided to manipulate my excuse and say "My dad is dying. Therefore, I must take care of me!" That's so much better than "My dad is dying. Therefore, I will eat 5,000 calories today."
So even though I was super busy, I dropped the kids off at the library, paid ten whopping dollars for a day pass to the gym and poured my emotions out on the treadmill. It had been several months since I'd done a 5K, so I was pretty out of practice....but I did a 5K on that treadmill that day and beat my personal best time by 2 minutes. Because my heart was in it. Or rather, I poured my heart out into it. I ran until I couldn't run, then I walked, then I ran some more. I was dripping sweat and it was good. Sweat therapy. yes. I need it during all of this.
I could go on and on about cancer but I want this blog to be about weight loss, not cancer. So yeah.
I can make healthy choices in the face horrible stuff. Yep. You can too.