Dad's cancer results came back bad. Very. Stage 4. Four to eight months to live. wow.
It's one of those things that you just can't understand unless you've been there. I didn't realize that before.
And so, yeah.......it's been hard. I won't bore you with details and a pitty party.
We had a surprise birthday party for dad and I made a ton of cupcakes and did the "cake batter therapy" thing. I stood in my kitchen and ate half a batch of cake batter and cried on the inside and justified it because my dad is dying. MY DAD IS DYING, SELF, GET OFF MY CASE ALREADY. Yeah...I have conversations with myself in my head. And I think what I'm going through is a pretty valid thing. I mean, your dad doesn't die every day.
But no. Regaining weight will make me feel worse. I deserve better than that. I NEED heatlhy food to pull me through. I need to take care of me.
I decided to manipulate my excuse and say "My dad is dying. Therefore, I must take care of me!" That's so much better than "My dad is dying. Therefore, I will eat 5,000 calories today."
So even though I was super busy, I dropped the kids off at the library, paid ten whopping dollars for a day pass to the gym and poured my emotions out on the treadmill. It had been several months since I'd done a 5K, so I was pretty out of practice....but I did a 5K on that treadmill that day and beat my personal best time by 2 minutes. Because my heart was in it. Or rather, I poured my heart out into it. I ran until I couldn't run, then I walked, then I ran some more. I was dripping sweat and it was good. Sweat therapy. yes. I need it during all of this.
I could go on and on about cancer but I want this blog to be about weight loss, not cancer. So yeah.
I can make healthy choices in the face horrible stuff. Yep. You can too.
I know what you're going through. It's very tough but am proud of you in taking out your emotions in a positive manner. At least that's positive when everything seems to be anything but positive. It's important to take some time to yourself to let go in whatever way you need whether that be sweat, tears or just sitting still.
ReplyDeleteDarling Tops Lady,
ReplyDeleteI do know the pain you are feeling. Nothing I say can change anything but know you are not alone.
You wrote "I mean, your dad doesn't die every day.' Think carefully on that statement. Not only does he not die every day - he did not die today. Today is not the day and it is not a reason for you to die even a little bit today yourself. I am so glad you took care of you and did the sweat therapy. Good for you! It is much longer lasting than batter 'cure.'
My love and support to you at the difficult time. You can do this without hurting yourself. Hurting you will not only HURT you, it will hurt those you love, even if you cannot see that today.
Love and prayers~
Sorry to hear about your dad. I hate when the doctors give someone a time limit on their life. You know the first time my mom had Cancer it was stage 4 and you know that was 22 yrs ago so don't give up hope. I think it's great too that you are taking care of yourself in this upsetting time. Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to you know where to find me. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteOh I am so sorry about the diagnosis. Prayers coming from this direction! I admire you for sticking to it. I know I did not when my mom passed. 2 years later and I"m just returning to where I was concerning weight. Wish I was there to give you a giant hug!
ReplyDelete