When the scale has let you down......keep doing the right thing.

So I have been pretty much perfect for the past 6 days or so. Not over on my calories AT ALL--picked exercise back up--eating my veggies and drinking my water.

And tonight was weigh-in and I stayed EXACTLY THE SAME.

Pooey on the scale for being that way!

Regardless, I will continue to do what I know is right and it WILL WILL will WILL go down as long as I'm staying faithful. Maybe my body has gotten used to me and is saying "There's no need in rewarding her for what she has done the past week because I know she's about to blow it again and deserve this fat." Nope. Gonna prove it wrong.


I'm going to be FAITHFUL.

The rest of the Jehovah Witness story.

A whopping two people commented and let me know what THEY do...but anyway...

Yeah, so they rang my doorbell last week and I was kind of excited because somehow my house always gets skipped. LOL I've heard that they try to back you in a corner and make you doubt what you believe, etc.

However, I sat on the porch with them with MY King James Version Bible (they have their own Bible version) and had a nice, friendly discussion. I was not mean to them in anyway.

The thing that got me so excited about it all was that #1 I feel that I was a good witness because I stayed nice, nonjudgemental and friendly the entire time, #2 I had a scriptural answer every time they tried to get me in a corner and #3 I actually got one of them somewhat in a corner but I was nice and let it go. :)

(I asked them to read Acts 2:38 from their Bible, because I wanted to see how it compared to the KJV, which says to be baptized in Jesus name. I thought theirs would say to be baptized in Jehovah's name because they believe that Jehovah is the name of God and not a title. Anyway, I had them read it and to my surprise, it too said to be baptized in Jesus' name. Then I simply said "So,.......does your church baptize in Jesus' name???" and he just looked at me like "uuuhhhhh...." and simply said "no". I just smiled and let it go but I could have done to them what they do to so many and make them squirm...but I'm not like that :)

Anyway.....I was out there for 45 minutes and they may come back some time, I don't know. But I don't really care to waste 45 more minutes of my time because I for sure believe that their teachings are unbiblical.

That is neither here nor there..........

Now, let's get back to weight loss blogging :)

What do YOU do when the Jehovah Witnesses or Mormons knock on your door?

This is totally off topic, but I'm just curious. What do YOU do when the Jehovah Witnesses or Mormons knock on your door? Do you tell the kids to shush and pretend you aren't home? Do you answer the door and tell them you aren't interested? Do you sit on the porch with your Bible and look up scriptures?

The Jehovah Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday. I will tell you what *I* did in a different post, but first I want to know what YOU do.

(I am not Jehovah Witness by the way.)

I'm rockin' it.

The past 2 days have been awesome. I've stayed within calorie limits, exercised, had my fruits & veggies, drank my water. Yeah, it feels good to do good. I am now sending a text to a friend of mine (former fat lady who has been at her teeny tiny goal weight for well over a year now) every night with an honest report of how I did that day. That helps.

Tonight hubby watched the kids so I could take my time coupon shopping. The total was $101 before coupons and $40something afterwards! Oh yeah baby.

I also took my walking shoes with me and before I left the house I said "Babe, I am going to be gone a LONG WHILE. I'm going to grocery shop but before I do that, I'm going to go walk at the trail." And I WAS gone a long while-- like 4 hours total :)

Yeah, today rocked.

~*struggle*~

Today I have the "day before payday and I'm so broke I can't even pay attention and we have to eat whatever we can find in the house which resulted in pancakes for breakfast (not good!)" blues. yeah.

4 hours left and today will have been a success!

I have found that I usually blog when I am down :(

However, today I am up...so... let's blog. :)

I have journaled all of my food, water and exercise today. We will be eating supper in about 20 minutes and I have written down exactly what I will eat. I also have room for a pb&j sandwich this evening (I reserved the calories for that earlier in the day so I will feel "rewarded" this evening for not going over!). yeah.

I'm on my 4th bottle of water.

I went to bed at 9:40 last night (that's super early for me because I am a night owl) and set my alarm for 20 minutes early this morning (planning to do that every day this week) and I went for a walk FIRST THING this morning. It has made a difference in my energy level. Yay.

Here's to a good day. \_/ cheers! ;) (water bottles clink together)

p.s. I really need to start adding pictures to my posts. It takes more time but I always enjoy reading blogs that have a lot of pictures.

Thanks for reading!

P.S.

P.S. Some of you may have remembered that I am in the midst of a 118 day "fast" from soda, dessert and fast food. That is still going well. However, it hasn't really done anything for the scale--I guess I've made up for it by eating too much other stuff. :/

Also, I read a new person's blog and I saw where they took a pic of each meal and posted it. If I have any readers who read at the very beginning, they will remember that I once did that. I may go back to that. It did at least make me accountable. We will see.

As I have been googling and blog hopping, I have found MANY awesome weight loss blogs in which someone has over a hundred pounds to lose, they blog and sound all positive, and then they just disappear. That makes me think they failed and are ashamed to admit it.

I WANT TO BEAT THE ODDS.

I want to be that blogger lady who FINALLY got it right. I want to be Oklahoma TOPS queen and ride in our local parade on the back of a convertible. yeah. I WANT IT.

Your opinion, please. (Flood me with comments please!)

Why do people (in general), STRUGGLE with overcoming obesity so much?

Seriously, I want your opinion.

Let's take a random person who is approximately 125 pounds overweight.

They KNOW how many calories it takes to lose the weight. They KNOW they should eat protein and veggies and drink their water and exercise and journal and never go over their calories and that the pounds will melt away as they do these things.

They know they have to keep a positive mental focus in order to stay on track.

They preach a good message.

Yet, they have trouble practicing what they preach. They feel tired all the time (no matter how much rest OR exercise they get). And when they are tired, they feel like "I don't care--I need carbs" and they eat peanut butter and syrup and go no telling how much over their calorie limit.

Someone says "It isn't important enough to them." and yet, the person DOES feel like it is important to them or otherwise they wouldn't still be putting forth all the work they do for the TOPS group.

How do you build up your willpower? How do you gain energy and determination? How do you make it a priority? How?

I'm just pouring my brain out here because tonight is weigh in, I'm the leader and I feel like I probably haven't lost an ounce this week. (hypocrite!)

I'm planning to give everyone a short article I read online about energy boosters, and then instead of having a full meeting, I'm going to tell each member that we are letting out early BUT.............that before they go home they have to go for a walk, even if it is just 10 minutes at the mall (because I can already hear the "it's too hot" excuse--it is about 110* here).

So.............yeah. Comment me! :P

Affirmations

I am feeling a little bit stronger each day.

I am getting healthier each day.

I eat within approved calorie limits and I feel content within those limits.

Each day, I am able to exercise with more vigor than the day before.

I am making healthy choices.

I enjoy exercise and the energy and "feel good" chemicals it releases into my system.

With each day, I gain more energy.

I am adding days to my life.

I am beautiful and my beauty is becoming more evident each day.

I am succeeding in my goal to weigh 289 or less at the next TOPS fun day, September 24th.

Through the power of God working in me, I am changing my life for the better.

My marriage is blessed in all areas.

My children are blessed in all areas.

I am full of peace and joy.

(I printed these and am putting them in a frame beside my bed.)

What you think, you are!

This may be a long post. You may, of course, read it. But don't feel that you are doing me a disservice by not reading it. I just feel the need to journal and get things on paper as a form of therapy. So, this post is to me.

It frustrates me that lately I haven't been able to go even one day without losing control and pigging out. I start many days on the right foot and before the day is over, I binge. I feel so chained, so diseased. I know that others think "You just have to DO it. You are just being lazy. You don't want to be healthy bad enough."

If only they knew.

I was watching an Oprah dvd the other night about a lady whose brain told her that she was fat and so she wouldn't eat and as an adult she weighed about 60 pounds, was just a skeleton and still felt fat. She cried and said "I don't want to be this way! My brain just tells me that I must NOT eat!"

She died.

I thought of myself. I am the opposite end of the spectrum, but the level of unhealthiness is similar. I don't want to be this way. My brain tells me I MUST eat. I don't want to die.

Last night I was watching my little girl brush her teeth while she was getting ready for bed and I thought "I don't want to miss her life. I don't want to die and for her to feel like I could have prevented my death but chose not to." Of course, I didn't SAY any thing like that, but that is what was going through my head.

I *feel* so much weaker now, as far as diet and exercise goes, than I did even a year ago. I've done 2 half mile walks this week. HALF MILE. A year and a half ago I could do a 5K, even though my weight wasn't any lower than it is now.

My willpower isn't strong enough. I know the way to strengthen it is by what we think on. I am going to work on my THINKING. I need to think thin. I need to think "I am doing this!" I need to think "I am getting a little stronger every day!"

Below are notes from a website I am reading:

Our behavior is the byproduct of our thinking.

You are not what you think you are, but what you think, you are!

Your subconscious mind will faithfully draw into your experience whatever you consistently think about.

Your Body Believes Every Word You say.


And so.........................I'm turning positive. I am going to think about how I AM transforming into a healthy person, every day. :) I will post my list of positive affirmations soon.

Half a mile is better than sitting on the couch eating cheeze doodles.

On this week's "I CAN do this" paper at TOPS, I wrote "I can go for a while 2 days this week." So.....even though it was still 102 degrees at 7:30 p.m. yesterday, I went to the track with the kids and walked half of a mile. It's not amazing. But it is better than sitting on the couch eating cheeze doodles.

Update after TOPS

I was able to remove 2 sticky pounds from my mirror after TOPS. I was 306. STILL above 300. How on earth did I allow myself to bounce back up there? ugh! Oh well...it's going back down now.

My "I CAN" paper for this week says "I will go for a walk 2 days this week".

I have my food plan for today written out. I just ate a lean pocket and doritos. I still want to eat more. BUT I won't.

ta ta for now and thanks for reading :)

Have you ever said "I will be PERFECT?" and then didn't do ANYTHING right?

I stole this idea from a fellow blogger, but the sticky notes are each pound I have to lose before goal. They are on my bathroom mirror and I will remove them as I lose them :) We have area fun day near the end of September and I would LOVE to be 289 or less by then. That's my short term goal. I know that some of the stickers are really in the middle, in the way... those are the stickers of weight I have gained since I have moved to Oklahoma. After those are gone, I will be back down to 280ish, which is where I was most of my 20's, when we lived in Alabama.

We started something new at TOPS last week. We have a can with a lid and it is the "I CAN" can. :) We each get a piece of paper and write on it what we CAN do the coming week that will help us to develop healthy habits. Then we put it in the can and the lid we close it with says "I WILL". The next week, we take them out and read them. If we DID the thing, we get cheered and our paper goes on a posterboard that says "I DID". If we didn't do it, well, we feel like a toad and we tear up our paper and say "THIS WEEK I will do better!".

WEll........................I should have written something simple. Especially since I have been basically OFF plan (except for a few spurts here and there) for a long while. But no... I pretty much say I can be perfect in all areas LOL. I said I would journal every day, never go over my calories, exercise x amount of time, yada yada yada. And like the 2nd day, I failed and said "Well, I flopped. I give up.".

And SOooooooooooooooooooo THIS WEEK (tonight) I plan to pick ONE thing to work on instead of saying I will be perfect. goodness.

the wagon

I am getting back on the wagon AGAIN. Somebody put a seat belt on me, please!!! LOL I just planned out my food for tomorrow so that I will remain within calorie range. We are going to OKC tomorrow and I'm going to bring my own lunch (tuna). The rest of the family will have Chuck-e-cheese pizza. I'm ready for this weather to cool a bit so I can do more walking. I also need to ask my mom to start watching the kids once a week again so I can have some MEEEEE time and I can exercise during that time. Regardless of the obstacles, I am going to do this!!!!!!

struggle, struggle

Confession: I am struggling today. I feel like a bottomless pit. I am soooo hungry. But not for veggies or fruit. :) Hungry for bread, noodles, carbs. Nuts. Junk. ugh! I haven't broken my fast from soda, fast food and dessert, and I won't...because that is different.

Still, I'm struggling with the bottomless pit today.

It's just an out of whack day! I'm sitting here in my gown (just got out of shower and don't want to put church clothes on until after supper). I should get up and get busy! Much to do! But I'm sitting here.

And I don't even want to go to church tonight. (but I will) I want everyone else to go and leave me alone. LOL I think I'm needing some alone time.

I don't know what my deal is today but I need to snap out of it! If you pray, pray for me! :) thanks

Venting about homeschooling

I would vent on my homeschool blog, but I am locked out of it! That really adds to my frustration!

First of all, a little background. I love homeschooling. My kids are 9 and 12 and have never been "in school". Whether you agree or not doesn't matter. I love it. It is my conviction.

Also, my husband is socially backward. He is super quiet and doesn't look people in the eye, etc. That's just him. And yes, he was public schooled. My 12 year old son is just like him. Awkward.

I just got off the phone with someone whose opinion I respect (my mother of all people!) and they said "Amy, why don't you see how much the christian school costs? Your kids are getting older and they need to be around other kids." It was a huge slap in the face and I want to cry but I held myself together. (btw, I am in a homeschool social group and we have once per month field trips and once per month park days) I replied "Oh, but I LIKE to homeschool." You know how you hear what someone is saying and you interpret it? I interpreted her remarks as the following: "You are failing at homeschooling your kids. They are social outcasts." Well, guess what. My kids have the personality they have because that is just who they are. I believe they would still be extremely quiet even in the midst of a million other kids their age. Do you know their dad? Are my kids not a splitting image of him socially? Yes. They are. And their dad was public schooled. It didn't make him a social butterfly. *sigh* I just need to vent. >>>>>going to talk to my (heavenly) Daddy.

I'm still a loser.

I lost 3 pounds this week :) Despite the fact that I didn't count calories for one day (July 4th) or at supper one night. So, yay!

It's not about what you deserve.

The man who is last year's TOPS king lost about 60 pounds in 6 months, and has spent every single weigh-in for the past year right at 6.8 pounds below his goal weight. He doesn't yo-yo AT ALL. I asked him his secret and I have been following his advice for the past week.

His advice: Set your calorie limit and accurately count every single bite you put in your mouth. No guessing. Eat right at your calorie allotment every day. Weigh every morning at the same time, wearing the same clothes. You should see a little loss each day. If ever you see a gain, cut 100 calories... and do that each time you see a gain, no matter how small.

It worked for him. I have been faithful to obey his plan this past week and I'm enjoying seeing little losses each morning. So far, so good.

In my mind, I'm thinking this won't work. Because of monthly cycle issues-- retaining water, etc. Plus...what about drinking water? (I still am) and exercise?? That will mess it up I think.

Regardless, I'm just going to enjoy the downward fall as long as it will last :)

Last night, I had planned to have a protein drink before bed. However, I WANTED a protein drink, leftover spaghetti and a bologna sandwich! LOL If I wasn't being committed to the calorie thing, I would have said "Oh well! I deserve it!" and yes, I DO deserve it and YOU deserve it. We DESERVE sweets and sodas and carbs and junkfood because it tastes good and we are awesome people! Yes! I agree with you! We deserve it! But eating what I deserve is what got me to 331 pounds.

Sometimes you have to say "I deserve it, but I choose not to have it." I had my protein drink and went to bed.

I hope you all are doing great! Thanks for reading!

Flylady & Homeschooling. Doing it all. How????

During the school year, my house falls apart. I try to do the flylady thing but even with that, I don't have enough time to do it all. I admit that I don't make the kids do enough of their own stuff. Chores change at the beginning of each new school year and I believe I will be having them do more this coming year!

So, since school is out, I have been focusing on flylady stuff. My house looks awesome. I'm getting it all done. However,....this schedule is NOT going to work after school starts back. I get up at 8 a.m. (I am not a morning person!) I do my flylady stuff. I have set aside 7:30-8:50 as no computer/family time. And then at 8:50 my bedtime routine starts and I try to be in bed by 10 (doesn't usually happen... I am too addicted to facebook). Anyway, I only have about 2 hours max per day right now that is not part of a flylady routine. I need about 5 hours of that time during the school year.

So.............yeah. I think that means I'm going to have to get up earlier. Gag!

Anyway.... diet is going well! :)

I'm a loser.

I had a 2 pound loss at TOPS tonight and I plan to be a loser until I reach goal! Yay! The 118 day soda/ dessert/ fast food fast is going well!

Weigh in tonight!....

....I will post the results either tonight or tomorrow :)

3 things Thursday

1. I'm having car trouble and I can't go anywhere except for when hubby gets home with his car in the evenings. I'm not stressing that too bad. I like home. The only issue is that son will miss some of his volunteer time at the library.

2. I am enjoying decluttering my house :) (AGAIN...it clutters back up rather quickly)

3. I am already missing doing school with the kids. And yet, there is so much I want to accomplish with my "free time" before we actually begin again in mid-August.

Headache and getting things done

I've had a headache all day today.

I took meds AND an hour and a half nap. It's still here. Oh well! Keep moving forward!

I hope to embrace every minute of summer break. I'm redone my Flylady routines for summer and I'm trying to stick with them. I hope to get this house in tip top shape and be organized before school starts back :)

I have wanted to eat a lot today. But I haven't. I've tracked my food and I haven't gone over calories, so yay me :)

Thanks for reading!

Nothing is impossible!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPRQR-5E9gg

118

Two pics---the face pic is me working at Junior High Church Camp last week. I loved it! The other pic is something a friend took of me. I didn't realize I look that big. I look smaller in my mind. This will make a great comparison pic to look back at!

As of last night, I am 118 pounds above goal. I am beginning a "fast" of sorts that begins today and goes for ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN DAYS. (goodness) No soda, no fast food and no dessert. I will do it! I prayed about it for a while before I decided on it. The fast will improve my health but I am also fasting about 4 other things as well.

Anyway, I'm back :) I was silly to leave the support here at blogger.

I'm on my way back.

I'm on my way back. I should be back to blogging by Monday evening or Tuesday. I need to blog. It helps :) It's time.

one at a time

Quick post--I was down a pound at TOPS last night. We had a visitor who read about us in the newspaper. Today is the first day of our new family schedule (we homeschool, so a schedule is good, else we will be too slack)...and therefore my computer time is limited, thus the short post. Have a great day!

No news really, but replying to comments

I just approved some comments that deserve a reply :)

First of all, I keep getting congrats on losing 75 pounds. There is a POINT in front of that 75! LOL Last week I lost 3/4 of a pound or POINT 75 pounds LOL. That was last week. This week I stayed exactly the same. My TOTAL weight loss from my highest weigh is 33 & 1/4 pounds.

The other comment asked me what a mexican tv dinner is. (They weren't from America) Well, it is basically rice, refried beans and an enchilada that are cooked, frozen on a plastic tray and put in a box and sold at the grocery store. You take it home and mircowave it and there ya go. :) Full of preservatives and not very healthy, I'm sure.

I have ~*HOPE*~

My friend from my old chapter, who is a KOPS, taught last night's program. She taught about hope. Can you REALLY visualize yourself at your goal? Do you REALLY believe you can do it? You won't do it if you don't believe you can. It was a great program.

I lost .75 pounds. I am now 297.25 pounds.

I have some girlfriends who are doing something called a "Daniel fast". For 21 days, you eat nothing but fruits, veggies and nuts. I think that's too big of a leap for me, but I may do SOME of it. Anyway, we had a party of sorts with these ladies last night and I ate some things I had never tried: raw carrots, raw broccoli, potato soup, celery. I can't say I LOVED any of those things, but it was nice to realize that I CAN eat these things. Perhaps I would like them more if I ate them more, such as was the case with bananas.

I am out of my funk. YAY!

We dug out of the snow on Saturday and it was a wonderful weekend. ANOTHER snow storm hits tonight and the tv is saying we will be snowed in at least until Friday. So, schoolwork is being postponed while we spend the day paying bills, buying groceries and preparing for the storm. I bet town is swamped with people doing the same. Schoolwork will easily be made up this evening or during the next 2 days of being snowed in.

blah

Monday's TOPS meeting was cancelled due to snow. We are snowed in and have been for days. It is really getting on my nerves. We have to eat what we have on hand (blah) and although I am all for family togetherness, you can actually have too much of that stuff LOL.

The snow-in started Monday and aren't estimated to be able to get out and drive until Saturday and then would you believe it is supposed to storm again next Monday? ugh.

yeah.

I'm just in a funk.

Pneumonia

BOTH of my children have been diagnosed with pneumonia. It's been rather chaotic and off schedule at my house. I keep thinking I wish things would return to normal, but then again, what is normal? It seems like there is always SOMETHING going on.

Missed my TOPS meeting

Yesterday was TOPS but since we have been fighting the flu, we stayed in and I let our co-leader handle it. She's 18 and she was THRILLED to be in charge LOL

So....no official weight, but on my scales, by some miracle, I'm still showing the same as last week. That is surprising because I was sick all week and ate a lot of comfort food, didn't exercise and didn't journal.

I am better now! yay!

It's so hard to get back into the swing of things after you've let up. I thought I had formed solid habits (exercise, water, journaling ) I found out they weren't as solid as I thought!

Tomorrow I MUST MAKE MYSELF get back with those things, whether I FEEL like it or not.

sick

Oh my goodness I am so sick. (the flu?)

I think this is day 3. I am miserable.

I am trying to find people to help me with activities the kids have today (field trip, library, church youth group). Funny, when you need help, your friends suddenly disappear and pretend they don't see. *sigh*

Anyway, I am in survival mode for sure, as far as diet goes this week. I am just hoping to survive this week without a gain...to maintain what I have lost so far.

pray for me!

On a roll again (3 pound loss)

Well, I'm doing well again :)

Weigh-in at Monday's TOPS meeting was 298, so that is a 3 pound loss for this week.

We each drew a slip of paper with a challenge on it and we have to report how we did at the next meeting. I drew "increase fruits and veggies" so that is what I'm working on this week. I needed that one. I don't eat enough fruits and veggies. :)

Here we go!.......................

7 things & a blogger award

Seven random things about me:

1. I am 6 feet tall. My husband is 5'4" :)

2. I collected precious moments for years and then got tired of them. I don't want any more but I will keep the ones I have because most were bought for me by people I love on sentimental occasions.

3. I wear out shoes quickly.

4. I love staying in fancy hotels.

5. I love to make lists.

6. I quit public school at age 15. Walked out of class and walked home, never to return. I'd had ENOUGH of the bullies and the teachers who turned their heads. (The next year I went to a private school, from which I graduated)

7. In 1999, someone broke into our home. They stole my husband's video games and my underclothes (gasp!) and left my credit card untouched, sitting in plain view on the kitchen table.

By accepting this award, I have to:

* Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
* Share seven things about yourself.
* Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (or as many as you can).
* Contact these bloggers and tell them they’ve won!

And so, my 7 things are posted above. I received this award from Laryssa at Dillypoo chatter http://dillypoo-chatter.blogspot.com/ (sorry, I don't know how to do links very well!)

I'm passing this award on to:
Katie J http://katiejweightlossjourney.blogspot.com/
Debbie http://justquiteating.blogspot.com/
and Darla http://mywinningyear2011.blogspot.com/

_--------on another note, I will post either later today or tomorrow about how I did this week and our TOPS meeting. hint hint: it was good :)

Now I need to get off this computer and get busy!

Love Letter

So...yesterday hubby gave me a love letter. One of the things it said was:

"I think you are pretty"


You know me........I love that :)

On another note, I have peeked at the scale and I am pleased with what I am seeing :) Official weigh-in is Monday evening.

Have a great day!

Up again.

The past couple of days were very down and negative, although my last post was very truthful.

However, I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm giving up, because I'm not. There are 2 ladies (both KOPS, and one is a queen) who are emailing me and helping me to shake this off and to live to my potential.

Maybe it is the fish oil supplements, maybe it is God, maybe it is hormones, who knows....but for whatever reason, I'm feeling less negative today and I didn't want to leave my blog hanging on a negative note.

Cheers! *clinking our water bottles together*

(FYI: When I changed the name of my blog, it somehow stopped showing my new posts on people's blog roll...so...even if you are a follower...you may need to REfollow me.. I don't know...I'm not sure how to fix that)

I'm so mean to me

There is a blogger, you may know him, named Allan and a couple of weeks ago he was laughing about me on his blog. He enjoyed it. He's really going to enjoy this post. :/

I am so fed up with ME. ugh! What is my deal? I have great plans, great desires but I cut myself way too much slack and therefore I am not accomplishing ANYTHING.

How do you FORCE yourself to STICK to healthy choices? How do you MAKE yourself have willpower? I know it is a matter of willpower and I'm so mad at myself because I really seem to be lacking. :(

The past several few weeks I *have* been much more consistent with water consumption, exercise and not buying sweets for the house. I'll give myself that much. However, I am having times of just "oh well, I don't care" and then I don't journal and I eat whatever I want (binge on eggs? sounds crazy..but I did). I get in to these "whatever, I don't care" moods and do this to myself, but deep down, I DO care. I'm so mean to me.

I weighed 301. That's a one pound gain.

Go ahead, Allan. I know I'm not shining tonight.

My jean skirt travels. ;) (and I'm glad)

I have such an all or nothingness about me. It seems I either have a 100% successful day or a pretty much 100% floppy day. And weird, I know, but for me, it usually depends on how I START my day.

Hubby usually wakes me at 6 a.m. to pray with him before he goes to work. Then I have two choices: go back to bed or stay up. You wouldn't think that choice would determine my whole day but it sure seems to.

Probably 75% of the time, I go back to bed. I am a night owl. I get my 2nd wind around 9 p.m. and I just don't want to sleep! I can stay up until 2 a.m. or so most nights. So, of course, I don't want to stay up at 6! So, I usually go back to bed and wake up LATE. So late that I am ashamed and I'm not even going to tell you how late. Then I wake up after HOURS of sleep and I feel SO unenergetic. I think "I feel so tired--do I have cancer? Am I sick? Am I dying?" DRaaaaaaaaag.....like..a....snail. I also think "We are getting such a late start on the day, I really don't have time to exercise" and I jump into getting the kids fed and starting our schoolwork. Then the whole day is a whirlwind, I feel like I have been busy all day trying to get things done, and after everyone's in bed, I get on the computer for some ME time and........wouldn't you know it........stay up half the night. VICIOUS, TERRIBLE CYCLE.

But some mornings, I force myself to stay up (like this morning). I get dressed and do my Lesle Sansone dvd before the sun even rises. I eat breakfast and have some ME time before the kids are even awake (like, right now). I have a lot of housework done before the kids wake and the whole day just goes better. Then I'm usually so tired that night that I can go to bed at a decent hour and rest well. However, I never wake up feeling rested, so once again the next morning, it is a struggle to make myself NOT go back to bed. If I stay up, my energy increases.

Weird. but true.

One of the above pics is me after my workout this morning--the sun was just coming up. :) Concerning the other pic: Look how loose my skirt is! yay! When I exercise, it scoots itself around and I end up with the zipper not being in the front. Compare that with the older pic (full body, black top) --see how snug the skit was? That was October 21st. I was 310 then and as of this morning, my scale at home says 298, so that's 11 pounds. I haven't lost a lot of pounds but I obviously have lost some inches, so yay!

Dream big. {then DO it}

{hubby fixed the computer--yay! The pics in this post have been posted before, but they are just some of my favorites}

I'm hating the Christmas time yo yo that I did! I wasted so much time with that! I had gotten down to 297 point something. Then all the goodies of Christmas and I gained up to 302 point something. Last night I was back down to 300 even. I wanted to start this year in a lower weight division...but...it is what it is. You really can't give "bare minimum" requirements and expect maximum results.

Yesterday's TOPS program was great. It was "Dream big {then DO it}" We wrote down our goals for the year and sealed them and I will hand them back out in a year. I talked about how it is important to have a dream. Then I discussed that just a dream isn't enough. You have to DO it, no matter what is going on. Because life is stressful and hectic. It always will be. If you wait for the perfect timining, you aren't ever going to get it done. I talked about how I've had the queen dream ever since I joined 2 years ago and how I am only 27 pounds less than then. Yep. Dreaming isn't enough. You have to DO it.


I think I'm going to change the name of my blog to "Dream big {then DO it}" because I HAVE been dreaming big. I just need to DO it. I've been honest. And I will continue to be honest. It's not always easy to be honest....when you flop.

Hubby bought a new Leslie Sansone dvd and it is much more involved than the other one we have. *whew* I can't do it all...yet...but I did 31 minutes of it today.

I'm off to DO something now,

Amy,that TOPS lady, future queen

My computer died :(

My computer has DIED. It was like a cat--it had 9 lives. We have resurrected it several times over the years but when it caught this last virus a couple of days ago, we decided to let it rest in peace. So, with the exception of occasional library trips, I won't be online again until we recieve our tax return (mid or end of Feb). Surely by then I will quite the success to blog about! That's probably about 8 weeks.

In the meantime, I'm hoping Dawn texts, so I can still report to her and stay accountable.

So..............this blog is on *pause*.........but my healthy choices are not. :) See you in a few!

Today was great :)

We went to my grandmother's today and visited with a lot of extended family and ate beans and cornbread. No one can cook beans and cornbread like grandma can! And homemade coconut cream pie! (I only had half a piece but yum I could have eaten it all :) I love my grandparents so much. They are getting way up in years. My aunt and uncle moved in with them to help them. I know their time with us is coming to an end.....what a somber thought. Love your families.

clarification

There are two things I think people misunderstood in recent posts, that I want to clear up.

#1 I'm not going to go eat a whole tube of dough when I reach 290. One tube makes about 12 cookies. Divide that by my family of 4, and we are talking 3 cookies each. Three cookies, people. Three. Calm down. :)

#2 My "one sweet per day" plan is NOT an everyday thing! I am only talking about THIS week, aka the week of Christmas aka the week that no matter who comes to your house or whose house you go to, they are going to shove something sweet and yummy in your face and say "have some!". So, in that senerio, if I only allow myself ONE sweet per day, perhaps it will be easier for me to tell myself "I'm not going to eat that, because I've already had one sweet today, and that's my limit". Does that make better sense? This is just a "till Christmas passes" plan. :)

cookies = weight gain

Yep. Ate a lot of sweets this week. Had a gain of 2.25 pounds last night at weigh-in. With so much holiday stuff (parties,general sweets roaming the area)...6 of our 8 members had a gain.

But I have slapped myself silly and told myself to straighten up! I have a plan to survive all the goodies of this week: Allow myself ONE sweet per day.

Also, because cookies have been my weakness lately, I commit to NO cookies until I reach 290. Then I give myself permission to get a tube of my favorite cookie dough and eat cookies without guilt....just for that one day.

eyebrows and sugar challenges

Well, I *finally* went to have my eyebrows done...and I wasn't all that impressed.(top pic is before, bottom pic is after) I mean, they look fine, but really not much different than what I sometimes do in my own bathroom with little scissors. But at least now I know what it's like to have them done. I wish I could have my chin waxed instead.. now THAT is a problem area. ugh! I am allergic to nair and the wax at home stuff I got before didn't work on me. I must have determined hair. Why am I say this to the world? LOL Moving right along....

Last Monday we had a no gain meeting! With 7 members weighing in, we had a loss of 14 point something pounds. I weighed 297.25 for a weekly loss of 1.75 pounds.

I tried to have a "sugar free" day twice last week. Both times, I ended up freaking out and eating a lot more sugar than I normally would. One night I went and bought a cookie mix and ate about 700 calories of cookies!(and boy I felt sick afterwards) No sugar challenges for me for a while! I don't handle them well! LOL

(I want dentures) and (I feel like a sloth today)

(What am I thinking? Posting pics that point out the flaws in my teeth? Anyway...more on that later in the post)

Hubby has been sick for days. Yesterday afternoon I started feeling totally exhausted. I just wanted to go to bed. I went to bed early, slept well, didn't go to church this morning because I decided I was sick and now at 1:30 p.m. I still have the energy of a sloth. BUT I don't think I am "sick". I think I am having mental stuff making me tired. Perhaps I am jealous that hubby is sick. Perhaps it was the stress of the inlaws that came. I don't know. Weird. I'm trying to pick myself up and shake it off. Easier said than done. Blah! (suggestions anyone?) I must be, and AM, DETERMINED to not let this throw me off track with my weight loss. I don't have any time to spare.

I am planning to get my eyebrows done TOMORROW! yay!

I do not have dental insurance and I really want my teeth "prettied up". *sigh* I have a gap between my two front teeth. It doesn't bother me as much as the tooth that is missing on the side. I want dentures on the top. I am going to start a "denture savings jar" and hopefully before I am queen, I can get that taken care of. If not, at least I could get a partial to take care of the side.

The best day ever. (pretty much)

This morning I checked the mail and found a wonderful, happy thing :) It was my "I love TOPS" pin that Dawn, the TOPS Maryland Queen sent me for getting below 300 pounds!!! (She blogs here: http://bbubblyb.blogspot.com/ ) I LOVE, love, LOVE this! And it means even more because it is from her. It made me *giggle, giggle, happy giggle* like the above picture :D

She also sent me a journal that I look forward to filling out! The journal covers one year and as I looked through it, I got teary eyed thinking, "By the time I get to the final pages of this journal, I will be at my goal weight." I love this.

(I am distracted because as I am typing this, son is talking to me about star wars)

Anyway, yes, my inlaws *should* be here in about 45 minutes. I plan to take a shower and blow dry my hair soon. Maybe I will miss part of their visit. I know that sounds tacky, but I really don't jive very well with my step-mother-in-law.

After my shower, if they aren't here yet, I plan to go to the grocery store to get turkey and wheat bread for sandwiches, fiber one bars and more healthy stuff because I came in to $50 of unexpected funds today! I am going to spend it on healthy foods.

oh yeah.........it's a good day :)

THANK YOU DAWN!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AWESOME DAY AND THAT SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING FOR YOU THAT MAKES YOU FEEL AS HAPPY AS YOU HAVE MADE ME TODAY!

I hate you, sugar (by golly)

It's 8:36 and I am planning (in about 5 minutes) to curl up in bed and read my TOPS magazine and just chill out and go to sleep early.

I have been cleaning the house ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY because my in-laws were supposed to come visit us tonight.(They live about 3 hours away) Well, they didn't come. Or call. Finally, we called them and they said "yeah, we decided we'd just come sometime tomorrow instead". I'm sorry...but sometimes these people are really lacking in the common courtesy department.

So, I guess I have been stressing about that even though I keep telling myself that I really don't give a poot what they think about me or how clean my house is, or how goodwilly my furniture is or how educated my children are or.........or whatever.

Anyway...............I've been having visions of fudge :) LOL Seriously. I saw a store sign the other day that said "fudge" and ever since then, I have been like, yeah, fudge..........in that lusting kind of way. LOL

But there is very little junk in my house due to #1 I try to not keep junk in the house because I know how I am and #2 I'm broke. But today, I spent a dollar on a snack size cookie mix that made all of 12 itty bitty cookies...and I ate 4. The rest were quickly inhaled by my sugar starved family.

By tonight, my brain was once again chanting "fudge, fudge, fudge" and guess what I found back in the forgotten places of the fridge? I found a frosting container with TWO bites of chocolate frosting. No telling how old it was. Maybe I won't die. LOL

Anyway..............TOMORROW.........I will fork out the last little bit of money I have to buy some fiber one bars. Because they are that important. They keep me sane when I want sweets.

(Tuesday is payday.......I think I will stock up on these babies)

Ya know, as of last weigh-in, I am 109 pounds from goal. And I plan to reach goal by the end of 2011 so I can become the TOPS queen and attend IRD in California the summer of 2012. By golly. BY GOLLY! eerrr... I'M GOING TO DO THIS>>YOU HEAR ME??? (don't be offended by the yelling, I'm only yelling at MYSELF)

One year sounds like a long time. It's not.

I am going to have to tighten up even more. If I don't, I won't reach my goal and BY GOLLY (don't get started again, Amy).... Anyway, I'm going to. I AM DOING THIS.

Tomorrow's goals:
1. Buy fiber one bars and when I am craving JUNK, eat that instead.
2. Do twice as much exercise as I normally do, even if I have to do it in 2 sessions.
3. Consume 128 ounces of water. (I've never done this...but I CAN...and I'm going to prove it)

Thanks for reading :)

bling, bling

The above picture is the bling bling pin that is my reward for finally getting under 300. My friend, Dawn, who is the TOPS Queen in Maryland, is buying it for me. Isn't that sweet? aawww...thanks, Dawn! (Her blog is here: http://bbubblyb.blogspot.com/ )

I am still also looking into having my eyebrows done after payday.......if I get the nerve and if it doesn't cost too much. I haven't been to a beauty salon or anything in years and I don't even know where I would like to go. Feeling quite awkward, really.

Hubby is home sick today. :( It's the first sick day he's taken in probably about a year!

I'm making chicken stew for supper................YUM!

Have a great day!

...........drum roll please..............

I am finally under 300 on OFFICIAL TOPS scales! I was 299 at the meeting last night. I know I have been posting that my wii showed under 300 for a couple of weeks now...but this was the first time on official scales. so, yay me. :) Now I've lost a total of 32 pounds from my highest, or 28.25 pounds since joining TOPS.

And here it is, time to give myself an award and I have two problems.
#1 I am quite broke.
#2 I don't know what to get myself! (however, there is a cute blingy pin that says "I love TOPS" that is only $6 plus shipping, so I am considering that OR waiting until payday and going to have my eyebrows done--I've never done that-- but that's not something tangible that I could keep. What do you all suggest?)

My official weight loss this week was 1.75 pounds. My husband lost 2.5 pounds. All together, our group of 8 lost 20 pounds in week one!

Thanks for reading!

New TOPS chapter!

So last night was the open house for the new chapter. Our state coordinator was driving ALL THE WAY across the state to be there for me. I was worried that she would drive all that way and no one would show up and it would all be in vain. However, we had TWELVE people attend and we were granted chapter status!

Not everyone in attendance joined. I think some may join later, after their payday. Anyway, we are a chapter of 8! I just can't tell you how glad I am that it all went well.

There were 3-4 people from my church who were all stressing about me knowing how much they weigh. They kept acting like they each weighed so much more than each other. And of course I won't dare tell what they weighed but what was hillarious was those 3 or 4 people who thought they were absolutely the heaviest, weighed within 4 pounds of each other. LOL They were all about the same weight. It's crazy what our minds can tell us---and how we beat ourselves down.

You know last week I was thrilled because the wii showed that I weigh under 300? Well, I still don't have it on official TOPS scales. I weighed 300.5 pounds last night. But soon! Very soon, it will be officially under 300.

Have a great day all!

I'm under 300!!!!!!!!!

You should open this link and listen to this song while you read this post. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XY2yudW5n4 It's my favorite song of the day :)

Well....my highest weight ever was 331, right before I joined TOPS.

I was down to 327.25 when I joined.

Prior to that, I had spent most of my 9 years living in Alabama at 278.

I lost down to 250 one year for my anniversary.

I was about 220 when I married, at age 18, 14 years ago.

ANYWAY>>>>>>>>>>>>> I was exactly 300 when I went into LABOR with BOTH kids, so I've always felt like that was the weight that my body said "Whoa!" LOL

And this evening, I weighed 298 on the wii!!!! Now, just do that on OFFICIAL scales!

Speaking of, my TOPS state coordinator is planning to come down a week from Monday to help me have a Open House for our new chapter. And she has scales she will let us use, so we don't have to worry about that! yay! It is coming together!

The burnt tongue diet

Three days ago, I severly burnt my tongue on some hot cocoa. For 2 days, everything had the taste and feel of sandpaper, and I had no problem staying WAY under calorie range. However, all good things come to an end and I can now taste again.

There's nothing to report, really. I have been exercising and staying under calorie limit, so I expect the scales to keep going down as long as I DON'T QUIT!

Weigh in is Tuesday. Tuesdays just don't come around as quickly as I'd like. I love going to TOPS.

skinny me. (& weigh in for week 2)

LOL What a title. But that is how I felt yesterday. I was wearing my favorite skirt, new shoes & a new blouse. I blow dried my hair. I was feeling cute. I got several compliments - that was nice.

I am happy.

A certain someone has been giving me a lot of attention lately. Perhaps it is just in my head. It's not going to go anywhere anyway. I am happily married. However, it does make me feel ________. I'm not sure what word goes there. Like a teenager, perhaps? Young. I think it makes me feel young. Don't worry. It is NOT going anywhere.

I am happy.

And..................I lost 3 pounds this week! I was the best loser at TOPS.

I am happy.

I walked almost 3 miles yesterday and was way under my calorie limit.

I am happy.

Fun Day! & weigh in!

Whew! *pant, pant* I just did one and a forth miles on the Leslie Sansone walk at home dvd and I am FEELING ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about!

Prior to that,I was laying on the couch feeling like a slug. No, worse than that. Less energy than that. I was feeling like a slug that got ran over by a fat kid's bicycle. yep.

I was telling hubby all about our TOPS area wide fun day (known as a fall rally in some places) and how we would have another fun day in April and that I was going to win all kinds of awards then... because I was going to get my act together. He looked at me being lazy on the couch and said "Well, that's not the road to getting there".

So, I set the timer for 10 minutes and said "SELF, you have to exercise for 10 minutes". When the timer went off, I was feeling good so I reset it for 10 MORE minutes and completed the first section. Talk about an energy boost!

If I can ever MAKE myself start, it is worth it. My goal for the next week is to do at least 10 minutes of the walking dvd within 30 minutes of waking.

On to other things.............weigh in:

I was supposed to weigh in Thursday before supper to tell you how much I lost this week. I forgot & ate first so I postponed it to Friday. Can you believe I forgot again? SO...........why should I complicate my life further by trying to have a TOPS weigh in and a blog weigh in? I guess I will just use my TOPS weigh in.

And so, with my first week of restart, I......(drum roll please)....I LOST 1.75 POUNDS! YEAH BABY!!!! THAT's WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! I. am. on. my. way.! Next tops meeting is Tuesday. I can't wait! I believe I can make KOPS before the end of 2011! And then go to SRD in CALIFORNIA in 2012 as the Oklahoma Queen!

I'm pumped. Can you tell?

I think I will go walk some more now :)

sick

Ugh! I have really been struggling with sickness for the past month or so.

I feel sick, like I can't do one more thing and MUST lie down, then I go to bed and realize "ugh! I am SO sick" and I rest and "take a sick day" for 1-10 hours. Then I get a spurt of energy that lasts between a few hours to a few days and I think "was I even sick? i think I was just lazy!". Then......boom. I start feeling yucky again and think "Stop being lazy!", then it grows to the point that I realize I really AM sick and I am in bed again. VICIOUS CYCLE!

So, yesterday morning I was still in the energetic part. I felt really good. By afternoon, I was in bed with the covers over my head.

I ended the day with about 500 calories left.

I consumed about 50 ounces of water.

This morning, I am still not feeling the best. But I have to take the kids to science class, go to the pawn shop, pick the kids back up, and go to the library. blech!

Day 5 TOPS

Tuesday was TOPS. It has only been 5 days since my restart---I will weigh on the wii on Thursday evening and post my weekly loss for the purpose of this blog--- but I will say this......I lost! I love to lose. It's such a good feeling.

We are supposed to think of a new game/ challenge for TOPS. I am thinking of this one called "I bet". We all fill out a form that says I bet I can lose X number of pounds by the end of the year. For example, I plan to say "15". Everyone decides their own amount. Then, at the last meeting of the year, if I have lost my 15 pounds, then the chapter pays me $15 and if I have not, then I have to pay the chapter $15. Someone who only bets 5 pounds will pay or recieve $5. How does that sound? I plan to suggest it next week.

Saturday is our area fun day for TOPS. I will not recieve any awards. Because I hadn't been trying! Funny how that works. LOL. But next fun day, oh boy, I plan to really rack them up!

We do have some members in our chapter who are doing awesome. Our leader has lost for the past 16 or so weeks in a row. She lost 20 something pounds last quarter. My friend L is half way to goal now.

It was an inspiring meeting.

I ended my day with 112 calories to spare. I didn't exercise -- I really, really need to make that a priority today. I consumed aprox. 44 ounces of water.

Thanks for reading!

Future Oklahoma TOPS queen,
Amy

The poor people's diet plan.

Day 3 & 4, Sunday & Monday

Sunday is a day of rest for me. I probably won't blog on Sundays. We have church, lunch, nap, church, bed. I also didn't journal my food on Sunday but I'm okay with that. We didn't have any goodies in the house and I think I did fine.

Monday begins the "waiting for payday, eat whatever you can find in the house" diet. NOT FUN. Even though I indulged on a 500 calorie peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I still ended the day with 600 calories to spare because.......there wasn't even anything I WANTED to eat. yeah, blah. Dry raisin bran anyone? How about some elbow noodles with no sauce?

Late (11:00 p.m.) last night, my sister-in-law were talking on facebook and I told her I was going to pawn my sewing machine to get some grocery money. Well, she comes to my house in the middle of the night with sacks and sacks of groceries and also gave me a $20 bill. I could have cried. Ok, I did cry. But I didn't eat! Thankfully, she brought staples and not sweets. I was tired and just went to bed. I went to bed thankful.

Monday I also drank 50 oz of water and went for a 19 minute walk with my daughter.

busy, busy...need to run! Have a great day! THanks for reading!

Day 3 - Just go to bed.

I wish food didn't taste so yummy, ya know? But it is so awesome! I know I am going to learn to budget my calories better with time. I need to be able to eat something in the evenings.

Saturday, I consumed the last of my calories with supper. Well, I technically had like 20 calories left, but nothing to shake a stick at. And I CRAVED. I wanted to eat! However, I kept thinking, "Do you really want to post about going over?"...um..no. So, I just went to bed.

I dreamed that I went to the gas station and bough a huge bag of candied peanuts. The nutrition label said something like "230 calores per serving/ 280 servings per bag" LOL. I woke up and thought "awww man, I failed" but then it only took me a second to realize that I didn't REALLY go to the store for peanuts-- I just failed in my DREAM! LOL So, I woke up feeling hollow and happy that I didn't go over.

I consumed 50 oz of water.

Now................off to budget a little better.

Day two.............too much spaghetti but all ended okay.

I woke up very hungry Friday morning. And with a HORRID headache. I was to be in charge of a field trip for our homeschool group to the fire department -- and my van was stuck in the mud. Yeah, what a beginning! (sarcastic)

However, it all worked out ok. I ate the big breakfast, and then I wasn't hungry for the next SEVERAL hours. Partly because of the big breakfast and partly because of the following story that I heard just after breakfast:

My sister-in-law and mother-in-law went to eat at a buffet & had the cherry fluff. After one bite, they both said "yuck! This tastes like vomit!" The manager got some from the bar and confirmed that they had an issue. Come to find out, the cook had been angry because he wasn't granted the time off he wanted, and he VOMITED in the cherry fluff, stirred it up and put in on the bar. THAT STORY TURNED MY STOMACH FOR SEVERAL HOURS.

I borrowed my dad's car and had an awesome time at the field trip.

The day was really rather stressful and I just wanted to relax. We watched the Hannah Montana movie and I ate spaghetti and I ate spaghetti and I ate spaghetti. TOO MUCH SPAGHETTI. yeah, like 4 cups. That's too much spaghetti for anyone to consume in one night! Thankfully, I had the calories for it so I guess all is well that ends well.

I also drank quite a bit of diet Sierra mist and didn't get as much water in as the day before. However, I did still get in 32 ounces, which is better than zero!

I turned around twice and it was 10 p.m. and I hadn't gone for my walk. No way would my husband let my walk at that time of night, so I went to the garage and did a puney 15 minutes on the exercise bike while I talked on the phone with my mom.

All in all, it was just an OKAY day. It wasn't awesome. But it wasn't a flop either. Day 2 has been completed! :D I'm gonna make it. I am so looking forward to getting rid of this FAT. I'm going to feel so much better.

The end of day one & the numbers.

The black shirt is too tight and I don't wear it in public without something over it. Nevertheless, I thought it would effectively show how it really is. LOL. The green shirt I have over it in one of the pictures also doesn't fit (notice the bottom half isn't buttoned and gaps terrible) and sadly, I still wear this in public. I love the way the material feels and it doesn't wrinkle. So, I thought I could take a pic with it about once per month to see it start fitting.*smile*

My beginning weight is 310.4, according to the wii. My blog weigh in day/time with be Thursday evenings just before supper. Hubby takes his measurements once per month and when he does again in just a couple of days, I will ask him to take my measurements as well.

The kids had science class this morning (1.5 hours on Thursdays for the next few weeks). My first thought of how to spend my free time was "Go to Braums, get a hot cocoa and a cinnamon roll & sit in the parking lot of the Moose lodge, enjoying the quiet and cutting coupons". Thankfully, I quickly realized that was NOT a good choice. (duh).

Instead, I packed my water jug and a good book, parked at the Moose lodge and walked their parking lot. (Yes, I read and walk at the same time. LOL) I was met by several obstacles. First, the trash truck came (exactly when I was almost to the dumpster, so it was awkward). I imagine the trash guys laughing at "that severly obese lady walking and reading a book at the same time", nevertheless, I walked on. Then, a biker dude pulled up and wanted to know what I was doing there. I was like "um....just walking the parking lot. Is that ok?" (I mean, really, here's a 300+ pound pentecostal lady, hair in bun, long skirt, blouse that is too small in the stomach, wearing her worn out walking shoes and reading a Joyce Meyer book, walking in circles around and around in the parking lot. Did I REALLY look like a threat? LOL) Anyway, I guess I cleared inspection.

After I walked, I ran a few errands and went to the grocery store for some granola bars and bran flakes. :)

By the time we all finally got home (noonish) I was EXHAUSTED. Being tired is one of my triggers, I know that much. So, I decided that instead of eating right then, and being tempted to overeat, I would lie down for a bit. I took about a 15 minute nap and THEN ate lunch.

I ended the day 3 calories below the limit. I drank 80 ounces of water and walked just over a mile.

Day one was successful!

Day ONE.

.............forgetting those things that are past, and pressing forward to those things that are to come...................



DAY ONE

Hello. My name is Amy. I have decided to live a healthy life. Won't you join me?

Beginning pictures, weight and measurements are expected to be posted this evening.

Thanks for coming along with me. Have a healthy day!

~Amy aka that TOPS lady

Thursday

My new starting over date is 10-21-10, this Thursday. :)

one less thing to worry about

Hubby woke me this morning before work and told me to draw $150 out of overdraft. yay! I mean, it's not GOOD, because we will have to pay it back on Tuesday (his payday) but it means we will eat and have gas, and that IS good!

So, one less thing to worry about!

To answer the question left in my comment about "Why wait to start afresh?", the answer is "I don't know. I just don't have it wrapped around my head yet and I am getting that date wrapped around my head." I know, it doesn't make much sense. Oh well. :) Better then than never! :)

Earthquake

At 9:06 this morning, there was an earthquake here in Oklahoma... 5 point something, I think. No major damage, but enough to be felt, even 2 hours from the epicenter.

My first thought was of the scripture that says there will be earthquakes in different places, in the last days.... Weird, but I found myself smiling and thinking "What if Jesus returns today and here I have been worrying about getting gas money to take the kids to their homeschool events and if Jesus is coming today, it wouldn't have even mattered!" Weird thought, I know.......but as weird as it sounds, it did straighten up my perspective. Gas money is NOT the most important thing in the world.

As a side note, I have Wednesday, October 20th rolling around in my head as a new start AGAIN date, as far as nutrition goes.

3 songs

Yeah, so I don't really know where I am right now on this journey. But these next three songs are my heart's song right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEO12GqfKPM (Rescue by Desperation Band)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJHOM4HuUJE ( I Miss You by Miley Cyrus... because I miss the me that had it all together and was doing so good on the journey to health at one time)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmKsCMgROCQ (The Climb by Miley Cyrus... because that's what this is...a climb....and I've just been sitting here on the side of the mountain saying "I can't do it".)

2 months

I haven't blogged in 2 months. Do you know what that means? I haven't been trying.

Where did my motivation go?

This morning, hubby said "Are you still writing down what you eat?" and I about bit his head off.

I can do it. Consistency is my problem.

***********************sigh**********************

frustrated and full of water

After a week of staying within calorie range, I went to TOPS,expecting at least a pound loss and had a FOUR POUND GAIN. Surely it is water. I did NOT deserve that gain. I ran out of my blood pressure meds...perhaps that has something to do with it (I get a refill today). *sigh* frustrated!

The one thing I was not.

I was a lot of things today: busy, rushed, frustrated, happy, nervous, sweaty, thirsty, just to name a few.

But the one thing I was NOT is lazy! Oh my goodness, what a day! Busy, busy, run, run. I won't bore you with details...but it was hectic! Glad I got through it. And yes, I did have the Bible study and it all went well and I am feeling a LOT better...just a little snotty nosed now.

Katie, good suggestion about the iron level, but I have been tested and I'm not anemic. I was just tired from being sick. Yeah, I had my blood drawn once (well, about a year ago) and they said the only things off in my blood were that I had too much (I know, crazy....they told me I should donate more often) and that my protein levels were too low.

Shelley, I'm sorry someone was ugly to you. :( Shame on them. I hope you are having a better day.

I am exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhausted! (but I'm still going to check facebook messages, because I am addicted, yeah)

I KNOW I need to start posting pics on here again. That's on my list under the heading of "soon"!

Oh................by the way!................*smiley face*...........I lost 3 pounds this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I weighed 304.75 yay me!

coasting and ignoring

I lost a measley fourth of a pound this week. I weighed 307.75. I feel like I am coasting. I need to stop coasting and put forth more effort.

Saturday is TOPS fun day, about an hour away. I am looking forward to it.

My throat is sore :(

I am in the midst of a HUGE bake sale fund raiser for school. I need to tape my mouth shut while I cook. yikes!

It's 1:20 p.m.... good morning!

I'm kind of quirky, I guess.

I just started my day off on the wrong foot. Just..yuck! And so at 12:40, I had accomplished pretty much nothing and felt like poo.

So, I napped. Kind of.

Lay in bed with my eyes closed and drifted in and out of conscienciousness (sp?) and spent about 20 minutes in that place that is between awake and asleep.

As I lay, I pray in my head. kind of.

Like I said, weird day.

I thought positive thoughts and told myself that I was going to restart my day when I woke.

Then the phone rang.

I answered the phone and then started my day as if it were 8 a.m. Brushed my teeth and brushed my hair and started on my flylady list.

So, now I am here for my "morning computer time". And feeling much better :)

I hope you are having a great day and if you aren't, I give you permission to lie down for a bit and start over. ;)

Anonomous comment from 2 days ago

Dear Anonymous,
I know. I *think* I AM being serious and then I fall on my face. At least I continue to get back up. I realize I am yo-yoing and I am not proud of it.
sincerely,
that TOPS lady

well, that was dumb

Went to the store and bought ice cream and brownie mix. Threw my self control out the window and fixed myself a 900+ calorie peanut butter and fudge sundae.

I am now very hungry for green beans. LOL I will have some with supper.

That gave me a very short lived sugar high and now I am in a sugar low, I'm guessing, by the way I feel.

Anyway..............just being honest.

However, I am still not over calorie limit, so the day is not lost.

sugar and water (but not together)

My 40 days of "nothing with sugar as the first ingredient" fast is over as of today! yay!

Guess what I found out? Lots of sugar loaded stuff DOESN'T have sugar as a first ingredient. Such as ice cream. yes, I was able to eat ice cream. And I blame the 3 pounds I gained during the fast partially on ice cream. (that, and we ate a lot of fast food while working the fireworks stand)

I can only think of 4 things that were forbidden (sugar listed as first ingredient) that I've wanted in the past 40 days:

1. candy bars (couldn't find a single one without sugar listed first)
2. little debbies (sugar sugar sugar)
3. brownies (no wonder they taste so good)
4. cookies (yep..I stood in the aisle at the store and checked about 20 packages. sugar is first)

so.............tonight.........before I go to bed........I plan to have one of the above things. *big smile*

but I only need to buy ONE. I know how I am.

Now.......on to the water aspect of this post.

I have quit drinking it. Not good.

The less you drink it, the less you want it.

Sean has started a 3 week challenge beginning Monday. Drink 64 ounces per day. I think it is the push I need.

Ok.................still not much in the blogging mood.......need to get around and go to the library.......but it's raining, so I'm not very motivated. Plus I will have to put air in my tire.

ta ta for now :)

Not in the mood.

I know I haven't been here.

I *have* been super busy (we ran a fireworks stand for our church) but I have also been bored with blogging.

Have you ever been there? The new just wore off?

So....I'll blog a bit here and there when it hits me.

In the meantime, I'm staying busy trying to enjoy my summer which is quickly flying by!

Have a great summer!

Hey, Sugar ;) (Look! I'm still alive!)

Did you think I had died? We have NOT had the lazy days of summer around here. Busy busy busy. VBS, camp, and now selling fireworks for the church. Always something! But I am alive and kicking!

Our co-leader at TOPS passed away rather unexpectly 2-3 weeks after finding out that she had cancer.

I am still yo-yoing the same 5 pounds or so. 303-308. I was 308 yesterday. I was 308 in July 2009. So I pretty much wasted a year. I feel like I have tried hard. But I have done nothing. And as I write this,I am wanting something good to eat :)

I have done good on my fast of "anything that has sugar as the first ingredient". I have found that a lot of things do not have sugar as the first ingredient but still can be full of sugar. But there have been a few things I had to walk away from because sugar was the first ingredient. Brownies. Frosting.

Yesterday's TOPS program was about how much sugar we eat. We took the average person's food journal and then put actual table sugar in a jar to represent how much sugar they consumed. It was 2 cups! So I think I will do that this week----put the sugar in the jar at the end of the day so I can SEE how much addictive,unhealthy sugar I am putting in my body.

Well, there you have it. I hope to update more regularly. :) Thanks for missing me!

Running

Well, not *literally* running, but staying OH so busy! yikes!

Yesterday I got my ss room done (yay!), which took hours and hours. I also signed the kids up for the summer reading program at the library, took them to storytime and got tables from the church to use for the yard sale.

Today I will take the kids to another library activity, swing by my sister's to get her yard sale stuff, prepare ALL of my yard sale stuff (I haven't even started) and the newspaper says I will be having a bake sale and selling nachos from 5-8 tonight so I will do that (and yes, I still have to bake the stuff). So...plenty to do around here!

Sorry I haven't been able to read many blogs during this busyness. Things should slow down on Monday.

On the bright side, I apparently have been too busy to overeat. The above pic shows me weighing under 301 on the wii last night. (The other pics are my ss room). In February, I got down to 300.75 for just a few days...other than that, this is the lowest I have been in three and a half years! I should say, I hadn't eaten in hours when the pic was taken, so it may not be accurate, but it thrilled me nevertheless.

Have a great day!

busy, busy,busy but good.

This sign in the grocery store made me laugh. They left out the decimal, making the original price of the cantaloupe 2 for five *hundred* dollars instead of 2 for five dollars. Since they are marked down to 99 cents now, that's a savings of $249.01!!! Quite a bargain! *wink, wink!* (Also, it is supposed to read "DUE to the quality" not "DO to the quality". I mean, we all have our days (me included!) when we do silly things like that...but the sad part about it is that apparently NO ONE who works at the store realized the error. Or maybe they did and they just felt bad about correcting the person who made it. Who knows. Whatever. Made me laugh. :)

Sorry I haven't posted lately. Things are busy! This weekend I am having a yard sale, bake sale,and selling nachos. It is time to completely remodel my Sunday school room and it has to be done by Sunday morning. Also, my son leaves Monday for camp so there's prep for that. aaacccckkkk! busy! :) But I am handling it well.

Yesterday we went to town and bought ALL of the things son will need for camp and all the groceries we will need for the next two weeks. I didn't get home until after 11 p.m.! But that is DONE and I can mark that off my list.

I also went to my TOPS meeting and had my third week of losses in a row :) I lost 1.75 pounds, weighing in at 305.5, so I was pleased with that. God has really blessed me. I really haven't been having trouble with the no sweets thing. It is just settled in my mind. I KNOW I'm not going to have them, so it's not even something to contemplate. For me, it's totally different when I make a vow to God and when I make one to myself. I break promises to myself often. But not to God! If I speak it in a vow to Him, then that's just the way it's going to be. Anyway............this long paragraph is just to say that I'm doing well with that. And my calories have been several hundred under the limit. yay!

My dear sister took me out for a diet cherry coke last night and I enjoyed that.

I've gotta get busy again! Thanks for reading!