Ending the year--juice, anyone?

Here we are with one week left in the year. I SOOoooooooooo want to end this year at my lowest weight of the year. (which was 250) When dad got sick, I gained some. So, I'm working on getting back down to 250. Wish me luck! Even though luck has nothing to do with it. It's Christmas Eve. I'm going to have pie at mom's house. That means I have bran flakes and banana for breakfast and a homemade nutribullet juice drink thing for lunch. It tastes terrible but it is so good for me.

So that's my focus. Are you focused? Or have you thrown in the towel until after the 1st of the year? It's not easy but it can be done. Let's do this.

A blogger in my shoes

I've searched and searched for a blog to read about someone who was on the weight loss bandwagon----while dealing with tragedy. If you find one, will you please pass the link on to me? please and thank you

My gift

Brief recap for those of you who may have missed it: My dad has stage 4 lung cancer with no hope of recovery. As I type this, we are at the cancer center having chemo. I haven't handled this well. Physically, I gained back 10 of the 81 pounds I had lost. Mentally, I've been overwhelmed. I go to the doctor tomorrow.

Now............I want to tell about the gift my mother-in-law gave me. She is a retired cancer center nurse, so she knows what I'm going through. She came and got my kids and took them to her house (2.5 hours from me) for the next two weeks (they left yesterday). She gave me the gift of time. Time to take dad to his appointments without worrying about finding a babysitter for the kids. She gave me the ability to focus on MY health and taking care of Me for a change. Hubby and I are eating healthy and I'm going to exercise classes that I wouldn't have been able to attend otherwise.

And already, the weight is coming off. It's a great feeling when you take care of yourself.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I haven't always handled the "dad's cancer tragedy" as well as I would like. I've had days that I've fed my emotions. a lot. I'm up about 7 pounds from my lowest (which was in September). Depressed. Not doing well. I want to be honest.

When you feed yourself junk, and a lot of it, not only do you gain weight, but you get sick and feel bad. I've felt horrid.

I was going to go to the doctor but I lost my insurance card.

A little less than 24 hours ago, I started taking St. John's Wort and I hope the initial results keep up. I have felt better. Not amazing, but better. And I am determined to feel myself healthy foods and cut out the junk that makes me sick.

Because I need to.

I just wanted to post this because I want it to be real. And this is life right now. And I'm still going to lose weight and be healthy and be the queen. Sometimes there's just a bit of ugliness in the beauty. And I don't want to lie and pretend it's all beautiful.

All is well that ends well.

Dealing with it & manipulating valid excuses

Dad's cancer results came back bad. Very. Stage 4. Four to eight months to live. wow.

It's one of those things that you just can't understand unless you've been there. I didn't realize that before.

And so, yeah.......it's been hard. I won't bore you with details and a pitty party.

We had a surprise birthday party for dad and I made a ton of cupcakes and did the "cake batter therapy" thing. I stood in my kitchen and ate half a batch of cake batter and cried on the inside and justified it because my dad is dying. MY DAD IS DYING, SELF, GET OFF MY CASE ALREADY. Yeah...I have conversations with myself in my head. And I think what I'm going through is a pretty valid thing. I mean, your dad doesn't die every day.

But no. Regaining weight will make me feel worse. I deserve better than that. I NEED heatlhy food to pull me through. I need to take care of me.

I decided to manipulate my excuse and say "My dad is dying. Therefore, I must take care of me!" That's so much better than "My dad is dying. Therefore, I will eat 5,000 calories today."

So even though I was super busy, I dropped the kids off at the library, paid ten whopping dollars for a day pass to the gym and poured my emotions out on the treadmill. It had been several months since I'd done a 5K, so I was pretty out of practice....but I did a 5K on that treadmill that day and beat my personal best time by 2 minutes. Because my heart was in it. Or rather, I poured my heart out into it. I ran until I couldn't run, then I walked, then I ran some more. I was dripping sweat and it was good. Sweat therapy. yes. I need it during all of this.

I could go on and on about cancer but I want this blog to be about weight loss, not cancer. So yeah.

I can make healthy choices in the face horrible stuff. Yep. You can too.

dress/pictures/new normal

This pic is of me last week on our 16th wedding anniversary. I decided to try on my wedding dress. It zipped and lacked about half an inch from buttoning. That's the closest it has come to fitting since I was 18, so I'm pretty proud. I'm excited to know that next year it will be way too big. :)

Several weeks ago, we were at an event that was iaway door prizes. One of the door prizes was a gift certificate for a professional portrait session. I told hubby "If I win a door prize, I will get that certificate and save it to have 100 pounds lost pictures made!" However, I was working (volunteering) at this event and I didn't see who won what. Imagine my suprise when on my anniversary, hubby presented me with the gift certificate! Yay! My goal was already to reach the 100 pounds lost mark by the end of the year (19 more pounds) but now that desire is on overdrive because the gift certificate expires the last day of the year!

I have been financially strapped lately. It can be depressing. Last night someone left kashi cereal, wheat bread, and tomatoes on my pew at church. They knew how much those things would mean to me and it touched my heart. Also my cousin/friend randomly sent me $50 of "Christmas money". How precious. God bless them!

In a short while I must wske my kids and get them out the door. We are driving dad to the hospital about an hour away to have bloodwork done. Then tomorrow we get to leave the house at 6 a.m. to take him to have his biopsy. Hard times. I haven't handled it as well as I would like to say I have. However, finally....I feel like I'm adjusting and accepting. There's just going to be a new normal for us. I have to let the old normal go and learn to thrive and be happy with the new normal.

Immunity

People get vaccinations to prevent them from getting disease. The vaccinations build up an immunity. There is a terrible illness going around. It is the "eh...I don't care. I'm just going to eat" virus. Wouldn't it be great if we could take a shot and never suffer from that again?! We walk into a buffet and decide that we will just have a salad and a piece of grilled chicken---because we are immune from all that other junk. That would be awesome! What a fairytale.

But in a way, there is such an immunity. There are times in our lives when we are just in the groove and we've got it going on and we are pretty much unshakable. During these times, we aren't tempted to mess up. It's almost like being immune to unwise decisions.

I had a season of immunity last April. I was losing weight well. We were staying in a fancy hotel in Tulsa over the weekend for the TOPS State Recognition Days. Lots of weight loss winners were being recognized. I was proud of my accomplishments and I was motivated to be on the stage the next year. I was just PUMPED! And I was immune. Nothing was going to make me junk out and nothing would make me miss my exercise.

Like vaccinations, these feelings wear off. You can't get a flu shot in 1978 and expect it to still be working in 2012. You have to go back and get immunized again. The same thing goes with our health. We don't stay on the mountain. We find ourselves in a rut sometimes.

Are you there? Are you in the rut? Pull yourself out, my friend. Remind yourself of your dreams. KNOW that you can do it. Give yourself that shot in the arm.

See you lighter!

~Amy

Breaking the mullygrub glasses

We've all heard saying about looking at life through rose colored glasses. Most of us aren't guilty of that though. Most of us look at life through mullygrub glasses. Recently I had several days in a row where I felt unbalanced, depressed and blah, feeling like a failure. Feeling like stuff needed fixing and I needed to be the one to fix it. If I were a better person, I would be able to fix things and everything would be perfect and happy with butterflies and cotton candy. If I wasn't so lazy, if I wasn't so incapable, if I wasn't such a loser.

Have you been there? Surely I'm not the only one who every wears mullygrub glasses.

Last night I went to bed and started praying, asking God to "fix me" because surely I am a failure and surely I'm doing things wrong,etc. THEN this thought came to me:

"What if you are just looking at it wrong and things are actually PERFECT? If things were lined up exactly the way that I (God) know is best, wouldn't THAT be perfect? Or must YOU be 100% happy with every little thing....must everything be going YOUR way for it to be a perfect day? Cancer, poverty, troubles...these things build character and have purposes that you don't realize. I AM doing great things in your life. You already do seek me--that pleases Me. You do your best most of the time-- that pleases Me. Keep doing those things. Then, whatever comes, trust that it is part of MY PERFECT plan for you. Your life is so perfect and you don't realize it. Break your mullygrub glasses and enjoy this perfect day."

Take time for you today. Ask God what you should do.... even what you should eat and if you should exercise. hum..............

Tough

I said I would blog each Sunday. Then my computer died. So now I will blog on Thursdays at the library while my daughter is at storytime. Sunday, Thursday, same difference.

What do you do when life gets tough? How do you react during seasons of chaos, extreme business or stress?

We have a tendency to put our health on the shelf during these times. The only problem with this is this: life if FILLED with tough times. If we put our health on hold during hard times, then 85% of your life, you health will be on hold. Life is tough. Often.

I took my dad to doctor appointments and medical procedures on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week. The doctor is 95% sure dad has lung cancer. Hard times.

Last night I ate when I needed to cry. As soon as I finished all of my "absolutely have to do/ bare minimums" for the day, I put on my pj's, and went to bed with leftover spaghetti, half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk.

Hubby came in, sat on the bed and asked me if I was ok. I replied "I'm doing exactly what I tell my TOPS chapter not to do--I'm eating my emotions." Then he held me as I cried and talked to me for a while. (He's such a good husband). I went to sleep early. This morning, I feel better.

I keep thinking of one thing the doctor said to dad yesterday--- "We need to build your health up, because we want you to be as healthy as possible before you start chemo." This morning I'm thinking about me and my health and you and your health and just health and life in general. Life is hard. We go through lots of rough stuff in our lives. Compare this to going through chemo. It's not fun. We need to be as healthy as possible to pull through it.

Build up your health. You will need it to carry you through the hard times.

So that is my focus this week>>>>> realizing that taking care of my health is not selfishness, but a good thing. My health is a major priority. If you don't have your health, what do you have?

~Amy aka thatTOPSlady

Dear friend

Oh my.Time flies.Sorry I haven't posted.My new goal is to post every Sunday---at least for the next 3 months. That's my plan. I'm teaching a lesson at TOPS tomorrow about being focused and having a plan to have a very successful last quarter of the year. Blogging each Sunday is part of my plan. Perhaps next Sunday I will post details of my plan for the quarter.



Since I've been here last, I have hit my 80 pound mark. Yay! I can now fit (barely) into a size 20 skirt but I'm still wearing my size 22 skirt because the only 20 skirt I have has a split up to the kazoo and I need to sew a pretty piece of material in that before I wear it in public. I started my weight loss journey as a size 30.



I met someone recently who didn't know the 331 pound me. This friend is also on a weight loss journey So, the point of this post is to tell about the 331 pound me.



Dear friend,
I wonder what you see when you see me. Do you see me as morbidly obese? I am still classified as that, I think. In my mind, I'm no longer morbidly obese. I still have 60 pounds to lose,but after having lost the first 81 pounds, I'm feeling pretty healthy and confident these days. And so I wonder if you see me as healthy and confident or if you see me as obese. Not just you, but I wonder about people in general--how they see me. Not that it matters--I am what I am. And I know that I'm on my way to my goal weight and then no one will see me as obese.

Regardless of how you see me now, I want to paint a picture for you of my life 2 years ago and before. I've always been big. Really big. Maybe I could blame various people and various things for that, but that doesn't matter. For whatever reason, I've always been a big girl.

I have an outgoing personality but in my teen years, that personality was choked and died from ridicule from my peers. I had horrible teen years. Long story short, I was the school reject. It was so bad, I thought about suicide. But I was too scared. So I just became a hermit.

Fast forward to the early 2000's--I'm a mother of two kids and I weigh 331 pounds. My clothes are homemade because I couldn't get them to fit me. I owned one store bought skirt and it was a size 30. The rest were homemade. And they weren't pretty. They were horrid. Not that it mattered, because no matter how nicely I could have dressed---even if I could have afforded clothes from a specialty store---my obesity would still have been the first focus and thought of all that saw me.

I was so tired. I woke up late. I was always sleepy. I HAD to take a nap every day, just to survive. Things like washing dishes totally wiped me out. I was addicted to food. I would get a box of little debbie brownies and eat the whole box and then call my husband and tell him that I felt like I was going to pass out (duh, Amy. You just ate a box of brownies. Think that might be a tad bit much sugar?) I didn't want to be the way I was, but I couldn't break free.

I could eat massive amounts of food before I could feel full. Of course, during all this time, I lied to myself and told myself that I ate normally.

We went out to eat with our church one night, and the only place to sit was booths. I didn't fit. I was humiliated. I spent the entire time refilling people's drinks for them, getting a spoon, going to the bathroom, etc., just so I wouldn't be sitting down, because I couldn't.

Speaking of church, I felt ashamed to be so big because I felt like I was a reproach, a blemish, a flaw, a defect in the body of Christ---because of my obesity.

I wore out shoes incredibly fast---probably from my weight putting so much pressure on them.

My back hurt and sometimes it would "go out" and I couldn't do anything but lay down on the couch for days.

I couldn't fit the seat belt in the backseat of my husband's car or in my van.

We went to a concert in a school auditorium that had movie theater style seating. Truthfully, I didn't fit but because I was so embarrased, I forced my fat to squeeze in between those arm rests (and overflowed into the surrounding seats). It hurt so bad. I was in pain as I sat there and ripping myself back out of those seats was even worse. If I remember correctly, it left scrapes on my hips that bled.

I joined TOPS and ho-hummed around and didn't really do much. I gained 5 and lost 5 over and over. Finally, I lost 20 and then I spent about 2 years just sitting there juggling 5 pounds.

I met a friend who decided to take me under her wing and help me. SHE WAS A GOD-SEND. She spoke positive things into my life (such as the day when she discovered that I didn't like fruits or veggies and she said something to the effect of "Well, since you are going to become the TOPS queen, you are going to learn to like them" instead of "You can never become the queen since you don't like them". Guess what?! I do like them now! She started me slowly with bananas and taught me to learn to like new foods. You really CAN retrain your taste buds!). She read my food diaries and made comments about my choices. She REQUIRED that I exercise 6 days per week,eat my fruits and veggies, stay in calorie range and drink enough water. I texted her every single night and gave a full report of my calorie count, number of fruits and veggies, amount of exercise and amount of water. She was tough on me. But that is just what I needed. Even now,when I see that I am slacking up a bit, or when I'm pushing hard for a goal, I will go back to texting her.
I was improving but I still felt very addicted and bound to some very unhealthy habits. I felt that those addictions had more control over me than I had over my own self. It was also at this time that I went to a health seminar that mentioned that the pH level of diet soda is only one number different than that of battery acid. (NOT GOOD!)At this point, I had 113 pounds left to goal (or maybe it was 118--I can't remember which number). So, I decided that I would go on a 113 day fast from dessert, fast food, and soda. It wasn't easy. But I did it!!!!! The fast did 2 things for me that were obvious-- it proved to me that I COULD say no to temptation and it got me past the withdrawl symptoms (which are very real) from these addictions. You'd think I'd lose a ton of weight during that fast. I didn't. I overcompensated with way too much mac & cheese, etc. But it did show me that I could do hard things. And now, I'm not a soda drinker.

September 2011, I made a focused effort to be happy. I actually wrote it down as a goal>>>This month I will be happy no matter what! It did wonders. I started reading motivational literature. I started thinking positively and listening to happy music. I told myself that I was pretty. And the weight loss increased in speed. I do think the brain is the best weight loss tool we have!

Now all the seat belts fit, I can fit in any booth or theater seat, and this weekend....I.....(wait for it....) I KAYAKED! (think canoe). Yes, I kayaked! I fit in it! And I even fit the life jacket! You know, like a normal person! *high five* Being normal is so much fun :)

So here we are with 3 months left in the year. Tomorrow at TOPS, we are all going to establish goals for the remainder of the year--- weight goals, physical fitness goals, and miscellaneous goals. My weight goal is going to be to end this year with a 100 pound loss. Depending on what I weigh at tomorrow's weigh-in, that may be a 20-25 pounder. I will have to focus. I will have to push and work very hard. But I can do it. And guess what? You can do the exact same thing. I know you can. I just want to give you a big hug and jump up and down with excitement about the new freedoms you will be finding very soon as your health improves day by day! Every day, tell yourself "Today I am heavier than I will ever be again...tomorrow I will be lighter and smaller and healthier than I am today!"



Goodness, I love this! How exciting!

Until next Sunday,
~Amy aka thatTOPSlady

mile stones

Definition of Milestone, from wikipedia: A milestone is one of a series of numbered markers placed along a road at intervals of one mile or occasionally, parts of a mile. They are also known as mile markers, or mile posts.Milestones are constructed to provide reference points along the road. This can be used to reassure travellers that the proper path is being followed, and to indicate either distance travelled or the remaining distance to a destination.

The first mile markers were made of stone, hence the name "mile stone". In ancient days, only a few miles could be traveled in a day. The milestones had great meaning to those travelers. This reminds me of a scripture: Joshua chapter 3 and 4. The Israelites (exceedingly large number of people) needed to cross a river. When those who were carrying the ark of the covenant stepped their feet into the water, the water fled and all of the Israelites crossed over on DRY ground. (it wasn't even muddy!) God told them to gather stones from the river bed and to build a memorial, so that when their children were older, they would ask "What do these stones mean?" and they would tell them, and the story wouldn't die.

Each of us have come so far with our weight loss. Have you noticed the milestones? Speeding down the busy highway of life, we often forget to notice them. This week, I challenge you to notice the mile markers in your journey. Maybe gather more stones and make a memorial out of it, so your story will be told from years to come. Take pictures. Make a list of things you can do now that you couldn't before.


In Washington D.C., there is a milemarker that is numbered zero. It is intended to be the mile marker from which all distances in the united states are measured. Look back at YOUR mile marker zero, where you started. Did out the pictures of you from your heaviest. Remember and write down the ways your life was different then. You have come so far from mile marker zero! What a journey!

flop

Yesterday I fell flat on my face. I could easily not post about it and keep the image of being "perfect" but that's not reality and I don't want to be fake.

Most of the time I am doing super great. Yesterday I wasn't feeling well and I ate and ate, this and that, trying to find that one thing that satisfied. Nothing did.

Anyway.............it happened. I'm over it. I'm just being "out there" and telling it like it is!

I did my first 5K today!!! :)

One year ago, my friend asked me to do a 5K walk/run. I was about 315 pounds at the time. I physically COULD have completed it, if I walked very slowly. The main thing that kept me from doing it was the mental aspects. I didn't want to be the morbidly obese lady that everyone whispered about. Plus, I had an "I can't" attitude. So I said, "Not this year, but next year for sure."

Today WAS that next year and I'm so excited that I did my first 5K!! I've lost a lot of weight since then but the main thing I've lost is the "I can't" attitude. Guess what-- I CAN! and I did! :) (You can too.)

I was #64 out of 94 ladies, #15 out of 22 in my age division. My time was 49:03 which is 2 minutes faster than my fastest time in training. My feet hurt. NEXT YEAR is going to be even more awesome because I won't be carrying around 70 extra pounds. :)

If they would have divided up people into categories of how overweight they are, I would have the best time for the "still carrying 70 pounds of excess weight" division. LOL!

I can't wait to compare this year's pictures and times with next year's. :) I want all of you to do it next year too! Seriously, If I can, you can.

Hubby and some other TOPS members represented our chapter at the area fun day today. Our chapter won the award for "Best Average Loss Per Member" for the quarter, with a 9 pound per member average. I've got such a motivated and "making great changes" group. Goodness, I'm proud of them!!!! (the other girl in the top picture is from our group and she rocked the 5K today!)

Tonight hubby is cooking bbq chicken on the grill. It is 4:30 p.m. and I'm already in my gown. I'm so tired but today has probably been one of the top 10 best days of my life!!! :)

Thank you, Jesus, for helping me---for I can't even walk without you.

Annual fast

In 2 days, it will be a year since I declared a 118 day fast from #1 soda, #2 fast food and #3 dessert. At that time, I was 118 days above goal and that's why I picked 118 days. I had such strong chains of addiction binding me and no matter how much I fought, I couldn't get free from them. During the fast, I lost my chains.

So, here I am a year later. As of today's weigh-in, I'm 74 pounds above goal. And just this past month, the chains have come back. They are still lose. I can get them off. They aren't tight. But if I DON'T get them off and I mean NOW, then they will continue to tighten and I will be in the same bondage as before. Why wear chains when you don't have to?

Therefore, beginning today, I'm going on a 74 day fast from the 3 things as last year, plus one more. #1 no soda (This isn't an issue anymore. I pretty much never drink soda now anyway) #2 No fast food. #3 No dessert (this has been a biggie for me lately) and #4 No going over calorie limit at all (because sometimes I say "oh well" and just eat what I want. But not during this fast. When my calories are gone, I'll be done for the day)

I just needed to speak this! I believe God will honor it, as he honored it before!

~I refuse to be bound~

This is reality.

I have made such HUGE changes in my lifestyle that it is easy to sometimes give them impression that I am now perfect. I am not. The past 3 days have been a real struggle. I want to be transparent here, plus I think blogging about them will help me deal with them, so here goes.

Short story: I'm tired and stressed.

Short story about stress:
CAMP>>>I leave in 3 days to go to work at a youth camp for 5 days and will miss my husband. We didn't have enough appropriate clothing for the children and I to have the necessary 2 outfits per day, so I've been searching here there and everywhere (thrift stores and regular stores) for clothes that fit, are appropriate and inexpensive. It has taken a lot of time and I'm so confused I'm not even sure we are finished.
MONEY>>>We don't have enough to pay everything that needs to be paid right now. I won't elaborate--most of you can relate.
DAD>>>This week my dad has been very sick and the doctor said he things dad may have cancer. Dad doesn't read or write well and I have been taking him to his appointments and everything.

Short story about tired: Because of all of the busyness and mental drain of the above stress PLUS.........the past 3 days I have eaten wAAAY too much JUNK because of business and that stupid comfort food thing, and you know what junk food does to you? It makes you tired and want more junk!


And so..................that's reality guys! And I'm SO going to slap it's face and tell it to get over itself because I have a plan and I'm going to win!

The plan: (I am hungry, craving junk, and there's not a lot to pick from in the kithen) Tonight>>> eat 800 calories of whatever for supper. Tomorrow>>>fast (I was planning to fast a day before youth camp anyway. It's for religious purposes but the health benefits are great too!) Also tomorrow>>>plan Sunday's meals and pack healthy foods to take to camp. Sunday>>>> eat what I planned and be back on track 100%.

That is all. :)

70 pounds lost--half way there!

I sure hope you can tell which is before and which is now! I've proven that I CAN lose 70 pounds..now I just have to do it AGAIN! And I will, with God's help.

(And for the person who asked about the newspaper article--it was about my weight loss and it went great and it was an honor!)

practicing 5K route

I woke just after dawn and walked/jogged the route of my first 5K (that is less than a month away). Hubby understandably didn't want me out there alone so he and my 10 year old came along. We took 2 vehicles and parked one at the half way point, just in case. By the half way point, my 10 year old (who was already not happy about waking and walking at such an early hour) was just exhausted. So, she and her daddy got in the vehicle and I walked on. Hubby and daughter kept driving around the blocks near me and yelling "You can do it! Come on! Come on! We believe in you!" LOL It was great :)

1st time on bike in 22 years today!

I did it! Today I rode a bike for the first time since I was about 12. My son wouldn't let me get on it until he got the camera ready--he wanted to video it--"In case something funny happens, we can win big money on America's Funniest Home Videos". I was pretty wobbly but I made it ok. I was on a men's bike which doesn't go well with a girl in a skirt but I put exercise capris on under my skirt and went with it. It wasn't pretty but it was modest and it worked. The kids kept yelling at each other, "Don't get too close to mom, just in case!" and I think they were actually trying to make the neighbors notice what was going on. Two of them were outside. I waved.

I went through the neighborhood twice-- 15 minutes.

Overcoming mental blocks that tell me I can't---and replacing those with thoughts of "Yes, I can. Just watch me".

Successful day!

I'm in the paper!

Our local newspaper contacted me today---I'm going to be in Thursday's paper! I'm so excited!!!

What successful people do

Last night's TOPS program was "People who succeed, do these things". I loved the message when I first read it and was excited to present it. The things are: work, change, fail, become, take charge, push, have a vision (and then I added, pray).

Work-- Success doesn't just fall out of the sky into your lap.

Change- If you want things to be EXTREMELY different, you are going to have to make EXTREME changes in the way you live your life.

Fail- Because everyone is human. Learn from your mistakes, then get up IMMEDIATELY and keep going.

Become- Allow yourself to become a new person.

Take charge- Are you waiting for the ball to be passed to you? You ALREADY HAVE IT and you don't even realize. You have within you everything you need to succeed. You just have to let those things rise up and be bold in your life.

Push- This is a step beyond work. Pushing is painful. When you hit a wall, PUSH through it.

Have a vision- Vision is your ability to see down the road. Envision GREAT things for yourself. Daydream about your success. THE MIND IS THE MOST POWERFUL TOOL YOU HAVE. The body *WILL* achieve what the mind believes.

Pray- Because if we could have done this alone, we would have done it a long time ago. Ask the Lord to touch your mind and TEACH YOU what you need to know about nutrition, exercise, health, etc.

SRD 2012

This note will be long, but not boring. :) This is the account of Thursday 10 a.m. until Saturday 6 p.m., May 4 & 5th, 2012, my TOPS State Recognition Days trip.



We packed up the car and my family all worked together to vacuum, mop, etc because I love coming home to a clean house. Then we were on our way. When we were in Marlow (about 20 minutes from our house), the tire suddenly sounded strange. Our tires are only about 8 weeks old, so they shouldn't be giving us issues! We pulled over and everything looked fine. Then we start to pull out on the road and BOOM we had a blowout. No clue why. The tire shop where we bought the tires was only about a mile down the road. BUT our spare was BURIED under all of our stuff. So, we unloaded our stuff, hubby changed the tire and we went to the tire shop. About an hour later, we were on our way again with a new tire. (Insert: I did NOT feel thankful for the delay but I chose to change the way I looked at it and rejoice that the blowout happened ONE mile from the place it was purchased instead of 5 hours away, and that it happened while we were pretty much parked as opposed to while going 75 miles per hour down the interstate)



Finally we get to Tulsa. SRD was held in this hotel, which is pretty nice: http://www.marriott.com/hotels/photo-tours.mi?marshaCode=tulse&pageID=HWHOM&imageID=0 The ice chest was WAY too heavy for us to carry and there were so many TOPS people checking in at the same time, there were no carts to put our luggage on. (Ok, I'll be honest. I'm also prideful and didn't want our cooler to be seen because it is pretty sun faded) So.......I had this brilliant idea to unload the suit case, carry it back to the car, fill it with the cold stuff and carry it up to the room. You know what happens to stuff that's been in the cooler for hours? It gets wet. I didn't have anything to dry the stuff off with but I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Walking into the hotel, I realized my suitcase was DRIPPING onto my foot. So much for pride!!! :)



We registered, unpacked,looked around at everything (they had stuff for sale), and then we decided to figure out what we were going to eat for supper.



Our eating plan for the trip was going to be this: Breakfast- cereal and fruit brought from home; Lunch- sandwiches and fiber one bars brought from home; Supper- one day of splurge on whatever we want and one day of getting something from a less expensive/ healthier place. So, Thursday evening we were going to have our splurge night. Hubby wanted Pizza. The kids wanted McDonalds. I wanted Ted's. I looked up the locations for Ted's and Pizza Hut. Ted's was 7.6 miles in one direction and Pizza Hut was 2 miles the other direction BUT they were BOTH on the same road as the hotel, so I was CONFIDENT that I could get there and back without any problems. I mean, you didn't even have to turn off 71st street! How hard could that be?



Mapquest told me I would get to Ted's in 12 minutes. The mapquest people must not have been thinking about the 47 (I'm exaggerating) long winded red lights in that 7.6 mile stretch. But mostly, they weren't considering the fact that I would drive 7.6 miles the WRONG DIRECTION and end up in a residential neighborhood. I asked some random person standing on their porch where on earth I was. It was about this time that hubby called and wanted to know why I wasn't back yet. I also called Ted's and said "Don't throw out my food! I AM coming!" (could you imagine driving forever and then them giving up on you and throwing out your Chicken Quasadilla with green peppers and onions because they thought you weren't coming?!) Long story short: I finally got everyone's food picked up and got back to the hotel at bedtime. The whole deal took about 2 and a half hours. Seriously. Hubby kept calling. I guess he thought I was on my way to Las Vegas with some other guy. (If I was going to do that, would I really bring my 10 year old with me? *smile*) I got to Ted's just a few minutes before they closed. The guy at Ted's felt sorry for me (I probably looked frazzled) and knocked about $8 off my bill. :) I felt a bit odd walking back into the hotel lobby filled with TOPS people, carrying a pizza, a McDonald's sack and a Ted's bag. I walked quickly. LOL



So, we ate and you know my mind has been so hyped up about SRD that I haven't been sleeping much and that was the case on Thursday night as well so around 10:30 or so, hubby and I went downstairs to the gym and worked out. (May I also throw in here that I only ate about 1/3 of my Quasadilla? I gave another 1/3 to my family who wanted a taste and I kept 1/3 for the next day.)



Friday morning I jumped out of bed like toast out of a toaster. Somehow, my planned breakfast of kashi cereal and a banana turned into a piece of cold leftover quasadilla. I went to the gym but only got in half of my usual workout because I was not feeling energetic (fattening late night supper + cold leftover fattening breakfast + several days of very little sleep= no energy). My body was drained but my brain was still happy.



Next I ironed, showered, yada yada and we went to workshops. One was about exercise and the other was about diabetes. Lunch break was sandwiches in the room.



I crashed in bed for about 10 minutes and then I woke remembering that I wanted to find the grocery store called "Whole Foods" because THEY sell my favorite flavor of Kashi cereal (I believe it is flax with walnuts and black currants). When I first starting getting my act together again with my weight loss (last September/October), I ate that cereal EVERY DAY and now it can't be bought in Duncan.Hubby didn't think it was wise to send me out alone, especially since I didn't have a very good time record thus far of "just running down the road" LOL I found the cereal and THEN I realized they had coffee flavored ice cream. NO........not that. It was really Stoneyfield Farms coffee flavored organic nonfat frozen yogurt with live active cultures! AND it was on sale. I proclaimed right then and there that I was going to have yogurt and cereal for supper instead of going out later for something! :)



Back in the car, I suddenly had 3 issues to deal with. #1 Where did I think I was going to store this pint of yumminess and keep it from melting? The only solution I could come up with was to eat it before the next session. Which brought me to issue #2: The next session would be starting about the time we would be getting back to the hotel, leaving no time to eat this melting yumminess. The obvious solution is to eat in in the car on the way to the hotel (not the whole pint....I know that's what you are picturing). Then there was issue #3: What will I use to eat this yogurt? I don't know you keep forks and spoons in your car, but we do not. And so, I did what came naturally. I took the lid off and just ate it with my mouth. Yep, lady going down the road on the way to a weight loss seminar, going to town on this pint of yogurt. *go ahead a smile, it's ok* The afternoon session was taught my TOPS Regional Director and it was very good and motivating. It was around this time that my face started getting red (happens to me very easily) and I was HOT. (It's not hot flashes, people! I'm 34 years old. It's not that! It's just me. Especially when I'm nervous. And I was....because...{more about anxiety in the next paragraph} moving along now................)



We had a break during which we were supposed to eat supper. After the break, the evening fun session would start. It was during this fun session that I would have (get to) walk across stage as chapter angel. Chapter Angel is the person in the chapter that inspires or helps out a lot. It is voted on by the entire chapter and the chapter angel must be someone who is going to SRD. Since my husband and I were the only ones from our chapter who would be going, I felt silly saying "Ok chapter, who do you like more---me or my hubby?" and so I just left it blank. However, our state coordinator filled it in with my name. I didn't mind at all and as a matter of fact, I was honored and excited. And anxious. I wanted to walk across stage. But I didn't want to have a beet red face. And I didn't want to fall on my nose. I didn't want to throw up, etc. :) Because that is how I was starting to feel. My stomach was churning (hum....yogurt probably didn't help that) and my face was red. It was time to eat supper and I dare not touch any of it. The family ate in the room and I just sat in the chair and looked down at the parking lot. I texted my friend, J'Nell and she boosted my confidence in all my insecure areas.



I found my assigned seat. I would be the LAST chapter angel to walk across stage. I was glad. I sure didn't want to be first! The assigned seat on my right was Norman Baker, the 2009 state king. I knew him and his wife from facebook, so I was not anxious about my neighbor. Since I was the last assigned seat, the seat next to me was available for my husband. Five minutes before the session began, I realized I had a runner in my hose! No time to go change, I just exhaled and kind of laughed. Sadly, I can be quite vain sometimes and when I saw that runner in my hose, I figured it was just God reminding me to be humble. LOL And the evening fun session began.



One of the first things they did was roll call. When your chapter is named, your chapter is supposed to stand and scream and go crazy and be as loud as possible. Some chapters had 10-20 people in attendance. We had me and hubby. Do you know my hubby? Have you EVER heard him scream? Me either. I am not above screaming but I scream best with others LOL Plus I was trying to be this cute little (vain) thing....and I had to scream? alone? And so when TOPS OK 708 Duncan was called, I stood and screamed. And that was that.



Soon it was time to line up to go across the stage. I got up and walked to my place in line and I saw people smiling at me and I remembered "There is not one person in this building who doesn't like me". (Ok, maybe one old lady...but anyway LOL) And while I stood in that line confidence rose in me. Then I realized that my face didn't feel red. I believe my friend J'Nell was praying for me...and I felt it. Because I know me, and my face SHOULD have been red LOL



I walked across stage and none of the scary things I imagined happened. It was a fun session. There were "stand up and do these motions" kind of songs and I stood up (along with tons of other people) and did them and just really had fun and enjoyed myself. Hubby just kind of looked at me LOL.



After session, we played Bingo for a short while then went to the room. It was bedtime. I crashed and fell asleep quickly. It was around 10:30.



Four hours later, at 2:30 a.m. my brain got all hyper and woke me. I could NOT sleep for anything. I stayed in bed for an hour, because seriously, who gets up at 2:30 a.m.? (Note: I am NOT normally like this. I can usually sleep and sleep and sleep some more) At 3:30 I ironed, ate breakfast (finally kashi cereal and banana LOL), went to the gym, packed our room....................



I want to throw in a short story that was another confidence boost. This happened during the early morning gym thing (It was 5 a.m. by this time). In TOPS, the queen is someone who reached their goal weight, who lost more than anyone else. It is top secret and isn't announced until they are crowned. Well, I was on the treadmill. I have my first ever 5K next month (ack! NEXT MONTH!) and although I can easily walk 3 miles and can even jog part of it, I am slooooooooooooow. So, when I go to the gym, I try to beat my time. That's what I was doing at 5 a.m. There was this skinny lady in the gym on the weight machines. She was doing her thing, I was doing mine. After I finished, she asked me "Are you the queen?" I wanted to say "Are you BLIND?" LOL But I didn't say that. I just smiled and said, "I have lost 64 pounds but I still have 77 pounds to go" Then she said "I am very impressed with your workout. You were running." It was a shot in the arm. Loved it.



........back to the story........



Even though I woke many hours before daylight, would you believe I was still drying my hair when it was time to go downstairs for the winners session?





But I finally got there and I LOVED hearing all the success stories. One that touched my heart was from a lady who lost 53 pounds last year. She said that her mom had lived with her and they would sit up at night and talk about weight loss and nutrition and stuff. Her mom was her biggest cheerleader. And now this lady finally got to wear the fancy dress and stand on the stage to give her success story. Then she said "My mom died 3 months ago." Ah! Tear jerker!



One speaker was the International King from 2004. Hubby and I looked at each other and raised our eyebrows when they announced who he was because he had been in the gym with us the night before and we had been clueless that we were exercising with an International King!



SRD was wonderful. I loved seeing everyone. I am friends on facebook with many TOPS members that I don't know in real life, so it was thrilling when (several times) I walked by someone and they would hollar "Amy!!" and come running up to me to hug me. I felt like such a celebrity. It made my day. My hubby told me that I'm really going to have the big head when I become the queen. As bad as it sounds, I know he's right. LOLDuncan was well represented. We have 3 chapters in Duncan and all 3 sent representatives. One of the Duncan chapters had SEVERAL people in attendance and they also won a lot of awards ( I'm jealous and I'm going to beat you next year, you turkey! *wink, wink*) I was glad to see friends from my old chapter, #572. They are wonderful and beautiful people and although I wouldn't trade my current chapter for anything in the world, #572 will always hold a very special place in my heart because they knew me when I was 331 pounds and they thought I was awesome even then. It was there that I had my beginnings and they were the ones who first trusted me to be their leader. (They either trusted me or realized I was too new to TOPS to realize what I was getting into with leadership---I don't know which LOL) Either way, I will always love the #572 chapter.

It was God.

Amy, remember this:

Remember today. Remember the day that you were walking at the track, training for your first 5K that is just under 2 months away... remember how you knew you needed to jog...and so, you did. Remember how you could only jog for 45 seconds at a time and then had to walk for a long time because those 79 pounds of extra weight are hard on your legs. Remember that you felt like crying...that you didn't feel powerful. Remember that you prayed as you walked...that you asked God to make your legs strong and to make them able to carry you so you could jog without so much pain.

When you get there, remember this.

When you reach your goal weight and people ask you to tell your story..........don't forget these parts. And don't forget to remember that it wasn't in your own strength, but it was God.

Use the doors that He opens for HIS glory, and not your own.

-60 pounds

Blogger is being a weenie and won't let me upload pics. But you can see them on my fb page. I'm pretty sure it is set to public. If not, you can send a friend request if you'd like. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001894154920

Anywhoooo... yeah....I passed the 60 pound mark! 62 pounds actually-- from 331 to 269. Woot!

I jog in a skirt.

.....lest some man read that title and have an image in their head that isn't true, let me clarify. I jog in a skirt that is below my knees and I wear a pair of exercise capris or biker shorts underneath.

Ok...now that we got that cleared up..... :)

Why? Lots of reasons. I will name a few.

The number one reason, and this statement pretty much just tells it all in a nutshell...is.... It is just who I am.

I have worn skirts/dresses for 19 years. It started when I enrolled in a private school that required the girls to wear dresses/skirts. It started as a rule but now it is just who I am. I enjoy being a feminine girly girl. Plus, I look BAAAAAAAAAAAAD in pants. And even if I didn't, I would look like me.......and I like me. LOL

(thank you to those of you who commented and wanted to know if I am ok. I am. Just SUPER busy with finishing up the kids' schoolwork for the year and a million other things. I am BEYOND excited about going to TOPS State Recognition Days in Tulsa this weekend. Oh wow...don't get me started...I'm giddy!!!!!! We leave Thursday morning. I will take a lot of pics. Thanks for missing me!)

2 deaths in the family

Thanks for missing me. I will post again SOON! Things have been odd here.

My aunt, who was the only daughter of my grandparents and my dad's only sister, died suddenly at the age of 59, while out of state. It was VERY hard on my very elderly grandparents. There were a lot of delays in getting her body shipped here (did you know you must file a death certificate with EVERY state you fly over?) and so it was a full week before the funeral. That week was horrible.

Three days after the funeral, my uncle who has been dieing with cancer for a long time, passed away. His wife had already made all arrangements and his was so quick we almost didn't have time to sit down. He died on Tuesday. Wednesday was family visitation. Thursday was the funeral.

So yeah.........things have not been normal here. Thanks for missing me.

On top of all of that, my kids have achievement testing this week (we homeschool) and I'm busy with that. BUT I will try to post very soon! My next 2 posts are planned to be: #1 The skirt post and #2 A weight loss milestone :)

the flu.

I have the flu. blah!

Mind over matter....when you are sick.

I have been sick for the past 3 days. My chest has rattled and I had low energy. However, the first 2 days, I carried on and tried to ignore it. Today, we had a severe cold front blow through with HORRID cold winds and rain. ....and I gave in and wallowed in my sickness by sleeping late and only doing 15 minutes of exercise and pretty much just being a lazy bum. Although I wrote down everything that I ate, my food intake was waaaaaaaay too much like the "old me".

That isn't going to happen tomorrow.

Tomorrow, regardless of the weather, regardless of how broke I am and how few food choices are in my house, regardless of the presence or absence of congestion, regardless of weather...........I AM going to let the SUPER AWESOME me shine through.

Yes, I am.

And for those of you who want to hear the "long story" of why I exercise with a skirt and capri's underneath, I will give in and post that story soon, so be looking for it. LOL

:)

Losing my skirt...almost

I always walk 3 miles on the treadmill at the gym and I try to beat my time each time. Since I'm already walking as fast as I can possibly walk, I knew I was going to have to jog some. Now, I've jogged before--just not in a gym full of people. All was well, until 15 seconds into the jog when I realized that I was losing my skirt! (I wear a skirt with exercise capris under it--long story) I'm sure I looked quite interesting, holding the skirt with one hand and trying to get the treadmill to slow down with the other! ;) I am now officially declaring this skirt "TOO BIG". (It is so much more fun, having clothes that are too big, opposed to too small)

:)

Vision board

Our TOPS group has divided into teams and each week we are given challenges. This week, to earn points for my team, I have to create a vision board. I wish I had more free time because I am excited to get started on this! Do YOU have a vision board? I'd love to see a picture :)

I had another loss at TOPS last night. I'm 276.5 now, my lowest in almost 10 years. Weight loss, for me, has been like turning back the hands of time.

Mom is watching the kids this afternoon so I can go to the gym (YAY!) and go buy groceries.

That's what is going on in my world. How about yours?

Have a great day!

If you've been ridiculed....

Have you ever been blogger bullied?

I have weight loss blogged for years and I'm sure at times my posts were insanely unhealthy and wrong. But at those times, I was nutritionally illiterate. Also, at those times, my strong hold to food addiction had not been broken. I was a mess. (I still don't have it all figured out)

>>>>>>>>>>BUT>>>>>>>>>> the fact that I was blogging showed that I still cared about the fact that I was overweight. I still wanted out. I still had hope. I was still trying.

Sometimes it takes a while---even a very long while--- to "get it". Sometimes we think we have arrived and finally have "gotten it" when the whole rest of the world knows that we have not.

I guess I have a raw spot on my heart for people pointing out bloggers and critiquing (sp?) them because during my "foolish years", a blogger who likes to make fun of people picked me to make fun of on his blog. It hurt me so deeply. I felt like the whole world was laughing.

I know there is hope for such people. I've lost 54 pounds. I've learned a thing or 2. But those terribly immature posts are part of my journey.


I guess to those bloggers, I think silence is the best thing to say in the situations that you don't condone.

If YOU are one of the bloggers that has been ridiculed, I want to say, "Don't give up. Keep trying. Keep reading about nutrition. Keep exercising, no matter how little. Keep blogging. Keep evolving in your mindset. Keep pressing on, no matter how low anyone makes you feel. Keep moving forward. I BELIEVE IN YOU."

~that TOPS lady

hello from a busy loser

Things are crazy busy (again) this week. We have something going on EVERY night this week. However, I am doing well. I'm doing my exercise within 30 minutes or so of waking, otherwise it wouldn't be happening.

Our TOPS meeting went well. We are a bunch of losers :)

...just popping in to say hello :)

....a quick update....

This morning I submitted my application to be considered for the TOPS Retreat Scholarship. I hope I win!

I am in the middle of my "7 day free trial" at a local gym and I LOVE IT. I'm trying to find "kid free" time anywhere I can so I can go work out. There's something about seeing all the numbers on the machines (miles walked, time, speed, heart rate, etc) that makes it so much more fun that just doing a dvd. Also, I can watch the Biggest Loser while I walk or talk with my sister. :)

Want to watch my kids? j/k

Monday's weigh in showed a half pound gain, which I deserved. I had several days in the past 2 weeks in which I went over my calorie limit. Usually when this happened, it was at a time when I was TIRED and I should have just gone to bed. Seriously, why do I run to food instead of the bed when I am tired? Anyway, it was only the 2nd gain I've had in 6 months and I've already worked it back off, so I'm not going to feel down about it.

I received an invitation to an area TOPS fun day to be held March 24th. They will be giving awards for the October-December 2011 quarter, during which I lost about 18 pounds, so I WILL be getting awards and I am VERY excited about going. Fun Day is a regional get-together for TOPS chapters in our part of the state. I'm looking forward to seeing TOPS pals that I'm friends with online there.

My sister and I went to the gym yesterday. I had been there once before, alone, about a year ago and felt completely intimidated. But last night I didn't. As a matter of fact, I LOVED it! Loved it, loved it, loved it. Now I'm looking for ways that I can lose my kids on a regular basis so I can go more than once per week. The whole "time away from kids" thing is the ONLY way in which I am jealous of moms who do not homeschool. My mom said she can watch them once per week, but I crave going to the gym more often than that. The gym is in another town. I don't feel comfortable leaving them home alone that long. On Thursdays, our library has storytime, which my kids are way too old for. We go to the library once per week anyway, so I'm thinking of changing our day to Thursdays. My son can just hang out there alone, in the teen section and be fine. My daughter can probably go to storytime and be a helper and then maybe she can just hang out for the additional 30 minutes or so until I get back (I want to go for an hour). I don't know. We will see. My life is busy already, but I WANT to go to the gym more. I loved the way I felt after it was over. :)

just busy

I know I haven't posted in forever but I plan to post again after Monday's TOPS meeting.

I had about 2 weeks of not doing so well (hate that!)and I gained about 3 pounds. I've been working on getting it back off before Monday's weigh in. It is so much harder to get off than to put on, I'll tell ya! whew! I lack 0.8 pound to having lost it and being back to my "2 weeks ago" weight. We didn't have a meeting last week because of icy weather.


..........see ya later

fat floats.

*disclaimer* This post may make some people say "yuck!". Don't say you haven't been warned!


This past weekend, I was gifted with a trip to the Homeschool Mom's Winter Summit. IT WAS A BLAST.

To top it all off, they were out of regular rooms so they gave me the king size jacuzzi suite for the regular room price! cha ching!

Anyway.....I laid back in the jacuzzi and washed my hair (this jacuzzi was HUGE. I'm 6 feet tall and I could lie down!) and I realized just how much fat floats. I held my floating stomach in my hands and realized that it was all fat.... I realized the blob that will be missing when I am at my goal weight. And then I reached to the sides of the blob and felt my pelvic bones. I thought "wow. That's the REAL me. There's a small me under this blob of fat."

It sounds corny, I know. But I think this was the first time I felt my pelvic bones. I normally can't feel them.

I'm working daily to remove the blob. The skinny me is longing to be revealed :)


(p.s. I hit the 270's today :)

Being 100% even in stress.

I declared this week "100% on plan" week and am really focusing on staying on plan. (for me, this means eating in calorie range, 5 or more fruits and/or veggies per day, 45 minutes of exercise every day except Wednesday and 132 ounces of water daily). So far so good!

Tomorrow I go out of town for the night...to a homeschool mom's retreat and I am SO READY. Today I'm packing my water and healthy snacks so I can stay on plan while there!

Hubby goes to the dentist this afternoon. His teeth have hurt the past 2 days. We couldn't really afford for him to go yet...but we are making it happen.

My grandmother is in the hospital with various infections. She is very sick. She was going to stay with my kids on Friday until hubby got off work but not now! LOL So, mom and dad (who work nights and sleep days) with get to sleepily watch my kids. On top of it all, mom and dad have really been struggling with finances and they are stressed to the max so I hate adding more stress for them to deal with.

So....a lot going on here.

I'm staying 100% on plan, regardless. If I went off plan every time things got stressful, I'd be off plan most of the time=====and going nowhere. I'm going somewhere now.

50 pound pics

A friend made this for me. I prefer that it would say "In progress" or "After 50 pounds lost" instead of just "after" because I still have 91 pounds to goal. Nevertheless, this is what a 50 pound loss changed. I'm happy with it. :)

Now........................I need to work on time management because I'm struggling with everything I need to do around here and errands and TOPS responsibilities and getting my workout in. My house looks HORRID.

I think step one is LESS TIME ONLINE! ta-ta thanks for reading!

Open house and 50 pounds

Today I hit 50 pounds lost! I need post "before" and "in progress" pics. I hope to get that done this week. I still have 91 pounds to go. I'm going to get there though.

Last night we had Open House at TOPS. It was a LOT of work. I was SO exhausted last night and I still am quite tired. I poured so much of me into that Open House, physically, mentally, emotionally. BUT..........I am so glad I did it because we doubled our membership! We went from being a chapter of 8 to being a chapter of 16! Woot!

Plenty to do around here.. I just crashed on the couch last night after the Open House, clothes and glasses and all!!!!!!!!!! So, no prep was made for today. Things aren't ready for school, we don't have clothes ready, etc. I'd best be getting off the computer!

Thanks for reading! Pics should be posted within a week!

NEVER give me a pain pill.

I had a tooth pulled yesterday morning and didn't pick up my prescription pain meds. By the time hubby got home from work and fed me my mashed potatoes & gravy, I was in pain. He had picked up my pain meds and he gave me one--Lortab.

I got up and read facebook and even posted that I was starting to feel a little dizzy, but it wasn't a major dizzy. I just knew I probably needed to go to bed soon.........


.........I got up to go to the kitchen for something and had to sit down at the table. Hubby was washing dishes and we were talking when suddenly (and I mean BAM like a slap in the face, totally unexpected) I had severe anxiety, felt like I couldn't breath and that my heart was racing and I broke out in a cold sweat.....

....I remember slumping down in the chair because I felt like I couldn't even sit up right. Then things were spinning like faster than being on a tilt-a-whirl. I couldn't see. I knew I was going to pass out.......

Hubby later told me that I was looking around like crazy and that he was patting me on the cheek and holding my head upright and saying "Are you ok? Are you ok?" I don't remember that at all.

I threw up too.... and that is just something I don't do. Even through 3 pregnancies and morning sickness and everything I didn't vomit. I've thrown up maybe 10 times in my life. TMI, I know...


He said he was going to help me get to the bed and I think I stood up, leaning over on him and he was going to try to walk me at least to the couch in the next room..........

‎........but I passed out. (The only other time in my life I have passed out was when I was a kid and I fractured my arm)

...I passed out and I'm sure my hubby was glad I'd lost 46 pounds as he helped me down to the ground LOL I'm still too heavy for him to just pick up and carry to the couch but he did get me down to the ground without injuring myself

...so I didn't remember even standing up but it was like I was asleep and I woke up on the kitchen floor in my hubby's arms and my kids all in my face scared.....

he wanted to get me to the bed but I knew I should not stand up so he helped me CRAWL (so messed up I had to have help crawling! that is sad!) to the bed and he told me to NOT get out of bed without telling him!

.....and I slept like a rock. This morning I'm still weak and a bit dizzy...I'm taking it slow. But it is nothing compared to yesterday! wow! I don't plan to EVER take another pill like that one!

I'll be glad for this pill to be completely out of my system. Tomorrow night we have our TOPS walk.

I looked it up online and I had all the symptoms of an overdose--but I only took one pill.

wow.

run your OWN race

January 6, 2012,My 3 miles at the track took me 1 hour and 3 minutes (that's longer than last time *sad face*)...for 2 reasons: #1 I haven't walked at the track in a long time and even though I've been doing the Leslie Sansone walk at home dvd, it isn't the same. So, I'm out of practice. (Let this be a good reminder to be consistent with track walking when the weather allows). Reason #2 is because there were other people there walking and I started out too quickly, trying to make myself look more fit than I am (run your OWN race, silly girl, not someone else's)and then at the 3/4 mile mark, my calves totally cramped up on me and I had to sit on the bleachers a LONG time. I started to go home. It hurt! So, that's why my time is so bad today.

Until those plans come....

Several people asked what I was going to do until tax time, when I plan to do the once-per-week gym thing. I will keep doing what I do now---which is make sure I get in 45 minutes of exercise, 6 days per week. Usually, that is in the form of a Leslie Sansone dvd. Once in a blue moon, when the weather is nice, I load up the kids and go to the track.

I also want to say "hello!" and "welcome" to my new followers! It is nice to be read :)

ah ha plans.

Out of the blue, I had an "ah ha!" idea and I'm really looking forward to it.

The issues:
Since I homeschool, I am with my kids ALL THE TIME and I could really use "me time" on a regular basis. Mom used to watch the kids every week while I went to TOPS but the kids started going with me when I started my own chapter.

I love exercising on a treadmill but I can't justify (or afford) $45 per month when I can't even go because...............like I said, I always have my kids and I rarely have ME time.

I want to watch the Biggest Loser but we don't have cable or anything.

The "ah ha" solution:
Ask mom to commit to watching the kids every week when The Biggest Loser is on, and go to the gym, buy a day pass ($5) and walk/jog on the treadmill while watching the show on the tv's that are built in to the treadmill!

Oh yes.......

I ran it past hubby and we are going to wait until tax time (how sad that you have to wait until tax time to free up a measley $5, but anyway).... but effective about 6 weeks from now, that should be the plan.

I'm looking forward to it!

7 things every day

1. Eat within calorie range, always.

2. Exercise at least 45 minutes every day except Wednesdays.

3. Drink 132 oz or more of water every day.

4. Have at least 5 fruits/veggies daily.

5. Every night, text my numbers to my accountability friend.

6. Don't even think about going to bed until the next day's food has been planned.

7. Set out tomorrow's clothes before I go to bed. (huge time saver for me)


So there you have it, my New Year's resolutions :) So far, so good.

Wouldn't it be awesome to NEVER have a gain in 2012? I'm going to strive for that.

We had an awesome TOPS meeting last night.

I have been incredibly busy.

Rock this day, okay? ;) ttyl