Lies!

(Trust me, this is about food. Don't let the first paragraph scare you off.)

There is a story in the old testament about a man who was crazy in love with this girl he couldn't have. I think she was his step-sister or something. Verse after verse tells about how much he craved her and how lovesick he was. Until one day, he decided he WAS going to have her. He had built the experience up in his mind until he could stand it no longer. He took her, the woman he loved, and raped her...and it wasn't like he thought it would be....and after that, he hated her.

I have a similar experience with Jello No Bake Peanut Butter Dessert (and many, many others over the years, but the Jello No Bake is today's story.) I had eaten it before (I will call it JNBPBD for short LOL), like a couple of years ago and it was good. Then my mixer broke. You MUST use a mixer in the assembling of the JNBPBD. So, for a couple of years, I built it up in my mind and thought about how WONDERFUL the JNBPBD was!!! I was lusting after it!

When dad asked what I'd like for Christmas, I said I wanted a new mixer. Now, I had survived TWO YEARS without a mixer. I can't think of anything I need a mixer for besides JNBPBD.

Dad bought the mixer, I made the dessert. I ate some. I was disappointed. It wasn't like I had "remembered" it. "Remembered" aka built up some fantasy in my mind.

Maybe it was just a faulty piece. So, I tried another. Nope. Maybe one from the middle was just right. No.

I ended up eating the whole thing (over the course of two days, but still!!!) with the exception of maybe 3 servings, which my husband and daughter ate.

I felt like the man who raped his step-sister. I felt cheated. I was ashamed of what I had done. I had been lied to and the person who lied to me, was me.

Can you relate? Is it not true? Our brains make up crazy "memories" of foods from our past that were AMAZINGLY AWESOME, and yet, we can't recreate that experience.

I'm thinking the reason we can't recreate it is because it wasn't there to begin with. We are just letting ourselves lie to ourselves.

`thinking aloud

It's time.

When it is time, you will know it. I wrote this on a friend's facebook page recently and it is so true.

Today I want to blog about all the ways God has sent me love hugs, little nudges of encouragement that IT IS TIME to get back to the healthy lifestyle I once lived. I feel such confirmation through all these things. God really does care about my journey...because it is important to me...and He care about me.

All of the following happened within the span of a week:

*I won an essay contest about my weight loss journey. What I won was a book written by Bryan Ganey, who lost almost 400 pounds without surgery! I can't wait to read it!

*I had my moment of fame, with my story being on his blog. (http://ganeybypass.blogspot.com/2013/12/winners-of-enough-is-enough-book.html)

*A friend messaged me randomly, out of the blue, and asked me to give her nutritional advice. It made me feel honored to still be considered a "health guru".

*TOPS needed a volunteer promotional lady in our area and I was first one who came to their mind. Nevermind the fact that I'm hugely pregnant. I was honored.

*I keep running into my health mentor at town, which is weird, because we go for months without running in to each other.

So...yeah...these seem like small things, but when they keep happening bam, bam, back to back, it's like "wow...something's going on here"


And I'm happy to be back on track. There's a great feeling down in your gut when you KNOW you are eating/living right...and I've got that feeling in my gut right now. LOVE IT.

friends, tools, and blogs

Sometimes, some people (so I've heard, *clears throat*) sit on a couch at 11 p.m. eating a bowl of spaghetti and almost like they are drunk with the food consumption, look at their spaghetti and think, "Spaghetti, you are my friend." Oh, when we feel affection for our food, that is never a good sign. Food is like one of those backstabbing friends you had in junior high. No, food is not your friend. Food is a tool. A tool to help you live and have energy and strength. If your food isn't promoting life, energy and strength in you, you might need to take another look at yourself. I KNOW. I have a bowl of spaghetti 18 inches from me as I type.

Sometimes, some people have a healthy friend who can hold them accountable and encourage them and teach them as they learn to make a healthier lifestyle for themselves. I am blessed with one such friend. She was the major tool that God used to teach me about nutrition, to help me to believe in myself, and to be my accountability partner a few years ago. SHE could see the healthy me before it was evident. She saw what I could be. When I was over 300 pounds, she encouraged me to run a 5K. ha! But she put the thought of "I can do this" in my head.

I learned a lot from her and I changed my life and lost those 81 pounds that I was so proud of. We are all busy people and she is no different, so I quit texting her nightly and I still succeeded. It was like taking the training wheels off. I could ride! I haven't relied on her support in a long time.

However, this whole baby thing threw me off! (as you well know from reading this blog). So, today I contacted my old friend and we are going back to the nightly texting-- I will give account of my calories, water, and exercise every night. I hate to bother her. But I'd rather put the training wheels back on than to sit on the porch and pout.

I'm also thankful for the health friends in the blogger world and on facebook. THAT also is a great tool! My weight loss facebook page is here: https://www.facebook.com/duncantops.takeoffpoundssensibly (feel free to send a request). As far as the weight loss blogging community, I used to follow a lot of people. I was saddened to find that some of those blogs haven't had a post in months (we all know what that usually means--weight gain). I do still read a few who are successfully blogging and successfully losing, but not many :( So, I've been on the lookout for some new blogs to read. I found this lady: http://weight4baby.com/ and I'm anticipating following a successful journey with her.

How about you? What are some of your favorite blogs?

wobbly success/keep getting better

Sometimes, when someone has a stroke or something, they have to relearn some things. That's how I feel with my weight loss journey right now. I KNOW what to do. I've done the healthy thing before. I KNOW!!!

But something happened.

And now, I'm wobbling. I'm taking baby steps...and wobbly ones at that. Because I'm NOT where I once was. I CAN'T just jump in where I left off.

I'm wobbling and relearning.

Today's food and exercise intake for today would have looked like a FAILURE in my eyes a year ago. But today, I look at it in its imperfection and CELEBRATE because it is better than yesterday.

TODAY I wrote out my meal plan and calories for the entire day. When hubby came in with a box of little debbie Christmas cakes, I did immediately eat one. But then I readjusted my calories for the day. I exercised today. A small amount, but I did it, which beats not doing it. Then, right here at 8 p.m., I ate a spoonful of peanut butter, with syrup, white toast and a cup of milk. This was NOT on the plan. But I owned it. It could have been a lot worse.

wobble, wobble

All I have to do is work at it every day.... wobble, wobble...keep moving forward...keep improving.

And one day I will realize I am back to where I was....then I will have passed it!

I refuse to go to bed feeling like a failure. TODAY WAS SUCCESSFUL, Amy, believe that.

motivationally constipated

Yeah. I'm motivated. But I'm not moving toward my goals at nearly the speed I would like today. I thought perhaps a few moments of blogging could be the cure.

Do you do this? Do you know what you need to do? And yet, you sit there, feeling overwhelmed and instead DO NOTHING? I have SO MUCH I need to do. There's not really spare time for wasting.

I have dealt a bit with anxiety this morning---realizing that we are at the end of husband's unemployment checks. SOMETHING is going to have to change, probably within the next 2 weeks. And when you are uncertain how that change will play out, it can make you antsy. Finances have really given me fits lately.

My OB doctor wrote a "prescription" for TOPS, with my highest acceptable pregnancy weight. As of yesterday, I was about a pound and a half below that! And I still have 18 weeks til full term. So...yeah. (I have gained 21 pounds in 22 weeks) Pie! errrr.

Ok........enough venting.

Now....how to get this motivational thing unstuck! Here's the plan:
1. Set the timer for 10 minutes and read facebook and weight loss blogs.
2. Brush and braid daughter's hair.
3. Set out (find) clothes for everyone to wear (yep...1 p.m. and the kids are still in jammies)
4. Gather the movies that were due yesterday.
5. Gather the past due library stuff.
6. Exercise dvd (Leslie Sansone)
7. Feed the kids.
8. Do school work until til for daughter's occupational therapy.
9. Take dd to therapy.
10. housework
11. supper then clean kitchen
12 Go to bed early and get some rest!

Thanks for reading my thinking-aloud!