Tuesday, April 29, 2014

sandpaper stuff

Good grief, some days are filled with things that leave me feeling like my emotions have been rubbed raw with sandpaper. I'm so tired, both physically and emotionally. Thankfully though, I am in my calorie range and I did will nutritionally, despite the stress.

Do you read Sean Anderson's blog? His post tonight inspired me to sit at the computer and just write for 5 minutes. Days like today, I need to just get it out and tell about the chaos.

Busy has been an understatement. It is SO frustrating to be so busy (and baby on top of it all) that you can't fit in 15 minutes of exercise........and if that sounds like an excuse, it isn't.........because I didn't fit in a shower either and you would think that would have been do-able.

Anyway.......we dealt today with soonercare not wanting to pay for any more pain meds for dad because he has reached his limit. Their limit is 12 pain rx's per year. Hello.........my dad is a terminal cancer patient. He is SO sick. THere is a way we can ask them to pay for it, involving some paperwork that we will be filling out. But in the meantime, the cash cost is about $80 for a 15 day supply. We don't have that kind of money.

Today someone that I love made me feel like a loser. I won't go into details, but the person and I have totally different opinions about something and they just won't let it go. Especially at this time, so exhausted, so emotional,.........it is hurtful that they imply that I need to do something concerning my dad that I simply can not do. I can do my best and no more. I know that is vague, but, anyway....... Just a hurtful day.

Tomorrow hubby will watch the baby and older kids while I go to the doctor for my postpartum checkup. I will also pick up money I'm borrowing to get dad's meds and then go by and get them and take them to him. I hope the whole thing (dr, money, pharmacy) goes VERY quickly because I would REALLY like to feel I have spare time to go exercise alone. I think it would do me a lot of good. But we have church that evening and getting everyone ready takes a while, so I can't be gone too terribly long. ANyway....hope I have plenty of time.

Oh.......speaking of the postpartum visit, they have called about THREE times in the past 5 weeks to ask what I'm using for birth control. That is so personal. AND I'm not going to talk about that right in front of my 12 year old. They called again today to remind me of tomorrow's appointment and wanted me to call them back and let them know (again) what kind of birth control I'm using. I didn't return their call. After tomorrow's appointment, if they call me again, I think I'm going to give them a little heads-up about courtesy.

Wow...that was more than 5 minutes. Thanks for reading. Goodnight!

Monday, April 28, 2014

staring at the wall

I often feel like I am hindered from accomplishing the million things I need to do because I'm holding my sweet yet cranky baby who doesn't want to be put down. And yet, at times like this moment, when he has fallen asleep for a nap, I stare at the wall and think, "What do I need to be doing?"...and if I stare too long, he wakes and the moment is gone and all I've accomplished is a good wall stare LOL

Go to the bathroom. Ok. That's kind of important. I will do that now. Be right back.

I'm back.

Anyway...it's not like I can't find something I need to do, because EVERYTHING needs to be done. But I must focus on what MUST be done or it won't get done. Know what I mean?

So, even though I'm giving myself permission to write in this blog for 5 minutes, (because I haven't updated in SO long!) I have to sit down and prioritize this day.

What are your daily priorities?

Right now, the things that I strive for each day most of all are: Calorie counting and meal pre-planning, exercise, prayer, cook supper (everyone fends for themselves for the other meals), get to bed when the baby falls asleep at night, be clean.

Pretty basic!

If I accomplish all of that, I may even do laundry ;)

I'm busy........and tired. But I know this is just a season. Babies grow so quickly! It seems like my 15-year-old was a baby just last week.

However, I am NOT going to allow myself to be on the back burner during this season. I'm tired of waiting. I must reach for my goals and dreams in the midst of it all. And I can. And I will.

This morning I sit at 30 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight and I am 5 weeks postpartum. I'm READY for the weight to be gone and to fit in smaller clothes.

I've started training for a 5K that will happen toward the end of June. My goal is for the pregnancy pounds to be gone by then.

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts! I just needed to get it out there!

Soon I hope to post a picture---even though I am unhappy with the way I look right now---I want to document the process. Even the parts we aren't happy with are still part of the story.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Baby is here

Today baby is two weeks and one day old! I had the BEST labor and delivery (thank you, Jesus!). He is a little guy--- weighed 5 pounds, 1.5 ounces...but healthy and all is well.

The pic shows his big sister holding him the day he was born.

Now I have the job of getting rid of the baby weight (and beyond). I gained a crazy 53 pounds with this pregnancy! Giving birth removed 19 of those pounds and I lost an additional 3.4 this week. I'm currently at 30 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight and I am working hard to get rid of them. I want to be able to wear my smaller clothes NOW!

I'm still adjusting to the fact that having a baby in the home means I can't accomplish nearly the amount of stuff I could before. A couple of days, things just got hectic and I didn't have a moment to meal plan or exercise. Then I realized I must do these two things FIRST in my days. (any baby needs come first, actually, but I mean first ahead of laundry or schoolwork or whatever)

Oh......and I have a 5K at the end of June. I REALLY insist that I be back to "myself" or better by that time.

Thanks for reading!