Out with a-- *small fizzle*

There's a fine line between what you should put out there publicly on the internet and what you should keep to yourself. I've been sitting here trying to decide whether to spill the beans and tell you all what has been going on in our lives this week or if doing so might come back to bite me in the rear in other areas of my life.

I think I will just be vague and just give the "what is going on" and not the "how that happened".

What is going on>>>> through no fault of our own, we are beyond broke. Extremely. To the point of I don't even know what I will feed my family today. I hate this. Despise it. I want to prosper and I like to project the image that we are doing fine. We are not.

The events of this week that I haven't mentioned included lots of paperwork, busyiness AND business, and losing a few THOUSAND dollars. I have less than a dollar in cash and our bank account is in the negative. We have borrowed from everywhere there is to borrow from and have pawned stuff, just in an effort to keep our utilities on and put gas in the car.

In the midst of all of this, I still did school with the kids (we homeschool) with a crying baby on my hip, and drove my mom to run her errands (she is recently widowed and does not drive). I have come up with SOMETHING to feed the family each day but it has been a scramble.

I did not know all of this was going to happen or I would not have even declared my out with a bang challenge. It is a terrible time to put pressure on myself. I have to eat whatever I can come up with. Every night I sit in my chair with my notebook to pre-plan but I hit a brick wall because I just don't know what I can come up with.

I don't have money to buy bottled water and for years we have received notices that our town's tap water is not up to code.

So..........................I'm backing out.........which does make me feel like I failed.......but I wanted to include the above so it wouldn't look like I was just an undetermined weekling. ALL of the above was NOT our fault.

Brighter days will come. My sister is buying us some groceries tomorrow, then we get foodstamps on the 5th (I hope my transparency doesn't get me a lot of hate comments----people can be so harsh on people for drawing foodstamps). And spring is just around the corner----which is when my husband's business prospers (small engine repair).

And so....................there it is. Swallowed my pride.

Last night at after 10 p.m., my sister charged a Pizza Hut pizza for my family, her family, and my mom. As I sat in the parking lot waiting for it to cook, I noticed the blue, four door truck parked next to me. It was pretty new. The young couple that came out and got in were wearing nice, newish, trendy clothing and had obviously had money to go out to eat. Town is full of people who prosper. I can't help but wonder WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG? What do those people do that we don't? Where are we messing up? What are we supposed to do in order to prosper? I'm really seeking the Lord for answers because I'm tired of being the tail and not the head. This applies to finances but it also applies to health/weight. I'm tired of being the poor fat lady. I want to be the wealthy, healthy lady. How?????????????????????? Tired tired tired of this junk. Looking for and praying for answers.

Thank you so much to FogDog and Jessica for the nice comments on yesterday's post.

Out with a bang- Thursday

My Thursday report--

I didn't begin the day with a plan, and that's not how I like it. I think I still ended up in calorie range-- but at supper time, the baby was fussing to get out of the high chair before I started fixing my plate *sigh*. See, if I had it planned out, I would know exactly what to put on my plate and stay in range in at this point. However, things were hectic and I just ate. I don't think I OVER ate, but I don't know my exact calorie count. I also drank a lot of water, but I failed to keep track of it because I was drinking out of individual glasses instead of bottles, yada yada. errrr. I did take 30 minutes to exercise as soon as the baby went to sleep and then I pre-planned meals for the next day.

Out with a bang- Wednesday

To be honest, Wednesday was one of the hardest day's I've had in several months. I don't want to get into a lot of detail, but I'm dealing with some majorly stressful things. The report I'm about to give for Wednesday looks HORRIBLE, but I know that I did what I could with what I had to work with and the circumstances I was in, so I will just look at the positive and applaud the fact that I stayed within calorie limits when I was under extreme pressure.

Eat what I planned--- no, because I didn't plan.

Plan for the next day-- no, I just went to bed. On reason being I wasn't sure what the next day was going to hold-- I'm with some other people and I didn't know what we were going to be doing as far as meals are concerned.

Water-- I ran out of bottled water today frown emoticon and couldn't run to the store to get more. I could have drank tap water but we get health notices about our water being bad and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Exercise-- no frown emoticon MY day was chaos. I was in tears from lack of time, more than once.

Report in---yes, finally.

And so, my life is real. I understand the struggles! THANK GOD every day is not chaos!

Here's to a great day, and a better report to give tomorrow, about today!

Out with a bang- Tuesday

*HUGE SIGH* I'm almost a day late on reporting in! I've had a crazy day...but I will tell about today tomorrow. For now, here's my TUESDAY report:

Eat what I had planned-- Almost. I had to leave the house in the afternoon (being a taxi for teens) and I wouldn't be back home until the afternoon.....and I was SUPPOSED to have a half cup ranch style beans and a fiber one bar. However, I forgot to buy fiber one bars and I didn't have time to sit and eat beans before I rushed out of the house--- I ended up driving through Braum's and getting a small frozen yogurt.

I stayed in calorie range.

I only got in about 70 ounces of water :(

I got in 20 minutes of exercise instead of 30.

I crashed in bed around 11:30 and did not have the next day's meals planned. I was just simply exhausted.

Tuesday's food:
1 cup Great Grains Cranberry Almond Cereal
3/4 cup bran flakes
1 ounce walnuts
banana
1.5 cup skim milk

tuna sandwich on wheat with pickles, lettuce, spinach
1 boiled egg
2 chocolate covered peanut butter crackers

chicken spaghetti
1 slice garlic wheat toast
1 serving pumpkin flax granola

1 small frozen yogurt cone

Where are all of you and your reports? I know it is tough. Oh my---when you read today's report (tomorrow)--you are going to know that I know! Stuff tough happens! But the tough keep going. Let's keep going peeps. ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Out with a bang- Monday

1. Preplan my food for the next day-- yes. It was super late when I got home and got around to it (after 10 p.m.) and if I wasn't doing this challenge, I would have just gone to bed. BUT it helped me start today on the right foot, having my food planned!

2. Eat what is planned-- yes. It was hard, coming in late and the family eating frozen pizza and me NOT, but I stuck to the plan!

3. 100 ounces of water-- yes. I'm still adjusting to this and have to focus to make it happen, but I AM making it happen.

4. Exercise 30 minutes-- I wanted to drop the kids off to mom early and exercise BEFORE TOPS (this is my plan every Monday) but oh my word one thing after another and ended up dropping the kids off later than planned--- so, before TOPS I only got in a super fast 10 minute walk before the meeting. After the meeting, we had prayer meeting at church, then I had to go to Walmart (sigh). I did NOT want to do 20 minutes more of exercise when I got home (again, 10 something at night)..........BUT I DID (and that's what it is about-----doing what is right ANYWAY!)

5. Accountability-- yes.

And now, here's what ate (and yes, it was in calorie range):

1.5 cups bran flakes
banana
1 cup skim milk
half an ounce almonds

half cup chicken flavored rice
1 can green beans (yes, the whole can but I shared with baby)
half cup corn
half cup black eyed peas
4 ounces boneless skinless chicken breast

1.1 ounces bear naked vanilla fit granola
red delicious apple
2T peanut butter

1 cup iced coffee

pb&j sandwich on wheat
half ounce walnuts
1 cup skim milk
2 eggs

Out with a bang- January- Sunday 1/25

My Sunday recap:
1. My food was preplanned. I stayed within calorie limits.
2. A couple of times I thought "I want to eat something other than what I planned" but I stuck with the plan! I realized that I crave sweets too much.
3. 100 ounces of water-- I did it. And pee'd a lot LOL
4. Today was my exercise rest day. And thank goodness. It's crazy that the "day of rest" is so crazy busy. I have family members who have to be early for church different things they participate in and for practices.
5. And now I'm reporting in.

I want to include what I ate:
Breakfast:
1.5 cups bran flakes,half ounce almonds and 1 cup skim milk

Snack eaten in the church nursery when baby was being cranky (Yes, I packed a snack for this time. I knew it would happen.):
30 grams walnuts, 6 triscuits, 1 ounce cheddar cheese

Lunch:
6 inch Subway sandwich, including flatbread, ham, cheddar, spicy brown mustard, black olives, lettuce, spinach, green bell peppers, onions (way too many...I had breath issues the rest of the day), tomato, pickles

Early afternoon:
55 grams pumpkin flax granola
half cup black eyed peas

Right before evening service:
salad greens, 1 serving croutons, ranch dressing, 9 popcorn chicken
1 cup iced coffee

Monday morning, I weighed 284.8 (I am so tired of the 280's. I am so ready for a new, lower "decade" of numbers)

out with a bang

Pre-planning seems to be vital for me. That, and NOT having junky trigger foods in my home. On the days these two things happen, I do well! I stick to the plan and put a star on my chart.

I can do this for several days in a row. Then one day is extremely busy or something and I go to bed without my plan. Or someone gives us something junky (mom is very bad about buying a sweet for the kids--quite often---and saying "It doesn't hurt for them to have a treat every once in a while!). And I'll quit blaming other people- sometimes it is just ME. Yesterday hubby casually said chocolate cake sounded good. I went to the store, bought supplies, made a cake and ate 1/4 of it before the day was over. I did not earn a sticker yesterday.

It is so frustrating to spend several days (I had 5 last week) on plan then do something stupid like eat 1/4 of a cake. I HAVE to stop this. I weigh every morning and when I'm on plan, I'm thrilled to see it whittle down each day. It got down to 282 this week. But then I have my stupid 1/4 cake spell and wake up to 287. I know I didn't literally gain 5 pounds overnight, but still, it is a reflection of poor (terrible) choices. I despise it.

And so, there are 6 days left in January. I can sit here and tell you I'm going to do such-and-such but you've heard me talk. I want you to see me DO. And so..........I'm going to make sure I'm accountable.

I'm making a list of "rules" for myself:
1.Preplan all food. No matter how tired, do NOT go to bed without the next day's food planned and in calorie range.
2.Stick to the plan! Eat what I planned and not make exceptions.
3.Drink like a fish. 100 ounces or more per day- water
4.Move--30 minutes per day (or more) of exercise (every day except Sunday)
5.Accountability-- blog each day and report in, both here and in my facebook group.

So.............................let's do this. I'm going to send January out with a bang! As long as I stick to these "out with a bang" rules, I will be proud. But honestly, I would LOVE to see a number in the 270's on Febrary 1st.

works for me

What is the one thing that helps me stay on track more than anything else? >>>> Planning out the day's food intake, complete with calorie count, the night before. Then, sticking with the plan. It takes the emotion of out it. Anyway, it is working for me for the past several days and by golly, I think I'm going to be able to "save January" after all.

I had a goal to lose 10 pounds in January. I lost some, I gained some, the famous yo-yo. At the half way point in the month, I was like "Whooa Nellie. Are you going to stay the same as you have been for so long or are you actually going to get real and CHANGE?"

And this pre-planning is the change that works for me right now.

I often feel like I don't have the time. Like right now, there are dirty dishes on the kitchen table and I just have a long list of things that are yelling for my attention.

Am *I* more important than a dirty dish? Yes, Yes I am.

#PuttingMyselfFirst

Saving January

THIS is my year. *stomps foot* THIS YEAR, 2015, I WILL REACH GOAL.

The only way to do that, it so change. (I posted a youtube video in my previous post--if you'd like to zoom over there and watch it)

CHANGE, Amy, change already.

My goal is to lose 10 pounds per month for the first 9.5 months, then maintain. Yes, I'm 95 pounds from goal.

Can someone lose 95 pounds in a year? Yes.

In a healthy way? yes.

Can I lose 95 pounds this year with the same personal commitment as I gave myself last year? No. (Of course, last year was the most HORRID year of my life ever...so......yeah. Anyway.)

Each day that I stick to my meal plan and do NOT go over my calorie limit, I put a star on the kitchen calendar. There have been 13 days in January and I only have 8 stars.

That is NOT the change I must see in order to succeed THIS YEAR.

So.................I just wanted to publicly say............It's time for me to SUCK IT UP and BE TOUGH..........and focus on saving January.

#FeelingTheFight

#MadThatIwastedSomeDays

Roadblocks in weight loss