Weebles wobble, but...

"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down"--that was me today. In many ways, today was great (that's the part where I don't fall down LOL). I went for a walk with baby as soon as a hopped out of bed. I stayed in calorie range. I drank a ton of water.

But I also wobbled today,since my meals weren't preplanned--you know I have issues with that! I ate too many things that were JUNKY and unhealthy. I know I stayed in calorie range, and I rejoice over that because that IS the main thing right now. However, I want to do more than just lose weight--I want to BE HEALTHY. I want to eat real, living food with vitamins and nutrients--stuff that grew out of the earth---stuff that isn't man made and stuff that isn't going to give me cancer.

I do better about eating healthy when my meals are pre-planned and I'm going to pat myself on the back because just before I started typing this, I preplanned tomorrow's food. woot! It should be a good day!

I came to a crazy conclusion today-----------I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING. Well, duh. But that fact became more real to me today. An opportunity was presented for a fundraiser for our TOPS group. It sounded great. It was my idea. However, I would have to sit in the heat and sell tickets all day on a Saturday, probably without help. I'd have to arrange for a babysitter or bring him with me (doesn't THAT sound fun?). And then it dawned on me---------I've been running around super busy and overwhelmed and then I think I can add something else to my schedule? ha. That's hilarious. No. Maybe another time. I realized I cause some of my own busyness myself. Who knew? I'd been feeling like a victim and yet I'm the one causing the chaos sometimes.

I have a 5K coming up in less than a month and I'm nervous because I haven't walked 3 miles in almost a year! I've walked a mile..but not three. And last year I could even jog some of it. I really, really, really need alone time to go for longer walks and hopefully even be able to get that jog back. I'd love for that to happen before the 5K. Well, alone time isn't just going to fall out of the sky and hit me on the head, so I'm pursing it now. I posted on facebook and asked if I had any friends who would want to watch my kids on a regular basis for free LOL So, tomorrow my sister is going to watch baby for an hour so I can go to the gym.

OH. THE GYM. I would be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated. It has been a long time since I have been to the gym. I'm heavier than I was before and I'm having to argue with my mind over self image. At my lowest, I had gotten to 250. This morning I was
283. When I was losing weight before (I started at 331) and I got down to 283, I felt like a skinny little thing. (The mind is so weird.) But now that I'm 283 for the second time, I feel morbidly obese. (I'm not going to look up the height/weight stats to see if I AM under that category. That won't help anything!) I don't even know what to wear. One outfit is plenty big but has a hole by the back pocket and looks old. Another outfit is snug and makes me look even bigger (I think). I will probably wear the snug one anyway, plug in the headphones and rock that walk with my head held high.

Ah..........and wisdom is telling me to throw clothes in the washer that I will wear tomorrow.......then hit the sack. It is 10:34 p.m. Goodnight!

sleep vs. important stuff

I've been feeling dizzy and like I could pass out easily for the past few days. You know what I think it is? Exhaustion. Specifically, not enough quality sleep. It has been over two months now since I have slept through the night. Any new mom can relate to that. I think it is hitting me harder at 36 than it did at 21. Also, at age 21, I didn't have a lot going on during the day and I slept when he slept.

Not this go around---I'm as busy as ever. It's hard to nap when your 15-year-old needs to be picked up from work, your mom needs a ride to the store, your daughter wants to go to the library, your husband is working at someone's house and needs you to bring him a tool from the garage, etc. (All of these things happened today, by the way, plus many more). I'm trying to say NO to things that aren't necessary or aren't my obligation, so I can focus on my own self care, but the reality is, many things CAN'T be marked off the list and I've just got to make it work.

The conclusion: time management is hard.

One day recently, I stayed up late after baby fell asleep, making preparations for the next day-- setting out clothes for all family members (so I don't have to help hunt for a sock the next morning during a mad rush), preplanned my meals with calorie counts, packed anything I needed to take with me, checked my calendar, etc. It made for a smooth morning the next morning and that was GREAT! I'm a fan of stressfree mornings! HOWEVER..........my preparation time cut into my sleep time and I was almost too tired to function the next day.

And so I said, "Amy! You need to start going to sleep by 9:30!!! You can't do ANYTHING well if you are too tired!" ('tis very true). And so the next night came and the clock moved 100 miles per hour and even though I tried very hard to manage everything well, 9:30 came and I didn't have any preparations made for the next day. I went to bed by 9:30 though and I got my blessed sleep! I slept from 9:30-6:30ish, with about 3 episodes of getting up for the baby. (It beat the night I went to bed at 1 a.m.!) I rested well.

That was last night. So, this morning, I was better rested and UNPREPARED FOR MY DAY. I had to fly out the door by a certain time to be at an appointment and hubby called needing me to bring him that tool on the way and we had issues finding clothes (I admit, I told daughter to dig yesterday's skirt out of the dirty clothes), my meals were not preplanned and I flew by the seat of my pants, yada yada yada.

Not having my meals preplanned is a biggie with me. I did still stay in calorie range but my choices were not all that great a couple of times----like the time mom bought me a McDouble---and the time dad gave me a twix. I ate both of those. Those items are such empty, junky calories and I would never have eaten them if I had preplanned and had packed a better choice. It's hard to say no when you are hungry and someone offers you free "food". On the bright side, I did stay in calorie range and I did grab apples and grapes for daughter and I to eat for breakfast as we were going down the road. Also, even though my morning walk didn't happen, I did an evening walk, so........same difference, I guess (although I somehow feel better doing the morning one).

Goodness......you must be faithful if you are still reading this long thing! Thank you!

So here it is 10:15 and I'm about to go to bed AND I'm not pre-planned for tomorrow! Yikes! Thankfully I SHOULD get to stay home tomorrow, except possibly a trip to the grocery store since we are just about out of grub.

What's my plan to make this whole "sleep vs. preplanning, aka there-aren't-enough-hours-in-the-day-and-the-baby-just-woke-up" thing work?

I don't know.

But I just have to keep trying and believing God will send me the answer.

Maybe He will send it in my sleep.

Goodnight!

Seriously. Consistency. Simplicity.

This past weekend I attended Oklahoma TOPS State Recognition Days in Oklahoma City, where they award the best losers from last year and crown a new king and queen. I loved it, as usual. SRD had a pirate theme, and this is my "angry pirate" look. LOL I left srd WANTING TO BE A WINNER. "Next year, I am going to be on that stage as a divisional winner"---I say that pretty much every year and although I've had a lot of success in the past (I'd say 81 pounds is a success!), I've never been a winner. I've never pushed myself hard enough. I've given myself permission to slack off too much. And that makes me angry. I'm angry at ME.

So, tonight I had hubby take my measurements. I want to watch them go down. I'm feeling the "fight". I'm feeling like a bulldog. I'm feeling like an angry pirate. I'm feeling................................DETERMINATION. I'm sick of saying "I will be a winner" and then showing up the next year just to be jealous of the winners.

Consistency is the key. Healthy habits, CONSISTENT healthy habits, are what does it. I know this. I had that season of consistency before dad got sick and before I got pregnant and because of that consistency, I reaped that big 81 pound loss.

I want it back.

I have to ask myself------am I being SERIOUS enough about my health? I have a LOT of things going on. (new baby, terminal dad, TOPS leader, homeschooling, church obligations, etc) But am ****I**** not just as important as these things?

Yes, I am. And I need to start acting like it again.

I know how to be successful.

It has to be simple. If it is too complicated, I won't do it.
Our family has attempted to have family Bible study many times over the years. In our mind, we think we should read a passage, discuss it, do some memorization and have a time of prayer. MOST TIMES we are rushed and the above seems overwhelming so we skip it. However, this month, we started doing something SIMPLE: We read ONE chapter in the book of Proverbs each night with the kids. That's it. It takes 5 minutes, max. It is do-able and so, it gets done.

The same with weight loss. I need to make sure I don't over think things.

Plan my meals ahead of time, putting them in calorie limits. Eat what I planned.

Drink my water.

Exercise.

I've been struggling with the exercise thing because I've been over thinking it and thus, skipping it too much. My new SIMPLE plan is this: In the mornings when the baby wakes up and everyone else is sleeping, put baby in the stroller and go for a walk. If it is raining, do a Leslie Sansone exercise dvd. That sounds pretty simple.

Seriously, Amy, keep it simple and be consistent and you will see great things happen!

On your mark, get set, go!