dress/pictures/new normal

This pic is of me last week on our 16th wedding anniversary. I decided to try on my wedding dress. It zipped and lacked about half an inch from buttoning. That's the closest it has come to fitting since I was 18, so I'm pretty proud. I'm excited to know that next year it will be way too big. :)

Several weeks ago, we were at an event that was iaway door prizes. One of the door prizes was a gift certificate for a professional portrait session. I told hubby "If I win a door prize, I will get that certificate and save it to have 100 pounds lost pictures made!" However, I was working (volunteering) at this event and I didn't see who won what. Imagine my suprise when on my anniversary, hubby presented me with the gift certificate! Yay! My goal was already to reach the 100 pounds lost mark by the end of the year (19 more pounds) but now that desire is on overdrive because the gift certificate expires the last day of the year!

I have been financially strapped lately. It can be depressing. Last night someone left kashi cereal, wheat bread, and tomatoes on my pew at church. They knew how much those things would mean to me and it touched my heart. Also my cousin/friend randomly sent me $50 of "Christmas money". How precious. God bless them!

In a short while I must wske my kids and get them out the door. We are driving dad to the hospital about an hour away to have bloodwork done. Then tomorrow we get to leave the house at 6 a.m. to take him to have his biopsy. Hard times. I haven't handled it as well as I would like to say I have. However, finally....I feel like I'm adjusting and accepting. There's just going to be a new normal for us. I have to let the old normal go and learn to thrive and be happy with the new normal.

Immunity

People get vaccinations to prevent them from getting disease. The vaccinations build up an immunity. There is a terrible illness going around. It is the "eh...I don't care. I'm just going to eat" virus. Wouldn't it be great if we could take a shot and never suffer from that again?! We walk into a buffet and decide that we will just have a salad and a piece of grilled chicken---because we are immune from all that other junk. That would be awesome! What a fairytale.

But in a way, there is such an immunity. There are times in our lives when we are just in the groove and we've got it going on and we are pretty much unshakable. During these times, we aren't tempted to mess up. It's almost like being immune to unwise decisions.

I had a season of immunity last April. I was losing weight well. We were staying in a fancy hotel in Tulsa over the weekend for the TOPS State Recognition Days. Lots of weight loss winners were being recognized. I was proud of my accomplishments and I was motivated to be on the stage the next year. I was just PUMPED! And I was immune. Nothing was going to make me junk out and nothing would make me miss my exercise.

Like vaccinations, these feelings wear off. You can't get a flu shot in 1978 and expect it to still be working in 2012. You have to go back and get immunized again. The same thing goes with our health. We don't stay on the mountain. We find ourselves in a rut sometimes.

Are you there? Are you in the rut? Pull yourself out, my friend. Remind yourself of your dreams. KNOW that you can do it. Give yourself that shot in the arm.

See you lighter!

~Amy

Breaking the mullygrub glasses

We've all heard saying about looking at life through rose colored glasses. Most of us aren't guilty of that though. Most of us look at life through mullygrub glasses. Recently I had several days in a row where I felt unbalanced, depressed and blah, feeling like a failure. Feeling like stuff needed fixing and I needed to be the one to fix it. If I were a better person, I would be able to fix things and everything would be perfect and happy with butterflies and cotton candy. If I wasn't so lazy, if I wasn't so incapable, if I wasn't such a loser.

Have you been there? Surely I'm not the only one who every wears mullygrub glasses.

Last night I went to bed and started praying, asking God to "fix me" because surely I am a failure and surely I'm doing things wrong,etc. THEN this thought came to me:

"What if you are just looking at it wrong and things are actually PERFECT? If things were lined up exactly the way that I (God) know is best, wouldn't THAT be perfect? Or must YOU be 100% happy with every little thing....must everything be going YOUR way for it to be a perfect day? Cancer, poverty, troubles...these things build character and have purposes that you don't realize. I AM doing great things in your life. You already do seek me--that pleases Me. You do your best most of the time-- that pleases Me. Keep doing those things. Then, whatever comes, trust that it is part of MY PERFECT plan for you. Your life is so perfect and you don't realize it. Break your mullygrub glasses and enjoy this perfect day."

Take time for you today. Ask God what you should do.... even what you should eat and if you should exercise. hum..............

Tough

I said I would blog each Sunday. Then my computer died. So now I will blog on Thursdays at the library while my daughter is at storytime. Sunday, Thursday, same difference.

What do you do when life gets tough? How do you react during seasons of chaos, extreme business or stress?

We have a tendency to put our health on the shelf during these times. The only problem with this is this: life if FILLED with tough times. If we put our health on hold during hard times, then 85% of your life, you health will be on hold. Life is tough. Often.

I took my dad to doctor appointments and medical procedures on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week. The doctor is 95% sure dad has lung cancer. Hard times.

Last night I ate when I needed to cry. As soon as I finished all of my "absolutely have to do/ bare minimums" for the day, I put on my pj's, and went to bed with leftover spaghetti, half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk.

Hubby came in, sat on the bed and asked me if I was ok. I replied "I'm doing exactly what I tell my TOPS chapter not to do--I'm eating my emotions." Then he held me as I cried and talked to me for a while. (He's such a good husband). I went to sleep early. This morning, I feel better.

I keep thinking of one thing the doctor said to dad yesterday--- "We need to build your health up, because we want you to be as healthy as possible before you start chemo." This morning I'm thinking about me and my health and you and your health and just health and life in general. Life is hard. We go through lots of rough stuff in our lives. Compare this to going through chemo. It's not fun. We need to be as healthy as possible to pull through it.

Build up your health. You will need it to carry you through the hard times.

So that is my focus this week>>>>> realizing that taking care of my health is not selfishness, but a good thing. My health is a major priority. If you don't have your health, what do you have?

~Amy aka thatTOPSlady