I'm talking to me :(

Hubby has been doing excellent with his diet/exercise. He is now an exercise-aholic. He has lost 21 pounds in just over a month.

Tonight at supper, he pretty much put the spotlight on the truth. I had said "I will get back on track after I finish taking this crazy medicine. After a week from Wednesday, when I have this tooth pulled, then I will get back on track."

And then, he just came out and said it: "You know, you've done this several times before. You diet, you do well, then you just quit and gain it all back. You are using the tooth as an excuse, but really, all you are doing is quitting."

Ouch. what to say to that?

simply "You're right"

*********
sigh
*******

Tonight while driving down the road with the kids, this song came on the radio (please listen...you can open in a new window and listen while you read) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4GmLRTJq1w
Somehow, this song which has nothing to do with my health, had EVERYTHING to do with my health. It was all I could do to keep from bawling right there. But then what would I say to the kids? "Mom's crying because she quit again and gave up on herself and she had really thought she was gonna get to her goal weight." No, I don't think so. So, I didn't cry.

But now that it is playing again and I am alone in my dark bedroom, I am crying. Amy, don't let your light burn out, don't let the fire burn out. There's a girl in the street who's crying. (its me) :(

P.S. I am late. (barely) I wonder if I am pregnant. (probably not)

P.S. again. I am the most emotional, roller-coastery, hormonal person I believe I have ever met. This blog is an excellent place to let it all out and I am 100% honest here. I feel safe doing that because I am "pretty much" anonomous. So, you all know what is going on with me in the inside. I do a pretty good job of hiding it from the rest of the world.