Wednesdays are long for me. We have school, then we leave the house an hour and a half later because my teens need to be early for the Children's Church program they help with each week. Then we don't get back home until 9 or later.
Tonight I knew I still had calories left and although it is NOT a good habit to eat this late, I ate a can of ChefBoyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs. Now, I should not even have these in my house (SALT GALORE) but...... I say "I can't expect the kids to change all of their habits immediately just because I'm changing mine. These are for the kids". But yeah......who ate them? Me.
Public service announcement: They are 520 calories per can.
*gulp*
They are not on the next grocery list.
Today:
Walked 1.05 miles (yes, that 0.05 counts LOL)
6 servings of fruits and veggies
80 ounces of water
250 calories over my limit
Coming tomorrow>>>> my sleep study! Whoo hoo!
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Is your dream still alive?
I went to a homeschool mom's meeting tonight. We were free to express whatever emotions or whatever was built up in us...whatever we needed to get out our admit or just SAY... The host said "Feel free to just throw up on my floor". LOL Of course, she didn't mean literally. She just meant to GET OUT whatever it is that is in you that needs to come out.
I was a bit surprised by the things I "threw up".
I said "I think I need to send more time just talking to and listening to my son." (He's 15.)
I also said "You all know that my dad died. He was 57, which really isn't that old. Dad had a dream that he talked about his whole life. He wanted to own some land and some cows. He talked about that a LOT. But I think he was waiting for it to fall out of the sky and come to him. He had the dream. He wanted to make it happen. But he felt stuck. I don't want to live my life with unfulfilled dreams. When we are in high school, we often dream of what we will become. One thing I did NOT dream of, was being an overweight adult. And so, I am taking steps to correct that, such as when I did that 5K. I can see what to do there. But I have another dream too. I want to make $100,000 per year by what I write, speak and organize. I want to be a professional and have my own office. I don't want my work to take me away from my kids all day and yet, I don't have to be at home with them 24 hours per day either. I want there to be a balance. But I don't know how to take steps toward this goal, and that is bringing me great frustration. I want to be successful and I can't even keep all my dishes washed. I have the same 24 hours per day as majorly successful people, and I struggle with just getting the basics done."
It was great to just say that! I kind of feel like I stole the show though--- I was just about the only one who shared anything. Then I kind of felt like a weird-o. Oh well!
What are the things YOU want to accomplish? Do you still have a dream? I think it is sad when you ask someone what they want and they can't think of a dream. Maybe it is just my personality type. I don't know. But I'm a dreamer! I still believe things will be better than they are now.
They served supper and dessert, but I didn't eat....because I wanted to eat a pb&j and a glass of milk when I got home. However, when I got home, I ate a leftover mexican pizza thingy AND the pb&j with milk, so I was over on calories.
All in all, it was a good day.
And now.................I was about to stay up half the night waiting on hubby's clothes to dry again, when I realized.........He's off work tomorrow! Ha ha. How funny. Those pants can sit in that dryer and wrinkle up for all I care. I can deal with that TOMORROW.
10/14/14 Calories: over by 510
80 ounces of water
Got a new battery for the pedometer watch---it still doesn't work.
TWELVE servings of fruits and veggies-- WOW!!!! (I discovered I LOVE this fresh made salsa stuff from the deli---SO good)
Walked one mile with hubby.
I was a bit surprised by the things I "threw up".
I said "I think I need to send more time just talking to and listening to my son." (He's 15.)
I also said "You all know that my dad died. He was 57, which really isn't that old. Dad had a dream that he talked about his whole life. He wanted to own some land and some cows. He talked about that a LOT. But I think he was waiting for it to fall out of the sky and come to him. He had the dream. He wanted to make it happen. But he felt stuck. I don't want to live my life with unfulfilled dreams. When we are in high school, we often dream of what we will become. One thing I did NOT dream of, was being an overweight adult. And so, I am taking steps to correct that, such as when I did that 5K. I can see what to do there. But I have another dream too. I want to make $100,000 per year by what I write, speak and organize. I want to be a professional and have my own office. I don't want my work to take me away from my kids all day and yet, I don't have to be at home with them 24 hours per day either. I want there to be a balance. But I don't know how to take steps toward this goal, and that is bringing me great frustration. I want to be successful and I can't even keep all my dishes washed. I have the same 24 hours per day as majorly successful people, and I struggle with just getting the basics done."
It was great to just say that! I kind of feel like I stole the show though--- I was just about the only one who shared anything. Then I kind of felt like a weird-o. Oh well!
What are the things YOU want to accomplish? Do you still have a dream? I think it is sad when you ask someone what they want and they can't think of a dream. Maybe it is just my personality type. I don't know. But I'm a dreamer! I still believe things will be better than they are now.
They served supper and dessert, but I didn't eat....because I wanted to eat a pb&j and a glass of milk when I got home. However, when I got home, I ate a leftover mexican pizza thingy AND the pb&j with milk, so I was over on calories.
All in all, it was a good day.
And now.................I was about to stay up half the night waiting on hubby's clothes to dry again, when I realized.........He's off work tomorrow! Ha ha. How funny. Those pants can sit in that dryer and wrinkle up for all I care. I can deal with that TOMORROW.
10/14/14 Calories: over by 510
80 ounces of water
Got a new battery for the pedometer watch---it still doesn't work.
TWELVE servings of fruits and veggies-- WOW!!!! (I discovered I LOVE this fresh made salsa stuff from the deli---SO good)
Walked one mile with hubby.
Monday, October 13, 2014
-1.4 this week
I lost 1.4 pounds this week. Woot!
Today:
Fruits and veggies: 1.5 (still working on that)
Execise: 0.3 miles LOL I was super busy all day and was attempting to get my mile in before my TOPS meeting, but alas, I didn't make it.
Water: approx. 80 ounces
Calories: 72 over
Hubby is off work tomorrow (translation: no laundry tonight, baby!) And I'm going to read today's news then go to bed.
(In reply to the questions in my comments section: If I left hubby's clothes in the dryer all night, they would be a wrinkled mess in the morning. I catch them as soon as they are dry and hang them. About the pedometer for the phone: I did download one and I plan to use it for my walks but I can't "wear" my phone all day as easily as I wore my watch pedometer, so I probably won't be calculating daily steps until I get my watch pedometer fixed. I'm betting it just needs a battery. I plan to take it to be looked at on Thursday when I run errands.)
Today:
Fruits and veggies: 1.5 (still working on that)
Execise: 0.3 miles LOL I was super busy all day and was attempting to get my mile in before my TOPS meeting, but alas, I didn't make it.
Water: approx. 80 ounces
Calories: 72 over
Hubby is off work tomorrow (translation: no laundry tonight, baby!) And I'm going to read today's news then go to bed.
(In reply to the questions in my comments section: If I left hubby's clothes in the dryer all night, they would be a wrinkled mess in the morning. I catch them as soon as they are dry and hang them. About the pedometer for the phone: I did download one and I plan to use it for my walks but I can't "wear" my phone all day as easily as I wore my watch pedometer, so I probably won't be calculating daily steps until I get my watch pedometer fixed. I'm betting it just needs a battery. I plan to take it to be looked at on Thursday when I run errands.)
Sunday, October 12, 2014
drying uniforms
Hello, my readers. Here I am at 10:21 p.m., waiting for hubby's uniform to finish drying so I can go to bed. He has already crashed, since he had to leave at 6 something this morning and went straight from work to church and is exhausted.
But anyway......
today I ate all of my calories but I'm pretty sure I didn't go over. Just a moment ago, I thought "You could eat a pb&j and just go over a little. That wouldn't be too bad." But no. I don't need to go over and I don't need to be eating right before bed. So........no, self. There. Take that. *sticks tongue out*
I didn't get my walk in. Sundays are hard. Sundays are toooooo busy.
Speaking of busy, I think I'm going to listen to Joyce Meyer's teaching on time management while I wait for the laundry. I already listened to part one. She said "God didn't call us to be busy. He called us to be fruitful. Often, our busyness hinders our fruitfulness." Hum.........she has a point. But the big question is HOW ON EARTH does one stop being so busy?
So...do I stop washing dishes? laundry? giving baby a bath? going to church? Taking Abby to therapy? Going to the grocery store? Taking the kids to practice? I can't really think of much that fills my day that shouldn't be there. Hum........ Idk.
I still struggled with the water today. I had about 64 ounces but that's really not enough for my size.
I don't know on the steps because my pedometer broke.
And...............I'm believing things are somehow lining themselves up to get my life back where it needs to be. It's going to be a God thing, because I can't do it. I've been banging my head against the wall trying. Oh yes, I will have to work for it, but HE is going to have to direct my steps. I need to keep my ears open for Him more. He wants me to succeed even more than I want to.
But anyway......
today I ate all of my calories but I'm pretty sure I didn't go over. Just a moment ago, I thought "You could eat a pb&j and just go over a little. That wouldn't be too bad." But no. I don't need to go over and I don't need to be eating right before bed. So........no, self. There. Take that. *sticks tongue out*
I didn't get my walk in. Sundays are hard. Sundays are toooooo busy.
Speaking of busy, I think I'm going to listen to Joyce Meyer's teaching on time management while I wait for the laundry. I already listened to part one. She said "God didn't call us to be busy. He called us to be fruitful. Often, our busyness hinders our fruitfulness." Hum.........she has a point. But the big question is HOW ON EARTH does one stop being so busy?
So...do I stop washing dishes? laundry? giving baby a bath? going to church? Taking Abby to therapy? Going to the grocery store? Taking the kids to practice? I can't really think of much that fills my day that shouldn't be there. Hum........ Idk.
I still struggled with the water today. I had about 64 ounces but that's really not enough for my size.
I don't know on the steps because my pedometer broke.
And...............I'm believing things are somehow lining themselves up to get my life back where it needs to be. It's going to be a God thing, because I can't do it. I've been banging my head against the wall trying. Oh yes, I will have to work for it, but HE is going to have to direct my steps. I need to keep my ears open for Him more. He wants me to succeed even more than I want to.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
*exhales*
I don't EVEN know what my deal is. Today I was 700 calories over. This is NOT acceptable.
Exercise: 1.04 miles, with my mom. I'm so glad she decided to start walking with me. OH....immediately after our mile, my pedometer BIT THE DUST completely. So.........I guess before I go to sleep, I get to figure out how to download one on my phone. I'm taking place in a stat-wide TOPS challenge where we have to have picture proof that we walked a mile per day in order to win, and I can't just not win. ;) <<
Water: 60 ounces (I tell you, something is going on with me. I don't like it! Snap out of it, Amy!)
Fruits and veggies: 3.5 (I finally made myself eat a bowl of homemade soup)
Steps: Clueless, since the pedometer died.
Calories: yeah............700 over. I ate waaaaay too much Chicken spaghetti. And cool whip (not together).
*bangs head against wall*
*Then realizes I wasn't a total failure. No one is perfect. I've had two bad days. Big whoop.*
I'm not condoning making this a habit. This will NOT become a habit. It makes me gag. I'm too smart for this junk.
Exercise: 1.04 miles, with my mom. I'm so glad she decided to start walking with me. OH....immediately after our mile, my pedometer BIT THE DUST completely. So.........I guess before I go to sleep, I get to figure out how to download one on my phone. I'm taking place in a stat-wide TOPS challenge where we have to have picture proof that we walked a mile per day in order to win, and I can't just not win. ;) <<
Water: 60 ounces (I tell you, something is going on with me. I don't like it! Snap out of it, Amy!)
Fruits and veggies: 3.5 (I finally made myself eat a bowl of homemade soup)
Steps: Clueless, since the pedometer died.
Calories: yeah............700 over. I ate waaaaay too much Chicken spaghetti. And cool whip (not together).
*bangs head against wall*
*Then realizes I wasn't a total failure. No one is perfect. I've had two bad days. Big whoop.*
I'm not condoning making this a habit. This will NOT become a habit. It makes me gag. I'm too smart for this junk.
1,400 calorie Tired
If you had ONE thing that triggered bad health decisions in you, what would that one thing be? Mine is tiredness. Yesterday was rotten in that realm of things. I have been staying up really late-- til midnight or 1 a.m., then getting up once or twice during the night to feed the baby, then up with him around dawn. That is not a lot of sleep for anyone, but throw in the fact that I likely have sleep apnea (I'm being tested for that supposedly next week. My appointment keeps getting pushed back.), and yeah....it all came together yesterday and I was losing my ability to function.
So.........what do you do when you NEED to go to bed but you can't because the baby is awake and wanting attention, you need to run an important errand, and you have to wash/dry/hang hubby's work clothes, and the family wants to eat supper, and are you going to just leave the kitchen a mess? Well..........if your body can't sleep when it needs to, your brain often says "Ok then, at least feed me something yummy if you aren't going to let me rest." And once you cross over the line into sugary junk.... it's a downhill slide from there.
The one thing I DID do right was at least own it-- I wrote it down. I wrote down the bacon cheeseburger and root beer floats we had (We are learning about the 1950's in school---and that's what prompted this unhealthy choice that got the ball rolling). Mom asked me to get a few things from the store for her and also told me to buy a dessert for our family with her money. I should have said no thanks. But instead, I ate 1.5 Little Debbies on the way to run errand (and those things are like over 300 calories each!) There were leftover root beer float ingredients, so.......yeah. And sugar craves sugar, so before bed I ate a pb&j sandwich.
And that is how you rack up almost 1,400 extra calories in a day.
Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!
The good news is.....it was ONE day. It did not erase all the work I have done. I went to bed early last night and today is a new day, which will not be a repeat of yesterday.
I would NOT be telling you all about this if I had not committed to 100 days of accountability. But there it is!
Exercise: 1 mile (and it started storming on me before I finished and I had to walk in the house until my pedometer showed the full mile)
Fruits and veggies: One. (that is sad)
6,774 steps
60 ounces of water (come on, Amy, drink up)
1,358 calories over my limit
So.........what do you do when you NEED to go to bed but you can't because the baby is awake and wanting attention, you need to run an important errand, and you have to wash/dry/hang hubby's work clothes, and the family wants to eat supper, and are you going to just leave the kitchen a mess? Well..........if your body can't sleep when it needs to, your brain often says "Ok then, at least feed me something yummy if you aren't going to let me rest." And once you cross over the line into sugary junk.... it's a downhill slide from there.
The one thing I DID do right was at least own it-- I wrote it down. I wrote down the bacon cheeseburger and root beer floats we had (We are learning about the 1950's in school---and that's what prompted this unhealthy choice that got the ball rolling). Mom asked me to get a few things from the store for her and also told me to buy a dessert for our family with her money. I should have said no thanks. But instead, I ate 1.5 Little Debbies on the way to run errand (and those things are like over 300 calories each!) There were leftover root beer float ingredients, so.......yeah. And sugar craves sugar, so before bed I ate a pb&j sandwich.
And that is how you rack up almost 1,400 extra calories in a day.
Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!
The good news is.....it was ONE day. It did not erase all the work I have done. I went to bed early last night and today is a new day, which will not be a repeat of yesterday.
I would NOT be telling you all about this if I had not committed to 100 days of accountability. But there it is!
Exercise: 1 mile (and it started storming on me before I finished and I had to walk in the house until my pedometer showed the full mile)
Fruits and veggies: One. (that is sad)
6,774 steps
60 ounces of water (come on, Amy, drink up)
1,358 calories over my limit
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Getting everything done/ balanced
It's 11:05. Time management is a major issue with me. It seems like I either have too much to do or not enough hours in the day---something. I want SO BADLY to be in balance and get everything done that really NEEDS to be done, but lately, it doesn't all get done.
For example, tonight-- the house is scattered and I also need to grade tests and look over tomorrow's lesson plans (we homeschool). However, I MUST SLEEP. SO..........I will fit that in first thing in the morning.
Wouldn't it be nice to actually NOT BE BEHIND on stuff? I mean just basic stuff. No dirty dishes. Nothing growing in the fridge. Floors freshly cleaned. No stacks of papers piled here and there waiting to be filed, filled out, returned, whatever. No notes of stuff I need to take care of. All the laundry caught up. The next day's lessons neatly stacked on a clean table. Happy kids playing ball in the yard with me. Sitting on the couch with the hubby, reading the newspaper.
Instead, I feel like I'm on a treadmill that is set for 10 miles per hour. Every once in a while, I put my foot down for a split second but the majority of the time, I'm just holding on for dear life and doing my best to survive this wild ride.
Do any of you ever feel that way?
I want a clean house.
I want well educated kids and I want to be the one who taught them.
I want time to pursue things I enjoy.
I want to sleep. zzzzz
And so, here's today's stats:
Thursday, Oct. 9, 2014
Walked 1.3 miles
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
12,181 steps
365 calories over the limit
P.S. A friend has issued a weekly challenge to me (and several others). This week's challenge was to name goals, rewording them as if they were already accomplished, and speak them aloud daily.
My three are:
1.I'm so proud I can run a 5K in 30 minutes.
2. I rejoice because I AM and I FEEL well balanced in all areas of my life.
3. I'm so glad I am completely healthy.
For example, tonight-- the house is scattered and I also need to grade tests and look over tomorrow's lesson plans (we homeschool). However, I MUST SLEEP. SO..........I will fit that in first thing in the morning.
Wouldn't it be nice to actually NOT BE BEHIND on stuff? I mean just basic stuff. No dirty dishes. Nothing growing in the fridge. Floors freshly cleaned. No stacks of papers piled here and there waiting to be filed, filled out, returned, whatever. No notes of stuff I need to take care of. All the laundry caught up. The next day's lessons neatly stacked on a clean table. Happy kids playing ball in the yard with me. Sitting on the couch with the hubby, reading the newspaper.
Instead, I feel like I'm on a treadmill that is set for 10 miles per hour. Every once in a while, I put my foot down for a split second but the majority of the time, I'm just holding on for dear life and doing my best to survive this wild ride.
Do any of you ever feel that way?
I want a clean house.
I want well educated kids and I want to be the one who taught them.
I want time to pursue things I enjoy.
I want to sleep. zzzzz
And so, here's today's stats:
Thursday, Oct. 9, 2014
Walked 1.3 miles
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
12,181 steps
365 calories over the limit
P.S. A friend has issued a weekly challenge to me (and several others). This week's challenge was to name goals, rewording them as if they were already accomplished, and speak them aloud daily.
My three are:
1.I'm so proud I can run a 5K in 30 minutes.
2. I rejoice because I AM and I FEEL well balanced in all areas of my life.
3. I'm so glad I am completely healthy.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
5K story: THE LONG VERSION
First, today's stats, then I will post the long 5K story that I posted on my facebook page. Forgive the parts that I've already told you all.
Oct. 8, 2014:
Exercise: walked one mile
3.5 svg fruits and veggies
64 ounces water (I'm not happy with that)
40calories over my goal
8321 steps
LONG 5K Story:
The long story about my Sunday, finally: If you read my page at all, you know I did the Spirit of Survival 5K on Sunday morning. This race raises money for the cancer center where my dad received treatment. If you haven't walked with someone through chemo, you won't completely understand how you can become attached to a doctor's office. This isn't your typical see your doctor every 3 months for a blood pressure check relationship. This was a SEVERAL HOURS per visit, EVERY MONDAY, please help me to live a little longer kind of relationship. You can't help but bond. And I like to do 5K's because I have been heavy and non-athletic ALL of my life and doing a 5K just proves to me that I'm making a change and becoming someone I always wanted to be. So....combine those two items (Love 5K's and Love the cancer center) and yes, it was important to me.
I was going to do the Spirit of Survival Race last year, but I was newly pregnant and almost continuously having bad morning sickness and it didn't happen. I was disappointed.
And you all know, dad died.....and my emotions are in a time of adjustment. I HAD TO DO THIS 5K. And even if I didn't have to, I wanted to. And that should be enough.
I will admit, not everyone supported me. A couple of people really hurt my feelings. Apparently, they think running a 5K is not ladylike and throw in the fact that it was a Sunday AND I was going to miss 45 minutes of church......they didn't come out and tell me directly---but their message of disapproval came across. I am too much of a people pleaser! It was hurtful and apparently still is or I wouldn't be telling you all about it. However, I knew I was doing what was right for me, and that helped. They just don't understand. There are probably things they do that I don't understand too. I hope I can be a friend that rejoices with those who rejoice and mourns with those that mourn, even when I don't understand. Life is full of teaching moments and I learned more about being a friend through this experience.
I did have great support from many, many others and I'm so glad. (Thank YOU!) My husband was very supportive. Normally he would not like for me to miss church, drive to LAWTON alone, before daylight, with no time on my phone, etc. But he KNOWS me to the core and he knew this was something very important for me. He supported me all the way and I'm thankful.
So.....the night before, I was all excited and instead of sleeping (I didn't even feel tired), I made a "In Memory Of" sign to go on my back and posted it on facebook, then looked at pictures online of last year's race, so on and so forth. I started my Sunday at 4 a.m., after 4 hours of sleep.
I should have been exhausted. I wasn't. As I drove, I turned the radio up loud, rolled my window down, stuck my arm out and let it catch in the wind in a wave pattern (You know you've done that before too. It's fun. A bit immature, maybe, but who cares. Life's too short to not enjoy it. Especially when it is still dark outside and the other cars don't know who you are LOL)
I parked on a residential street along with a ton of other people. I asked a skinny little runner lady who parked near me to pin my sign to my back. She had a sign on hers too. She asked me my name and what race I was doing (There were also quarter marathon and half marathon races at the same time). I wanted to say "Lady, look at me. I am 94 pounds overweight. Do you really think I could do a race other than the 5K?" Ha! She was very nice, as was everyone.
I have found that runners, in general, are nice people. It's weird. They are nicer than the general public. Every 5K I do, (I've done 4) I notice this. Idk what the deal is there.
With my first two 5K's, I was about 35 pounds lighter than I am now. And.......I was faster then (2012 and 2013). That's to be expected---gain weight, run slower. I'm not discouraged though because I am losing again. Lose weight, run faster. (Clarification: I know weight isn't the only factor.) On Sunday's 5K, I was 45 seconds faster than my 5K in June, so I'm pleased with that. Plus, this 5K route was harder, in my opinion. I AM STILL SORE and it has been 3 days.
The news said there were between 3,500-4,000 people in attendance. Before the race, I saw NO ONE that I knew. After the race begins, I actually prefer being alone. It wasn't a big deal. After the race, I saw 2.55 people that I knew. Two I actually do know and one I have met but don't really know.
I used a port-a-potty for the first time in my life. I know you want to know that.
Maybe don't want to know every tiny detail and I've already given too many---so I will fast forward and try to restrain my talent of turning a very short story into a very long one.
Shorter story mode begins here.
It was SOOOOOOOOOo awesome. I received a finisher's medal (which you can see the ribbon of in my profile pic) which I love. After the 5K, I went to Wal-mart and used the bathroom and of course I wore the medal in the store as if I was a queen and that was my tiara. I figured that wasn't too weird, since the race had just finished. However, if you see me in Wal-mart 3 months from now, THAT might be a bit weird. So.....it now hangs from my rear-view mirror.
I was at church at 11:00 where they were having awesome church. They were singing a song about "clap your hands, stop your feet, jump for joy" and I though "Well, I just ran across a finish line in front of 4,000 people. I guess I can jump for joy too." LOL
After church, we went to my nephew's birthday party at the skating rink and I SKATED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ABOUT 25 YEARS. And, by skating, I mean>>>>I put on skates and walked around on the carpet. ta da LOL Hubby skated on the rink and I just knew he was going to fall and break his neck. I couldn't enjoy my "skating" for hollering and him and Abby to please be careful! Thankfully, Josiah was the bodyguard of the family and kept helping make sure we didn't fall.
After the party, we went to Walmart to buy groceries, then went back to church for night service.
It was probably 10 when I finally got home from my busy day. My pedometer said I walked over 18,000 steps that day.
I'm so thankful that 3 years ago, my friend J'Nell told me I needed to do a 5k. It was a hilarious thought at the time. But it changed my life.
ONE DAY......after I've lost the weight that hinders me...........I will do them in 30 minutes time
Because I want to, it is in me, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Oct. 8, 2014:
Exercise: walked one mile
3.5 svg fruits and veggies
64 ounces water (I'm not happy with that)
40calories over my goal
8321 steps
LONG 5K Story:
The long story about my Sunday, finally: If you read my page at all, you know I did the Spirit of Survival 5K on Sunday morning. This race raises money for the cancer center where my dad received treatment. If you haven't walked with someone through chemo, you won't completely understand how you can become attached to a doctor's office. This isn't your typical see your doctor every 3 months for a blood pressure check relationship. This was a SEVERAL HOURS per visit, EVERY MONDAY, please help me to live a little longer kind of relationship. You can't help but bond. And I like to do 5K's because I have been heavy and non-athletic ALL of my life and doing a 5K just proves to me that I'm making a change and becoming someone I always wanted to be. So....combine those two items (Love 5K's and Love the cancer center) and yes, it was important to me.
I was going to do the Spirit of Survival Race last year, but I was newly pregnant and almost continuously having bad morning sickness and it didn't happen. I was disappointed.
And you all know, dad died.....and my emotions are in a time of adjustment. I HAD TO DO THIS 5K. And even if I didn't have to, I wanted to. And that should be enough.
I will admit, not everyone supported me. A couple of people really hurt my feelings. Apparently, they think running a 5K is not ladylike and throw in the fact that it was a Sunday AND I was going to miss 45 minutes of church......they didn't come out and tell me directly---but their message of disapproval came across. I am too much of a people pleaser! It was hurtful and apparently still is or I wouldn't be telling you all about it. However, I knew I was doing what was right for me, and that helped. They just don't understand. There are probably things they do that I don't understand too. I hope I can be a friend that rejoices with those who rejoice and mourns with those that mourn, even when I don't understand. Life is full of teaching moments and I learned more about being a friend through this experience.
I did have great support from many, many others and I'm so glad. (Thank YOU!) My husband was very supportive. Normally he would not like for me to miss church, drive to LAWTON alone, before daylight, with no time on my phone, etc. But he KNOWS me to the core and he knew this was something very important for me. He supported me all the way and I'm thankful.
So.....the night before, I was all excited and instead of sleeping (I didn't even feel tired), I made a "In Memory Of" sign to go on my back and posted it on facebook, then looked at pictures online of last year's race, so on and so forth. I started my Sunday at 4 a.m., after 4 hours of sleep.
I should have been exhausted. I wasn't. As I drove, I turned the radio up loud, rolled my window down, stuck my arm out and let it catch in the wind in a wave pattern (You know you've done that before too. It's fun. A bit immature, maybe, but who cares. Life's too short to not enjoy it. Especially when it is still dark outside and the other cars don't know who you are LOL)
I parked on a residential street along with a ton of other people. I asked a skinny little runner lady who parked near me to pin my sign to my back. She had a sign on hers too. She asked me my name and what race I was doing (There were also quarter marathon and half marathon races at the same time). I wanted to say "Lady, look at me. I am 94 pounds overweight. Do you really think I could do a race other than the 5K?" Ha! She was very nice, as was everyone.
I have found that runners, in general, are nice people. It's weird. They are nicer than the general public. Every 5K I do, (I've done 4) I notice this. Idk what the deal is there.
With my first two 5K's, I was about 35 pounds lighter than I am now. And.......I was faster then (2012 and 2013). That's to be expected---gain weight, run slower. I'm not discouraged though because I am losing again. Lose weight, run faster. (Clarification: I know weight isn't the only factor.) On Sunday's 5K, I was 45 seconds faster than my 5K in June, so I'm pleased with that. Plus, this 5K route was harder, in my opinion. I AM STILL SORE and it has been 3 days.
The news said there were between 3,500-4,000 people in attendance. Before the race, I saw NO ONE that I knew. After the race begins, I actually prefer being alone. It wasn't a big deal. After the race, I saw 2.55 people that I knew. Two I actually do know and one I have met but don't really know.
I used a port-a-potty for the first time in my life. I know you want to know that.
Maybe don't want to know every tiny detail and I've already given too many---so I will fast forward and try to restrain my talent of turning a very short story into a very long one.
Shorter story mode begins here.
It was SOOOOOOOOOo awesome. I received a finisher's medal (which you can see the ribbon of in my profile pic) which I love. After the 5K, I went to Wal-mart and used the bathroom and of course I wore the medal in the store as if I was a queen and that was my tiara. I figured that wasn't too weird, since the race had just finished. However, if you see me in Wal-mart 3 months from now, THAT might be a bit weird. So.....it now hangs from my rear-view mirror.
I was at church at 11:00 where they were having awesome church. They were singing a song about "clap your hands, stop your feet, jump for joy" and I though "Well, I just ran across a finish line in front of 4,000 people. I guess I can jump for joy too." LOL
After church, we went to my nephew's birthday party at the skating rink and I SKATED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ABOUT 25 YEARS. And, by skating, I mean>>>>I put on skates and walked around on the carpet. ta da LOL Hubby skated on the rink and I just knew he was going to fall and break his neck. I couldn't enjoy my "skating" for hollering and him and Abby to please be careful! Thankfully, Josiah was the bodyguard of the family and kept helping make sure we didn't fall.
After the party, we went to Walmart to buy groceries, then went back to church for night service.
It was probably 10 when I finally got home from my busy day. My pedometer said I walked over 18,000 steps that day.
I'm so thankful that 3 years ago, my friend J'Nell told me I needed to do a 5k. It was a hilarious thought at the time. But it changed my life.
ONE DAY......after I've lost the weight that hinders me...........I will do them in 30 minutes time
Because I want to, it is in me, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
just the facts
I'm tired (again), so here's just the facts:
Walked 1 mile.
5.25 svg fruits and veggies
5549 steps
88 oz water
176 calories BELOW my limit
zzzz
Walked 1 mile.
5.25 svg fruits and veggies
5549 steps
88 oz water
176 calories BELOW my limit
zzzz
yesterday (Monday 10/6/14)
Once again, I was sooo tired, I didn't post. It was an extremely busy day AGAIN ( I keep having those! ) But I had it written down. Here's Monday's accountability post:
No exercise. I didn't make the time. PLUS I'm nursing a big thighs-rubbed-together-while-going-as-fast-as-you-can-and-wearing-leggings-that-are-like-tights-and-you-are-a-big-girl issue. #FatGirlProblems
Fruits/veggies: half a serving. This is sad.
5,258 steps (see fat girl problem above)
64 ounces of water (seriously? drink up, girl)
However, FINALLY....I'm 637 calories BELOW my limit.
No exercise. I didn't make the time. PLUS I'm nursing a big thighs-rubbed-together-while-going-as-fast-as-you-can-and-wearing-leggings-that-are-like-tights-and-you-are-a-big-girl issue. #FatGirlProblems
Fruits/veggies: half a serving. This is sad.
5,258 steps (see fat girl problem above)
64 ounces of water (seriously? drink up, girl)
However, FINALLY....I'm 637 calories BELOW my limit.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Spirit of Survival 5K
Here's yesterday (Sunday's) accountability post. By the time I FINALLY got home, I soaked my sore body in the tub (while eating green beans LOL) and went to bed!
The Spirit of Survival 5K benefits the cancer center where my dad had treatment. There was also a quarter marathon and half marathon going on at the same time. There were almost 4,000 people in attendance. The 5K had almost 900 finishers. I was faster than 189 of them. I'm not fast (yet)! But I wasn't last! This was my 4th 5K to participate in. I was lighter for my 1st two 5K's and finished faster than yesterday's. So, I didn't PR, but I DID beat my 5K time (by 45 seconds) from my 5K in June. So, as long as I'm improving, I'm pleased with that.
They gave out beautiful finisher metals, and I'm proud of mine. I showed it to many people (anyone who half way looked at me LOL) and wore it to Wal-mart too LOL I showed it to people at church, some of which "didn't get it" about how I could validate missing 45 minutes of Sunday School to go to a sporting event. I guess it seemed sacrilegious to them. It was pretty hurtful. But I didn't let it get to me too bad, because I know I did what was right for me AND I had awesome support from my family and lots of friends.
I am sore today!
Exercise 3.54 miles (I counted walking to and from the car at the 5k too lol)
18,815 steps during the day------that's a lot!
Water 64 oz ( and 2 things of gatorade)
fruits and veggies: 8 svg
Saturday, October 4, 2014
wobbly day
Today was kind of wobbly. I didn't MAJORLY mess up, I just didn't track as closely as I should have. I think I have pre-race jitters. I'm not in bed yet and I have to get up in about 5 hours!
Exercise: 1.08 miles
Steps: I forgot to put the pedometer on until afternoon, so, who knows.
Water: 64 ounces
Fruits and veggies.......and calories: I tracked the first part of the day and after that, I just ate bites of this and that and who knows. I don't think I majorly overate, but it wasn't black and white today (but it needs to be).
Thanks for reading!
Exercise: 1.08 miles
Steps: I forgot to put the pedometer on until afternoon, so, who knows.
Water: 64 ounces
Fruits and veggies.......and calories: I tracked the first part of the day and after that, I just ate bites of this and that and who knows. I don't think I majorly overate, but it wasn't black and white today (but it needs to be).
Thanks for reading!
I'm back!
I drove to Lawton (and hour away) tonight to pick up my packet for Sunday morning's 5K I LOVE MY SHIRT!!! I went to the bathroom of the hotel that was hosting packet pick up and put it on. They were already blocking off areas of the 5K route so they could set up tents and stuff (I'm not sure what for... maybe vendors?). There were several people walking the blocked off areas, so I decided to also! Whew---that route has a lot of hills! But I got it done! So....I know I can do it. Oh.....at packet pick up I asked how many people were signed up for the race---and was told it was nearly 4,000 so far. Wow. This is huge for me.
Did I mention that this 5K is for the Cancer Center where dad had treatments? I have a lot of emotions tied up in the race.
I stopped by the Dollar Store for diapers and also used the bathroom there. I saw my reflection in the mirror--- this was right after I had walked 3 miles, AND I was wearing the figure flattering 5K shirt---and I liked what I saw. I smiled. I felt thinner and felt like I even looked thinner. Instantly, I spoke aloud, "I'm back! Thank you Jesus for weight loss" See....I feel like there is a real me who is hidden under a lot of fat and my image doesn't reflect who I really am. When I had lost 80 pounds (2012), I could look in the mirror and start to see glimpses of the real me...and I liked it. However, during pregnancy and the remaining 27 pounds that remained afterwards, I couldn't see it anymore. That's what I meant by "I'm back". I saw a glimmer of "me". :) woo hoo!
Today was a good day........and I feel good.
Day 5 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 3.1 miles (Oh yeah baby)
15,284 steps walked today (that's a lot of steps for me!)
2.5 servings fruits/ veggies
64 ounces of water
154 calories over
Did I mention that this 5K is for the Cancer Center where dad had treatments? I have a lot of emotions tied up in the race.
I stopped by the Dollar Store for diapers and also used the bathroom there. I saw my reflection in the mirror--- this was right after I had walked 3 miles, AND I was wearing the figure flattering 5K shirt---and I liked what I saw. I smiled. I felt thinner and felt like I even looked thinner. Instantly, I spoke aloud, "I'm back! Thank you Jesus for weight loss" See....I feel like there is a real me who is hidden under a lot of fat and my image doesn't reflect who I really am. When I had lost 80 pounds (2012), I could look in the mirror and start to see glimpses of the real me...and I liked it. However, during pregnancy and the remaining 27 pounds that remained afterwards, I couldn't see it anymore. That's what I meant by "I'm back". I saw a glimmer of "me". :) woo hoo!
Today was a good day........and I feel good.
Day 5 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 3.1 miles (Oh yeah baby)
15,284 steps walked today (that's a lot of steps for me!)
2.5 servings fruits/ veggies
64 ounces of water
154 calories over
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Mums the word
Homecoming mums are a southern (mostly Oklahoma and Texas) tradition. (google it if you don't know what I'm talking about) I enjoy making them--------and I enjoy getting paid for making them. LOL Today was full of lots of things but one of those things was making Homecoming mums and delivering them to their buyers. I enjoyed it.
I went over my calories by about 300 AGAIN. That seems to keep happening. I don't know if my body is just WANTING that amount of calories or if I allow myself to overeat and subconsciously limit myself there? Who knows. But I plan to work on it.
I saw runners everywhere today. Even a lady and her baby at the library babytime-----she was wearing shorts and a tank top that said "just run" or something like that. You won't ever see me in the short and tank top, but I DO plan to have that runner body one day and actually BE a runner. It is in me. Waaaaaaaaay down deep in me, under 95 pounds of fat. But it is there! That runner is alive! I know her! She's just a bit hindered at the moment. She gets a little more free each day. Woot!
Day 4 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 2.28 miles (woot!)
10,807 steps walked today
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
88 ounces of water
311 calories over
P.S. It bothers me that my font is so small. Anyone want to lead me in how to make it larger?
I went over my calories by about 300 AGAIN. That seems to keep happening. I don't know if my body is just WANTING that amount of calories or if I allow myself to overeat and subconsciously limit myself there? Who knows. But I plan to work on it.
I saw runners everywhere today. Even a lady and her baby at the library babytime-----she was wearing shorts and a tank top that said "just run" or something like that. You won't ever see me in the short and tank top, but I DO plan to have that runner body one day and actually BE a runner. It is in me. Waaaaaaaaay down deep in me, under 95 pounds of fat. But it is there! That runner is alive! I know her! She's just a bit hindered at the moment. She gets a little more free each day. Woot!
Day 4 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: 2.28 miles (woot!)
10,807 steps walked today
2.5 svg fruits and veggies
88 ounces of water
311 calories over
P.S. It bothers me that my font is so small. Anyone want to lead me in how to make it larger?
midnight
It's midnight and I'm extremely tired, so tonight I will just the stats.
Day 3 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: Just over one mile walked (23 minutes). Within probably 5 minutes of waking, I asked hubby to take the baby and out the door I went. Otherwise, this wouldn't have happened. BUSY DAY. (I say that all the time but it is true. Right now, Saturday is the next day that looks somewhat not cram-packed.)
12,092 steps walked today
3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
115 ounces of water
Calories: UNDER by 30something.
Thanks for reading. zzzz
Day 3 of 100 days of accountability:
Exercise: Just over one mile walked (23 minutes). Within probably 5 minutes of waking, I asked hubby to take the baby and out the door I went. Otherwise, this wouldn't have happened. BUSY DAY. (I say that all the time but it is true. Right now, Saturday is the next day that looks somewhat not cram-packed.)
12,092 steps walked today
3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
115 ounces of water
Calories: UNDER by 30something.
Thanks for reading. zzzz
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Drunk on cereal
I have a cereal story but first, today's accountability stats:
100 days of accountability- Day 2
Exercise: zilch. I should have gotten up EARLY because once the ball got rolling, it was a long time before I had a moment to breathe today. It's 11 p.m. and I'm just now sitting down after a LONG day.
Walked 6,986 steps today.
Consumed 4.5 servings of fruits and veggies
64 ounces of water ---yep. That struggled today. Today was just a struggle in general.
Calories: over by 231.
I do not want to be a negative blogger---- but I also want to be real. And sometimes, things aren't all lollipops and puppies.
Since my dad passed, I've struggled with just daily life in general. Some days are great and I think "I'm almost ok again! I can actually feel joy and peace and excitement!" But then after a couple of days like that, I have a day or two where a dark cloud hangs over and I feel like a victim.
With Halloween coming up, it is even worse. There are caskets and "dead people" decorating the grocery stores. It brings your mind to terrible places when you think about it. My daddy........is sealed up in a box.........and in the ground......decomposing. (If you feel compelled to leave me messages about "He isn't there. He's with Jesus." Just don't. You don't know my dad and you don't know if he is in Heaven any more than you know what color the carpet is in my bathroom. You just don't! And even if you knew my dad--- you still don't! You haven't been up there and gotten a copy of the occupants. Anyway........that doesn't change the fact that his BODY, regardless of whether he knows it or not, is decomposing. Morbid thoughts.
Today was one of those hard days.
And when it is one of those days, everything seems worse. On the other side of the coin, I really do have some majorly stressful things going on. I'm not going to tell all my business/personal/whatever struggles on a public forum, but JUST TRUST ME.
Here's a little one though, and it leads into the cereal story. Today I found myself with $5 to buy my family lunch and supper with. What would you have bought? Throw in to this that you have to purchase something the entire family can tolerate and you have teens who are a bit picky (your fault, you raised them on junk). Anyway............seriously.......what can you buy for $5 to provide 2 meals to a hungry family? I know that bananas are only 20 cents each and that being broke is no excuse for eating junk...but I felt like my hands were tied and I was already in victim mode in my mind.
So..............I did the best I could, and I'm ok with that because to do more is not possible. I bought a loaf of bread, a jar a grape jelly, a box of cereal, and 3 bananas. We already had pb and milk at home.
The cereal was the ever healthy (*sarcasm*) Cocoa Krispies that turns your milk chocolate. I don't know if you are a sugar addict like me or not, but if you are, you will know that you can eat a LOT of that cereal and not feel like you've had enough.
As super busy as I was teaching school, juggling a baby, cooking, and running my kids to practice and back, I don't know how I had the time, but somewhere I squeezed in a very vivid daydream:
I pictured myself, single and no kids, coming in from work to a very nice apartment. I don't know where I worked but I liked my job and I made a lot of money. My apartment had fancy, plush furniture that all matched and my house was spotless because I paid someone to clean it. I changed into my comfy pajamas, climbed into my fluffy bed, and watched CNN while eating bowlful after bowlful of the cereal. I ate the entire box. I was full but there was a peace down in my gut from being so full (those of you who have ever done any binge eating might know what I'm talking about). And then, I went to sleep.
It's a good thing that isn't really my life, although it was sounding good at the moment. In hindsight, I realize if that were my life, I would be so big I would probably not be mobile.
Nope...........that's not me. I'm the girl who is fighting this war within herself against obesity. I refuse to give in, even when I've had a hard battle. I WILL OVERCOME. I AM OVERCOMING.
I'm doing a 5K on Sunday morning, for one thing. Take that, obesity.
And yeah, I only ate 1.5 cups of cereal with one cup of milk, and I measured it all out and went about my business.
(If you are concerned about our food, don't be. It's ok. I didn't write that for sympathy. I'm just trying to be real. We will have a bit more money to work with tomorrow and we will be fine in that realm come Sunday.)
Thanks for reading!
100 days of accountability- Day 2
Exercise: zilch. I should have gotten up EARLY because once the ball got rolling, it was a long time before I had a moment to breathe today. It's 11 p.m. and I'm just now sitting down after a LONG day.
Walked 6,986 steps today.
Consumed 4.5 servings of fruits and veggies
64 ounces of water ---yep. That struggled today. Today was just a struggle in general.
Calories: over by 231.
I do not want to be a negative blogger---- but I also want to be real. And sometimes, things aren't all lollipops and puppies.
Since my dad passed, I've struggled with just daily life in general. Some days are great and I think "I'm almost ok again! I can actually feel joy and peace and excitement!" But then after a couple of days like that, I have a day or two where a dark cloud hangs over and I feel like a victim.
With Halloween coming up, it is even worse. There are caskets and "dead people" decorating the grocery stores. It brings your mind to terrible places when you think about it. My daddy........is sealed up in a box.........and in the ground......decomposing. (If you feel compelled to leave me messages about "He isn't there. He's with Jesus." Just don't. You don't know my dad and you don't know if he is in Heaven any more than you know what color the carpet is in my bathroom. You just don't! And even if you knew my dad--- you still don't! You haven't been up there and gotten a copy of the occupants. Anyway........that doesn't change the fact that his BODY, regardless of whether he knows it or not, is decomposing. Morbid thoughts.
Today was one of those hard days.
And when it is one of those days, everything seems worse. On the other side of the coin, I really do have some majorly stressful things going on. I'm not going to tell all my business/personal/whatever struggles on a public forum, but JUST TRUST ME.
Here's a little one though, and it leads into the cereal story. Today I found myself with $5 to buy my family lunch and supper with. What would you have bought? Throw in to this that you have to purchase something the entire family can tolerate and you have teens who are a bit picky (your fault, you raised them on junk). Anyway............seriously.......what can you buy for $5 to provide 2 meals to a hungry family? I know that bananas are only 20 cents each and that being broke is no excuse for eating junk...but I felt like my hands were tied and I was already in victim mode in my mind.
So..............I did the best I could, and I'm ok with that because to do more is not possible. I bought a loaf of bread, a jar a grape jelly, a box of cereal, and 3 bananas. We already had pb and milk at home.
The cereal was the ever healthy (*sarcasm*) Cocoa Krispies that turns your milk chocolate. I don't know if you are a sugar addict like me or not, but if you are, you will know that you can eat a LOT of that cereal and not feel like you've had enough.
As super busy as I was teaching school, juggling a baby, cooking, and running my kids to practice and back, I don't know how I had the time, but somewhere I squeezed in a very vivid daydream:
I pictured myself, single and no kids, coming in from work to a very nice apartment. I don't know where I worked but I liked my job and I made a lot of money. My apartment had fancy, plush furniture that all matched and my house was spotless because I paid someone to clean it. I changed into my comfy pajamas, climbed into my fluffy bed, and watched CNN while eating bowlful after bowlful of the cereal. I ate the entire box. I was full but there was a peace down in my gut from being so full (those of you who have ever done any binge eating might know what I'm talking about). And then, I went to sleep.
It's a good thing that isn't really my life, although it was sounding good at the moment. In hindsight, I realize if that were my life, I would be so big I would probably not be mobile.
Nope...........that's not me. I'm the girl who is fighting this war within herself against obesity. I refuse to give in, even when I've had a hard battle. I WILL OVERCOME. I AM OVERCOMING.
I'm doing a 5K on Sunday morning, for one thing. Take that, obesity.
And yeah, I only ate 1.5 cups of cereal with one cup of milk, and I measured it all out and went about my business.
(If you are concerned about our food, don't be. It's ok. I didn't write that for sympathy. I'm just trying to be real. We will have a bit more money to work with tomorrow and we will be fine in that realm come Sunday.)
Thanks for reading!
Monday, September 29, 2014
100 days of accountability
I have a friend who is challenging me to various healthy things for the next 14 weeks. That is only 2 days shy of 100 days. I had a spark of an idea----what if I was publicly accountable for the next 100 days?
I think I'm going to take the plunge! Today is day one. For the next 100 days, I plan to log on and post a quick recap of my health successes (and sometimes failures) of the day.
I'm just going to be transparent.
I'm also going to celebrate each FIVE pounds lost. This morning I weighed 286.2 and I will celebrate 5 pounds lighter from now, then I will repeat. I believe I can be back to my lowest-in-years weight of 250 by the time these 100 days are over.
Today's recap:
Exercise: Walked 0.8 miles in the neighborhood with the baby, 18 minutes
Walked 11,540 steps today
Consumed 3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
90 ounces of water
went over calorie limit by 236 calories
I think I'm going to take the plunge! Today is day one. For the next 100 days, I plan to log on and post a quick recap of my health successes (and sometimes failures) of the day.
I'm just going to be transparent.
I'm also going to celebrate each FIVE pounds lost. This morning I weighed 286.2 and I will celebrate 5 pounds lighter from now, then I will repeat. I believe I can be back to my lowest-in-years weight of 250 by the time these 100 days are over.
Today's recap:
Exercise: Walked 0.8 miles in the neighborhood with the baby, 18 minutes
Walked 11,540 steps today
Consumed 3.5 servings of fruits and veggies
90 ounces of water
went over calorie limit by 236 calories
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
No clue what to title this update.
It has been 4 weeks since the pic with the red blouse but I'm not even going to post the new pic because it LOOKS THE SAME. Blah! However, change is happening that isn't yet obvious, so I will continue on.
I have a friend who has taken me under her wing and I am emailing with her almost every night. That is helpful. I don't think about what I'm going to say. I just set the timer for 10 minutes, type the first thing that comes to mind, and hit send.
I received a package today from a blogger reader. It was crammed packed full of clothes and THEY FIT! Yay! So glad. Thank you, dear reader. I hate to feel like a charity case.............but..............yeah. I'm not complaining here!
I'm currently fighting a bad headcold and I sound like Darth Vader. (Audible Breathing)
October 5th is the Spirit of Survival (CANCER) 5K, an hour away. My sweet, wonderful hubby will be taking the kids to church and I will be turning some heads (probably) by attending this 5K instead of going to Sunday School (I probably will still get there but I will be late, and sweaty). I just HAVE to participate in this 5K. Have to. Going to. And...........I really need to work on exercising and preparing. I know I can do it though. The other day I found myself in a kid free moment and I went to the track and walked through some emotions. (great therapy!!!) The more I walked, the better I felt. And I ended up walking 3 miles.
I'm slowly but surely healing.
Here's a word of advice: If you know someone who has had a nervous breakdown in the past 2 months, or they lost a member of their immediate family,.............and you think they should be "over it"...........you are wrong. It still effects them DAILY. Be kind to them and help them heal.
Thanks for reading!
I have a friend who has taken me under her wing and I am emailing with her almost every night. That is helpful. I don't think about what I'm going to say. I just set the timer for 10 minutes, type the first thing that comes to mind, and hit send.
I received a package today from a blogger reader. It was crammed packed full of clothes and THEY FIT! Yay! So glad. Thank you, dear reader. I hate to feel like a charity case.............but..............yeah. I'm not complaining here!
I'm currently fighting a bad headcold and I sound like Darth Vader. (Audible Breathing)
October 5th is the Spirit of Survival (CANCER) 5K, an hour away. My sweet, wonderful hubby will be taking the kids to church and I will be turning some heads (probably) by attending this 5K instead of going to Sunday School (I probably will still get there but I will be late, and sweaty). I just HAVE to participate in this 5K. Have to. Going to. And...........I really need to work on exercising and preparing. I know I can do it though. The other day I found myself in a kid free moment and I went to the track and walked through some emotions. (great therapy!!!) The more I walked, the better I felt. And I ended up walking 3 miles.
I'm slowly but surely healing.
Here's a word of advice: If you know someone who has had a nervous breakdown in the past 2 months, or they lost a member of their immediate family,.............and you think they should be "over it"...........you are wrong. It still effects them DAILY. Be kind to them and help them heal.
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
what fat people do
What do you see in this picture (besides a bathroom that needs cleaning)? I see me wearing a blouse as a jacket (despite 100 degree weather) that doesn't even fit.
When I lost those 80 pounds in 2012ish, I vowed that there were certain things that were "fat people things" and that I had kicked obesity's rear (although I still had 60 pounds til goal, I was feeling quite skinny and in control) and that I would NEVER do those things again.
Amy's list of things fat people do because they are fat:
1. They were open blouses over their undershirts because A) the blouse doesn't fit and B)it makes you feel like you hid your fat
2. They use the handicap stall in bathrooms because it is just more comfortable.
3. They go through the drive through because getting out of the car is too much work.
4. They own very little clothes because they either A) don't like how they look in anything (why spend money on stuff you hate?) or B) can't find anything in their size C)outgrew their clothes or wore them until they completely wore out
(Note: I currently own ONE church skirt---and the zipper on it is partially ripped out.... and I own ONE denim skirt for day-to-day. I am not happy with this arrangement and I don't like how I look in either of these)
5. They wear long blouses/shirt to "hide" their hips.
6. They stay home because they don't want to be seen.
7. They (I) refuse to wear their t-shirt that says "Just Do It" because they know the t-shirt message and the body wearing it send out conflicting signals that can be found funny to others. (Just do WHAT, lady? Eat? LOL)
....so on and so forth.
The reason I bought the blouse is because it was cheap and it was something different and it covered my hips (on the sides at least).......never mind the fact that it didn't cover my bust or my stomach and that the only button that buttoned was the one at the neck!
But I wore it ---and even got compliments on it at church. (That's what happens when you wear the SAME OLD THING over and over. You get something new and everyone ooohhhs and aaaaahhhs....not because you look awesome....but because "Look! You are wearing something different!")
Yep. Deny it if you wish, but this is the way I see it.
I posted the pic because I plan to retake my pic in that outfit every 4 weeks until I can button ALL the buttons....no matter how long it takes.
In other news, I feel like my life is like a kitchen junk drawer that someone has dumped into the middle of the floor and I am painfully picking up each piece one by one and putting it where it belongs.
I still have a lot of stuff in the "floor" of my life.
But I'm working on it.
This is a restructuring time in SO MANY (almost all) aspects of my life.
More about that in another post----it's time for bed! Goodnight! And THANK YOU for reading.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
5k/death/nervousbreakdown
So much has happened since I last posted. I don't feel like going into lengthy details, but I do not want this blog, my story, to have gaps of important events, and so, tonight's update follows.
In June I completed my 3rd annual Founder's Day 5k. I was heavier than last year and slower. I wasn't pleased with my performance. But, I did it.
In July, my dad died. He died hard. I had hoped he would just pass in his sleep, but no, he had a very hard death and me and my family were very involved.
Dad's dying process was so stressful, in fact, that approximately 24 hours before he passed, I had a nervous breakdown. People say "I had a nervous breakdown" and just mean "I felt really stressed" but NO..........this was not that. I HAD a real nervous breakdown. It's something that unless you experience it for yourself, you don't know.
I was empty. There was nothing left in me I could give anyone. I couldn't think. Even getting a spoon to my mouth took intense concentration.
I went to bed and put a prayer cloth on my head that someone had sent me, and I asked God to help me, and I listened to "Hold On" by The Booth Brothers over and over...........and that is how I survived that night. The next day I was slightly better and each day I have improved a bit more.
But I am not yet whole.
Friends and the general public think I'm fine. And in ways, I am. But I can't be totally fine 3 weeks later with what I went through. Time heals all wounds. I will heal.
In the meantime, I have eaten WAY too much as a self-comforting/self-medicating coping mechanism. This is not good. Then I go lead a TOPS chapter. This is not easy. I feel like I am the one needing the help and in no position to be giving help. So, we are playing silly little health jeopardy type games and stuff to buy some time while I'm waiting to be made whole.
But in the meantime, I KNOW I MUST get my behavior under control. I haven't weighed, and the number doesn't matter....but I don't like the SIZE I can tell I'm gaining.
I'm looking into going to therapy of some sort to help me process this all in a healthy manner.
It has been quite the ordeal.
I'm glad it is over and that the time of healing is here.
Thanks for reading.
In June I completed my 3rd annual Founder's Day 5k. I was heavier than last year and slower. I wasn't pleased with my performance. But, I did it.
In July, my dad died. He died hard. I had hoped he would just pass in his sleep, but no, he had a very hard death and me and my family were very involved.
Dad's dying process was so stressful, in fact, that approximately 24 hours before he passed, I had a nervous breakdown. People say "I had a nervous breakdown" and just mean "I felt really stressed" but NO..........this was not that. I HAD a real nervous breakdown. It's something that unless you experience it for yourself, you don't know.
I was empty. There was nothing left in me I could give anyone. I couldn't think. Even getting a spoon to my mouth took intense concentration.
I went to bed and put a prayer cloth on my head that someone had sent me, and I asked God to help me, and I listened to "Hold On" by The Booth Brothers over and over...........and that is how I survived that night. The next day I was slightly better and each day I have improved a bit more.
But I am not yet whole.
Friends and the general public think I'm fine. And in ways, I am. But I can't be totally fine 3 weeks later with what I went through. Time heals all wounds. I will heal.
In the meantime, I have eaten WAY too much as a self-comforting/self-medicating coping mechanism. This is not good. Then I go lead a TOPS chapter. This is not easy. I feel like I am the one needing the help and in no position to be giving help. So, we are playing silly little health jeopardy type games and stuff to buy some time while I'm waiting to be made whole.
But in the meantime, I KNOW I MUST get my behavior under control. I haven't weighed, and the number doesn't matter....but I don't like the SIZE I can tell I'm gaining.
I'm looking into going to therapy of some sort to help me process this all in a healthy manner.
It has been quite the ordeal.
I'm glad it is over and that the time of healing is here.
Thanks for reading.
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